I'm glad I found this thread. This topic is so interesting to me because for the past several months, I've been totally reshaping how I look at food, as well as increasing the portion of my day that I spend physically active, and one thing that's crystal clear to me is that pointing fingers of blame at anyone -- parents, society, even myself -- is not productive at all, whereas awareness is the absolute key to getting from where I am to where I need to be. Since last November, I've lost at least 70 lbs, possibly more, by simply, gradually, making more and more lifestyle changes that I like and that I feel comfortable living with for the rest of my life -- not just as a temporary way to lose the weight, and then gain it all back, plus more, a year later because I'd made changes I couldn't sustain over the long haul (I've been down that road before and I'm just too old and wise to be willing to do it again).
I just recently finished reading Fat land : how Americans became the fattest people in the world by Greg Critser, and it has opened my eyes to some areas where my thinking was totally off. For example, I was worried over my teen daughter's obsession with her weight, and her desire for a flat belly, and I'd previously discouraged her from counting calories. While I'm not saying her focus on the TV models is exactly healthy, I've realized that it's also not unhealthy for her to be concerned about getting fat when she sees her dad and me, as well as other family members -- especially now that she's learned about how thin I was as a child.
In Fat Land, Critser explains how the media's hyperfocus on extremely rare teen eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia (rare in comparison to the incidence of obesity) have got many of us worried that if we encourage healthier eating habits and exercise, we'll drive our girls to starve themselves. I've realized that it's actually healthy for dd to learn everything she can about what she's putting into her mouth -- including, but not limited to, information on calories.
So today when she showed me a diet she found on the Internet that she wanted to follow, I took a good look at it and told her it looked really healthy. It advocates things like drinking water instead of sugary drinks, and eating according to the food pyramid. She's made herself a chart where she checks it off when she's had a serving of fruit, vegetables, grain, protein, dairy, and so on. She told me that it's true that she's within her weight for height recommendations -- but that she could also weigh less and still be within those recommendations. I said that's true, and that as long as she's getting all the nutrition she needs, I have no problem with her losing a few pounds, even though I also think she's fine as she is.
I've also realized that "counting calories" is sometimes helpful for me -- for example, when I want to indulge in a rich snack. A while back, dh brought home a Marie Calendar pecan pie, and I really wanted some but not too much. So I read the info and saw that one serving -- one-eighth of the pie -- was just under 500 calories. Since I really didn't want more than a quarter of my food for the day to be pie, I cut that serving in half, and really enjoyed a few mornings of savoring a sliver of pecan pie with my morning coffee. So I'm not going to discourage her from reading those labels any more. Instead, I'm going to encourage her to read all the information, and also to learn what it all means. Awareness is key.