Snack or starve - what do you do when your kids won't eat dinner? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 54 Old 07-04-2013, 11:48 AM
 
blessedbyblues's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 30
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We eat a grain-free, organic, whole foods diet, so whatever I have in the house is okay for LO to eat. He's on the spectrum and we previously restricted dairy, but now he eats local, raw milk cheese, drinks grassfed, raw milk, and enjoys an almost daily serving of local grassfed yogurt. Sometimes, he will only drink a glass of milk or have yogurt with salt and pepper for dinner, and ask for meat or veg later. His small, growing body is obviously on a different hunger-energy burning cycle than our bodies. He sometimes eats six good sized meals in a day, and other times I am "lucky" to get two snacks in him.

I try to remove the struggle and my own childhood conditioning about food, let him eat when he's hungry, and allow him a pass when he isn't. I allow him Larabars (or the homemade equivalent) only when he needs quick energy when we are out of the house. That cuts down the requests for snacks in place of actual meals. He will only eat chicken in the form of legs on the bone, or cooked in small pieces. He likes burger patties, broccoli, and tomato salad as a favorite meal, so I find I default to that for lunch about three times a week. Paleo pancakes and chickpea pancakes are fun and nutritious for him, and easy enough to prepare that I don't usually mind putting them on the side of whatever meal I make. I readily admit to sneaking extra vegetables into sauce and soup when he's in a picky stage, and I also help my cause by adding coconut oil, grassfed butter, or veg to mashed potatoes or a smoothie when he is just being stubborn about not eating, yet I can hear his stomach growling (he has some disorder-related control issues). We live in north Florida so we have access to fresh local produce all year. I think my feeding plan might be a little different if we move somewhere else.
blessedbyblues is offline  
#32 of 54 Old 07-04-2013, 12:06 PM
 
mommatodee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My younger daughter did this for awhile. She would sit down to dinner and seem, all of a sudden, to not have an appetite only to ask for a "snack" afterwards. What we discovered, through some processing with her, is that she was overwhelmed by a full plate of food in front of her. Once we started serving her much smaller portions, or even one thing at a time, she ate much better and now she only occasionally asks for some yogurt before bed, which I'm ok with.
 

mommatodee is offline  
#33 of 54 Old 07-04-2013, 01:54 PM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I was kinda bendy on this issue for littles. But once they were physically capable of making their own PB and J or getting their own bowl of cereal, I figured the "one meal for all" was best for us and my sanity. Like most kids, they would have eaten a constant stream of plain chicken with a side of carrots. I and my hubby, need a little variety. And strangely, most of the time they ate what I served, they were simply to lazy to make their own dinner and would try what I had prepared.
philomom is offline  
#34 of 54 Old 07-04-2013, 02:35 PM
 
MissAnthrope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 80
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

At 4, it is totally normal for kids to "graze".  We have a 3.5yo and a 2.5yo right now ourselves, so we are deep in the grazing valley!  To cut down on waste and my own frustration, I serve them small portions-- sometimes they have seconds, thirds, and fourths, and sometimes they barely touch what's on the plate to start with.  In the latter case, I leave their food out until we start cleaning up for bedtime, and they almost always return to the table and eat more, albeit slowly over the course of the evening.  In my experience, lots of kids-- even most-- settle down and start eating bigger meals at more regular times at age 5-7, as long as that's the eating pattern modeled by the other people in the household.

 

It's also totally normal for little kids to reject offered things (dinner, bath, etc.) as a way to experiment with their growing independence.  When my smalls reject dinner, I offer a set of cold food alternatives: yogurt and granola, cheese, bread, nuts, fruit, pickles (beet, cucumber, or carrot).  That way I don't expend extra effort on their meals, because I've already made dinner.  They usually accept one of the options, and often when they've finished their alternative food they eat their dinner-- which is what tells me it's an independence thing, because it's not that they don't want dinner, it's that they want to be in control.

 

I also don't worry about striving deliberately for balanced eating.  I figure that, in the presence of good choices and the absence of bad examples, children will eat what their bodies tell them to eat-- which, for kids under 5, often means lots of dairy, fats, proteins, and starches (they are growing really quickly, after all, and their brains are still developing), but also lots of fresh fruit and pickled veggies.  If there's something I really want them to try, the best way to achieve that is to serve it only for myself and make no comment to them about it; they quickly ask for a taste, and then usually some for themselves.

MissAnthrope is offline  
#35 of 54 Old 07-04-2013, 03:25 PM
 
brennag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: So Cal
Posts: 15
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

my 6 yr old is like that all day long.  I ask him if he's done eating & remind him that this is meal time & his last chance to eat for the night or till the next meal.  He often wants to eat later, depending on how much he ate sometime I tell him no & he'll have to wait for the next meal or morning or I let him have something that needs minimal prep like a bowl of cereal, an apple or carrots.  It doesn't always work but it's a constant struggle for me & I have to pick & choose my battles & minimize my load at the same time.  I know for my son if he doesn't eat enough he will not fall asleep an I don't want that either.

brennag is offline  
#36 of 54 Old 07-04-2013, 05:58 PM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,165
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 74 Post(s)

mamazee, what time is dinner?

 

Do you think she really isn't hungry right then?  Maybe move dinner later by 30 minutes or so.  

 

If you think she is skirting dinner entirely, no matter the time, and it is driving you crazy, then set aside some dinner to serve when she is hungry.  

 

If you still want the family mealtime, insist that she sits with the family, even if she isn't hungry.  No big deal, but let's talk about our day!  Have her pick some flowers from the garden to place on the table, pretty the table up.  Use the wine glasses to drink fizzy apple juice from.  Sing a thank you song, make a toast, light some candles, make a wish when you blow them out.  Have some stock questions that always get asked as a way to get the conversation going.  Make sure dinner is about light conversation, not lectures.

 

It seems like making a snack instead of dinner, or making different things with dinner bothers everyone but me.  I don't feel like it's a big deal.


"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is offline  
#37 of 54 Old 07-05-2013, 12:23 AM
 
moonjunio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 100
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
To me it sounds like "not hungry" means "I don't want what you served," if she's asking for a snack right after you clear up. Snacks are so much easier to like!

We went through something like this around age 2 with DD1. We were firm about meal times, and would let her know multiple times that dinner was her last chance to eat...when mommy and daddy are done eating, it's too late for the kid to start eating. I only offered milk if she refused dinner and threw a fit later. Reheated (or cold, whatever) dinner might actually work fine for you, but we eat late, bed is usually just minutes later so our DD didn't have a long hungry evening. Whatever it is, it should be extremely low effort and not too interesting. Talking about the rule should be matter-of-fact and not too terribly interesting either.

Anyway, this was our DD's major phase of limit testing in general, and I think she just needed to "check" that we really would stick to the mealtime rule.

Ellyn Satter does have great tips, she is my guru. For instance, serve at least one easy-to-like food, then as best you can, try not to care about how much or -whether- she eats, as long as it's at a designated meal time. So simple but it takes serious parental discipline to just serve good food and "lay off." According to Satter kids eat better in the long run when they sense that their parents aren't eyeballing their plate. I'm still working on it, I need to stop nagging them to eat enough of their chicken, but they are rarely picky so something must be going right.

TLDR version - give boring leftovers or a drink, not a nice "snacky yummy" food and remind them to eat with the family next time.
moonjunio is offline  
#38 of 54 Old 07-05-2013, 01:01 PM
 
journeymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Having a Gilly Water with McGonagall
Posts: 9,766
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

There are so many variables with food, meal time, preferences, and snacks vs meals.  I agree, simply making somethings a Rule, instead of arguing or negotiating it,  is more effective. That worked particularly well with homework and the after school routine: the rule is no tv on school nights.  No more of, Mom reminds the kids over and over to turn the tv off and do homework.  It's simply the house rule.  I know, this might be obvious to some but it wasn't to me.  Anyway, I think this can be effective for some aspects of the dinner meal.  Parent-participation preschool clearly demonstrated this, as well.  My kids, at least, responded well to the routine and the rules. It took me a while to realize I could apply the same routine and impersonal rules at home, and it was nothing like being a dog trainer. 

 

I agree that kids preferences should be accommodated to some extent.  My mom served eggplant often but the stuff made me gag.  Finally she decided I wasn't just being a pill for the hell of it, and let me skip the egg plant.  But I also agree no one should have to be a short order cook.  Ugh.  No thank you, I don't have time for that. 

 

A girlfriend of mine had a rule, 'the kitchen is closed after 7pm (or 8pm or whatever)."  No making messes after the kitchen is cleaned up.  And her dh would share fruit with them every single night before bed if they wanted it. 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post
Either way, I still microwave veggies often because I am too busy to prepare them on the stove. That and we just eat raw when possible. If it weren't for nukers we'd have far fewer veggies on the table.

 

 

Exactly.  That's what I figured about 'ranch' dressing as well: if it gets them to eat veggies that they wouldn't eat otherwise, then so be it.  But fortunately my kids just don't like the stuff and are fine with plain cooked veggies with salt, pepper and butter. Frequently cooked in the microwave because that's all I've got time for. 


Someone moved my effing cheese.
journeymom is offline  
#39 of 54 Old 07-07-2013, 04:23 PM
 
Oread's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 171
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think it's ok for a kid to decide not to eat what we are eating for dinner, but I'm also not going to make them whatever they want whenever they want it, or I'd spend all day making various snacks that they decide they don't want 5 minutes later.

So this is the best idea I have heard so far - if they refuse dinner, have one specific, fairly healthy snack that they can get themselves. If you don't want dinner or are hungry later on, get a yogurt. Yogurt is healthy and my daughter usually likes it, but its not like a cookie or a special treat either. So whenever she doesn't want dinner, that's fine (no one is allowed to tell me what I do or not want to eat, so I allow her that same autonomy), then get yourself a yogurt. I don't have to prepare anything extra or do any more chores, and she is making her own decision and feeding herself. 

Oread is offline  
#40 of 54 Old 07-09-2013, 11:25 PM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 22 Post(s)

weather has an affect on dd's eating habits.

 

on super hot days we eat many small meals - light and cool. 

 

you are talking about your 11 year old right.

 

i just have dd make dinner. she does anyways most of the time. 


 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is offline  
#41 of 54 Old 07-10-2013, 01:33 PM
 
greenkri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 37
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We had this problem with my now 4 year old when she was about 3. She learned that if she didn't eat her dinner, she could ask for something later and get something more snack-like (still nutritious). I was very flexible with her eating when she was a toddler, because I don't think too much structure is necessary at that age as long as you're providing nutritious options. Once I figured that out, I'd leave her plate out and it stayed the rest of the night in case she got hungry later. It only took a few days for her to figure out that she wasn't getting anything else. She'd go and eat her dinner just before bed so she wasn't hungry. Eventually she figured it out and started at least eating a little bit of her food. I also work really hard to make foods I know they'll like, or at least provide multiple options.

 

I should add this wasn't without whining and crying. I just calmly stated the situation and stayed firm and things eventually worked out, mostly.

greenkri is offline  
#42 of 54 Old 08-04-2013, 12:59 AM
 
featherstory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 256
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

For me, I pay attention to how many calories the kids have eaten throughout the day and their activity level so I usually know if they are really hungry.

 

Since we eat a mostly raw vegan diet and other than that we eat all whole foods, I can eyeball their calorie intake really easily, or sometimes I prepare their meals and plates based on how many calories they should or normally eat for each meal.

 

I also make sure they've had plenty of exercise so I know they really feel their hunger.  I offer a lot of water, because a lot of times kids mistake thirst for hunger.  Boredom can also seem like hunger, as can emotional distress or anxiety.  Also sometimes being excited to do something else makes them feel like they aren't hungry anymore.

 

I don't make them eat something they don't like...but I stress that it's very important to eat enough food.  I figure if they don't eat it, it must not be very good...as sometimes happens with food...I offer them another "piece or plate" of the same we thing, or I taste their food or I might add something to it...maybe.

 

Usually we don't have a problem with them eating all their food...I like to offer 3 meals a day and I allow them to eat fruit that is available by getting it on their own...I don't care when they eat it or how much, as long as it's not too close to bedtime, so typically after dinner I don't like them snacking, but sometimes I'll let them eat lettuce, carrots or an apple.

 

I usually give them some very low-calorie food, like veggies while or before I make dinner to hold them over but not to fill them up before dinner.

 

Again, all of this is flexible...the vast majority of the time they eat 3 meals a day really well and ask for seconds and thirds.  I experiment with giving them small containers and large containers to see how much they will naturally eat or ask for and how they react to having a lot or a little food.  It's all very interested when you understand their needs and preferences.  It does depend on the age as well though.

featherstory is offline  
#43 of 54 Old 08-07-2013, 09:48 AM
 
eloise24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 929
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightwish View Post

IMO, this is not the real question. If you offer food and the kid is hungry, they won't starve. I can assure you of that.

I don't believe many of us have seen starving kids. I don't think this can compare with kids who ask: oh, I won't eat my broccoli, I want a cookie instead. Or: I don't like sauce on my pasta, I want it on the side.

 

 

This.  Most Americans have never seen a true starving person. Not a hungry person.  Not a person who has one meal a day.  But true starving people.  I used to feel "so sorry" for my kids when they were "so hungry" before bed and often caved and let them have a snack (and usually that hunger is due to not eating their dinner) and then I finally 'got tough" and stopped.  Oh amazing how they suddenly started eating their dinner . . . and some nights they just aren't hungry.  That's fine.  They will have breakfast in the morning :)  


Wife to my Denali-climbing DH
Mom to DD born Jan. 08 and DS born Oct. 09, and "baby sister" due Oct 2013!
House mom to ten boys, ages 8-11 at a group home! Yes, I must be nuts!
eloise24 is offline  
#44 of 54 Old 08-08-2013, 03:36 AM
 
LilyKay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

I did that with my 11-year-old at this age, but it becomes a huge battle of wills. I'd love to find something to do that doesn't devolve into a power struggle, but I realize that my dream might not exist. Sigh!

 

I really feel things become a power struggle when I'm not sure about my stance and fighting/negotiating with her. DD started "misbehaving" at the table (putting feet at the table, not wanting to use a plate) after a week at Grandma, also saying she's not hungry and then wanting a snack later. First couple of days I went through the power struggle and tried to reason which left me feeling drained. Finally I realized how things are: I am the mother and she is the child. I am the one responsible for enforcing the rules that are not up for discussion. The moment she started throwing a fit, I replied very calmly "you know the rules, if you can't follow them, I'll take you to the bedroom until you calm down". Two days and the whole testing phase stopped.


Mama to my little Lily luxlove.gif (09/2010), and a sweet baby boy joy.gif (12/2012)

LilyKay is offline  
#45 of 54 Old 08-08-2013, 06:56 AM
 
Caneel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Small town in a rural area
Posts: 3,869
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I may have brought this up before but are the childhood eating issues/struggles we see talked about on MDC unique to the US?  Is it our culture and/or abundance of cheap food that has cause this?

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by eloise24 View Post

 

This.  Most Americans have never seen a true starving person. Not a hungry person.  Not a person who has one meal a day.  But true starving people.  I used to feel "so sorry" for my kids when they were "so hungry" before bed and often caved and let them have a snack (and usually that hunger is due to not eating their dinner) and then I finally 'got tough" and stopped.  Oh amazing how they suddenly started eating their dinner . . . and some nights they just aren't hungry.  That's fine.  They will have breakfast in the morning :)  

 

My father was a child/teen during WWII Germany and that caused a giant amount of food issues because he was (sadly) a person that knew starvation.  To say "I don't like X" or "I am not hungry now" at the dinner table was cause for an epic flip out and endless lecture about wasting food. 

 

My maternal grandparents both came from Depression Era farming families and the "picky" behavior of the past two generations completely baffles them.  They (and the great aunts) would talk about how "back in the day" people ate because they were hungry at meal time, snacks and not liking something didn't exist in their worlds. 

 

My husband falls into the category of thinking our DS will starve if he doesn't have a serving of protein, veggies and starch at each meal.  I can see DS starting to eat just to please DH and it disturbs me greatly as DH and I were both basically forced fed as children and swore we would never do the same to DS.


Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
Caneel is offline  
#46 of 54 Old 08-08-2013, 07:08 AM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,165
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 74 Post(s)

I think that it's possible the relationship styles between parents and children are different.  Far more rigidly hierarchal in the past, and also that hierarchy was maintained (sometimes liberally) with corporal punishment.

 

I've also heard that one cause might be too much variety in our modern N American diets, making it more difficult for children, who tend to prefer more predictable fare.

 

I believe both contribute.

 

I also think that we are currently rich enough to indulge our own memories of hating the way we grew up in relation to food.  My Depression-era/WWII-era grandmother served us lima beans for breakfast when we didn't eat them off our plates at dinner.  My parents were a bit kinder, but I still got plenty of grief from not eating what was on my plate.

 

I also think that the double-whammy of depression and war led to nearly 15 years (depending on location, country, etc.).  That's a long period of austerity, and that generation seems particularly sensitive to the whims of today.


"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is offline  
#47 of 54 Old 08-08-2013, 04:56 PM
 
Nightwish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 240
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caneel View Post

I may have brought this up before but are the childhood eating issues/struggles we see talked about on MDC unique to the US?  Is it our culture and/or abundance of cheap food that has cause this?


My father was a child/teen during WWII Germany and that caused a giant amount of food issues because he was (sadly) a person that knew starvation.  To say "I don't like X" or "I am not hungry now" at the dinner table was cause for an epic flip out and endless lecture about wasting food. 

My maternal grandparents both came from Depression Era farming families and the "picky" behavior of the past two generations completely baffles them.  They (and the great aunts) would talk about how "back in the day" people ate because they were hungry at meal time, snacks and not liking something didn't exist in their worlds. 

My husband falls into the category of thinking our DS will starve if he doesn't have a serving of protein, veggies and starch at each meal.  I can see DS starting to eat just to please DH and it disturbs me greatly as DH and I were both basically forced fed as children and swore we would never do the same to DS.

Personally, I think that both extremes can cause eating issues. Being strict with feeding and forcing food on kids, as well as eating whatever, whenever can have negative results, imo.
If you take enjoyment out of eating, nutrition suffers.

Ds 9 and dd 5
Nightwish is offline  
#48 of 54 Old 08-08-2013, 11:55 PM
 
LilyKay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caneel View Post

I may have brought this up before but are the childhood eating issues/struggles we see talked about on MDC unique to the US?  Is it our culture and/or abundance of cheap food that has cause this?

 

Not necessarily. I grew up in the Middle East in a middle class family and while lack of food was never an issue, we did not have as many options back then when it came to cheap food (read processed food). Most of what we ate was prepared fresh from scratch. Still, I was as picky as they get. My strict parents struggled a lot too. I refused so many foods based on weird reasons (e.g. strawberries because they had "points" on the outside).  Picky eating among children back then (nowadays diet is a lot more Western so to speak) was also relatively common, though parents were not as accommodating as nowadays. There was a lot of "you're not leaving the table until that plate is done".

 

I'd say eating struggles are there where ever there is no lack of food and a decent variety regardless of the quality.  It's very logical if you think about it "I know A and B are available, I like A better than B, why can't I have A all the time?!"


Mama to my little Lily luxlove.gif (09/2010), and a sweet baby boy joy.gif (12/2012)

LilyKay is offline  
#49 of 54 Old 08-09-2013, 04:02 AM
 
AllisonR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 3,137
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Mine are 6 and 8. If they don't eat dinner, then too bad, they can wait until breakfast. If they eat dinner, then sometimes we even have dessert. When something is new, I do insist on trying a bite though. I always like buying something new, so this happens a lot. I just found black quinoa, and solid black rice, not wild rice but totally black. So this week we had both of these, and the kids had to taste. Sometimes they even like it!

 

I hate outright bribery, but I have been known to say If you eat X, then you can have dessert. Then it is still a choice. They can chose to leave it on the plate and skip dessert, or eat it and get dessert. 

 

I was more flexible when they were toddlers. I was more concerned about them getting something, not having to wait 12+ hours for the next meal. I think their moods varied much more with lack of food when they were young.

AllisonR is offline  
#50 of 54 Old 08-09-2013, 06:48 AM
 
Caneel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Small town in a rural area
Posts: 3,869
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightwish View Post


Personally, I think that both extremes can cause eating issues. Being strict with feeding and forcing food on kids, as well as eating whatever, whenever can have negative results, imo.
If you take enjoyment out of eating, nutrition suffers.

 

I have eating issues because I never feel full.  The amount of food I was forced (as in you will not get up from the table) was ridiculous.  Same with my DH, who used to hide food in his pockets and throw it out his bedroom window.  I don't eat junk but I still struggle with my weight because it is like the switch in my brain that tells me I should be full is broken. 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyKay View Post

 

Not necessarily. I grew up in the Middle East in a middle class family and while lack of food was never an issue, we did not have as many options back then when it came to cheap food (read processed food). Most of what we ate was prepared fresh from scratch. Still, I was as picky as they get. My strict parents struggled a lot too. I refused so many foods based on weird reasons (e.g. strawberries because they had "points" on the outside).  Picky eating among children back then (nowadays diet is a lot more Western so to speak) was also relatively common, though parents were not as accommodating as nowadays. There was a lot of "you're not leaving the table until that plate is done".

 

I'd say eating struggles are there where ever there is no lack of food and a decent variety regardless of the quality.  It's very logical if you think about it "I know A and B are available, I like A better than B, why can't I have A all the time?!"

 

Interesting to know it exists in other cultures as well.  I also agree with your second statement.


Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
Caneel is offline  
#51 of 54 Old 08-09-2013, 09:50 AM
 
captain optimism's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Good Ship Lollipop
Posts: 7,449
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)

My kid is 10 now. When he was 4, he was never hungry at the time we ate dinner and he was incredibly picky about his food. 

 

I did everything people say is wrong. I never made him eat things that looked unappetizing to him, though I insisted he must say "No thank you." I asked him whether he was hungry before he went to bed, because I thought he hadn't eaten enough at dinner. If I made a dish with the vegetables mixed together, I steamed his veggies separately. I bought the vegetables he would eat and didn't buy the ones he wouldn't. He never had to eat sauce. I got plates with dividers so his food didn't touch. I let him eat fruit in the bathtub before bedtime. (I still do that.) 

 

Now, though he still tells me that he's picky, he seems to me to have gradually outgrown the awful picky stage. He eats a wide variety of foods. He will eat foods mixed with other food. He even mixes foods together! He doesn't turn up his nose at new food. He eats lots of vegetables. He says please and thank you and excuse me, and he clears his place most nights without being asked. (I'm still working on the napkin in the lap.) He eats well and politely. He is healthy. He has energy. He doesn't catch every cold. He's growing. He's not underweight or overweight. Everything is fine. 

 

 

I think you should do what feels comfortable for you. If you feel put-upon as a short-order cook, don't be one. If you don't mind making food to please the child, go ahead and do that. Either way, the pickiness is a phase that most people outgrow and it's not worth arguing. 

 

My feeling is that your crucial task is to give the child the good manners to make polite requests and demurrals, not to enforce eating specific foods. If you purchase the ingredients of a generally good diet, then all the things the child eats, including snacks and desserts, will be nutritious. There is no need for you to argue at the table about what the child will eat. 

journeymom likes this.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
captain optimism is online now  
#52 of 54 Old 08-09-2013, 10:06 AM
 
newmamalizzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,635
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 26 Post(s)
It's really becoming clear to me lately that my 3 year old doesn't have the forethought yet to eat enough at mealtimes to "last." She eats until she no longer feels hungry, but definitely not to fullness or even what I would see as contentment. I actually think it's kind if great, since I have issues with portion control and very rarely am actually hungry. Anyway, I've been struggling over the appropriateness of giving a snack, and decided that this is not about discipline. She is eating what she thinks she needs at mealtime, which happens to be so little that she's hungry at bedtime. Shrug. I assume her appetite will increase naturally over time.
newmamalizzy is online now  
#53 of 54 Old 08-10-2013, 07:30 AM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,165
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 74 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by captain optimism View Post

I think you should do what feels comfortable for you. If you feel put-upon as a short-order cook, don't be one. If you don't mind making food to please the child, go ahead and do that. Either way, the pickiness is a phase that most people outgrow and it's not worth arguing. 

 

My feeling is that your crucial task is to give the child the good manners to make polite requests and demurrals, not to enforce eating specific foods. If you purchase the ingredients of a generally good diet, then all the things the child eats, including snacks and desserts, will be nutritious. There is no need for you to argue at the table about what the child will eat. 

thumbsup.gif


"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is offline  
#54 of 54 Old 08-22-2013, 09:14 PM
 
leighi123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Indialantic, FL
Posts: 1,317
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We do one snack a day - breakfast (8-9ish), lunch (12-1ish) afternoon snack(4ish), then dinner (dinner is usually 7:30)

 

NO snacks in-between.   The afternoon snack is usually something light such as fruit.   

 

He eats at meals no problem, but isn't "starving" at any point during the day.  Sometimes he is hungry, and I just tell him when his next eating time will be.  

 

 

The few times he doesnt eat, when the meal is over, food goes away, and thats it.  If he says he is hungry, again, I will tell him when his next meal will be.  
 

leighi123 is offline  
Reply

Tags
Food , Child , Eating

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off