Thoughts on this? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 04-22-2014, 09:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
pepin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Believing I can
Posts: 113
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

Every time we visit MIL, we go out for a meal.  Every time she settles the bill, she gives my kids money -- $5 or $10.  Then we go back to her house and she offers them ice cream.  On average, we see her almost every week or every other week. 

 

We had brunch with her on Easter.  She gave my kids $10.  Then at her house she offered ice cream.  I said NO to the ice cream because my kids had just dined on pancakes and had lemonade.  More sugar would have made them go bonkers on the car ride home.  But, it didn't stop MIL from offering candy.  *sigh*

 

Sometimes my kids keep the money for their own personal use.  Other times I take the money and we deposit it in their savings accounts.

 

What worries me is the message here: always getting money and sweets from grandma. 

 

Is this something I should be concerned about or not?  I was thinking that DH and I needed to talk to our kids about this.  I think his Mom is doing this because it is her way of being nice.  At the same time, it almost seems bribe-like to me.  The kids aren't always excited to hang with grandma....because it's actually kind of boring.

pepin is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 7 Old 04-22-2014, 11:40 AM
 
mamapigeon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,194
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

Maybe you could talk to your MIL privately and suggest some fun activities to do with the kids. Games, a craft, taking a walk, etc. Or maybe she could use the money she normally gives them to take them to a museum or something?

 

I would be a little concerned if my kids were getting money and treats at EVERY grandparent visit. That seems a bit excessive.


tea6.gifcancer-beating wife to caffix.gif DH since 7/4/09, mother to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 5/1/11 + energy.gifDD 8/21/2013

 

 angel1.gif (4/09) angel1.gif (5/12)

mamapigeon is online now  
#3 of 7 Old 04-22-2014, 12:12 PM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,668
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
I would just let it go unless you are worried about her finances. I wouldn't add allowance money to it though. Maybe you could bring dried fruit or something over. If you are worried about her finances I think your husband should be the one to address it. The financial lady in the Oprah magazine addressed that topic one time and may have more advice on her website.
sillysapling likes this.
One_Girl is online now  
#4 of 7 Old 04-23-2014, 12:59 PM
 
Polliwog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,997
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 22 Post(s)
The treats generally wouldn't be a battle I'd fight. As for the money, we'd accept it graciously. Not that either would happen with my children's grandparents.
swede likes this.
Polliwog is online now  
#5 of 7 Old 04-24-2014, 07:13 AM
 
sillysapling's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 782
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 48 Post(s)

I agree- in terms of money, just treat it as their allowance (provided she can afford the cost). If you were planning on doing an allowance, put it straight into an account instead.

 

The sweets are a much bigger concern fro me- but that's really a choice you have to make for your family based on how your kids can handle sugar. Some kids would be fine, especially if thy don't get much the rest of the time. It sounds like it would cause behavior problems for your kids, though. At that point, my opinion woukd be "as long as YOU deal with them"- dont jack up my kids and then leave me to suffer the consequences!


sillysapling is online now  
#6 of 7 Old 04-25-2014, 07:43 AM
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,729
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post

I would just let it go unless you are worried about her finances. I wouldn't add allowance money to it though. Maybe you could bring dried fruit or something over. If you are worried about her finances I think your husband should be the one to address it. The financial lady in the Oprah magazine addressed that topic one time and may have more advice on her website.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sillysapling View Post
 

I agree- in terms of money, just treat it as their allowance (provided she can afford the cost). If you were planning on doing an allowance, put it straight into an account instead.

 

The sweets are a much bigger concern fro me- but that's really a choice you have to make for your family based on how your kids can handle sugar. Some kids would be fine, especially if thy don't get much the rest of the time. It sounds like it would cause behavior problems for your kids, though. At that point, my opinion woukd be "as long as YOU deal with them"- dont jack up my kids and then leave me to suffer the consequences!

 

 

Gramma's not gonna be around forever, so it's okay to let her spoil the kids.  If they get spoiled at Gramma's, sometimes it's okay, as long as they don't get spoiled by everybody, know what I mean?

 

My oldest son spend half his childhood being brought out for lunch every Saturday and breakfast every Sunday (as a family) for the middle half of his childhood.  His Grampa spoiled him and my first stepdaughter rotten!  Order anything you want, desert every time, toys and gifts, etc.  A trip the the museum, bbq at a public park, tickets to the fair, at least every other weekend, usually every weekend.  You want a swing set for the yard?  No problem.  A pool for the other side of the yard?  You got it.  Etc.  It drove me CRAZY!  But... years later, I'm divorced, my son hasn't seen his Grampa (StepGrampa) in years, and misses him, misses spending time with him, misses doing really cool things with him.  My son is glad he had all those memories of being "special", of being "spoiled", of being "a family" with his Grampa, especially since my son knows he will never be able to see his Grampa again.


I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is online now  
#7 of 7 Old 04-25-2014, 01:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
pepin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Believing I can
Posts: 113
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

Thanks for the replies....I think I will let this one go.  Did tell my Dh though that all this money will be considered allowance.  No need to double up.  The only thing that I will put my foot down about is the sweets or junk food.  My kids don't need that.

sillysapling likes this.
pepin is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off