Is it normal to feel like this? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 11-30-2013, 10:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Since the birth of DS2 (now 7 weeks old), and the realization that DS1 is very much a 2 year old boy, I've been plagued with feelings of regret, resentment, and guilt. Some days I wish i'd never had kids. I find myself checking out mentally, or using the internet as an escape. I get so angry and so irritated for no good reason. If this was a job, I'd be quitting without notice today. I want my freedom back. I feel so guilty for having these thoughts. I hate the way they make me speak to DS1. I am not the mother I wanted to be.

Are these feelings normal? Did you ever feel like this? Will this pass??
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#2 of 6 Old 11-30-2013, 11:43 AM
 
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I don't have much time, but since you haven't had another response yet I'm piping up to say.  Yes, these are "normal" feelings.  No need to add to your overwhelm by feeling guilty about feeling the way you do!  I found myself surprised that having 2 kids was more than twice the work!  With 2 there is no down time, no me time, because you can't trade off with your partner (assuming you have one).  Also, I found people all excited to bring food and help with dishes the first 2 weeks after baby #2 was born, but then I was left on my own. . . . still trying to recover from birth and having to juggle the needs of 2 kiddos.

 

Are you eating well?  Drinking enough water?  Do you have help coming in to give you respite?  Like someone to take your older one to the park while you nap with the baby?  

 

My friends who had their kiddos close together (like yours) said the first 2 years are a LOT of work.  But, then their kids had build-in playmates and were independently playing once the younger one was 2 while I had an infant and a 5 year old.  It's intense int he beginning but you'll get in the grove.  

 

Don't forget to ask for help!  (dishes, laundry folding, playing with SD1, holding baby and entertaining toddler while you shower or nap, etc)

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#3 of 6 Old 11-30-2013, 12:31 PM
 
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I go through periods of these feelings. DD1 is 32 months and DD2 is 4 months. I had some counseling for ppd and it may be worthwhile for you to look into mental health support in your community. At worst it doesn't help and you stop. I found that my emotional response was way out of proportion with the situation. My toddler had a tantrum and all of a sudden I was spiralling down in a vortex of self loathing, guilt, and feeling inadequate. Counselling helped me a lot. I came away with a mantra: "she's only 2, she's having a tough time and she's not trying to make me mad". That helped me turn it around to my toddler's needs and away from my frustration. From my experience, it will get better. You'll find ways to work around each other's needs and make new routines and traditions. One thing that helped us a lot with the transition is me taking time to do bedtime routine with big sis while DH had the baby. They could come in if baby needed to nurse again and I'd nurse while reading stories. Then toddler miss and I would crawl into bed together and I'd cuddle/hold her until she fell asleep. DH has an ergo to wear baby and she doesn't cluster feed in the evening much these days so nowadays once I nurse baby, DD1 and I usually have uninterrupted quality time until she falls asleep. I don't know how helpful I've been but you're not alone and those feelings crop up for many moms. They were starting to become a problem for me so I sought help with them. Good luck! It does get easier
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#4 of 6 Old 11-30-2013, 10:32 PM
 
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You're not alone. There is a book that helped me feel better about what I was feeling called The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood. Counseling was also very helpful and it didn't take many sessions.
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#5 of 6 Old 12-01-2013, 08:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much for your replies. It makes me feel a lot better knowing I'm not alone in these feelings. I may think about counselling, though the options are very limited in my small community. Talking to other moms sure helps, though!

One_Girl, I will definitely look for that book.
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#6 of 6 Old 12-03-2013, 02:19 PM
 
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Normal. What options to do you have for getting breaks? Some ideas:

 

mother's day out

join a mom's group

leave kids with dad

get more sleep by having dad do more

leave kids with grandma

trade off with a friend with kids

hire a sitter

join a gym and leave kids in nursery while exercising (exercise if VERY good for mental health)

 

Also, I see that you are in the Yukon. Is the cold and dark part of what is getting to you?


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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