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#361 of 1095 Old 02-15-2006, 11:34 AM
 
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HI all,

I've been wondering where this thread was located for months!

I'm new to this thread and will post more when I have more time. Hi for now...and a question.

How do I teach DD feet first? It sounds like a safe way to teach her to get off the bed.

I searched this forum for the phrase "feet first" and was not able to find the initial post that mentions it.

TIA!
HH
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#362 of 1095 Old 02-15-2006, 03:54 PM
 
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Quote:
How do I teach DD feet first?
With DD, we just sort of went through the whole motion with her--showed her to turn around and get on to her belly with her feet sticking out over the edge of the bed, and then push her way back until she touched the floor. Each time we'd show her, we'd repeat "feet first, feet first." Then if I saw her going head first, I'd just say "feet first" and she'd turn around and go through the routine.

It seems almost instinctual--they pick it up really fast!

HTH
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#363 of 1095 Old 02-15-2006, 10:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rzberrymom
With DD, we just sort of went through the whole motion with her--showed her to turn around and get on to her belly with her feet sticking out over the edge of the bed, and then push her way back until she touched the floor. Eac
HTH

Thanks!

Happy bday to your babe. She beautiful -- and so is your bathroom design.
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#364 of 1095 Old 02-16-2006, 04:18 AM
 
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We modeled the behaviour, taking the time to get off the bed (which was mattress and box spring directly on the floor) in the way we wanted DS to.

He got it in one session, if I recall correctly, and later showed us that he could apply it to much taller beds at hotels, to couches, and nowadays, to playground structures.
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#365 of 1095 Old 02-16-2006, 01:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C
I want to chime in here that that is also the part of the book where she makes some unfortunate assumptions about homosexuality. In my opinion that's where she oversteps and starts really reaching.
See http://www.continuum-concept.org/rea...sexuality.html
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#366 of 1095 Old 02-16-2006, 05:04 PM
 
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Thanks henhao!
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#367 of 1095 Old 02-18-2006, 12:30 AM
 
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hi all!
I just read CC last month, and loved it! So much of what she ways rings true to me. I rarely put ds down when he was an infant. It was so nice to read how important that is. funny thing: a couple times when I did put him down on the floor or bed and briefly left the room, I came back to find our old black cat (who has since passed on ) sitting near the baby and giving me a rather disapproving look. He knew the baby shouldn't be alone.

Now that ds is a toddler, I remind myself not to hover. He really does have good instincts. For example, he once accidentally touched the radiator in the fall, when we'd just turned the heat on, and since then he knows exactly what "hot" means, and hasn't had a problem.

As soon as he was able to creep across the bed, when he got to the edge I would turn him around, saying "The Wise Baby goes feet first!", touching his feet down with the last two words. Sometimes if he seemed to be forgetting, dh or I would say "how does the wise baby get off the bed?" and he would turn right around. He learned it quickly and well. I occasionally say "feet first" as a reminder at the top of slides and such.
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#368 of 1095 Old 02-23-2006, 01:07 AM
 
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yeah i think i started saying "how do we get off the bed" back at around 8 or 9 months and she was able to remember every time. she really loved being able to do it, too.

relaxed-unschooler mama to dd (2003). hoping for second one. love being a mama!!
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#369 of 1095 Old 02-23-2006, 02:47 AM
 
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It's funny but as I read this, I realize that DH is practicing CC and he hasn't read the book...lol I think I read too much sometimes...can't help it though. DS has just started trying to get down from couch/bed/etc and dh began with "feet first" and it appears ds is getting it. Now I am reading it on this thread....lol

Anyway, I have a question, I did wear ds quite a bit but I know that he didn't spend enough time in-arms. He is 10 months old now and at times he is very independent and can play by himself as long as I am nearby fine. Then at other times, he seems to want to be in my arms and only my arms. I don't always pick him up because he is a bit heavier now (24 pounds starts feeling like 100 after a while). Has anyone else experienced this? Did you just start carrying baby when he showed this behavior? IF I just carried him when he requested and continued with what I was doing, would that help him feel satisfied with the inarms stage?

I am actually in the process of finishing the book btw
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#370 of 1095 Old 02-23-2006, 02:52 AM
 
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One other question, how is tcc different from ap? I thought they were bascally the same thing.
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#371 of 1095 Old 02-23-2006, 04:03 AM
 
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child-centeredness is a huge difference I can think of right off the bat...


http://continuum-concept.org/reading/whosInControl.html
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#372 of 1095 Old 02-23-2006, 04:09 AM
 
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My dd is 1 year (only 20 pounds, though) and I still wear her A LOT. This really helps with getting her to take good naps and also at night when she will just not calm down at all for rest. When I do not carry her at all (like all day) I can really tell and try to make up for it the next day by keeping her in the carrier when she is content to watch me clean, cook, etc. At 24 pounds a mei tai style carrier or an Ergo or Patapum with more hip support could easily work well for you. Or a wrap like a Didymos provides great support on both shoulders. I can only carry dd on my back for long periods of time so these carriers are great for that. You can look at www.thebabywearer.com for more ideas for carrying big babies--I am sure you can find something that will work! I think babywearing goes hand in hand with the CC.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessDoll
It's funny but as I read this, I realize that DH is practicing CC and he hasn't read the book...lol I think I read too much sometimes...can't help it though. DS has just started trying to get down from couch/bed/etc and dh began with "feet first" and it appears ds is getting it. Now I am reading it on this thread....lol

Anyway, I have a question, I did wear ds quite a bit but I know that he didn't spend enough time in-arms. He is 10 months old now and at times he is very independent and can play by himself as long as I am nearby fine. Then at other times, he seems to want to be in my arms and only my arms. I don't always pick him up because he is a bit heavier now (24 pounds starts feeling like 100 after a while). Has anyone else experienced this? Did you just start carrying baby when he showed this behavior? IF I just carried him when he requested and continued with what I was doing, would that help him feel satisfied with the inarms stage?

I am actually in the process of finishing the book btw
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#373 of 1095 Old 02-23-2006, 09:38 AM
 
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How do you all put your baby/toddler to work?

DD is SOOO much happier when she's doing work just like we are, and so I'm hoping to get some ideas from you all. So far, she helps us sort laundry, put it in the machine, water the plants, and scrub the dishes a little bit. I wear her on my back when I do dishes and vacuum. We also have a garden, but it won't be warm enough here for that for another few months.

She can't really stand on a chair yet to help in the kitchen--I tried putting her in the highchair to help, but that didn't go over very well. I leave bowls and spoons on the floor, but she seems to know it's not the real thing. I lived in Africa for several years, and I was thinking that most of the food preparation and cooking goes on at a baby's level. Has anyone brought the chopping, mixing and such down to ground level? How did that go?

Any other ideas for putting her to work?
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#374 of 1095 Old 02-23-2006, 03:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom
Just wondering how many other un-schoolers observing this thread? :
My DS is 3.5 so we are not 'officially' home educating yet, but I see us as having unschooled from birth.

I'm not really into labelling our education style, but I think relaxed ecclectic (eccentric? ) just about covers it.

For us, home education and TCC go together extremely well.

So happy to find so many other CC parents on this thread.
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#375 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 03:34 PM
 
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Have you guys read either the article, or the thread about the article, here?

It makes some good points, and I don't want to ARGUE with it, but coming from a CC perspective, a couple of the points don't feel quite right to me.

The whole "a kid is a kid" thing...since when? Since the 1950s? In America? A child growing up on a farm is going to help with the farm to an extent. A child in a "less civilized" : place is going to help the family to an extent. IMO it's only been recently that kids have gotten to do nothing but play with large plastic toys, doing nothing to help out.

My son is 21 months, and he LOVES to help us. We were folding laundry, and he was taking the folded clothes and putting them in the bedroom. I had a pile of old socks and shirts that I'm going to donate or use in another way, and he decided they needed to be put away, so he stuffed them in a drawer. Should I not let him help in a way he loves, and rather let him "be a child"? I don't think so.

It goes into the number 1 point, of expecting too much...but how do we know what is too much unless we find out? If we never asked DS to bring a piece of folded laundry to the room (to keep him from throwing it across the room) we wouldn't know how much he enjoys being PART of things. If we figured "he's not even two, he can't do that so we won't ask it of him", none of us would know! And he'd go on throwing folded clothes around and we'd be frustrated, sitting on and putting our legs across stacks of clothes to keep him from them...rather than have the fun harmony.


Just now he took his piece of bread, which he was done with, and put it on the kitchen counter (we do have the kitchen gated but he can reach a bit of counter and the fridge). Putting his food "away". Who knew that a 21 month old would or could do that? Then he brushed his hands together like "that was a hard job", smiled, and went off to play on a chair. Oops, and fall. BRB. Oh, he came over and hugged me, and went back to the chair.

Anyway, what do you guys think? The rest of the article seems fine, though sometimes it bothers me to read "we" do this and that, when I don't do those things, and it annoys me. :
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#376 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 03:49 PM
 
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I was also surprised by the "we" ask children to do too much aspect. IMO, we ask children to do too little. FAR too little.

My kids have been setting the table, clearing dishes, watering plants, sweeping/dustbusting (the latter is their favorite thing), sorting and folding laundry, cleaning up, etc., etc. since around the time they started to toddle. They seem to have a natural desire to pitch in and participate in the adult world and why would I want to stifle that. I do agree that expecting a 2 year old to "sit still" and make a bed with military corners is ridiculous but then again so is expecting a 2 year old to do nothing all day but watch TV and play with plastic junk, kwim? Two year olds are bright, capable little ones who, at least in my experience, are willing and able to do all sorts of things (in a fun, respectful, gentle way of course) to help out in the family.

My youngest, 12 months old (and not yet walking), hasn't yet developed the ability to help out, but recently I've noticed he is starting to want to tag along when I wash dishes, do laundry, etc. instead of just playing nearby. He is starting to be interested in what I'm doing, instead of just hanging out in the sling or playing with his own toys near me while I do chores. My guess is that within a few months he will be able to do rudimentary things like empty the clothes in the dryer into the laundry basket, consistently help pick up his toys (even if only a little) before nap, even help me "clean" with a damp cloth (my twins used to do this -- they loved it).
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#377 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 03:52 PM
 
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Thinking of getting off the bed...

Until just recently, we had a mattress/boxspring combo on the floor. Done for me postpartum, but it worked for DS too. We taught him feet first very early, and he got it in one "session".

We travel with him, and we like to stay at snazzy hotels, where they ALWAYS have very tall beds. Well it just took one "uh oh this bed is taller than I thought!" moment (that we were there for) for him to get that some beds are different, and now he always holds on extra tight to the covers on a new bed. He's fallen on his bum a few times from miscalculating when to let go, but that's what the squishy CDs are for, right?

So now we have a big king sized bed with a boxspringy thing, and that base is on 4 inch legs. It's not as high as the big hotel beds, but taller than our old one. Took him about 2 minutes to figure it out. Getting up into it is a different story, he's still figuring that out, but getting out isn't a problem. But it seems to weird out our friends! They look at it, look at him, and I think they're thinking "hmm, how on earth does he get out of that bed safely?" Sometimes I'll plop him up there and let them see.
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#378 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 03:57 PM
 
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Periwinkle you reminded me of two other things DS does!

We recently gave in and handed him the dustbuster. At first he just banged it around, trying to move it (it's heavy with the battery on it) around. Then one day he snagged it while I was actively using it, and he went around vacuuming things up. He'd move bits of cereal to where he wanted to stand, and sucked them up. It was so cool. Nothing inappropriate got sucked up.

Yeah, it still gets banged, then again, that's why we got Black and Decker, because we think the stuff can handle rough handing.

And laundry, he's ALWAYS tagged along. Helps that the machines are 5 steps from the living room, right off the kitchen. He was either in the podegi, watching over my shoulder, or being held (my gosh that's tiring, taking things out one at a time while holding baby), but as soon as he could stand and found the dryer, he loved it. So he'll stand there, waiting for me to hand him things to put in the dryer. It's so fun. Yep, slows things down, but then again, going slow makes it far less likely that my cute underwear end up in the dryer!
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#379 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 07:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mollyeilis
Have you guys read either the article, or the thread about the article, here?
.....
Anyway, what do you guys think? The rest of the article seems fine, though sometimes it bothers me to read "we" do this and that, when I don't do those things, and it annoys me. :
I'm not sure where the article was originally published or why it was written, but perhaps from the format it was for a mainstream parenting magazine. They seem to like short - 10 things you do wrong articles or 7 ways to better whatever formats. I'm not a big magazine reader for that reason.

So, don't take too much offense at the article. Just assume she's not writing for the "AP" set.

My child is 3 and it isn't quite working out as perfectly as JL describes in her book but we are getting along.

Around 15-18 months she really started to help out around the house.
I remember her carrying dishes to the dishwasher in a condo we rented in May - so she would have been 15 months old! It seems so young now, but she really did that. MIL was actually delighted at the whole thing. And she started to empty the laundry and carry it over to the drier.

But sometime around 2.5 those things started to stop. I think that is the age where children start to "individuate" meaning they really understand that they are separate from momma and have CHOICES. They don't HAVE to do things - they can say NO. They can let you go by yourself and can still exist separately. We're kind of in that phase now at 3. She helps sometimes, but not at all like she did when she was younger.

I take this to be phase and will continue on with "Parent Leadership." Ie: if she won't help, I just do it myself with a neutral attitude. Its OK if she helps and OK if not.

We didn't have any problems with roads or her running away or falling off the edge of the dock into the water or into the pool. Well - once last summer she go into the pool, but we fished her right out. She knew the edge was there, but didn't realize it was as deep as it was. I just smiled and reflected how surprised she must have been. I didn't make a big deal of it.

Just wanted to let you know that the cooperation might stop at some point, but I expect it will come back again and that is normal at least in our modern society.

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#380 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 09:18 PM
 
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I noticed that the less I ASK my children to help, the more they help. They help NOT to please me but just because it feels good, because they want to contribute to the well-being of the family (we ALL do!). One of the basic premises of TCC in my mind is that children are social creatures who desire to contribute in meaningful ways, and the other is that we westerners have given the word/concept of WORK a bad name, unnecessarily. Work is wonderful, fun, etc. and meets a very real need (in all of us) to contribute.

My kids do lots around the house, in the garden, the workshop, etc. but I don't ASK or tell them to, ever. I just do what I need to do, modeling is SO powerful -I expect them to help (just hand my son his rake, or hand my daughter a grocery bag, wordlessly) and I don't make a big deal if they choose to help or choose not to...saying "oh, thank you so much for helping", etc. makes it seem like they did something UNUSUAL, that you didn't expect them to do, ya know?
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#381 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 10:06 PM
 
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Sounds like you're doing just great!
When they're little, I also wear my babies on my back in a Mei Tai or Ergo while I work, and when they get to be standing well, we put them in The Learning Tower in the kitchen, and give them their own dishes to wash, food to prepare, etc., by the time my second son was 2.5, he was making his own scrambled eggs.

Here's the link to The Learning Tower:
http://www.littlepartners.com/

I've found it invaluable! My older kids use it for a theater, shop, etc. too



Quote:
Originally Posted by rzberrymom
How do you all put your baby/toddler to work?

DD is SOOO much happier when she's doing work just like we are, and so I'm hoping to get some ideas from you all. So far, she helps us sort laundry, put it in the machine, water the plants, and scrub the dishes a little bit. I wear her on my back when I do dishes and vacuum. We also have a garden, but it won't be warm enough here for that for another few months.

She can't really stand on a chair yet to help in the kitchen--I tried putting her in the highchair to help, but that didn't go over very well. I leave bowls and spoons on the floor, but she seems to know it's not the real thing. I lived in Africa for several years, and I was thinking that most of the food preparation and cooking goes on at a baby's level. Has anyone brought the chopping, mixing and such down to ground level? How did that go?

Any other ideas for putting her to work?
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#382 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 10:13 PM
 
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At what point does the parent say "You must do as I say" if the parent is trying to apply TCC principles to modern society? I'd like to hear what your feedback is on that.

Also, I do understand that it is important to allow a baby to be a part of the family's life instead of having the family be part of the baby's life. I actually used to feel quite guilty that I didn't give him attention at times. However, at what point is it too little attention - I hated being treated like I was insignificant and invisible just because I was a child growing up.
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#383 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 10:56 PM
 
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I can't think of any time I have needed to say, "You must do as I say" without explaining the reason for the rule. In an emergency, I could promise to explain later, and the Dumplings would trust my judgement enough to wait. For normal day-to-day life, we have as few rules as possible. My relationship with my kids is not much different than with any other friend. If I see them screwing up, I am likely to say something like, "Is this really how you mean to be (acting, dealing with this, behaving, or whatever)?" "What is your goal? Do you see this as a way to accomplish that?"

Related story from last week: At a neurologist appointment with my son, the doc asked, "Does he obey the family rules?" DS said, "We don't have any rules". I said, "Sure we do; we just don't need to talk about them. For example, you never leave the house without telling me where you are going". Him: "That's not a rule; that's just being considerate, and you do the same for me". This is what I mean by never having to say "You MUST".

Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#384 of 1095 Old 02-27-2006, 11:21 PM
 
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CC isn't about controlling kids, or getting them to "obey" and do what parents want them to do, it's more about relationship and connection, which in turn makes life with children easier. My kids follow the family/societal rules because they respect me, and they respect me because I respect them. Have you read TCC?
It sounds like you're more interested in what some call "gentle discipline", and there's a forum for that on MDC. Some of my favorite resources are:


websites that have articles and other short things to read:

http://www.naturalchild.org/home/

http://www.parentleaders.org/articles.html

http://www.empathic-discipline.com

http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/ptarticles.htm

http://cnvc.org/

http://www.naomialdort.com/

books:

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion by Marshall Rosenberg, and also Raising Children Compassionately.

Smart Love by Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D. and William Joseph Pieper, MD.

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Laura Davis and Janis Keyser.

Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
This book is extremely helpful to understand your child's temperament and what they may be experiencing. Huge variety of excellent ways to avoid, calmly handle, and diffuse power struggles. Also by the same author is Raising Your Spirited Child.

Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen
"Play is children's way of exploring the world, communicating deep feelings getting close to those they care about, working through stressful situations, and simply blowing off steam". This is a wonderfully positive book that really focuses on connection with your children.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
A classic, in my opinion- very practical, do-able advice- easy to read and understand and apply. A perfect respectful discipline starter-book.
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#385 of 1095 Old 02-28-2006, 01:47 AM
 
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"CC isn't about controlling kids, or getting them to "obey" and do what parents want them to do, it's more about relationship and connection, which in turn makes life with children easier."


Well, I read the question not as asking where that sort of thing goes with CC, but rather, are there any things in your life where "you must do it", and how do you deal with that?

For me, that comes into play with safety things that I can't seem to resolve by trusting him. Sometimes he just does NOT seem to have the sense the yequanas seemed to have. He would get right to the edge of the bed, and twice he DID fall back onto the ground. After that, I kept a hand ready. He wants to get into cabinets and throw things around. That doesn't start with safety, but once a couple china plates get broken, it could result in bleeding. So we locked the cabinets, and once he figured out how to open them, we put a gate up.

Car seats are another aspect for me. I do not wish to spend all day figuring out how to convince him to get into his seat, and I'm not going to have him roaming the car while I'm driving. So, sometimes, he goes into it without actually wanting to. That's harder on me than it is on him (we're both crying at the time, but 2 minutes after we hit the road I'm still wiping away my tears, nursing my sore back, while he's giggling at his reflection in the mirror) and I do NOT like doing it, but it doesn't go within CC (or some peoples' versions of GD where they will stand at the car forever, or decide not to go etc) even though sometimes it goes within our lives. (luckily ever since Safeway put out their organic line of crackers, the car seat is a much happier place)


I don't even know if MY answer here is what the PP is looking for, or if it makes sense.

I do know that I'm not perfect at CC, but then again, my world is a lot different than the world described in CC.



I read that article posted about CC, and she mentions drawing in crayon on the wall, but didn't explain how to show the child not to (or if we should simply enjoy the art LOL). It's a glaring omission! Or maybe it's just "up" for us right now.
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#386 of 1095 Old 02-28-2006, 12:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommaof3
CC isn't about controlling kids, or getting them to "obey" and do what parents want them to do, it's more about relationship and connection, which in turn makes life with children easier. My kids follow the family/societal rules because they respect me, and they respect me because I respect them. Have you read TCC?
It sounds like you're more interested in what some call "gentle discipline", and there's a forum for that on MDC.
Yes, I have read it (I think I mentioned that on an earlier post) . However, I am trying to understand further what I read in the book and its Western civilization applications with others. My question is not one of obedience and controlling kids - it is just one trying to understand tcc. Thank you for trying to point me in the direction you think I was looking for, though the forum for "gentle discipline" doesn't really appeal to me. Also, thank you for all those links - I am familiar with most of what you offered.

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Originally Posted by mollyeilis
I don't even know if MY answer here is what the PP is looking for, or if it makes sense.

I do know that I'm not perfect at CC, but then again, my world is a lot different than the world described in CC.
Thank you for your reply, this is what I was looking for - the car seat is a perfect example. Also, the bed situation, my ds after several falls from the bed still has not innately learned the physical boundary of the edge of the bed and continues to accidentally fall off. I like tcc principles but I feel that there are times that I can't allow my child the space to "make his own decision" and I'd have to do it.
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#387 of 1095 Old 02-28-2006, 01:06 PM
 
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One of the basic premises of TCC in my mind is that children are social creatures who desire to contribute in meaningful ways, and the other is that we westerners have given the word/concept of WORK a bad name, unnecessarily. Work is wonderful, fun, etc. and meets a very real need (in all of us) to contribute.
: I remember as a child dreading when my dad would say "Let's go do some WORK!" in his gloating tone of voice, as if he were delighted he could make us suffer as he had to. It wasn't that I minded raking leaves or shoveling snow, but I hated how he would stand over us and tell us what we were doing wrong. As a teenager I had a paper route and when some of my customers asked if my brother would shovel their walk, I laughed and said I would do it. I was happy to do it, to be outside, to be useful... and the $2, hot chocolate and cookies and words of appreciation were very nice, too.
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#388 of 1095 Old 02-28-2006, 05:47 PM
 
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How do you all put your baby/toddler to work?

Has anyone brought the chopping, mixing and such down to ground level? How did that go?

Any other ideas for putting her to work?
We didn't have the funds for a learning tower but we did buy a good step stool and gave it to her for her second birthday. I encourage her to drag the step stool about the kitchen to reach the counter and stir things on the stove. She 3 now and just starting to stir on the stove. I've also been known to chop on a cooler we have in the kitchen. It's kind of a mini-counter at her height. I might sit on her step-stool and use the cooler and she'll stand by and help. That's SO cool about the mother of the little guy who can scramble his own eggs!

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#389 of 1095 Old 03-01-2006, 03:12 PM
 
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I do understand that it is important to allow a baby to be a part of the family's life instead of having the family be part of the baby's life. [...] However, at what point is it too little attention - I hated being treated like I was insignificant and invisible just because I was a child growing up.
I try not to think about what is the right amount of attention FOR A CHILD but just to pay attention to him the way I would any other person: If he is talking, I look at him and listen; if I have something to say, I say it to him; if he is crying, I look for a way to comfort him; if he expresses hunger, I see that he gets something to eat, etc. Obviously he needs more help doing things than an older person would, but I don't think of that as "attention" really--if I am sitting at the table eating oatmeal w/EnviroBaby in my lap, and after each bite I take I offer him a bite, that doesn't take a whole lot of attention; I can read while doing it. I don't treat him as "insignificant and invisible" any more often than I do an adult. For example, if my partner walks thru the room while I'm eating oatmeal, I don't necessarily look up or speak to him or make faces to make him smile...but if he walks in and speaks to me, then he gets my attention.

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#390 of 1095 Old 03-01-2006, 04:29 PM
 
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I like tcc principles but I feel that there are times that I can't allow my child the space to "make his own decision" and I'd have to do it.
I like CC principles, too, but also sometimes feel like you do, that I wish I could respect my child as an adult, but I can't figure out how to do that given the situation. For example, my 2.5 year old will decide he won't get dressed to go outside in the 5 degree winter weather, but is obviously bored indoors in our apartment and the entertianment I'm able to provide while taking care of his little apartment + chores (if I suggest he do a chore he'll smile and say, "only mommy do it" and never seems interested in anything but thwarting my efforts to get a chore done), and I've felt like I'll go insane if I don't get outside to get some fresh air and sunshine, even for a few minutes.... but gosh it's no fun dressing up my two children in their 17 layers of winter gear to go out in cold weather, and chasing down my 2 year old to do it while my six month old screams at being left to his own devices for more than 4 seconds while I go get his brother ready is heartbreaking to hear, but every time I get through this hard scene to get out the door, everyone gets so happy at being outdoors in fresh air and new scenery, the baby falls contentedly asleep in the sling or next to his brother in the double wide pram, the boy is thrilled to see everything on the city street, and the big hill we are destined to for sledding down, and I'm just so happy to have a moment to hear myeslf think, even if I am pushing a huge pram laden with a 35 pound boy and have a 20 pound baby strapped on my front...at least they are happy and content and we are all getting some sunshine therapy. It's just been hard getting through this endless winter with all the unpleasant dressing & undressing to go anywhere, and such cabin fever in our little apartment if we don't, and until just these last 2 weeks there was no bright sunshine to soak up for the previous 5 months. So yeah, I hate physically forcing my child into his winter gear and not allowing him the respect to stay home if he so chooses (my DH is there, but working from home and can't watch our 2 year old and get anything done at the same time), but the alternative, to just go along with what he says he wishes, is counterproductive because he doesn't actually want to stay in and do nothing all afternoon, he clearly enjoys the outing more, but not until we're out the door. He has no perspective to understand this, so I 'play the heavy' and force-dress him into his snowsuit and force him into the pram and get out the door and then instantly everything is good once we're outside.

Sorry to go on and on, everyone, I just wanted to empahtically agree that I am aware of myself behaving very non-CC at times, and wishing beyond wishing that the environment was such that I could sort of 'live and let live' more with my willful toddler, but my environment is not such, and I have to make choices for the 3 of us to get through the day with all 3 of us (mom, toddler, baby) being as least stressed as possible, ya know? If my sanity is on the brim after a tough several hours with the boys and I know I'd be a much better mom after a 1 hour exersize break with my husband watching the boys, but my toddler is pulling a heartbreaking routine begging me to stay and once I get out of the house won't stop crying for me to return (so says my DH who calls my cell to tell me the situation, 5 minutes later, and ten minutes later), then what is the right thing to do???? Respectfully I should return, and honor his feeling that he can't handle my leaving, but then again my needs aren't getting met either. Thusfar I just turn around and come straight home at the 5 minute mark because I won't be able to relax and get any break from the boys if I know they aren't happy, I'll just feel bad. But really, this isn't very CC from the viewpoint that everyone in the family has needs that are important, is it? I doubt the Yequana moms ever felt like they were about to scream if they didn't get 5 minutes peace from their kiddos or maybe once a week an hour to themselves. But I do. :

Sorry to rant and go on and on, please ignore me if I'm wayyyyy off the current topic.
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