See it from the "other side"! What’s easier SAHM or WOHM? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 08-22-2013, 08:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If your a work out of home mom tell us what is easier to do then a stay at home mom, if you're a stay at home mom tell us what is easier then a work out of home mom. I wanna hear kindness and love about this, we are all moms after all!

 

I've done both so I'll start!

 

It was easier to make home cooked everything when I was a stay at home mom however When I worked f.t. I could afford to eat out once in a while.


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#2 of 20 Old 08-22-2013, 12:51 PM
 
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I like this perspective! smile.gif

I've done both as well, and here are my answers:

When working out of the home, it was easier to eat lunch in an unhurried, pleasant manner among adults.

When working from home (which is what I do now), it's easier to attend all school performances and go pick up a sick child at school without having to clear it with my boss.
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#3 of 20 Old 08-22-2013, 03:48 PM
 
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It wasn't the working or not working that was hard, it was the particular children that made either one hard.  And the physically getting started that's hard.  And I still have that problem now that I work at home.  The child who made staying at home hard now has children of her own.  And the child who made working out of the home hard is much easier now that I work at home.  It wasn't him being in daycare or my being away from him that was hard.  It was the constant, incessant chatter when we connected again at the end of the day.  He is still that way on the one day a week that work at the shop, even at age 15.  But now it's only one day a week instead of 5.

 

I think that if I had a job that was just for a paycheck or that I hated, it would have been different.  But I have been fortunate to make a career out of an obsession.  And after more than 35 years at it, I'm still in love with it.
 

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#4 of 20 Old 08-22-2013, 04:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Right, the adult conversations! I had forgotten how much I missed that. I work from home now, but I have friends and clients who are adults so I get adult time from that.
 


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#5 of 20 Old 08-22-2013, 06:57 PM
 
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I find a lot of things easier as a SAHM. I get up at 5 am to spend some time with my husband while he's getting ready for work, but if I'm sick or exhausted from pregnancy, I go back to bed after he leaves! If DH wanted to do that, it would mean losing money and getting a lecture from his boss.

I get to spend my whole day with people I actually like. DH doesn't get to choose his coworkers, and sometimes he doesn't get along with them.

I don't have to get dressed, put on makeup, or do my hair if I don't want to. I don't sit around in my pajamas, but I do wear comfortable, casual clothes pretty much every day. I can also dye my hair pink, which DH couldn't get away with in his office. ;-)

It's easier for me to find time to work out. I don't have to fit it in before or after work, or on my lunch hour.

It's easier to play with my kids outside in the summer, because I can do things in the morning when it's not so hot out.

It's also easier to run errands, or go places that tend to get crowded, because we can go while everyone else is at work.

It's easier to plan vacations, because only one person in our family has to take off work. It's easier to synchronize our schedules, because I can adjust the household schedule to fit DH's work schedule.

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#6 of 20 Old 08-22-2013, 07:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by limabean View Post

When working from home (which is what I do now), it's easier to attend all school performances and go pick up a sick child at school without having to clear it with my boss.

Oh, yes, this too! If I have a sick child, I can cancel all my plans for the day without asking permission from anyone.

Michelle, wife to DH, and momma to DD16, DS15, DS12, DS10, DD9, DD7, DS5, and baby girl born Christmas Eve 2013!
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#7 of 20 Old 08-22-2013, 07:54 PM
 
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I've never worked or schooled FT since having kids but I am going back to school FT in a few days...

 

Easier as a SAHM, yes, being involved in school and having infinite flexibility for holidays, sick-days, field trips, volunteering and etc. There is also this weird and wild world of the SAHM - the coffee days, the week-day parties & volunteering and etc. I also much prefer to cook and clean in the AM. Harder is staying home all the time. The inequality and role division in a family where only one person works OTH.  Also is all the MESS that one makes at home all day with kids. 

 

When I worked more (I did work 3/4 time for a bit and have been a FT student as a mom), I found that I spent far less money because I just didn't have the time to spend it. Plus, I was bringing in money. Just the financial aspect was great!  Also when out of the home for a larger portion of the day, it was just easier to set a schedule, to keep the house clean (I mean the house is a balance of cleaning and mess making, right?) and etc. 


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#8 of 20 Old 08-22-2013, 10:05 PM
 
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Hmmmm! When I worked full time, it was a heck of a lot easier getting out of the house in the morning, because we had a babysitter come to our house. I could leave with them still asleep sometimes. And then I could listen to a radio show or song in the car on the way to work, uninterrupted! Wow. It was really fun going out to lunch with co-workers occasionally. It was easier to get quiet thinking time.

Now that I stay home....it's easier to live the sloooow lifestyle I like to live. It's easier to get workouts in and eat healthy foods. It's easier to put healthy, well-planned meals on the table and keep the house picked up. It's easier to nurse & never have to pump! And I could go on and on. smile.gif
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#9 of 20 Old 08-23-2013, 07:29 AM
 
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I've done both two but at different stages/ages so in all honesty it's hard to say.

 

I think also personality types factor into what is easier for a person. I'm unorganized and highly sensitive so noise bothers me.  It fluctuates so some days I am a party fool with the kids and other days their indoor talking which is still medium pitch / loud bothers me like nails on a chalkboard.

 

When I was at home it was because I was laid off so probably not a fair assessment on my part. My youngest also cried pretty much nonstop for his first 11 months...

 

I'd say for me personally working is easier. I can go to the bathroom without a kid on my lap or crying on the floor / at the door. I have down time. It's work so it's limited but it's still down time. And most of all for a tested introvert (mostly all the way introverted) I can think since there are quiet and loud times throughout the day.

 

If I were organized, if noise wasn't so offensive to my ears much of the time, if my younger kid had more settings than just on and off.... I look in envy to someone who has foresight to plan the day with the kids, who has free time for them and exploration and some structured activity.

 

My hubby is SAHD right now and he has good days with them and tougher days. He is good with noise though, slightly better organized (but being moreso would make those tough days easier). The kids have a good blend of all of the above and I can come to work and take a minute while eating breakfast to calmly think and comment on a post. winky.gif

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#10 of 20 Old 08-23-2013, 10:43 AM
 
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I prefer staying home (I do work some days), I don't know that it's easier.

 

One of the main things that make it harder:

 

When my husband would get home from a long day at work, he's wonder how I could possibly have a tiring day (this was after they were infants.)  Well, I told him that he wasn't at work with his clients standing behind him every minute crying about something, demanding his attention, fighting his decisions.  When he took his lunch break, it was really a break.  No help with potties or straightening little blankets on the floor for their game because WAAAAH!  It is so frustrating for 3yo hands to get the blanket perfectly flat!

 

If I had a job with a boss/client relationship like that, would I work even though I was getting paid??  Hell, no.  That's why I was so tired.  In fact, when the waters get rough here I have to remind myself where I was just 5 years ago.

 

That said, I don't think I would like to work much more than I do.  I don't think there is an obvious right answer, but I don't envy the moms with careers, like my mother had.  I do know that being in the house with the kids full time (we homeschool) does a number on the mess and chaos!


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#11 of 20 Old 08-23-2013, 08:21 PM
 
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I find it easier to get laundry, meals, and housecleaning done when I work because I actually have to plan out my time to do it instead of just doing it when I feel like it. I feel a lot less stressed when I am just at home with my DD though.
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#12 of 20 Old 08-24-2013, 12:28 PM
 
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Oh, yes, this too! If I have a sick child, I can cancel all my plans for the day without asking permission from anyone

When I worked out of the home, I worked for a company that was very family friendly.  If I needed to leave work for any reason or call in sick (for me, my son, or other family emergency), appointments would be rescheduled or taken by my boss or the manager.  We had a child's play room in the back next to where I worked.  When I didn't have after school care for my son, I arranged my schedule so I could pick him up after school and bring him back to work with me.  He sat in the back, did his homework, walked to the library, or played with mt boss's grandchildren when they came to work with grandma.  I started working for them when my son was 6 months old and worked for them for over 12 years.  Now that I work at home, they are one of my contract jobs.


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#13 of 20 Old 08-24-2013, 12:56 PM
 
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I found it easier to work. I was very passionate about my job for the few months that I had it (we owned a business) and so it was wonderful going there and having some uninterrupted time doing things that I love.

Even though I stay at home now, I have a nanny/mothers helper that comes in 5x a week for a few hours because my husband is gone all.the.time. When she's here I am still "on" as the primary caregiver because my son is very attached. But even with some help I still found it easier to work outside the home! I think personality has a lot to do with it.

So, why did I stop working? One day I took my son to the park and I realized I hadn't taken him to the park in six months. I broke down. I loved my job but I was really missing my son's life. It was not the kind of job where I could just find balance. We ended up selling the business.

My hats off to all the women who "do it all", working in or outside the home. I don't know how you do it.

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#14 of 20 Old 08-24-2013, 09:55 PM
 
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I was a SAHM for years but now I work full time. For me, what I want to be doing right now is easier than doing something because it is what I feel like I should be doing it.

 

What is mean is that for most of that time I was a SAHM I loved it because I loved being with the kids all the time. But eventually I got really burned out. Then it got hard because I was just DONE but still at home because I felt like I should be.

 

Later, I had a job that I disliked  and found meaningless, but stayed in it for too long because I though that I should. Very draining, very difficult. Now I have a job that I love and find meaningful, and while there are challenges to being available to my kids and running my home the way I want to while working, I'm really happy with all the parts of my life, so the intensity is a joy and not a burden.

 

Having the freedom to make my life what I want it to be is easier for me than feeling trapped.  I suspect that a lot of women feel the same way, even though what feels like "freedom" varies a lot from person to person and with different stages of our lives.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#15 of 20 Old 08-26-2013, 11:13 PM
 
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I've been working at home for the past few years as a video editor.

 

The flexibility is great and you get the comfort of working in your own home so doing housework becomes much easier. I spend less on gas as well because I don't need to drive to work. Oh, and you're 100% ready if anything happens (ie not having to take leave from work because your kid is ill and stuff).

 

The line between work and life tends to get blurred though. As a result of working at home I often find myself working past midnight just to finish a video whereas if I were to work out of home I would probably get off by 6. So at times I end up working 60-75 hours a week, which kind of sucks. But hey, at least you're at home.

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#16 of 20 Old 08-28-2013, 07:33 AM
 
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I have found these posts really helpful as I'm about to enter into an interesting scenario myself, but I'm a little confused. The moms who are working from home are saying that it's easier because they don't have to take time off from work for a child's illness, etc. Maybe their hours are just more flexible than mine, but I work from home and it is still a very traditional, full time gig. We are planning to put our son in a daycare after my maternity leave is over because there is no way I can do my job and also take care of a child at the same time. I may work from home but, I'm still working, you know? I think it will be easier than a traditional full time work outside the home job because I can still take an occasional break to change laundry, unstack dishwasher while making my lunch, etc. And I will get adult interaction when I go into the office occasionally for meetings. My company actually has a policy that if you telecommute you cannot be the only caregiver at home with a child during the workday, so daycare or bringing in a nanny was going to have to happen, and I didn't think it was realistic to expect that having a child and nanny in the home during my work day wouldn't be distracting. 


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#17 of 20 Old 08-28-2013, 08:37 AM
 
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I have found these posts really helpful as I'm about to enter into an interesting scenario myself, but I'm a little confused. The moms who are working from home are saying that it's easier because they don't have to take time off from work for a child's illness, etc. Maybe their hours are just more flexible than mine, but I work from home and it is still a very traditional, full time gig. We are planning to put our son in a daycare after my maternity leave is over because there is no way I can do my job and also take care of a child at the same time. I may work from home but, I'm still working, you know? ... My company actually has a policy that if you telecommute you cannot be the only caregiver at home with a child during the workday...

My work is a corporate, full-time gig as well, but it's also solitary -- I don't interact with customers on the phone during working hours or anything like that, so which hours I work doesn't matter, as long as I get the work done by my deadline. I'm blessed to have a boss who is fine with me working evenings/weekends.

A couple years ago, my company was acquired by a large corporation, and at that time I was surprised that they didn't implement a policy stating that WAH parents must have childcare during working hours, but somehow they didn't, and I'm thankful!

I typically work from 6-8am, then from 5-10pm (with a short dinner break), and make up the extra few hours on the weekend. It's tough some days, especially focusing on work in the evening when I'm tired, or on those publication-week nights when I'm up working until 1am to get a project finished, but overall it's worked well for us, and in a few weeks when the kids start school (DD is starting kindergarten this year!) it'll all become SO much easier! I might break out the bon-bons. wink1.gif

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#18 of 20 Old 08-28-2013, 09:20 AM
 
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Wow, that is quite a schedule! Thank you for sharing, I had no idea how that could work.

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#19 of 20 Old 08-28-2013, 11:51 AM
 
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It was a lot easier to keep up with laundry, dishes & to prepare meals (at least the ahead of time stuff) as I could fit in 30s-10m of work when I could and I could run to the grocery store every day or even multiple times a day if needed. It was easier to get outside with the babies because I could go out anytime of day that was convenient for me. I got more rest because I could focus on relaxing and taking it easy if I had a rough night. It was easier to have people come work at the house since I could be there as needed. It is easier to go on vacation as we only have to work around DH's work schedule.

It is a lot less lonely and isolating when working FT. I get plenty of adult conversation. It is easier to recharge while working FT as I get my lunch break everyday and get to pee alone at work. It is easier to schedule and go to appointments since I can schedule them during work. It is less stressful to me financially with my paycheck too even with the higher daycare cost. It is easier to get DH to pitch in since he knows I can't get stuff done around the house anymore during the day.

Both have their easier and harder things that is for sure!

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#20 of 20 Old 08-28-2013, 04:05 PM
 
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I do contract work so I decide my hours and days.  I spend one day a week at the contract shop but even that is somewhat flexible.  Either I or my contact person can change the day or even the hours I'm there.  As long as the work is turned in on time, how I conduct my time is my decision.  I worked part time at home when my girls were children but I didn't start until the youngest was out of diapers.  And when my son was a baby, he went to daycare regardless of where I was working--at work or at home.  I didn't start working at home full time until he was 12.  There is no way I could do my job with an infant or toddler without child care help in some form--dh on his days off, my older children watching the younger ones, mother's helper, day care, etc.
 

Edited to add my schedule:  During the summer I start working as early as 7:30; work off and on the rest of the day; quitting around 5 to make dinner.  During the school year, I might still start working at 7:30 quitting at 8:30 to take my son to his classes on Monday and Wednesday (8:45 to 3:10).  I'll go back home and work until 11:30.  Won't go back to work until after dinner, quit around 10 pm.  Tuesday is my day at the contract shop.  The rest of the week is home school.  Math and English first thing in the morning with my help.  I usually don't start work until after lunch, break for dinner, work until 10 pm.  Because I'm not available on Tuesdays, we have school on Saturday to fit in 4 days of Math.  Sundays are family time unless I have a rush deadline or have not worked enough during the week (watched grandkids, had too many errands/appointments, spent time with extended family, etc.).  I have a land line for work and I use voice mail to screen the calls.  I have a cell phone that family, the contract contact, and the charter school call me on.


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