Let's go over this again, what's wrong with time outs? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 122 Old 09-06-2013, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by erinsmom1996 View Post

I respect your choices but I think this article is a little on the extreme side. A gentle time out, to me, is not going to traumatize my child. My relationship with my now 17 year old daughter is proof of that. This type of article only serves to make parents feel bad for not agreeing with the author. Maybe that's just me, though.


I found the article absurd and condescending. I suspect the author has limited experience with children, other than her own little circle of like-minded friends.


I work in school with special needs kids and kids with behavior problems. Some of the kids I know have REAL issues due to lack of attachment or abandonment. It is stark and heartbreaking.I believe that it actually takes something pretty extreme to cause these kinds of problems, such as going to prison. Or repeatedly telling a child that you wish they had never been born. The kids who have issues with abandonment really are the exception, not the rule.


Kids do not develop abandonment issues over time outs.  shake.gif


By the same token, all children need to learn that some behavior is unacceptable. Parents who fail to do this are failing their children. I'm quite sure that lots of families manage to teach this without timeouts. It is fine by me for someone to never use a time out. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with using them, either. For some kids in some situations, it is the most direct, clear way to get them to understand.


The goal is to teach kids that they are unconditionally loved and precious, but that some behavior isn't allowed. Time outs can be a part of that. A child is better off learning that lesson with time outs than not being taught that they *can* and *must* control their behavior.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#122 of 122 Old 09-09-2013, 10:25 AM
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The op did pose the question, 'What's wrong with timeouts'. I thought the article did a very eloquent job of explaining why and how some people do not use them. It was not meant to be an attack on those who do use time-outs. I certainly don't think children who have been subjected to time-outs turn out any worse than any other children. It does give parents something to think about, and maybe seek out other discipline tools that could end up working better for their families.

With regard to schools...I think children who grow up in a household with time-outs (or similar punishments) are likely to be used to them and to respond well to them in a school setting. I don't, however, think time-outs in schools are necessary. Most daycares in our area (infant-school age) publish the fact that they 'NEVER' use time-outs. They mostly use versions of re-direction. This 'usually' works.

Some kiddos can definately learn which behavior is acceptable and which is not without the use of time-outs or punishment.

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