Birthday invite with “Please no plastic toys” - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 48 Old 12-16-2013, 07:31 AM
 
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Not the point of the thread i  know...,

but you raise a good point here.This is where i get stuck on the plastic thing. It really is everywhere, including in the packaging of most foods we eat. I have tried to go plastic free when it comes to cups and bowls/plates, and many end shattered on the floor whereas plastic lasts. Packing glass into a lunch box for school is asking for trouble. I might as well buy paper plates and cups rather than porcelain or glass....still, i agree with the general sentiment that plastic should be reduced, especially in toys....but i still  need to know how much is too much....

 

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Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 View Post
 

Gee, aren't the keyboards everyone is typing on made of plastic?  Do you play with Cds or DVDs?  Plastic.  Much of the interior materials of your vehicles?  Plastic.  Medical devices?  Many contain plastics.  Bottled water?  Plastic.  Is your home 100% free of plastics?  Doubtful. 

 

 
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#32 of 48 Old 12-16-2013, 08:01 AM
 
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nonononono sorry but no to the article. No. Just no. Sorry contactmaya I know you mean well but really....I move in crunchy, organic, hippy, circles where around half the families are with the Waldorf school and the rest are at least slightly Waldorf-leaning homeschoolers and I promise you that if someone pulled something like that it would be talked about for years

 

What I've always found tends to happen at a birthday party is that parents who aren't sure, who don't know us too well, will ask what the birthday kid would like, to which I always reply "a book". I figure the worst that can happen is that the book is not to our taste and it can go to the charity shop, so everyone is a winner.I pretty much always give books and I'm aware that sometimes these books will be duplicate and end up as charity shop donations but I figure pretty much no one actually throws away a book. 

 

Oh eta sorry only saw the first page re the article. Doesn't change what I think but I think its been well said by now. There's a difference, to my mind, between asking someone to remove shoes and asking someone to give a particular kind of gift. But tbh I'd find a whole article about the dangers of toxins in shoes a bit condescending. I've read a lot of this stuff and I don't really agree anyway, I think a lot of the science is terrible.

 

 We do remove shoes in our house upstairs, and I just say to people who are headed upstairs to play (in our house, adults tend to stay downstairs to chat, kids head up to the bedrooms to play) can you take your shoes off. That's enough. I don't have to be educating people about it. If they ask why,I tell them. In ten years, only one kid has ever had a problem with it and we worked it out easily.

 

I think the thing is, contactmaya, an awful lot of what you are saying are opinions, and ones that, IMO, border on scaremongering. I am sure you feel them strongly, just as I am sure you mean well. But just as we have probably all had the lecture about slings and rods for our own back, and breastfeeding and all the rest, so any kind of information given with the purpose of evangelising is going to be annoying at best. Trying to educate people is patronising, IMO. Assuming people don't have the same quality info as you just because they haven't reached the same conclusions is patronising. 

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#33 of 48 Old 12-16-2013, 08:15 AM
 
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oh just thought of another option. Could you ask for a food contribution? I'm not sure how to word it exactly though to make clear that its food you are after and not a gift not food as well as a gift.


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#34 of 48 Old 12-17-2013, 08:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Fillyjonk View Post
 

I think the thing is, contactmaya, an awful lot of what you are saying are opinions, and ones that, IMO, border on scaremongering. I am sure you feel them strongly, just as I am sure you mean well. But just as we have probably all had the lecture about slings and rods for our own back, and breastfeeding and all the rest, so any kind of information given with the purpose of evangelising is going to be annoying at best. Trying to educate people is patronising, IMO. Assuming people don't have the same quality info as you just because they haven't reached the same conclusions is patronising. 

I dont know why i feel the need to explain myself...but this is not about educating people, certainly not evangelizing, but rather to explain why the request is being made.   My experience with school aged kids is that im pretty clueless where most parents stand on these issues.. or whether they even take  an interest. 

 

As for opinions being expressed-of course. One expresses opinions on forums, and that is to be expected. I dont have opinions about canned foods, but i do have information about them, and feelings about giving them to other people...(not trying to scare anyone here....so no, its not scaremongering. Also, nothing wrong with opinions. You have have opinons based on  science, or  critical inquiry, or you can have them based on prejudice. Its ok to have an opinion and to express it. (thats my opinion on opinions)

 

Also, people have access to information, but may not be interested, or have the time. Most people have the internet, and can google whatever they like. Just because most people have the internet, doesnt mean you should stop sharing information.....

...

just my opinion, and i hope it doesnt scare anyone :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 .

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#35 of 48 Old 12-17-2013, 08:22 AM
 
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I think part of it is that including an article in a situation like that seems pointed. Like "You don't know the proper/best way to take care of your children and I am going to inform you about it" or "I don't want that garbage that you ignorantly think is okay for kids." Versus, say, posting an article on Facebook, where it isn't really directed at any one person and anybody can opt to read or not read it. Or offering to send an article to a friend about something that naturally comes up in conversation. 

 

Turn it around... I am assuming for purposes of this example that you are not in favor of CIO. Say you are at a group playdate and the subject comes up and you and others express your views. Afterwards you receive a message from somebody saying "I don't know if you are aware of the many advantages of CIO, so here is an article about it". Would you come away feeling more positively towards that person because they took time to share useful information with you, or would you just be irritated? I'd be irritated, whichever direction it went, whether it was more crunchy or more mainstream than the position I have. I don't mind people sharing information but I think that care should be taken to avoid an implication of "I think you're doing it wrong". 

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#36 of 48 Old 12-17-2013, 10:44 AM
 
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erigeron puts it well. Its not to do with the information itself. We all have our strong opinions when it comes to parenting, we all think there are some things that others really should not do and I guess we mostly think that people who do them are doing them at least partly from ignorance. If only they knew what we knew. they would behave differently! And that's often true to an extent. But IME it really matters how you approach information sharing. Its about basic respect for differences, about not assuming someone who does things differently to you is doing so because they are lacking information. If you want people to take their shoes off, why not just ask them, and if they say, "why" then tell them? Why take it upon yourself to educate them?

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#37 of 48 Old 12-17-2013, 11:09 AM
 
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I get how it could be condescending in some situations.. However, the article on the door about shoes didnt offend me at all. So it  didnt have the effect you are implying. I just took it as food for thought.

Maybe we are imagining different communities, or different scenarios.

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#38 of 48 Old 12-28-2013, 10:17 PM
 
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 I very much like the donation idea...I have been to a few parties (housewarming/birthday/open house) that on the invite said something like "no gifts, though  please consider bringing a donation of nonperishable food for the food bank (or similar)" I was touched by the thoughtfulness of the hosts and it was remarkable to see the generosity of the party goers as well..as the other ladies said, this could be customized to the child's interests (gloves/socks/toiletries for homeless folks, art supplies for a battered women/children shelter, sports balls for a boys/girls club etc),  and totally avoids the issue of receiving items you may not want to have in your home.

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#39 of 48 Old 01-03-2014, 05:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by babymommy2 View Post
 

If I received that invitation, I would be tempted to bring a plastic toy out of spite. I wouldn't actually do it, but I'd be tempted. It will  label you as judgemental of all who do own a plastic toy. Gifts are gifts, you are not supposed to dictate what someone gifts to you. Either say no toys, or donate toys you don't want

 

I thought the same thing.  In fact, I'd be Googling the biggest, loudest, brightest plastic toy just for giggles.

 

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Im surprised that everyone finds an attached article about the dangers of plastic condesending. By the same token, i didnt find it condescending when i saw the article pinned to the door of my friends, where they requested we remove our shoes. I  found it informative.   I was thinking of that when i made the suggestion. Why is spreading information condescending? It is not dictating to anyone how they should parent. A person might have newly discovered the dangers of plastic and be excited to share the news.

 

 

The only example I can conjure up that reminds me of what you're talking about here is one that has happened to me before.  When people leave tracts about accepting Christ as your Savior or you will rot in hell for eternity, it doesn't really feel like "spreading information".  When someone leaves an article about how plastic toys are dangerous, will kill your children, will pollute the earth for your future grandchildren, etc., it doesn't really feel like you're just sharing information.  Maybe that helps clarify how someone (me!) may view these things differently.

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#40 of 48 Old 01-04-2014, 10:06 PM
 
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There is no way to do this politely. It is just totally rude. If you really don't want them (and who does?) you do something less rude like say "no gifts please" or specify a theme "book party" or "art party" that excludes the monstrous. 

 

We do "no gifts please" and it works well. =)

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#41 of 48 Old 01-05-2014, 12:31 AM
 
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I really like the idea of having a theme like "art party". I will be stealing that.
 
What I would say is that buying the plastic isn't actually about you. if you have a friend who buys this stuff, they will probably buy a lot more of this stuff. What they bring to a birthday party will not be the only plastic they have brought all year. (I am leaving aside those who have bought plastic deliberately because the invitation has wound them up so much...though I would have been sorely tempted...). So if you take it with good grace and recycle it to your local charity shop (thrift store?) well that's a win overall, IMO. 

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#42 of 48 Old 01-05-2014, 03:03 AM
 
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it is your family's party. if you don't want to participate in consumption of plastic toys, specify that. why let fear of what others think override your preferences for your child, your home and the environment?

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#43 of 48 Old 01-05-2014, 03:20 AM
 
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it is your family's party. if you don't want to participate in consumption of plastic toys, specify that. why let fear of what others think override your preferences for your child, your home and the environment?

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well because otherwise, its a bit rude tbh. 

 

its not about fear. its about being polite and considerate of others' feelings.


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#44 of 48 Old 01-05-2014, 07:22 AM
 
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There is no way to do this politely. It is just totally rude. If you really don't want them (and who does?) you do something less rude like say "no gifts please" or specify a theme "book party" or "art party" that excludes the monstrous. 

 

Bolding mine.  I've only skimmed through this thread so maybe this has already been mentioned, but am I the only one who doesn't think that plastic toys are going to be downfall of our children or rise up and kill us all while we sleep?  I recognize that some plastic toys that aren't great, but there are a lot of non-plastic toys that aren't great either.  Whatever your opinion, its rude to dictate the kind of gift people bring (unless you have a theme party like books, as someone mentioned). 


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#45 of 48 Old 01-05-2014, 11:32 AM
 
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Bolding mine.  I've only skimmed through this thread so maybe this has already been mentioned, but am I the only one who doesn't think that plastic toys are going to be downfall of our children or rise up and kill us all while we sleep?  I recognize that some plastic toys that aren't great, but there are a lot of non-plastic toys that aren't great either.  Whatever your opinion, its rude to dictate the kind of gift people bring (unless you have a theme party like books, as someone mentioned). 

Same. For me it depends on what the toys are. I'm not opposed to plastic on principle. There are some good toys that are made of plastic--Legos, for instance--and while I wouldn't want my kid playing with My Little Ponies, Barbies, etc. constantly, or to demand more and more of them, I have fond memories of my time with these toys and think they have a place in the toy box in moderation. I don't want a house crammed to the brim with a ton of cheap toys... but right now, honestly, I feel more overrun with stuffed animals than with plastic. 


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#46 of 48 Old 01-05-2014, 11:52 AM
 
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Same. For me it depends on what the toys are. I'm not opposed to plastic on principle. There are some good toys that are made of plastic--Legos, for instance--and while I wouldn't want my kid playing with My Little Ponies, Barbies, etc. constantly, or to demand more and more of them, I have fond memories of my time with these toys and think they have a place in the toy box in moderation. I don't want a house crammed to the brim with a ton of cheap toys... but right now, honestly, I feel more overrun with stuffed animals than with plastic. 


When someone mentioned "the dangers of plastic" up-thread, the first thought that came to my head was going down like a ton of bricks after stepping on a Lego!  :p

 

We're trying to stay away from Barbies (at least for now), but my daughter loves My Little Ponies  (and my son is definitely a Bronie) and gets a lot of enjoyment out of the few that we have.

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#47 of 48 Old 01-05-2014, 01:28 PM
 
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We love our Legos, American Girl dolls, and MagnaTiles around here.
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#48 of 48 Old 01-05-2014, 01:53 PM
 
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good point about legos and magnatiles.....

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