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Old 08-28-2014, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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she is too demanding

First, my mom never hits me. My brother and I got into a fight at McDonald's—we threw ketchup on each other. I'm older (I'm 15), he is 13. I got some ketchup on a woman's clothes and my mom had to reimburse her for the damage.

My mom freaked out on me, she told me I was an immature baby and my brother too—in front of people in McDonald's. Leaving McDonald's, she told us that she should get us some pacifiers and some pampers and a playpen. People were looking at me, as if she were right. she embarrassed me for no reason.

She took away my XBox cell and i pod. I can't go out on weekends now. On the car ride home she was yelling at us, telling us when she goes to Walmart, she should buy us a crib and stuff.

Can I turn her into CPS for abuse saying those things to me? Isn't it slander or something saying lies about someone? Saying I need those things and making me look bad in public? For the record, my brother started it. It's not fair she took away my stuff and I can't go out now. she is overeacting over this please help with adivce. I KNOW I MADE A MISTAKE. i just want her to chill out and be cool and dont treat me like im 2 years old.
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Old 08-28-2014, 01:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by arris524 View Post
First, my mom never hits me. My brother and I got into a fight at McDonald's—we threw ketchup on each other. I'm older (I'm 15), he is 13. I got some ketchup on a woman's clothes and my mom had to reimburse her for the damage.

My mom freaked out on me, she told me I was an immature baby and my brother too—in front of people in McDonald's. Leaving McDonald's, she told us that she should get us some pacifiers and some pampers and a playpen. People were looking at me, as if she were right. she embarrassed me for no reason.

She took away my XBox cell and i pod. I can't go out on weekends now. On the car ride home she was yelling at us, telling us when she goes to Walmart, she should buy us a crib and stuff.

Can I turn her into CPS for abuse saying those things to me? Isn't it slander or something saying lies about someone? Saying I need those things and making me look bad in public? For the record, my brother started it. It's not fair she took away my stuff and I can't go out now. she is overeacting over this please help with adivce. I KNOW I MADE A MISTAKE. i just want her to chill out and be cool and dont treat me like im 2 years old.
Yes, your behaviour was very immature, your mom is right about that.

You should feel ashamed about your behaviour and make sure it doesn't happen again.

If you contacted CPS about that, they'd just laugh at you and tell you to stop wasting their time.

Yelling at you in public was probably just her trying to bring the point home about you behaving inappropriately and like a child. Just because your immature 13 year old brother starts something doesn't mean you have to respond in kind - you're pretty much just lowering yourself to his level of maturity. You have to learn to ignore him - that's the only thing that will really stop him.

My mom would be fuming if I did something like that at 15 - she'd probably ground me for a moth, at least.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time, but it's really just a consequence of your own behavior. That's real life. When you're out there on your own, the consequences will be much harsher. Believe me.

Proud mommy to our stellar Stella (3/2011). Cautiously expecting our in April 2015 after loosing a sweet little angel in April 2014.
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Old 08-28-2014, 01:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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MY MOM JUST DIDNT CALL ME A BABY BUT TOLD ME I BELONG IN PAMPERS AGAIN look people heard her call me a baby in mcdonalds and tell me that she was going to get me diapers and a crib for what i did. i have witnessess dont you think that would help with soical servcies. its not fair it was only ketchup we threw on people and the people in front of us were old like in 60s (im not being mean when i say there in there 60s)they wouldnt even know it was on there clothes if my mom didnt say anything. its not fair you know. i dont want to sound like a whinny baby . she had to pay 45 bucks for the clothes i ruined but that was her choice. BUT NO OTHER MOM WOULD TELL ME THAT I SHOULD BE IN DIAPERS AND NEED A BOTTLE ONLY MINE DOES THAT. thats how un cool she is.. IT WAS ONLY MCDONALDS NO PLACE FANCY AND IT WAS KETCHUP. her telling everyone im a baby and belong in pampers and stuff was foul you know and a bunch of lies. no one got hurt it was only ketchup.
I JUST WANT HER TO FORGET ABOUT IT. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH THAT RIGHT? cause of her actions peopple think im a baby now
its not like anyone got hurt. no one broke a leg. she told me i made her look bad like she was a bad mom. she told me i cant be trusted to be by myself that i need a baby sitter. she wont let me take drivers ed now she says im to immature to drive
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Old 08-28-2014, 02:04 PM
 
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You're lucky she isn't making YOU pay for the clothes you ruined.
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Old 08-28-2014, 02:13 PM
 
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Are you kidding me? You threw food on other people in public, are now trying to get out of it by complaining that it was "no place fancy" and the food you threw was "only ketchup," your mother called you on it, and YOU'RE trying to say this situation is unfair to YOU?! Buddy, you do need to grow up. If my five-year-old pulled a stunt like this, I'd have a serious problem with it. You're triple my five-year-old's age.

The notion that after what you did, *she* did something to make *you* look bad is absolutely hilarious to me, but it sure does prove her point. Don't want to be treated like a baby, quit acting like a baby.
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Old 08-28-2014, 02:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Are you kidding me? You threw food on other people in public, are now trying to get out of it by complaining that it was "no place fancy" and the food you threw was "only ketchup," your mother called you on it, and YOU'RE trying to say this situation is unfair to YOU?! Buddy, you do need to grow up. If my five-year-old pulled a stunt like this, I'd have a serious problem with it. You're triple my five-year-old's age.

The notion that after what you did, *she* did something to make *you* look bad is absolutely hilarious to me, but it sure does prove her point. Don't want to be treated like a baby, quit acting like a baby.
what about her telling lies about me saying i belong back in pampers and stuff? . its not fair or right she did that . dont i have rights? it was only 45 dollars im the victim here not my bitch mom. cause of her action now peoople think im a baby now. i would trade her in anyday for another mom in a second
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Old 08-28-2014, 03:27 PM
 
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This thread is amazing. You threw food on strangers, resulting in damaged property, which your mom didn't even make you pay for, she yelled at you for acting like a baby, which you were, and somehow now you're the victim? Yes, you have rights. No, those rights are not infringed upon by your mom making some sarcastic comments about your immaturity. If anyone really thinks you're a baby now, it's because of YOUR actions, not your mom's. But, thanks, I guess, for this insight into the teenager mindset? Fascinating.

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Old 08-28-2014, 03:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This thread is amazing. You threw food on strangers, resulting in damaged property, which your mom didn't even make you pay for, she yelled at you for acting like a baby, which you were, and somehow now you're the victim? Yes, you have rights. No, those rights are not infringed upon by your mom making some sarcastic comments about your immaturity. If anyone really thinks you're a baby now, it's because of YOUR actions, not your mom's. But, thanks, I guess, for this insight into the teenager mindset? Fascinating.
my mom told me i made her look bad like she was a bad mother. she yelled at me took away my stuff. she wont let me take drivers ed she even told me in front of my aunt that im not even mature enough to were pullups yet. what kind of mom is that? all my friend are going to sign up but me now ppeople will think im a baby now cause of that ungraful bitch.
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Old 08-28-2014, 03:46 PM
 
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Okay. So, what do you need right now? Your original post made it sound like you wanted advice re: whether you should call CPS, and everyone here has said no, you shouldn't. It seems at this point like you just want to keep bashing your mom until we agree that she's terrible. It's pretty clear that everyone who has posted on this thread agrees with your mom, so I don't think we're the best audience for your complaints. Is there anything else you want help with?

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Old 08-28-2014, 03:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay. So, what do you need right now? Your original post made it sound like you wanted advice re: whether you should call CPS, and everyone here has said no, you shouldn't. It seems at this point like you just want to keep bashing your mom until we agree that she's terrible. It's pretty clear that everyone who has posted on this thread agrees with your mom, so I don't think we're the best audience for your complaints. Is there anything else you want help with?
i wasnt bashing my mom. i just want her to stop treeting me like a baby
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Old 08-28-2014, 04:00 PM
 
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Are there other examples of her treating you like a baby that you'd like to share? All I see here is her responding in a somewhat reasonable way. I mean, come on - you were throwing food around a restaurant. Doesn't that seem babyish to you? Try to see it from her perspective. Should she have continued to berate you after leaving the restaurant? Eh, probably not. But again, I'm guessing you really embarrassed her, too.

So what do you need help with? You say you want her to stop treating you like a baby. What can we do about that? Do you want suggestions for how to talk to her about it? Do you want feedback on other occasions? Have you suggested family therapy together, so that a third party can help the two of you communicate better?

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Old 08-28-2014, 04:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Are there other examples of her treating you like a baby that you'd like to share? All I see here is her responding in a somewhat reasonable way. I mean, come on - you were throwing food around a restaurant. Doesn't that seem babyish to you? Try to see it from her perspective. Should she have continued to berate you after leaving the restaurant? Eh, probably not. But again, I'm guessing you really embarrassed her, too.

So what do you need help with? You say you want her to stop treating you like a baby. What can we do about that? Do you want suggestions for how to talk to her about it? Do you want feedback on other occasions? Have you suggested family therapy together, so that a third party can help the two of you communicate better?
yes how can i make things right with her
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Old 08-28-2014, 04:12 PM
 
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i wasnt bashing my mom. i just want her to stop treeting me like a baby
You embarrassed your mom pretty seriously, by behaving terribly, and making her look like a bad mom in a very public place. Your actions also cost her money. She undoubtedly wants to make a clear point, and so she's taken some drastic action.

If my four year-old threw ketchup in McDonald's, we would be not going back to McDonald's for a very long time. She would lose her Happy Meal toy, we'd go straight home, her weekend playdates would be cancelled, and there would be a time-out, lectures, and her television for about the next week would be all about using good manners. You're not four. These things won't work on you. Your mom has chosen non-physical, non-abusive punishments that hit things you care about. This is also known as "appropriate parenting."

If you want to be treated like a mature 15 year-old, start acting like one.
1. Don't get in food fights. I am shocked I even have to say that. This is remedial table manners for toddlers territory.
2. When you do something that causes problems, take responsibility. What's your plan for paying your mom back what she paid for the clothes you damaged? Or for apologizing to the staff at McD's for the extra cleanup they had to do?
3. Offer other people the consideration you would want them to offer you. You're mad that your mom took away your xBox, but you ruined a bunch of people's clothes, and you think they shouldn't care. Why is their stuff less important than your stuff? An xBox is a luxury, but there have been times in my life where, if my good shirt got ruined, I wouldn't have been able to afford to replace it. At this point in my life, $45 kills my fun budget for about a month. No magazines, no fluffy coffee, no new craft supplies or books, no movie tickets, no stopping off for ice cream when I've had a bad day. I'd be really cranky about giving all that up because of something someone else did.

It would be great if she'd stop telling people you should still be in diapers. I see how that's really humiliating. The approach I'd recommend there is, own that you were in the wrong, apologize, work out reparations, and ask her to cut that particular thing out.
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Old 08-28-2014, 04:15 PM
 
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I think you have to just talk with her directly. Acknowledge what you did (and really acknowledge it - not the way you did in the first few posts here when you trying to blame everyone else for it), and acknowledge that it must have really bothered her. Then explain clearly why her response bothered you. If I was your mom, and got a heartfelt apology from you that showed you really understood why your actions were problematic, I'd be much more inclined to listen to you.

I think you have every right to be upset with the way she's treated you. But I also think you need to hear her side of the story, and understand that your actions started the whole mess, and that you have control of these situations in the first place. If you choose a more mature path, like not engaging with your younger brother when he wants to have a food fight, then your mom will treat you accordingly.

I honestly don't see anything wrong with your mom choosing to withhold certain benefits from you due to your actions. That's how parenting works. She's trying to show you the repercussions of your behavior. So at this point, what's important is that you learn from it, and that she sees you learning. If you throw food and damage strangers' property (regardless of their age, or whether they would have noticed - seriously?!), then you don't get to start drivers training. You don't act like an adult, you don't get adult benefits. That makes perfect sense to me. Maybe if you point that out, she'd be willing to budge a bit.

I would think something like this would go a long way:
"Mom, I know I really embarrassed you the other day at McDonald's. I'm really sorry. I understand why that was a stupid, immature thing to do. I'm really hurt by the way you responded, though - the fact that you kept yelling at me, and calling me a baby, really hurt my feelings. And I'm upset that you now won't let me start driving lessons. Is there any way you would reconsider that?"

Edited to add that MeepyCat basically posted the same thing. So, yes to everything said above!

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Old 08-29-2014, 11:19 AM
 
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To give a peer perspective to your original post, my 16 yo son agrees that you need to grow up and act adult if you want to treated as an adult instead of a 2 or 3 yo that you demonstrated by your behavior.

Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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Old 08-30-2014, 11:09 AM
 
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If you want to be treated like an adult, then act like one.

First, figure out how you can make the money and pay it back to your mother. You could baby sit, do yard work, make bake goods and take them to a soccer field when there are a bunch of games on, etc. There are TONS of ways that you could get focused and pay your own debt.

Then you could keep earning your own money and use it to pay for things you want instead of asking your mom. Besides proving how mature you've become, it would give you more control over your own life. It's really nice when you want something to be able to just buy it instead of asking someone to give it to you. One of the best ways to prove maturity is self-efficiency, even if it is just for movie tickets and cute clothes.

Second, sincerely apologize to your mother. Accept the fact that in that moment, your behavior was completely unacceptable and humiliated her. Don't even mention your brother. This isn't about him. Take responsibility for what you did. Understand how she felt. You shamed her, and people judged her based on your actions. I know you aren't quite here yet, but getting here is really important for your relationship with your mother. Part of being mature is being able to see something from another person's point of view.

Third, drop all whining about the x-box, drivers ed, ect. I suspect that if you focus on getting your own act together, the things you want will flow back to you over time. But you screwed up, and now you are paying the consequence. So you need to fix it, and then prove that you have matured through this experience.

This is related to learning to drive. Learning to drive is a tremendous responsibility, and clearly, since you cannot handle having access to ketchup without ruining something that belongs to someone else, you aren't ready to be behind the wheel of a car, which has a far greater ability to destroy and hurt.

With all your extra time (since no x-box, etc), completely ace your school work. Think about what you want to do after highschool, and make a plan for your highschool classes based on your plan. If you have no ideas, meet with your counselor at school and talk to him/her. Planning for the future is another thing that shows maturity.

Being a grown up isn't about getting to do what we want to do, it is taking full responsibility for our own lives.
You have a tremendous amount of control over your life right now.
Use that control to create a good life for yourself.

Also, ignore your brother. Walk away. Hide in the girls bathroom. Anything but engage. Don't sink to his level, because he will bring you down.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif


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Old 08-30-2014, 11:22 AM
 
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oh, PLEASE god, call cps! do it. then come back on here and tell us everything! LOL. i can't even begin to fathom what my mother would have done to me at that age, acting like that. and i hope to god my kids never grow up and put me in that position. holy cow. i just want to hug your poor mom.
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Old 08-30-2014, 03:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh, PLEASE god, call cps! do it. then come back on here and tell us everything! LOL. i can't even begin to fathom what my mother would have done to me at that age, acting like that. and i hope to god my kids never grow up and put me in that position. holy cow. i just want to hug your poor mom.
she treats me like I'm still in pampers for no reason still
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Old 08-30-2014, 03:36 PM
 
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I would have done the same thing-yell at you. Yes, yelling isnt perfect parenting, but at 15, you shoudlnt be throwing ketchup around the place. If my 8yo or 6yo were doing that, i would be mortified. If they continued to behave that way after i told them not to, i might, on days where i had less energy, and less imagination, on days where i was feeling human rather than superhuman, i might, resort to shouting, and i might use scarcasm like your mother. (do you know what scarcasm means?) As for paying for the shirt, i think you should pay for the shirt. Why should your mother pay for it? (ketchup comes out in the wash doesnt it? Sounds like your random stranger at macdonalds made a bit of extra cash that day by making your mom feel bad)

Now you want to call the cps? Why dont you look at what you did wrong instead of faulting you mother for not being superhuman.

Yuck, i hope my kids dont turn out like you.

Btw, maybe dont go to macdonalds, the food is disgusting but sometimes they do have indoor playgrounds you could use-you might like that....(sorry, couldnt help it)

Here's my advice, apologize to your mother, thank her for taking you to macdonalds, offer to pay her back for the shirt cost, and promise never to do it again. Then thank her again for all the years she has loved and parented you.
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Old 08-30-2014, 03:51 PM
 
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It sounds to me like your mom is scared and simply can't think of a better way to handle the situation. Throwing ketchup at innocent bystanders could be interpreted as assault by a fair number of people. If you were three years old and got ketchup on somebody it's safe to assume that even if they were angry they wouldn't hurt you, but at 15 you may be perceived as an adult, and people react to perceived assaults from other adults in a completely different way than they do when their perceived assailant is a child. It sounds like maybe your mom's afraid that if you keep doing silly stuff like that, sooner or later something really bad could happen to you.
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Old 08-30-2014, 04:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It sounds to me like your mom is scared and simply can't think of a better way to handle the situation. Throwing ketchup at innocent bystanders could be interpreted as assault by a fair number of people. If you were three years old and got ketchup on somebody it's safe to assume that even if they were angry they wouldn't hurt you, but at 15 you may be perceived as an adult, and people react to perceived assaults from other adults in a completely different way than they do when their perceived assailant is a child. It sounds like maybe your mom's afraid that if you keep doing silly stuff like that, sooner or later something really bad could happen to you.
rachel my mom tells me i need a highchair and a bib thats how fucked up she is.
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Old 08-30-2014, 05:19 PM
 
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rachel my mom tells me i need a highchair and a bib thats how fucked up she is.
I didn't say she was handling it well, just that fear (which can make people do some pretty weird things) is a possible explanation.

And expecting you to keep your ketchup to yourself in public isn't all that demanding.
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Old 08-31-2014, 08:16 AM
 
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Ok, we get it. Your mom over reacted. But that still doesn't change the fact that you messed up and now you have to fix it. That fix isn't going to happen over night. The funny thing about regaining privileges, trust, and respect is that it takes a heck of a lot longer than losing them. And it's hard work and entails some sacrifices on your part. The fact that you are still coming on here whinning about it shows that you haven't learned the lesson yet.

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Old 08-31-2014, 09:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, we get it. Your mom over reacted. But that still doesn't change the fact that you messed up and now you have to fix it. That fix isn't going to happen over night. The funny thing about regaining privileges, trust, and respect is that it takes a heck of a lot longer than losing them. And it's hard work and entails some sacrifices on your part. The fact that you are still coming on here whinning about it shows that you haven't learned the lesson yet.
I'm not whining like a baby
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Old 08-31-2014, 09:44 AM
 
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she treats me like I'm still in pampers for no reason still

Although the way she is speaking to you isn't how I speak to my kids, she has a good reason. Your behavior was completely unacceptable.

Take responsibility for your part in this.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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Old 08-31-2014, 01:48 PM
 
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I'm not whining like a baby
Ok, then what have you started doing to restore your mom's trust in you? Your posts are still all about what she has done to you and not about what you have done and how you are rectifying your behavior. As long as your focus is deflecting blame away from your behavior, you are whining and not taking responsibility for your actions and the consequences you brought onto yourself.

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Old 09-02-2014, 12:15 PM
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arris524, I must close your account. We do not accept community members who are under the age of 18. Exceptions are made for pregnancy and parenting support for young mothers/parents under the age of 18.

Wishing you all the best in resolving your issues with your mother.

cynthia mosher is offline  
Old 10-06-2014, 05:59 PM
 
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You need to show her you aren't a baby. A good place to start would be to take responsibility for your actions. Such as the food fight, property damage, and your disrespect.
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