chatterbox is driving me crazy and wishing school was year round! Feel like I can't meet her needs :( UPDATE! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 07-05-2013, 07:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't even know what I want from this thread....probably a magic wand......

 

My little girl is so precocious I think I made a HUGE mistake by keeping her home for summer break instead of sending her to some sort of day camp and it is to late to mend that.  So I feel stressed to the max because I don't think we are meeting her needs for structure, socializing and just engaging her highly active brain.

 

She is 5 and so so smart and with it and I didn't realize how much school was doing for her this year until it was over and she was home and she had a little bit of a pre-school mental break down. 

She had a really sad experience in the last two months of school which is another thread I wrote and you can read it if you want, I'm not going to go into it too deeply but she was being sexually antagonized by a peer and it has caused her some serious stress to the point of now questioning everything like if a person lifts up their shirt to scratch their tummy, is that ok?  It is heart breaking but at the same time I am proud of her for being brave, asking me the questions etc.  She is so honest and she comes to me with every little question and I value that.

 

On the flip side, this was one reason I wanted to keep her home this summer, give her space to decompress and regroup before heading back to school.  I think I missed the mark because the lack of structure that I have in my day has not been a good fit for her and having me as her go to play-mate has not been good for me.

 

I do make play-dates but I am introverted so this is not an everyday thing, more like 1-2x a week thing.  And this is not enough interaction for her.  She likes to talk All. Day. Long.  She does not play on her own.  And I mean does. not.  It is like a punishment to her to even suggest it.  This is not new, she has always been like that but I guess I thought she had outgrown a lot of these things because with her in school I was seeing such a different kid after school and on weekends.  Now I know that her social needs were being met, which they are not with her at home with me.

 

I feel bad.  Even as I am writing this she is skipping in and out of the room telling me every little thing that flits through her head.  If she plays something in the tub then she literally gets out of the tub to come tell me the 30 seconds of whatever it was, then gets back in.  This ends up being her getting in and out of the tub like 20x.

 

I can't handle this level of interaction and I don't know what I expect anyone to say!

 

 

Next summer camp will be on the menu!

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#2 of 10 Old 07-06-2013, 08:54 AM
 
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I have no real advice or answers for you but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.  My son is that way still at age 15.  And in some ways it's worse now because we home school and I work at home so I'm available 24/7.  At least during the elementary school years, he was in public school and I had a break during the school year.  I'm an introvert who doesn't need to talk with a son who who does.  He has always narrated his play ever since he learned to talk.  Fortunately, he doesn't require conversation so much as a sounding board to talk to.  And when I've had enough, he's old enough to understand that.

 

What kind of learning style does your dd have?  I wonder if her need to verbalize her life is related to her learning style.  My son is an auditory learner.  He learns by listening and talking.  I'm not; I'm a visual learning.  I learn by reading and taking notes.


Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#3 of 10 Old 07-06-2013, 09:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That's an interesting question.  I'm sure she must learn through talking.  As a baby/toddler she was so uncomfortable and as she gained the ability to communicate through speech I saw her coming into her own.

She uses wonderful language, loves big words and uses them well.  Loves Spanish class in school.  As I am reading this I am realizing that this is something I need to ponder more deeply.

 

Thanks for the insight!

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#4 of 10 Old 07-06-2013, 10:56 AM
 
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I don't have a whole lot of advice but I do have commisseration. My DD1 is like this. She talks constantly and always wants a playmate. She is also very bright and has anywhere from very deep thoughts about life and spirituality to endless driveling about princesses and pirates. She also frequently wants to be into what I am doing especially when it is something I really need or want to do alone.  It can drive me batty! The only things I can tell you is:

 

1. It gets better. As she has turned 6 she has gotten more content to play by herself. A lot of that comes from maturity.

 

2. Set clear boundaries. Yes it makes her upset sometimes when I need her to be quiet or go play by herself for my sanity but if I don't make those boundaries I go nuts and am not a very good mom. She has to learn to give other people their space and that mom has needs too.

 

3. Get out of the house! Take her hiking, to a museum, a zoo, a beach, a lake, a park, a grocery store, a library, somewhere. A change of scenery is always helpful to stimulate the senses and give her something else to do and experience.

 

It has helped that her younger sister is old enough to enjoy playing with her. Does she have any siblings?


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#5 of 10 Old 07-06-2013, 01:11 PM
 
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You're welcome.  As I read your post, it reminded me of Dylan's "ah ha" moment when he first had the experience that words meant something.  He was clingy baby.  Always wanted to be held.  His first word was "down" and we put him down.  His facial expression was priceless as it dawned on him that words get results and not just general temper tantrums.  We understood what he wanted and he got it.
 


Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#6 of 10 Old 07-06-2013, 02:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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CrunchyMama-

No, no siblings.  Sucks, I feel I missed the boat on that one as she is now 5 and any baby wouldn't be terribly fun for her for a few years at this point.  It just didn't work out that way, but in the future if I do have more kiddos I will do a 1-2 punch and knock out two in a row so they will have that built in playmate.

 

 

Her latest thing is, "Watch this!  watch this mama....watch this....mama!  watch this....."Omg, it is crazy making because she is rarely doing anything notable.  It could seriously be her bouncing in her seat or something.  And generally it is while I am trying to do something like cook dinner so not paying attention to her but instead paying attention to not cutting my finger off while cutting carrots.  And then I take the time to look up and she is literally just scribbling on a paper or something.  That has been driving me and I find myself responding less than favorably.  I often ask, "why am I watching this?"  or "mommy needs to watch what she is doing, not you scribbling on a paper"  and I know my tone is not the nicest.

 

Sigh.  It's such a balancing act.

 

But on a good note I have her enrolled in VBS at the last minute starting Monday morning!!!!!  She is going to love it, one week down!

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#7 of 10 Old 07-06-2013, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by sewchris2642 View Post

You're welcome.  As I read your post, it reminded me of Dylan's "ah ha" moment when he first had the experience that words meant something.  He was clingy baby.  Always wanted to be held.  His first word was "down" and we put him down.  His facial expression was priceless as it dawned on him that words get results and not just general temper tantrums.  We understood what he wanted and he got it.
 

Yes, she was always the opposite, literally pushing us away while in arms....I would ask her constantly "Where do you think you're going?  I'm holding you in the air, if I let go you will fall!"  She was just trying to find something to make her happy but as words came she became much less antsy.  IT was a relief.  Now it's moving in the other direction, this frenetic energy involving words and movement and needing a constant audience all the while.  I think that's what bothers me is the need for someone to be watching.  I wouldn't mind the noise if she could talk to herself, but she needs me to see/hear/respond and that's has me tapped out.

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#8 of 10 Old 07-06-2013, 10:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So today was pretty good.

 

I got us out of the house.

 

Kept us both busy.

 

And tonight she actually played in her room for an HOUR.  People, this is unheard of.  She was watching a show and I told her when it was over to turn off the TV and go play in her room awhile, she looked a little miffed but sure enough she did it.  It was so cute, WARMED my heart!

 

 

Is there hope yet?

 

I have printed off a calendar page for July and filled it with free

activities all over town so if nothing less we will stay busy.

 

I'm feeling better.  Getting it out of my head helped, I think.

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#9 of 10 Old 07-07-2013, 02:39 PM
 
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The pushing away was my 2nd daughter.  She hated to be cuddled.  She even nursed at arm's length.  Dylan on the other hand wanted to be touching someone all the time.  So we co-slept for over 2 years and he cuddled with me clear through elementary school on the couch as we watched TV.  I'm not a cuddle person so it helped that Dylan had 3 much older sisters who could share in the holding and touching.  But with his sisters being between 20 and 13 years older than him, he is essentially an only child.  Fortunately, he didn't require all my attention while he talked at me.  As long as I could make semi-intelligent questions and remarks, he was fine with talking to the back of my head.  He uses me as a sounding board to his thinking processes.
 


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#10 of 10 Old 07-07-2013, 05:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My LO is new to the whole needing to be cuddling thing.  But now it is in full swing and she sits so close I sometimes have to ask her to scoot, like if we are coloring or something.

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