My Nightmare Neighbor - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 08-20-2013, 06:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So as I write, the house is quiet and my brain is starting to function......and of course that means I have time on my hands to let this simmer even more...............I'm just sharing this bc I'm curious how YOU would handle this............its tricky. First, I'm not like other moms.......my kids know this and I tell them all the time.  I have different rules......I don't let my daughter play outside by herself......my son can go to his friends house, but sometimes I make him brink a walkie talkie, etc.......so I'm stressing out over this situation.........not so much is it normal (NO WAY) but does anyone else experience this....... And it's how would you handle social situations with the mother I guess........  My DS, I'll call him Billy, is almost 9, and we have a neighbor boy, I'll call him Mike, he's almost 10. Well over the years Mike's mom has said some freaky comments......and recently I'm learning some things about Mike's behavior that scares the crap out of me.  First, Billy and Mike don't play together anymore......the last time was three months ago--when Billy was with another friend and Mike joined in uninvited.....and things got out of hand....... and before that they were not playmates for almost two years bc of how Mike's mom behavior.............(that's another story) .......So first as a Mom and a teacher, I think Mike may have some problems that one might label as attention deficit disorder, etc. but I'm not sure. Mike has two other younger brothers and all I kept hearing is that they are all active boys.  Mike's Mom has put him in two or three schools bc she used to claim that it was the teachers, not him......ANYWAYS>>>His Mom (she told me this a few years ago) that if her son was mentally challenged or disabled, that it would be okay if he raped by daughter bc we knew each other and that her son wouldn't know what he was doing. (I swear I'm not making this stuff up). Mike's Mom told me this when she was pregnant.....so for a while I just sort of let it slide...that it was pregnancy brain talking.....but it's been bugging me like crazy.  That's the first thing that makes me vomit. Then when I'm outside with my kids and Mike comes over on his bike, he 'revs up his engine' and goes head first at kids, other bikes and even cars. (yeah, I told mom and dad this......and what does she ask, not if anyone was hurt, but was it only my kids that her son tried to attack)........(Again, vomit). My kids know they can't play with Mike and that if he comes over they need to leave.  THEN I just found out the other day that two years ago (maybe 3) not sure, that Mike had a visitor at his door...a very pregnant neighbor.......when Mike opened the door, he looked at the neighbor, told her she was getting FAT and punched her in her baby belly (pregnant mom went to doctor and baby was fine) but Mike's mom didn't do anything. This past Mother's Day, Mike was outside riding his bike at 730am.....rang our door bell at close to 8am to ask kids to come out and play......and then went to another house......(am I wrong is thinking, WHO THE HECK DOES THIS).......OKAY....so my Billy and daughter don't associate with MIKE........but my son Billy has another friend that does.......BUT I'm concerned living two doors away from Mike.......that mom dismisses his action as him just being a boy......that Mike has some serious issues that are not being addressed. AND....how does one handle social functions where now I can't stand the mom and she's there..........YES< I know, move, but we can't. YES, I know, the kids don't play together, and they won't. (I'm more worried about Mike getting older and being more out of control.......another neighbor just told me that she's afraid that Mike will break into her home when he gets older bc he's so out of control now). So I'm not sure what I am asking......maybe just how you would deal with the mother in a social setting without vomiting.........and what would you do.......I actually just spoke to another neighbor that is a mom of a girl and a teacher......and I told her some things.....And it was hard, but I felt that her child was at risk for injury.......I've never told anyone else what Mike's mom said (I just told  hubby a few weeks ago and let's just say he was NOT happy --like what kind of sicko says something like that about their kid raping someone).  OKAY, I'll stop bc I think that I'm not making sense anymore.....but would love some helpful feedback. Thank you.


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#2 of 7 Old 08-25-2013, 12:13 AM
 
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I don't really get what you are asking ...


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#3 of 7 Old 08-25-2013, 12:42 AM
 
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Well... we aren't friends with everyone in this development.  I don't talk to everyone who lives by me.  So your kid and the other kid have different interests, you and the other mommy have different parenting techniques.  What I wouldn't be doing is going around talking to everyone else about how you seem to dislike one particular family.  Make peace with it, enjoy your family and your friends.  Let this other family, raise their kids however they see fit.

 

Let me ask you this= you say they cant play together, but what happens when these kids have a class together, when they have projects to work on together, when they are in a club together?  Kids grow up and things happen... eventually the paths cross.  They may both be on the same sports team in school, same drama club, same lab partners in chemisty, who knows.  Then what ya gonna do?


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#4 of 7 Old 08-25-2013, 06:05 AM
 
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I don't know exactly what you're asking, but I would be very concerned if a parent said that it would be OK if her kid raped one of my kids. Rape apology isn't a good trait in a parent of any child, let alone a child with special needs who will need more help learning boundaries. It doesn't sound like he is learning boundaries, although there might be things the mother is doing that you aren't aware of to try to help her son. It can't be easy having a son going through whatever he's going through. I don't know what you can do but tell your kids to stay away from them.

Is Mike in the school system? It seems like the schools would have noticed his behavior and would be providing some kind of services for him.
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#5 of 7 Old 08-25-2013, 12:16 PM
 
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Okay, the mom's rape comment was freaky -- I would be staying away from this family for that alone, while keeping an eye on things from afar to look for signs of abuse.

The kid though, I dunno. It does sound like be has some problems, but the 3 concrete examples you gave were him being rough while riding bikes, him punching a woman 3 years ago (when he was 7?), and him knocking on your door at 8am. The knocking thing lots of kids do (and it's annoying, but not the end of the world), the punching thing happened so long ago that it's not an issue anymore (it hasn't happened again, right?), and the bike thing sounds frustrating but again, similar things have happened in my neighborhood, even with families we like.

It sounds like your key issue is the way the mother handles things, and I agree that she doesn't handle them well. I guess just keep your distance -- as another poster said, we're not friends with every family in our neighborhood, so just gravitate toward the people you like and steer clear of those you don't.

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#6 of 7 Old 08-29-2013, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmm, I just found all of the responses......Thank you for everyone's comments......(for some reason, I wasn't getting any emails letting me know that there had been replies......Oh Well)

 

So..........let's see, Trinity , I just wanted to see if anyone else had similar situations.........How to really deal with the mother when we are in social settings.  I don't think my kids are safe playing with her children and it becomes an issue when her children are in our cul de sac, etc......

 

And Zebra15........great questions.......about school, etc......but they both attend different schools and bc of birthdays being different are also in different grades......so for now, they won't be a problem  (oh, this other mom I spoke with.....she actually brought up the subject......about how during our last snow storm the kid took a snowball and smashed her in her face....and the mom thought it was funny.......and when we got to talking I mentioned it......).  I was thinking safety.....her daughter is a few years older than this boy...

 

And MamaZee and Limabean (am I even getting everyone's name right?) .....yes, the rape comment has me scared the most...........It just seems that her mentality over the time we've lived here is that any violence or behavior problems her son or sons act upon is okay, bc they are just being boys. (And as a mom of a boy, I get that --to a degree).......

 

Yeah, I"m all over this page again...sorry Moms.......yes, I know, the kids stay away from him. That's a given.

Moms, I appreciate your feedback on this....I guess I just needed to vent/share this weird situation. 

Thank you.


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#7 of 7 Old 08-29-2013, 09:41 PM
 
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I know someone whose daughter was almost raped. She managed to escape and they were given a 'boys will be boys' and 'they wouldn't really have done anything' excuse even from the police. They had ropes and other stuff ready for their capture of her and that was ignored. They ended up having to move.

Listen to your intuition.
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