things you have learned with each new child - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 4 Old 09-12-2013, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamaofthree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,346
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

when i had my first dd (19 year ago) i felt like sooooo many things were soooo important... like having the nursery all done, having all the gadgets and gizmos. and i was a serious hoverer. i don't think that kid had 2 feet of space. and i was so concerned with her not walking at 12 months because EVERYONE else's kids were.

as i have had more kids i realize that so much of my thoughts on parenting where so conditioned with consumer society and this fear mongering that is TV and stuff.

when i had my oldest son (15) i had read CC and gave him more space.

as each child has come along i have found that so much stuff is just really not needed. all the attachments to things just replace the important attachment to my child/ren. 

it has been an interesting road. 

we are having baby #7 (and our last) in a few months and it is just amazing to me how much more comfortable we are in our parenting and how much we have grown and changed and how much stuff we have let go of.

i often wonder what it would have been like for my DD#1 had her father and i been more relaxed and less focused on things and more focused (in a non-hovery way) on her.


mama to 6 amazing children joy.gif married to my main man for 21 years love.gif and finally home FULL time dishes.gifhang.gifknit.gif

mamaofthree is offline  
#2 of 4 Old 09-14-2013, 04:36 AM
 
lauren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In a state of grace
Posts: 6,784
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

Great thread!

 

I only have 3, but have learned so much. Our oldest is 18, next 15, and then 8. I have learned to let go of so much more, to be less controlling, to know that things will generally turn out all right given good modeling. That it is more important to be a great model of womanhood, parenthood, couplehood, than to preach and teach.... So much more! Be back later!


 
lauren is offline  
#3 of 4 Old 09-16-2013, 11:13 PM
 
Mummoth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 3,467
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

I have 3 and I've gotten a lot more relaxed about things... she's going to be 2 in December and has started having tantrums once in a while. It just doesn't phase me like it used to... I can remember feeling enormous pressure to get my son to calm down and be quiet if he was upset in a public place. I take my daughter outside if she's being disruptive, but it's not embarrassing at all anymore. I don't particularly care if someone takes a 2-minute snapshot of my life and decides I'm a bad mom, I'm just over it. Same thing with the big kids now... when one of them starts acting like a surly pre-teen, I'm a lot more comfortable letting them show their discontent and not worrying about how it makes me look.

Catholic Mama likes this.

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

Mummoth is online now  
#4 of 4 Old 09-24-2013, 12:08 PM
 
USAmma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Arizona
Posts: 18,846
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My first-- she is so stubborn. Has been since birth. It has to be HER idea. If I push her, she pushes back with all her life. Then she might admit it's actually a good idea and then the next thing she loves it. 

 

When she was born she did not nurse. I tried. I tried everything. I consulted many experts and friends. She just did not nurse. I pumped for 5.5 months and learned not to judge bottlefeeding moms. It turns out she had sensory issues. She toe-walked. She was very loud with her noises. She had to push her feet hard on us when she feel asleep-- and she was a terrible, awful sleeper. She was also very very smart and learned to read near her 3rd birthday. She was doing 2nd grade work by the time she was to enter Kindergarten. I had to fight for her needs, both socially (which were behind) and academically (which were ahead). 

 

When she was 7 she broke her upper arm bone simply by falling down on the grass. The doctor asked if she had a calcium deficiency. I said she drank a lot of milk and ate a balanced diet. Tests showed she was malnourished. Further tests revealed she had Celiac Disease. Once she switched to a gluten-free diet she became stronger, gained weight, lost most of the sensory issues, and blossomed. She's now 12 and doing great. I have kept her back with her same age peers and the social skills are mostly there although she's a bit quirky (like her mama). 

 

My second-- total rule-follower. I have had to be careful to take advantage of her willingness to help. If I ask her to clean her room she will organize her socks by color and tuck the corners into her bed. I have to teach her to speak up for herself and her needs at school.

 

My second was born with a mystery illness that affected our family for several years. It involved being treated like a crazy mom by the medical community, a feeding tube that my daughter lived with and depended on for many years, daily vomiting and suffering, endless doctors and tests. Finally at age 3 a new doctor did a specific test and she had a diagnosis and a treatment plan. She got better and finally she was able to live her life the way it was meant to be lived. I sometimes wonder if her rule-following came about because she had to do things that were scary and uncomfortable and she didn't have a say in it. She had to learn to eat all over again at the age of 3 and it was scary. I had to put a plate in front of her and tell her she had to eat it all. Went against what I knew to be right, but she had to learn to eat in order to survive. 

 

She's now 9. Ten percent of kids with her disease go into remission or are cured. She was one of them. She has a scar in her belly where her feeding tube once was. She's thin but healthy, doing great.

 

I'm so glad those days are behind us. But because of her struggles, I decided to go into nursing. I'm now a peds nurse who works with very medically complex children. It's a secret and scary world that parents never imagine they will be in when they are expecting that child. I try to be there for the parents and let them know I believe them. And I see that all kids-- no matter how many tubes and wires they have attached-- are valuable and deserve love, not stares.


7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
USAmma is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off