What makes a "good" parent - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 08-09-2014, 08:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What makes a "good" parent

I've been reading "The 5 Love Languages of Children" and the authors suggest making a list of requirements to be a good parent. The idea being that you can stay focused on meeting those requirements and be assured of being a good parent.

This is HIS personal list: (from page 195 in my copy)
"1. Keep my child's emotional love tank full -- speak the five love languages.

2. Use the most positive ways I can to control my child's behavior: requests, gentle physical manipulation, commands, punishment, and behavior modification.

3. Lovingly discipline my child. Ask, 'What does this child need?' and then go about it logically.

4. Do my best to handle my own anger appropriately and not dump it on my child. Be pleasant but firm.

5. Do my best to train my child to handle anger maturely -- the goal is 16 1/2 years."

I would change #1 from speaking the five love languages to "love unconditionally". I would change #2 to "use gentle discipline". I would add something about treating children with respect and something about knowing what is developmentally appropriate for my child. I'm also not sure how I feel about the "do my best" phrase; of course, we're not perfect, but it kind of feels like an out.

This list is meant to be reassuring, but I kind of feel like it's a tall order. At least when you use Alfie Kohn's idea of unconditional love (which I really liked). And my 4yo's "love tank" seems to empty incredibly fast.

I've been thinking about this "good parent" list for quite a while -- not from the book standpoint, but from hearing compliments get tossed around. After getting used to descriptive praise, "You're such a good mom!" doesn't mean much.

I'd like to be more inclusive in what I think a "good" parent is. Though to be honest, I don't think my list lends itself very well to inclusivity.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.
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#2 of 2 Old 09-03-2014, 02:39 PM
 
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This mite be a bit rambly, but here is goes.

In a nut shell do what ever it takes to raise each child to be a confident and respectful individual.

I put open communication very high. I believe in being as upfront and honest with my child as I can. Like I think it's very wrong to start out losing to your kids, then expect them to fully trust you by telling then things like "Santa is real" or fibbing so you don't have to say "no" or telling them all meat is "chicken".
I don't ever want to loose the trust of my children.

When it come to discipline I believe it should never be done in anger. And basically that the punishment should fit the crime. Some kids need a firmer hand and/or work then others. I think most of the time words get it done just fine, but there are times a swat is justified.

I reflect on my childhood and try to remember how I was treated and how it affected me. I'm not okay with the thinking that "that's how my parents did it and I turned out fine, so it's good enough for my kids"

I want to treat my children with respect, and nurturing. A teach them to be respectful. And no I don't believe that means listening to older people just because they are older, there are fools of all ages.

I don't know if these are really rules, but I have a goal and I believe this sort of aproch is the right way to go about it.
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