Working Mamas - please help! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 06-24-2014, 05:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
gmama08's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 12
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Working Mamas - please help!

I desperately need some encouragement.
I have two kiddos, a 6 yr old DD and a 20 mo old DS. I've been home with DD from day one but due to financial issues, I went back to work full time about two months ago. My husband stays home with DS and cares for DD after school/summer camp until I come home (he's self-employed, but it's not making the $$ we'd hoped).
While I actually do enjoy my work I cannot stop thinking about/missing my kids. I feel like I am failing them by not being around and missing out on the most important/precious times of their lives. My house is constantly a mess, meals are usually rushed or take out, I have no time to exercise and have gained weight. I just have NO time.
Can anyone relate? Offer some suggestions??
Thanks
gmama08 is offline  
#2 of 7 Old 06-24-2014, 05:29 PM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
I found the first year of going back to college and having dd in childcare and the first year of working full time very difficult. It helped to save up my vacation time and use it in two big chunks and finding a nine month position also helps a lot.

I make simple meals and focus on having something from each food group not something elaborate with sauces. I clean on the weekend, your dh should be doing some of this on his downtime when business is slow. Exercise is the hardest. Scheduling swim lessons in the evening at the Y gives me twice a week to workout but it's hard to want to be away from dd more than that. We did family walks, weekend outings, and bike rides as much as possible. I just found some good workout movies done by Jillian Michaels on Amazon Prime and I do about 20 minutes while dd showers. I hope to move up to the full 50 but they are intense.
One_Girl is offline  
#3 of 7 Old 06-24-2014, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
gmama08's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 12
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for responding
I know I would benefit from better planning- if I could meal plan or make things ahead of time that would certainly help. I guess I just haven't found my rhythm. I'm tired and overwhelmed which isn't helping matters.
gmama08 is offline  
#4 of 7 Old 07-23-2014, 07:40 AM
 
t2009's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Somewhere between here & there
Posts: 595
Mentioned: 32 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
You might get some more responses/support by posting this on the working & student parents forum.

Two months is not long enough to come into a new routine, IMO. Be gentle with yourself. Keep your expectations reasonable & allow your family to have some unstructured time together built into the week (for us this happens on weekends). It doesn't have to be a lot of time & could simply be an extra hour of cuddling/story-time/whatever one weekend morning.

Having your 6 y/o help you with meal prep or clean up or whatever in the evening could give you time to catch up.

Pick one area you want to work on & focus on that for a month or so (be it meal planning--simple, as PP suggested--or cleaning house or exercising). Give yourself space to experiment to find out what will work for you & your family.

But most importantly, you are not failing your children! You are providing for them & giving them a strong role model. You may wish for more time with them (I do, all the time) & missing them is natural, but you don't have to be a constant presence to be a good mother. Good parenting can take on many forms & not all forms require mother to be at home. Good luck on navigating this new adventure!

Mama to my little busy bee. 

t2009 is online now  
#5 of 7 Old 09-12-2014, 10:37 AM
 
EnviroBecca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 5,196
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 16 Post(s)
It's hard, isn't it?

For me, it's crucial not to get so overwhelmed by things I "have to" do that I freak out and wind up unable to do much. 15 minutes on Sunday afternoon making a day-by-day to-do list for the week helps me a lot, and checking off the things helps me to see what I DID do instead of what I didn't. When I don't have that, my best strategy is to think, on the way home from work, about what is the ONE most important thing to get done tonight, and put my focus there. Also helpful, when I feel crazy, is a "brain dump" where I just write down all the things. I feel calmer getting them down, and then I have the list to refer to if I decide to handle it that way.

How much can you delegate to your husband? Does he know how to cook? What things is he able to clean/maintain well? (It's my impression that most individuals have blind spots in home maintenance that make it very difficult for them to do a particular chore up to the other person's standard. Each of you should be doing the things you do effectively.) Does he feel that the kids keep him 100% busy, or is he able to get other things done with them/while they're around? I'm also working full-time outside the home while my partner is self-employed at home, and one of our biggest successes is agreeing that I plan the menu and he cooks all the weeknight dinners. Also, every couple of years we make a date to drink an extra cup of coffee after dinner and sit down to make a list of everything that has to be done around the house, talk about how it's going, and rearrange who does what to cover the gaps.

When you were growing up, did you live with your father who worked full-time outside the home? That was my situation, so I consider my father a role model. I think back to what he did well or poorly, and sometimes I ask him how he handled things. Some of the main reasons I don't feel that he was "missing out" on my childhood are that he read our bedtime stories every night until we were teenagers, he attended nearly all of our recitals and parent-teacher conferences and such, and almost every weekend he would take us somewhere (like hiking) or do a project with us. Those things kept us connected. So those are things I do with my kids too. It's been a relief to me to hear that my dad often felt stressed, that he would find himself rushing to do yardwork or car repairs before it got dark while feeling guilty that he wasn't playing with us, that he often stayed up way too late in order to have any time at all for his hobbies and then struggled with insomnia on the nights he planned to get plenty of sleep--makes me feel normal!

For exercise, is it possible to work more walking into your commute and/or errands? That's my main exercise. Putting on some music and dancing and stretching with the kids is good, too!

Mama to a boy EnviroKid treehugger.gif 9 years old and a new little girl EnviroBaby baby.gif!

I write about parenting, environment, cooking, and more. computergeek2.gif

EnviroBecca is online now  
#6 of 7 Old 09-12-2014, 03:26 PM
 
t2009's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Somewhere between here & there
Posts: 595
Mentioned: 32 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
Thanks, @EnviroBecca , for talking about your dad as a role model. That really resonated with me & brought me a lot of comfort--my dad always worked a lot (more than I do) but I have always felt close to him because he always made time for us, even if not as much time as my mom have us.

I also want to echo what you said about meal planning/cooking. DH & I have a similar split in duties. On the weekend I'll try to make one large meal or dish that will give us leftovers for the week as well.

OP, how are things going? It's been a while & I hope you're settling into a routine that more or less works for you!

Mama to my little busy bee. 

t2009 is online now  
#7 of 7 Old 09-13-2014, 09:28 AM
 
neonalee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,393
Mentioned: 4 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post
It's hard, isn't it?

When you were growing up, did you live with your father who worked full-time outside the home? That was my situation, so I consider my father a role model. I think back to what he did well or poorly, and sometimes I ask him how he handled things. Some of the main reasons I don't feel that he was "missing out" on my childhood are that he read our bedtime stories every night until we were teenagers, he attended nearly all of our recitals and parent-teacher conferences and such, and almost every weekend he would take us somewhere (like hiking) or do a project with us. Those things kept us connected. So those are things I do with my kids too. It's been a relief to me to hear that my dad often felt stressed, that he would find himself rushing to do yardwork or car repairs before it got dark while feeling guilty that he wasn't playing with us, that he often stayed up way too late in order to have any time at all for his hobbies and then struggled with insomnia on the nights he planned to get plenty of sleep--makes me feel normal! !
I too have a similar situation. Work full time, DH self employed but not currently bringing in $. He does do all the cooking (i meal plan). This quote really helped me too. Many thanks!

Loving mama to Aden (8/5/2010) and DSD (15).
neonalee is online now  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off