What is the BEST/NICEST/MOST HELPFUL thing someone has said to you about parenting? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 11-01-2013, 08:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The best advice you got about parenting? Mine was a couple of things

Consistency, how incredibly important it is. Another one was how it is all gonna be okay, that mistakes will be made but it all shakes out in the end.


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#2 of 28 Old 11-01-2013, 10:49 AM
 
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I once asked a friend if she thought something I was planning was "the right thing to do" and she responded, "I think it's an okay thing to do." That stuck with me like nothing else. 

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#3 of 28 Old 11-01-2013, 01:51 PM
 
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My mom said, just like you can't take all the credit, you can't take all the blame for how your kids turn out.  Nature, nurture, that kind of thing.

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#4 of 28 Old 11-01-2013, 02:47 PM
 
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My mom said, just like you can't take all the credit, you can't take all the blame for how your kids turn out.  Nature, nurture, that kind of thing.

Yes, a great one!  I don't take credit (to the best of my ability) for that reason. 


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#5 of 28 Old 11-01-2013, 02:50 PM
 
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"Honor her desires." It really helps me to focus on what's important for my daughter right now, instead of what I think should be done next.
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#6 of 28 Old 11-02-2013, 09:21 AM
 
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When I was a new mom, terrified of doing something wrong, my mom told me that when I was born, all of the advice was the exact opposite of what I was being told now. She raised three healthy, well adjusted people. She said to do the best I could but that it would be okay if it wasn't perfect because 30 years from now, they will be saying I was doing it wrong too.
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#7 of 28 Old 11-02-2013, 10:58 AM
 
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When my son was 2, he fell asleep in my lap at a bus stop.  He was pretty big, and I was struggling to cradle him and keep both my bags hooked over my shoulder.  A Jamaican man smiled at us and said, in his cool accent, "Because you give him shelta now, he gone grow to be a strong man."

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#8 of 28 Old 11-02-2013, 11:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post

When my son was 2, he fell asleep in my lap at a bus stop.  He was pretty big, and I was struggling to cradle him and keep both my bags hooked over my shoulder.  A Jamaican man smiled at us and said, in his cool accent, "Because you give him shelta now, he gone grow to be a strong man."

Awwwww!!! I love that.

A dear friend of mine told me this when I was a new mom and going completely crazy:

"Be willing to experience anything."

I don't think I've ever gotten a better piece of advice about parenting or really life in general. It's about your heart being open and just saying, okay universe, bring it on!!

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#9 of 28 Old 11-02-2013, 02:26 PM
 
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My mom told me that looking back on her now adult children, there are plenty of things she would have done differently if she had it all to do over again. You do the best you're able, and trust your intuition. People won't always agree with your choices. Most importantly, above all else, **LOVE** is the most important gift you can give your child. Best advice I've ever received :)

Perfect example of trusting your intuition, based on how my parents said "screw that" to the "Self Esteem Movement" when we were kids:

My mom and dad got a lot of flack for not telling us how awesome we were at everything. Why, all the top child psychologists of the day (late 80s/early 90s) were saying how great it was to boost your kid's self-esteem and tell them how they're special just for being alive! Kids need PRAISE for doing what is expected! My parents agreed more with what George Carlin has to say about the "Self Esteem Movement." (Search "george carlin self esteem" on youtube.... absolutely hilarious!!) Mom and Dad would constructively criticize us (even as little ones) as well as praise things we were truly good at. As a result, I don't share this "entitled" attitude that many of kids from my generation seem to possess. I know what my talents are, and I know what I'm not so good at. Same for my personality foibles- I know where I'm an awesome person, and I know the things I need to work on. There is now plenty of evidence to prove that my parents were right in trusting their intuition-- a healthy combination of pride & humility makes for healthy self-esteem, while thinking you deserve praise for doing what is expected is detrimental to the development of healthy self-esteem.


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#10 of 28 Old 11-02-2013, 02:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post
 

When my son was 2, he fell asleep in my lap at a bus stop.  He was pretty big, and I was struggling to cradle him and keep both my bags hooked over my shoulder.  A Jamaican man smiled at us and said, in his cool accent, "Because you give him shelta now, he gone grow to be a strong man."


 I got all misty-eyed reading that! So sweet!!


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#11 of 28 Old 11-02-2013, 05:41 PM
 
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The best advice I got was from the strictest nurse on the maternity ward. "Trust your instincts" she'd said. I had spent 32 years second guessing myself, right up to that moment. Thanks Sgt Pat! smile.gif
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#12 of 28 Old 11-02-2013, 08:15 PM
 
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Everything you're going through is just a phase. Just as you're getting used to one routine, one bout of craziness/sleeplessness, it will all change. So when it's a tough phase, know it will pass and you will get relief/change soon, and if it's an easy phase enjoy it and prepare for what's around the corner!

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#13 of 28 Old 11-03-2013, 08:39 AM
 
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"Dont sweat the small stuff and most of it is that."


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#14 of 28 Old 11-03-2013, 02:51 PM
 
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Another piece of advice worth mentioning:
"You can spoil a child in many ways, but you can never spoil a child with love."

That one came from my grandmother, long before the thought of having my own children ever crossed my mind. When she was of childbearing age, many doctors and other "experts" warned parents of coddling their babies too much. As one PP said, 30 years from now, they'll be saying the opposite on a lot of what we're told today.


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#15 of 28 Old 11-03-2013, 02:59 PM
 
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Best piece of parenting advice I ever got was from my mom as I observed her taking in my younger brother's wayward teenage friend after his dad kicked him out. "Is that the hill you want to die on?" I use this daily, sometimes hourly, with my two year old. Coincidentally, I also use it with the chronically mentally ill clients I work with. smile.gif Pick your battles wisely.

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#16 of 28 Old 11-04-2013, 05:08 AM
 
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The only constant is change
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#17 of 28 Old 11-05-2013, 05:04 PM
 
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This isn't advice that was directed at me, but something I read on another forum:

 

We're not raising children, we're raising adults.

 

It helps me think in the long term and not worry too much about any particular stage.


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#18 of 28 Old 11-06-2013, 07:16 AM
 
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One of the best after we were fretting about some random thing or another with our first child was "When your first child swallows a coin, you take him to hospital. When the second swallows a coin, you deduct it from their pocket money". Now we've had four, I can see the truth in that, especially when we catch ourselves or see other parents fretting about the little things.


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#19 of 28 Old 11-06-2013, 10:59 AM
 
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 One of the best after we were fretting about some random thing or another with our first child was "When your first child swallows a coin, you take him to hospital. When the second swallows a coin, you deduct it from their pocket money".

Ouch.  I've heard this a lot from parents of multiple children (mine has been an only for nearly 9 years) and it too often sounds to me like, "Yeah, when I just had one, I was a conscientious parent like you, but now I can't be bothered."  Makes me feel sorry for their younger kids!  I guess it has a lot to do with context, though: I've most often heard this kind of thing not when I'm over-worrying some minor issue but when I'm defending myself for doing something (like limiting junk food, using the car seat correctly, or putting bug repellent on my kid) that the other parent is arguing is unnecessarily fussy because he/she stopped doing it after the first child.


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#20 of 28 Old 11-06-2013, 11:05 AM
 
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fair point, as it is tough to encapsulate the full list of things that different parents would find ok or not for their kids, especially in a piece of advice that's one sentence long :). And as with all advice, everyone needs to draw their own boundaries. But I do know that there were many things we worried about with the first one that were definitely due to over-worry rather than negligence with the following ones! And in reality, that would always be the way. Most people are a lot more careful the first time they do anything simply because it's the first time and we don't know what to expect.

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#21 of 28 Old 11-06-2013, 02:44 PM
 
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Ouch.  I've heard this a lot from parents of multiple children (mine has been an only for nearly 9 years) and it too often sounds to me like, "Yeah, when I just had one, I was a conscientious parent like you, but now I can't be bothered."  Makes me feel sorry for their younger kids!  I guess it has a lot to do with context, though: I've most often heard this kind of thing not when I'm over-worrying some minor issue but when I'm defending myself for doing something (like limiting junk food, using the car seat correctly, or putting bug repellent on my kid) that the other parent is arguing is unnecessarily fussy because he/she stopped doing it after the first child.

I can really relate to the comment about the coin. You're expecting your second after 8 years with an only?  I had a second after 10 years!  I definitely can see using the phrase or sentiment to a new mom in a totally nice way -- because I can look back on some stuff that I stressed that just wasn't necessary - and I was a relatively low-stress parent. No need to feel sorry for the younger one in our family. The benefit of a parent with better perspective far makes up for the occasional swallowed dime. ;-)  

 

I can see why you were put off by the sentiment if it was used to belittle something you felt was important but  that's not my experience of trying to convey this or having someone try to express it to me. 


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#22 of 28 Old 11-09-2013, 07:44 PM
 
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I really struggled when I had my first child with PPD right away... I was talking to my midwife on the phone about having to get up and BF my son every 2 hours and she said to me "You can do it, you have to." That super simple statement totally stuck with me. Anytime I am getting frustrated or overwhelmed with parenting I recall my midwife's voice saying that to me over the phone and it pushes me through. In a way "having no choice" but to plow on makes me find my resolve.


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#23 of 28 Old 11-09-2013, 08:43 PM
 
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I think "every baby is different" is really important.

It reminds me that all other advice it what worked for a certain oerson at a certain time-- not necessarily the "right way."

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#24 of 28 Old 11-19-2013, 07:33 PM
 
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I really struggled when I had my first child with PPD right away... I was talking to my midwife on the phone about having to get up and BF my son every 2 hours and she said to me "You can do it, you have to." That super simple statement totally stuck with me. Anytime I am getting frustrated or overwhelmed with parenting I recall my midwife's voice saying that to me over the phone and it pushes me through. In a way "having no choice" but to plow on makes me find my resolve.

 

Coming from someone else, that advice would make me furious.  I don't HAVE to do anything! :eyesroll  But when it comes from myself it's just a relief. Sigh of relief, there is no decision to be made, I can only get on with it, no fussing.  

 

My big problem when they were little was getting myself up in the morning.  I'm not the one who's affected when I sleep in, these innocent kids are.  It got so much better when I discovered that whether to get up in the morning doesn't require a decision.   There isn't a question about it.  "I hate this! I'm so sleepy! Can I figure out a way to sleep some more?  Do I get out of bed or not?"   Of course I'm getting up. No question about it.  I'm not spending another thought on it.

 

 


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#25 of 28 Old 11-19-2013, 08:07 PM
 
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^ Yeah I think coming from just any old person it would of been very annoying!!! But from my midwife who I very much loved and was a really great influence on me as a new mommy, it was easy for me to accept. You are right.... once you just realize there is no decision to be made it does get easier in a way!! :) 


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#26 of 28 Old 11-20-2013, 04:35 AM
 
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Very true
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#27 of 28 Old 11-20-2013, 02:40 PM
 
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my mom. "take care of yourself first. feed your soul. do something for yourself. and then take care of baby." i thought she was crazy. my mil would call me up and ask me what i did for myself that day. no not what you did for baby... what did you do for yourself. this is all before dd was 1. 

 

the nicest thing that anyone said to me was another single mother with 4 kids. she told me how much she admired me as i took care of my incredibly hard dd (high needs). she said i had so much more of a harder time than her. i was shocked. seh with 4 kids would tell me that?!! "well my kids all play with each other, but you have to be everything to your dd including her playmate."  she was the only one who really got what a tough child i had in dd. demanding and exhaustive. 


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#28 of 28 Old 11-27-2013, 12:49 PM
 
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Do what works for your family because no matter what you do, someone is going to criticize, so make sure it at least works for you! This advice came from various loved ones.

I agree that "Every baby is different." is very helpful advice. If someone asks me for advice on parenting stuff, I will tell them what worked and what didn't work for me, but then I always append "Every baby/child is different and do what works for your family." because my advice may not work for your situation!

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