Help me resolve nasty issue w my MIL. Help!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 05-29-2013, 05:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A few months ago I got my MIL a temp/part time job at the company that I work.  Its an easy job in a beautiful atmosphere.  My MIL is older and I did not expect alot but did not realize what problems would arise.  To make a long story short she spent 95% of the time on her cell phone(one day 6 hrs straight) and doing personal things while on company time etc etc etc.  The owner does not spend time there but I was worried that he might come in and see this and it would reflect bad on me. Anyways, time went on and I told my DH about the issue. He said his MIL has never worked a day in her life etc etc.  Also, MIL started complaining about issues she had no business getting involved in.  I told her not to get involved.

Well, about 11/2 months later DH told me that MIL told him that she was going to do some addtl work for the company.  She had spoken to my boss about her skills and she was getting involved in another area of the company.  Dh said she hoped to be paid dearly for this. MY boss is cheap and would never pay. DH and agreed that it was not a good idea to involve her in any more of

my company's doings. Especially w her lack of work ethic etc etc.  He had a long talk w her that I did not want her getting involved any further.   She would not hear of it.  He said she was like a pitbull!!! We both know her history.  In the end it would only reflect badly on me.  My boss is also a super difficult person to please and would hold me accountable for her actions.  Anyways, MIL would not listen to DH and forged ahead w her plan. She called up a coworker and arranged a meeting without my knowledge.  It was embarrassing b/c in my company we do not do things in that manner.  My MIL had a plan of action and discussed this w my coworker who reports to me.  She told me the details and asked MIL if I knew of this.  MIL told her it was not important for me to know about this.  There were a ton of details and plans she disclosed to my coworker.  In the meantime, my DH told her again to please butt out and not get involved.  I actually was sick home w laryngytus for 21/2 weeks while most of this occurred.  It was very stressful.  I spoke to my boss and he agreed it was not a good idea to pursue this w MIL.  It was embarrassing to me that I had to even have this conversation w him.  Anyways, MIL is mad at me b/c she feels that this was none of my business.  She looked at this as her opportunity out of her bad personal situation.  She has made some very bad financial decisions.  Anyways, MIL is also mad at DH for getting involved that- it was none of his business.   I have always had a great relationshjp w MIL and I thought I was helping her by getting a job which she has been unable to get.  I was so wrong b/c she looks at it like she was doing me a favor.  Forgot to mention she did email DH and me and I responded that I just want to keep Business and Personal seperate. I know the first rule I broke was that I should never ever have involved her in my work!!  I knew this but I had no idea that anything like this could evolve.  How do I resolve this w her?  Am I wrong?  Advice?

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#2 of 18 Old 05-29-2013, 08:38 PM
 
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If I'm understanding things correctly then I think I'm with your MIL on this one. If she has a proposition for your boss then it seems like it is reasonable for her to approach him with it. Then it's up to him to decide whether he wants to employ her and for them to negotiate her pay.

I think suggesting to her that you keep business and work separate is a good idea.

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#3 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 12:42 AM
 
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I think your meddling in her what she is doing on the job is not ok. Let her do what she feels she needs to do and if she fails then she fails. There is nothing you can do but stress about it. Imvolving your dh to talk to her is demening. You should not have offered her any job if you were going to spend so much time micromanaging her. Leave it up to your boss to decide if her ideas or services are needed. It may reflect badly on you and it may not. Unless you lied about her experience and so on your boss knew her experience level and that she obviously never having worked a day in her life would have a learning curve.
 

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#4 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 05:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Let me clarify.  I got MIL the PT (temp)job.. From day one she was not doing her job.  Any person would have been fired.  But b/c I am her supervisor nobody knew about it.  I do not think its okay to do your personal stuff at work. Handle personal issues, look for jobs, watch movies etc etc  Being on the phone for 6 hours is inconceivable to me. I tried to give her things to be busy which she ignored most of the time.   I also told her personal phone cals were not allowed. But she ignored me.  Why would I support MIL getting involved further with these circumstances???  Would anyone?  My point was that I got her a PT/temp job and that should have been appreciated.  I went against my better judgement.  Now I know better.  My Dh is supportive and involved b/c he knows from past experience that her involvement has not ended well in all her work circumstances.   I can't get into details on that one.   I do understand it was my fault for putting myself into this position.  Also, since I was her boss and DIL for that matter it was not appropriate to go behind my back. 

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#5 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 06:50 AM
 
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Both of you are in the wrong, IMO. While it really isn't cool to not go through channels, you should have left it to her to find that out the hard way. 

 

Also, I am confused... If she has never worked a day in her life, what work circumstances could she have that didn't go well? And why did your husband not talk you out of offering her this opportunity if he knew that she doesn't have what it takes to work? 

 

And yes, now you know - mixing business with pleasure is never a good idea. And places have anti-nepotism policies to avoid just this set of circumstances. You should never have been allowed to have her as a direct report. 

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#6 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 07:13 AM
 
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No, you should not have offered her a job where she reports to you. However, since you are her direct supervisor and you are allowing her to continue being employed without doing her job, then her performance *should* reflect badly on you. Your job is to make sure that your employees perform their duties and if not, that that is handled appropriately. You should treat her like any other employee and use the approved process to log any issues, which will likely lead to her leaving the company.
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#7 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 08:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies.  The reason I offered her the job is b/c she was going thru some financial hardships. She could not find anything.  It was a spur of the moment thing -someone was not available and I called her.  DH was not involved.   The job was a fill in "temporary" position on an "as needed basis" and that's it.  She is no longer working here. If I am the supervisor why would I allow a train wreck to happen and let her get involved further???  Expectations on her end were great and I know they would not be fulfilled here.  I have worked here for over 5 years.  It would end badly. DH got involved b/c she told him all her plans.  Her plans are always self centered and having just recently dealt w a situation involving her that also ended badly(involving DH's friend and MIL) he did not want her to affect my position.  We rely on my income.   FYI- about logging issues- this is a small company and since it was only an temporary position logging would only be for my own use.  I thought I did a nice thing allowing her to earn some extra money.   She should respect my wishes. Sorry but if the tables were turned I would be very thankful for the work and respect

the wishes of the person who got me the job !

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#8 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 02:11 PM
 
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why have you not fired her? if she was on the phone for 6 hours? or given her warnings for not getting the job done? why were you hiding her? that is not goodness of soul. that is a lack of loyalty towards your employer. who did the job? you? she basically made some free money.

 

and now as things stand - relationships have gotten worse. u said she has never worked in her life. shouldnt you have helped her stay on task if she wasnt. 

 

we always at work get those who try to get away with as little as possible. it is the supervisor;s duty not to let that happen. 

 

be very careful mama. both of you are at fault here. your mil owes you nothing. you lost that when you didnt insist on her doing her job. 

 

yikes. first of all why would you even think about getting into this dynamics. u in the supervisory role with her reporting to you. and then all the fanagling you had to go through, yikes!!!!

 

i am glad things have ended  And i figure you have learnt your lesson.

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#9 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 02:20 PM
 
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If you are her boss and she is on the phone 6 hours, you need to tell her to stop, give her a warning and/or fire her. That is the consequences. If you don't do this and then the boss finds out she is being paid to waste company time, then he will be mad at you. I think that is normal. Since you are her supervisor, you are responsible for the employees under you. I think you hiding her bad behavior makes it even worse. 

 

I don't know about the plans she made hidden from you if that is right or wrong since I have no idea from your post what it was. 

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#10 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As I said the job was only temporary and was ending.  It seems from the replies that I sound insensitive or something.   I did tell her that personal phone calls were not allowed.  She walks to the beat of her own drum and does not care what I say. MIL is over 70 yrs old and has not worked for anyone for more than a few weeks her entire life. That job ended on a bad note and she ended up filing a law suit against the company.   When we hired her I asked my boss and told him it was only to fill in for the immdediate need.  He understood and approved.   This is my point- It was a temporary situation. I had no idea she would spend hours doing personal things while at work.  This is unheard of to me.  When I saw this I knew it was going to be over with soon. Then she tried to get herself involved in other parts of the company. I knew it was a bad idea seeing her work ethic and knowing her history.  For some reason I thought I would get support here. But I do appreciate everyone's point of view. FYI- let me put this in perspective the job was 2 days a weeks for 6.5 hrs.  Its not like it was 7 days a week. 

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#11 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 08:48 PM
 
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i am sorry mama you dont feel supported.

 

please let me say sometimes we all make mistakes. we hope for things to work out one way and it works out quite the opposite. 

 

you thought you were truly helping MIL out. but it turned into pandora's box. one small step created so much trouble. and now your employer is affected with the lawsuit. hopefully it can be thrown out without too much trouble. i hope your job is secure and really your employer should not hold that lawsuit or your MIL against you. how much trouble could a temporary part time job create. well now you know. 

 

what a tough way to learn the lesson.  


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#12 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 08:49 PM
 
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It's a shame that you tried to do a nice thing for your MIL and it didn't work out. However, I still think that if she wants to apply to do a different job for the company then she is within her rights to propose it. It is up to the manager/s to decide and, if they ask you for a reference or opinion as her former supervisor then you can be honest with them about her work.

I think you mentioned that you had already spoken to your boss about her phone calls at work so maybe they won't re-employ her anyway.

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#13 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 10:20 PM
 
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Man what a sticky situation. I'm sorry. :-( Do you think it can blow over in time?

I guess no good deed goes unpunished. :-/

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#14 of 18 Old 05-30-2013, 10:21 PM
 
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Oh, and I don't think you sound insensitive. I think she was taking advantage of you, honestly. And she should have followed the proper chain of command if she wanted to pursue something within the company.

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#15 of 18 Old 05-31-2013, 05:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

i am sorry mama you dont feel supported.

 

please let me say sometimes we all make mistakes. we hope for things to work out one way and it works out quite the opposite. 

 

you thought you were truly helping MIL out. but it turned into pandora's box. one small step created so much trouble. and now your employer is affected with the lawsuit. hopefully it can be thrown out without too much trouble. i hope your job is secure and really your employer should not hold that lawsuit or your MIL against you. how much trouble could a temporary part time job create. well now you know. 

 

what a tough way to learn the lesson.  

Lawsuit is not with our company.  With another one. 

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#16 of 18 Old 05-31-2013, 05:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It's a shame that you tried to do a nice thing for your MIL and it didn't work out. However, I still think that if she wants to apply to do a different job for the company then she is within her rights to propose it. It is up to the manager/s to decide and, if they ask you for a reference or opinion as her former supervisor then you can be honest with them about her work.

I think you mentioned that you had already spoken to your boss about her phone calls at work so maybe they won't re-employ her anyway.

I am the manager/supervisor.    We are a small company and I don't want her involved in my work other than the job I hired her for.  Had she the credentials and work ethic

for the position she wants I would have hired her for that!  It is in my companies best interest to find someone else.  As much as I love my mother in law I do not want her

working w me other than the temp work she did for me.

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#17 of 18 Old 05-31-2013, 05:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and I don't think you sound insensitive. I think she was taking advantage of you, honestly. And she should have followed the proper chain of command if she wanted to pursue something within the company.

 

Thank you thank you thank you. 

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#18 of 18 Old 05-31-2013, 10:48 PM
 
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how bout find her another temp position not related to you and your co. and far away from ur co. so she can apply for it. send her more than one and let her know that u care bout her financial hardship and want to put the previous experience ad a hiccup, that you just want to overcome and get back to be hapy as you were before all this....
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