when did you first leave your babe with a sitter - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 06-02-2002, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi There~
When did you all first leave your kids ~ not because you had to ~ but so you and your husband/wife/partner could go share some time out or just together?????????????
I have been getting hints from friends and others that it might be time to leave Isaiah (19 mo) with a baby sitter so that my Dh and I can have a "date" or just time to ourselves. Both Dh and I feel like we have lots of time with just eachother and we don't really need to go on a date. Yeah, it would be great to go out to dinner and be able to sit at the table the whole night unless I wanted to get up:LOL but other than that we both don't really feel the need to leave Isaiah with someone else. This is all well and good, but, he has never stayed with another perosn, he has been with Dh or myself since birth ~ I wonder if we are keeping him back in some way???????? What are your thoughts or expierences with this??????? Thanks in advance for sharing
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#2 of 14 Old 06-02-2002, 05:33 PM
 
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We live a block from my parents who stand 100% behind our AP style of parenting. They have been great. We have been schdling "dates" for a few months now. DS in almost 7 months old, so I'd say he was about 3 mos when we first left him. We plan, plan, plan when we leave him. I feed him before we leave, and we get back before his next feeding. Needless to say, the times we've been away from him aren't all that long. Once in a while we catch a movie, but mainly we grab dinner. I still eat in like two seconds, but its nice to get a meal hot once in a while. Also, if I am missing DS too much, DH respects (and usually feels the same) when I say its time to go.

I wouldn't leave DS with anyone. They MUST respect my parenting philosophy, no CIO, no sticking him in a playpen. Therefore, In-Laws aren't real high up on my list of those who get to watch him. I also have friends who have been begging to watch DS, but I am not comfortable leaving him with them ( they are way TOO mainstream, Barney videos anyone?), so I won't.

How do I know my parents are respecting our wishes? Well, we show up unannounced to check. Also, DS is their first grandbaby, so they treat him like a king to begin with. They actually argue over who has held him more and whos turn is it to hold him. Besides that, the babe is always sooo happy to see them (he reaches for them now, doesn't for anyone he is unsure of. like mil) and always content when we show back up.

Maybe my situation is unusual. My parents have supported DH and I since the day DS was born. I think it is important for DH and I to have a few minutes of alone time. Sometimes I just need to remember why I married him, and I think he needs to see me as someone other than a mom (or housekeeper)...

You are not "keeping your baby back" in anyway. You MUST do what feels best for you. If you are not ready to leave DS for a few hours, don't. I am in no way ready to leave DS overnight or even for more than three hours now, so I won't. Good luck

PS-Don't feel bad if you do go out and you cut your time short because you miss DS! Last week I left a Dave Matthews Band Concert an hour after I got there 'cause I missed my osito(little bear).

PM
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#3 of 14 Old 06-02-2002, 05:50 PM
 
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Wanted to add:

When someone is bugging you to leave your child with them, it is mainly due to a desire they have rather than one your child has. Do what you think is best for you baby.
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#4 of 14 Old 06-02-2002, 08:26 PM
 
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We really need to have a date too. Ours is 17 mos. old and we haven't left her yet. My dad and his wife offered to sit for us, at least they are family, but I'm not sure *I'm* ready yet. I think Abi would be fine. She's starting to get out of the stranger danger phase and is fine with me leaving her at my friend's apt. while I go out to the car for something. She sits in people's laps whom we hardly know. Maybe we will leave her with my dad to go watch Star Wars, which I really want to see.

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7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#5 of 14 Old 06-03-2002, 01:09 PM
 
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DD is almost 15 months and we have never left her with anyone. *I* am not ready, and I don't think she is either. I too wonder if it is ok, if I am keeping her from the opportunity to be away from us for an hour or two, but my heart tells me its ok. I think it is natural to want to keep your child with you, and it is also natural to want time alone. For now I will follow my heart and not leave her yet....maybe when she is two I will reconsider.

I wouldn't worry about what other people say, if they think you should go out alone. They aren't your babe's mama. Do what you think is best. I was thinking I'd like to have a date with DH, but I'd want DD there too. How else could I relax and have a good time ?

Maybe if we had family around all the time I'd feel different. We have some friends with a DD the same age I'd be most comfortable leaving her with..but no, I am not ready yet.

HTMS

OM
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#6 of 14 Old 06-03-2002, 01:26 PM
 
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Well, we did not live near family, so ds was 3 before we left him with a very trusted friend. We did that twice before we moved away from that area. Even though he normally got upset at that friends house when I went outside without telling him during playdates, he was fine with the fact that we were leaving him and he knew it in advance. She said that he asked about us several times but never got upset or cried. When we picked him up he barely looked up from his games (she had a child herself who was his best buddy, so he had a great time).

Since then we have no new friends to keep him, so we wait until we go home to visit family to schedule "dates". Ds is now 6 and is thrilled to stay with grandma alone for the evening or run errands with her during the day.

For us, we were not ready until he was 3. That may be unusual, but ds was very attached to me and not ready to separate until then.

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Mother is the word for God on the hearts and lips of all little children--William Makepeace Thackeray
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#7 of 14 Old 06-03-2002, 03:15 PM
 
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We've had two dates since DS, 14 months, was born. The first he was about 9 months old. We live very close to DH's family, who are all very AP oriented people, so we are lucky. Both times we went to see long movies (Lord of the Rings and Star Wars). DS is completely attached to his grandma, his eyes light up when he sees her, and he reponds to her parenting style almost as naturally as he does to mine. If it weren't for grandma, we wouldn't have gone to those movies. We timed both dates according to his nursing schedule, and it worked great. Even though I enjoyed them, it took me about an hour and a half to get into it, I just kept feeling like he should be with me.
It is difficult to leave him at all, but he has such a wonderful time with her I like to encourage their relationship.
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#8 of 14 Old 06-04-2002, 12:18 PM
 
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We've never really left our children, and they're 9 mos. and 4!

Once my mother stayed with our daughter (about 6 months ago) while I ran downtown to sign papers for a refinancing. I was gone less than an hour, though, and we left it up to my daughter whether she wanted to come with us and hang out with Gramma at the office or stay at home.

We did all our dating before we got married!
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#9 of 14 Old 06-04-2002, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for responding
It is so nice to know that there are others out there in the same boat!!!! We have been thinking maybe in August we'd try it (I'm not sure why except that there is a Davind Grisman show we have tickets for in town, but Isaiah loves bluegrass music and would totally have a blast at the show) but he is also still nursing to go to sleep, not much else anymore, but it wouldn't be fair to leave him at night until he can go to bed without the nunus (nursing). I think you all had a lot of great advice, especially to follow my own heart and not worry about the others and their expierences, they were right for them but may not be right for us. I'm just thankful that Dh feels the same way and that he isn't the one suggesting a night out. I'm also thankful that if we do choose to leave him I have my choice of 3 different friends that we could leave him with, that I totally trust. One of my friends is and early childhood development expert and so is her husband and they have 2 of the sweetest girls ever so I'd be really comfortable leaving him with them and he loves visiting at their house, but.... I think about actually pulling out of the driveway without him and it feels really unnatural, maybe if I really did it it would feel different????? I don't think I'll be leaving him any time soon though
Thanks again for sharing your expierences I'd love to hear more though too
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#10 of 14 Old 06-06-2002, 12:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I totally agree with you on the tribal , close-knit family idea of rasing children, I always wish we had that in our life here, but, our families live in PA and we are way out in NM, so, we don't get that for our babe, but we have been really lucky to have several close friends that he just loves. Sounds like your little one has lots of folks to look after her and care for her weather you and Dh are around or not, how wonderful!!!!!!
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#11 of 14 Old 06-06-2002, 12:55 PM
 
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Our sitter rocks!

My parents babysat very sporadically starting at a month.

My best friend started very sporadically at about 6 months.

Now...our 16 year old sitter comes about 2x/month and just plays their little hearts out. We come home sometimes and they're both sound asleep together at 8pm. Ds is 15 mos.
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#12 of 14 Old 06-06-2002, 01:02 PM
 
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Our DD is 6mths old and only has been without both of us at the same time for I think 3 hours max. Dh and I went out to dinner and left her with my parents who respect even though I dont think they totally 'get' our choice of AP. My MIL is begging us to leave " her baby" ( thats a whole seperate issue ) with her. I nor does my dh feel comfortable with that on so many different levels. Being a first time mom learning and trusting to do what you feel is comfortable with sometimes harder than parental-peer pressure.
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#13 of 14 Old 06-06-2002, 01:36 PM
 
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DS is almost 17 months and we have only left him a couple times and the only person I will let watch him is my mom. She's not AP but she respects our wishes and abides by them. I won't let anyone else put him to bed because he won't go for anyone else so we usually go for dinner before his bedtime or put him in bed (8:30) and then go to a late show. I don't think I will ever leave my kids with the traditional baby-sitter (teenager). I don't trust anyone that much. What I always tell people is "would you leave a $10,000 dollars with this person unattended for a few hours?" Most people say no to which I say "isn't your child much more valuable than that!?"

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#14 of 14 Old 06-06-2002, 06:42 PM
 
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we went to a "Holiday Party" for my husband's work.
it was a big event at the "Ritz Carlton". and it is the most exciting fun thing to do.

my mom and dad watched him. we were gone about 4 hours.

he slept most of the time.


I do NOT think you are holding him back AT ALL! You are giving him what he wants/needs. As long as you and your husband are happy and your baby is happy, that is allll that matters. We have "Date Night" once a week, but we take the baby WITH US. He is part of our date and love.






PS i'm not sure i would leave him with a stranger....until he could speak.....unless i really didnt have much choice.

well, i did put him in a playroom with a sitter for a half-hour when he was 9 months--so i could work out. he hated it, so i did not join the gymn.
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