Does the family bed put a damper on your sex life? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Did the family bed mess up your sex life?
Yes 8 36.36%
No 12 54.55%
It's Complicated. (give more info! ) 2 9.09%
Voters: 22. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 10 Old 12-10-2013, 03:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Or even destroy it? I've had people ask me this, and my answer is no, and in fact I've thought of it as kind of a co-sleeping myth, but then I thought maybe I shouldn't assume everyone has had the same experience as me and so I'll ask everyone here. Did sleeping with your baby/kiddo mess up your sex life?

We've had a number of sleeping arrangements between both kids and through the years, but we would either use the guest room for romance, and in fact sometimes my husband was sleeping in there full time depending on how much sleep he'd get in the family bed and his work situation and how much he needed the sleep. That didn't hurt our sex life either.

After one of my kids, my hormones took a nose dive and I had no interest in sex at all for a while, and in fact was even a bit repulsed by the idea of being touched. However, my hormones went back to normal during the co-sleeping period and our sex life returned to normal as well with no changes to who slept where. So hormones can screw up a sex life as I've seen. But I think if the hormones are there, the sex will be there as well.
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#2 of 10 Old 12-11-2013, 08:57 AM
 
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I agree that hormones can be a problem, but once they return to normal it's not co-sleeping that causes problems but just exhaustion and having the kid wake up when you're trying to be romantic--both of which happen when the kid sleeps separately, too!

 

Sleep is very important to my partner; he doesn't like to be awakened for sex or kept awake when he's ready to sleep.  I don't mind it--I'd usually rather have sex than just about anything!--so when we are sleeping in the same bed without company, it can be an issue that he feels I'm "bothering" him, although over the years I've gotten better at understanding what is and isn't welcome.  So the years in which I slept with our son for part of the night weren't problematic that way; spontaneous sex at bedtime isn't really our thing anyhow.

 

We had the family bed in the kid's room and kept our master bedroom for couple time.  It's unclear how it's going to work out with our new baby because we don't have a spare room now, but the plan to start with is that baby and I will sleep downstairs at first so that nighttime crying doesn't keep everyone awake; later, we'll see if baby needs a bed away from the public space.


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#3 of 10 Old 12-17-2013, 09:20 AM
 
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It certainly doesn't help it, but a lot of parenting duties negatively impact sex life. Like changing dirty diapers, but I still do that anyway. 

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#4 of 10 Old 12-17-2013, 10:03 AM
 
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I don't think it does for us. If anything, I think the fact that everyone in our house is well-rested makes it more likely since I don't pass out immediately after the kids fall asleep.


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#5 of 10 Old 12-17-2013, 04:41 PM
 
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My ex and I co-slept with dd and it made our sex life much more exciting. We didn't want to do it in the same room as dd and the non traditional places made it funner.
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#6 of 10 Old 12-17-2013, 04:57 PM
 
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No, not at all. We probaby have more sex since kids because we've learned to seize that moment when we can! Having kids in the bedroom isn't a problem because we have a special room for that now. wink1.gif
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#7 of 10 Old 12-20-2013, 12:33 AM
 
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Cosleeping does put a bit of a damper on it for us. My baby will only go to sleep with us in bed with her. She nurses to sleep. By the time she is asleep we often are, too! So I guess it's not just cosleeping but also exhaustion. I have friends who don't cosleep who put their baby to bed at 8pm in her crib. I can't imagine not cosleeping but if our baby would go in the cosleeper (that thing next to our bed that just collects stuff and is never slept in) at 8pm, I imagine we would have some romantic time together! Then I would move her into our bed with us after that. Honestly, that's the only reason I got a cosleeper! But it doesn't work. She won't sleep on her own at all. shrug.gif

 

As for non-conventional places or having a separate place, that won't work for us! We live in a small house and have two older kids. So we are confined to the bedroom.


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#8 of 10 Old 12-20-2013, 01:14 AM
 
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Having kids put a dampener on our sex life, I doubt co-sleeping has made it worse. Although we have never not co-slept so I can't be 100% sure.

As a PP said, I get more sleep co-sleeping so it probably means *more* sex.

And, so far, both ours are young enough that we can do it in any of the rooms where they aren't sleeping. I'm not sure that makes it more exciting for me, I don't really care about location much, but it hasn't inhibited us at all.

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#9 of 10 Old 12-20-2013, 01:23 PM
 
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I'll agree with kids in general putting a damper on your sex life. No matter where the kids sleep, often the baby wakes up crying or we hear the pitter patter of little feet. When my kids were younger and in the bed with us, it just meant we used the spare room or the couch as the rooms filled up. With 6 of us now in a 3 bedroom house, there are literally children in every bedroom. For years we just would use the living room and that worked just fine. Now my oldest often stays up as late as we do and then we often have extra teens or pre-teens hanging out on the weekends in the living room until 11pm or so. We've had to get really creative about scheduling such adult activities! 

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#10 of 10 Old 12-28-2013, 10:55 PM
 
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Our baby is a bad sleeper, so many nights by the time the kid is down- we're too tired to even think about it. It's also awkward trying to when the kid will fuss in the middle of it and need to be soothed and does about half the time we try. The odds are a bit better now but not great. Both of those are problems no matter where the baby sleeps.


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