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Old 05-26-2002, 04:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Do children need their own rooms? At what age do they want their own rooms? Our 4yo and 6yo still share a bedroom with us (picture a double bed with a twin bed on each side--we love it!). For us, it goes beyond cosleeping in that there is no one room in the house any one of us can call their own. It's all "community space", with the three bedrooms being a sleeping room, a guest room, and a "craft room" with art and music supplies and a place to create.

Does anyone else have a similar arrangement? At what age does it have to end?
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Old 05-26-2002, 04:54 AM
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Hello lavender!
I grew up in that situation It never 'has' to end. When I was about twelve or thirteen I asked for my own room, although I never slept in it. I always crawled into bed with my sister!

I am 25yo and it has only been the rare occasion when i have slept all by myself! Even now, when me and my dd visit home we crawl into bed with my mom. Imagine three of us on a full sized futon LOL!! On Easter all of us went home, we put all the mattresses on the living room floor- five adults(two pg) and six kids!!! it was great!!

When it comes to privacy or needing a space of their own your babies will let you know what they need and want. If you don't want it to end, then just follow their cues.


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Old 05-26-2002, 02:21 PM
 
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My brother and I, 1.5 years apart, shared a room until I we were around 12, at which time we moved to a new house and we each got our own room (if we hadn't moved we likely would have asked for our own space at that time anyways). Until puberty hits, I see no reason why kids of opposite sexes can't share a room. Usually around the age of puberty kids get shy or want some privacy. I know we did.

My brother (who passed away six years ago) and I were very close. We were really good friends and I have wonderful memories of the time we shared. Even as very small kids we would chat to each other at night before falling asleep. We would get up and play with our toys together, build forts in our room. We would conspire to sneak out to the living room when company was around. We were always close and got along very well. Sure, we fought, but it was never serious stuff. I am shocked by the way some siblings behave, even into adult age. They get so selfish. My brother and I shared everything and I think that is why we were never like that with each other.

I see no reason why kids need separate rooms when they are young, and in fact I think DH and I have decided to actively NOT do that, regardless of how big our home is. I think sharing a room is very beneficial for siblings.

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Old 05-26-2002, 08:36 PM
 
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My dh and his sister first shared a room (and bed) with their parents, then shared a room with each other until my dh left home. Even then my SIL was sleeping in my IL's room again until the day she married. So no, they really don't need their own rooms but it could be a nice thing, depending on personality. Imagine that most people in the world share the bedroom with parents, siblings, and extended family and they get along just fine. I doubt we'll ever have dd get her own room. She'll either share our room or her future sibling's. If she needs her privacy while dressing she can always shut the door.

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Old 05-28-2002, 10:52 AM
 
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I have two boys 4&9 and a girl 4. Even though the oldest has his own room they all sleep together on a king size matress on the floor in the other bedroom. They all started out in our bed when they were younger and they all still end up there occasionally, which is fine with us.
We are moving soon to a house with 4 bedrooms but we have decided to just have them all share one. We will give them their own when (if) they want it.
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Old 05-28-2002, 11:09 AM
 
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Our oldest has always had his own room and I used to sleep part of the night with him when he was a baby. Our youngest shares our room. We planned to put him in with his brother at some point, but he is just about 2yrs. now and that doesn't seem realistic. Our oldest has his room "just so," filled with arts and crafts projects, books, and toys with small parts. The walls are plastered with his own drawings, etc.. It doesn't seem fair to make him "share" his space after he's done so much to make it his own. He likes to retreat to his room when he needs quiet time. (He's five.) We are renting a small townhouse right now, but planning to move this year (We hope) and will try to set up a private space for ds#2, but there will be no pressure for him to sleep there.
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Old 05-30-2002, 05:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your replies, ladies! It's been such a nice arrangement for us so far, it's good to see that others have made it work as well--and for so long!

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Imagine that most people in the world share the bedroom with parents, siblings, and extended family and they get along just fine.
That's what I was thinking, too.

But then my 6yo reads books where the characters have his/her own room and once asked us if he'll ever have his own room. At which point we discussed the pros and cons (with my obvious bias of course!) and decided to keep things as they are. I don't feel bad about encouraging him to stay in with us at this point, because first of all I'm sure he would still want to sleep with us--and what's the point of having one's own bedroom if they don't even sleep in it? And second of all, he doesn't yet seem to need to withdraw to his own space, as he will as a teenager.

I do wonder how much more attached families would be if it were the norm to share a sleeping room (in western countries, USA in particular), not to mention how houses could be smaller and would require fewer resources...
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Old 05-30-2002, 07:54 AM
 
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My sister and I shared a room for most of our time living togeather, and even when we had our own rooms we still slept togeather (when we could still fit in a small bed togeather). My 3 year old son and 1 year old DD will be shareing a room, not for a while tho, Im happy with DD in bed with me and shes not big enough to share with her brother yet, even if he does keep asking to have Reilly in bed with him
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Old 05-30-2002, 02:10 PM
 
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my 9 year old LOVES having his own room.

he has played alone in his room "often" since he was about 3 years old. before that he really didn't.

both my boys have their own rooms now, but i plan to put them both together in a room to share.....as soon as the youngest is potty trained.
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Old 09-23-2013, 09:03 AM
 
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Hi everyone,I'm new here.I have read some of the posts here.I too co-sleep with my 2 boys ages 4&9 me and their father made our living room our big bedroom.We have 3 bedrooms in our apt but one is a storage rm the other is a guest rm and the third is a play rm.So our boys sleep out in our big rm with us but they sleep in their own beds.We have a big flat screen tv too so we can all watch a movie together..By the way my 9 yr old wakes up a few times @ night too he is on meds for adhd,mood disorder,& he also has epliepsy which he is also on med for.I read books to them every night and we all sleep well.So I was also wondering is this ok to still do given their ages? Does anyone else do this?
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Old 09-23-2013, 09:30 AM
 
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Hi everyone,I am new here.I co-sleep with my two boys ages 4&9.Me and their father made the living room our bdrm because its more room.We have 3 bedrooms one is a storage rm,one is a guest rm And the other is a play rm.Our boys sleep out there with us but the sleep in their own beds.My 9yr old has adhd,mood disorder and epilepsy which he is on meds for everything even for sleep by which he wakes up a couple times.Every night I read to them and we watch favorite tv shows together.They both had their own rms @ one time and they also shared a room but @ some point @ night one or both of them ended up in our bed.So now that they are in their own beds out there with us the both go to sleep @ their bed times and they sleep well all night.So I was wondering if this arrangment is ok to keep doing if their comfortable?? Even given their ages..If anyone has an answer I gladly appricate it! Please no judgment!
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Old 09-30-2013, 03:55 PM
 
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We do this too-  kids are 5, 8 and 20mths. For many reasons, its just more practical, and i feel it bonds us as a family. There is a guest room and a playroom.

They could sleep there if they wanted.

Cant  give you any advice :-)

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Old 10-01-2013, 10:18 AM
 
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My kid is now living in two households. In each one, he has his own room, and in each one, he sleeps with a parent in the parent's bedroom. 

 

I liked finally being able to give him his own space where he can play with his friends, store his clothing, and so on. I wouldn't mind if he also wanted to sleep up there. He used to do that, but I think lately he likes being with me in my room. I also enjoy the way he uses the living room as his main space when he's at home with me on our own. He does use his own room to change his clothing. 

 

Probably the best thing about giving him his own room was that I got to organize his bookshelves for him while he was at his dad's house. Our house had been really messy before the separation, and I consolidated all his books from all over the house and organized them by subject and author. He walked in and went "oooh!" and flopped down to read! I anticipate that he'll want space for himself for sleeping and stuff when he gets to be a teenager. For now, it pleases me when he goes up there to get something and becomes engrossed in reading or playing. 

 

We still have a few toys in the living room. They are mainly younger-kid toys that I have so we can have families as guests and have everyone hang out together. 


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Old 10-02-2013, 11:39 AM
 
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My partner shared a room with their brother until moving out of the house at 18. My dad shared a room with his 3 older brothers until they moved out. I have a friend where she and her sister had their own room until they were both teenagers and mom was having a new baby- then they were put in the same room to make space for a nursery. Kids never HAVE to have their own room. If you have the space or can afford to move to a house with more rooms, it's definitely nice to be able to, but it's not necessary at any age.

 

I think there's concerns about what age mixed-sex room sharing stops being okay (I think by puberty most people think it's better to split them up). My dad's sister was made to sleep in her own room, she HATED it, kept trying to sneak into her brother's room, would cry all night on her own, but their parents were very strict and the boys would get into loads of trouble if they let her stay. :(


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Old 10-02-2013, 03:19 PM
 
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Probably the best thing about giving him his own room was that I got to organize his bookshelves for him while he was at his dad's house. Our house had been really messy before the separation, and I consolidated all his books from all over the house and organized them by subject and author. He walked in and went "oooh!" and flopped down to read! I anticipate that he'll want space for himself for sleeping and stuff when he gets to be a teenager. For now, it pleases me when he goes up there to get something and becomes engrossed in reading or playing. 

 

That sounds really cool.

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Old 10-10-2013, 12:38 PM
 
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Our daughter is 9 and still sleeps with us.  She's an only child.  She does have her own room, though.  I think at some point having their own "space" is important, but that doesn't have to be their own room.  Having a bed in a room shared with siblings is fine too, or something else depending on the exact circumstances.  But kids having their own rooms is a fairly recent phenomenon in the grand scheme of things.

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Old 10-15-2013, 07:06 AM
 
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Hi,I do the same thing I have a 4yr old &9 yr old boys.I made my living rm our master bdrm.I have my queen size mattress in the middle on the floor and each of them on each side on their own twin beds.We love it.we have a 3 bdrm apartment for me and their father the bedrm is too small "like open space".! And the boys love sleeping next to us.My 9 yr old has adhd,mood disorder,&Epilepsy I have him go to bed @7pm after taking his meds just to start getting him relaxed.He tends to get bad dreams sometimes and wakes up a few times in the night so I keep him close.But it is wonderful because you bond with your kids we also all sleep much better.And my 4yr old has asthma so it good to be close incase either of them need me! smile.gif.So what I did I our dining rm is our living rm,our living rm is our big master bdrm.the front bdrm is the play rm,the middle rm off the kitchen is the guest rm,and the back bdrm is the storage rm.I thought I was crazy for doing this but its realy nice to know there are plenty other ppl that do this.So I say why not if your kids are comfortable sleeping where they want let them.After all they are our kids no one elses.No one has a rite to tell us how&where to sleep.I will continue for as long as they want.They go to sleep when thy are supposed to.I have tried putting them together &all they do is fight and not want to share.I have also tried giving them their own rms many times but that dident work either.Before morning came they both ended up in our bed.1 in between me and their father and the other at the foot of the bed.So I decided to put all our beds together so there is plenty of rm for all of us to sleep they are on their own beds.It works.So yes I definetly have a similer arrangment.And we are all happy.Wouldent trade it for the WORLD!
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Old 10-15-2013, 08:29 AM
 
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Hi,I do the same thing I have a 4yr old &9 yr old boys.I made my living rm our master bdrm.I have my queen size mattress in the middle on the floor and each of them on each side on their own twin beds.We love it.we have a 3 bdrm apartment for me and their father the bedrm is too small "like open space".! And the boys love sleeping next to us.My 9 yr old has adhd,mood disorder,&Epilepsy I have him go to bed @7pm after taking his meds just to start getting him relaxed.He tends to get bad dreams sometimes and wakes up a few times in the night so I keep him close.But it is wonderful because you bond with your kids we also all sleep much better.And my 4yr old has asthma so it good to be close incase either of them need me! smile.gif.So what I did I our dining rm is our living rm,our living rm is our big master bdrm.the front bdrm is the play rm,the middle rm off the kitchen is the guest rm,and the back bdrm is the storage rm.I thought I was crazy for doing this but its realy nice to know there are plenty other ppl that do this.So I say why not if your kids are comfortable sleeping where they want let them.After all they are our kids no one elses.No one has a rite to tell us how&where to sleep.I will continue for as long as they want.They go to sleep when thy are supposed to.I have tried putting them together &all they do is fight and not want to share.I have also tried giving them their own rms many times but that dident work either.Before morning came they both ended up in our bed.1 in between me and their father and the other at the foot of the bed.So I decided to put all our beds together so there is plenty of rm for all of us to sleep they are on their own beds.It works.So yes I definetly have a similer arrangment.And we are all happy.Wouldent trade it for the WORLD!

Yes, this is basically what we do. Put the beds together! I love it. My kids  do too. They love bedtime. We dont  and never have had, those sleep/bedtime issues. My kids get confused whenever we come across some reference to  how kids are supposed to complain when its bedtime. They look forward to it.

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Old 10-20-2013, 08:14 PM
 
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we have one child, a 3 and a 1/2 yr old. He sleeps in a bed right next to our bed and has done so since he was born. We love having him sleep in our room. We are moving to a new house soon where ds will have his own room- but we really see it as more of a place for his stuff and to play in, and will put his bed in our room as we do now.

The only thing is, at some point I think we will move him into his own room- though I cannot imagine what age that will be now, it seems far off. Just because dh and my sex life has gone way down since having a kid, and I think it might be fun at SOME point when ds is older to have our own room to sleep in and have sex in!

I mean right now we find time in the spare room when we can when ds is with a babysitter or napping or out or whatever-----

So really I think that is the only issue I have with it! For long term I mean.

But I love the sleeping all in one room part, it feels vey cozy and ds likes going to sleep just fine as we are right there with him.

I will just see how things develop in the future as to when we switch him to his own room- I do think at some point that will happen!

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