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Complicated question/5 yr old on airplane

572 views 4 replies 5 participants last post by  Peony 
#1 · (Edited)
I have kind of a complex question.
I have to go in a few weeks on a 6 hour airplane trip. I have to go to a health clinic for two weeks due to a long standing illness that I have had a lot of trouble treating. I am going somewhere that might be able to help me heal, though there is no guarantee, it is a risk. But I have tried a lot of other things that did not work.


So, I have an almost 5 year old ( 4 and 3/4). I have to decide if I will bring him and husband with me or leave them home for two weeks :(


I hate flying- and my current weak mental and physical state makes it even more scary for me right now. I am feeling sort of desperate to get healthy again which is why I am considering doing this whole thing.


My husband is very supportive and is willing to either watch our child at home alone for 2 wks, or come with me if I want them to.


If they came with me we would live at a hotel right next to the health clinic for 2 weeks, and I would be at the clinic much of the day ( but not on weekends). I would be having all kinds of hopefully healing things done to me- it is an alternative healing type place.


If ds and dh stay home, ds is in preschool that he loves. He also has dh's parents ( his grandparents) in our town who could help out.
I would miss him desperately.
One of my main concerns about bringing him along is the airplane flights. I hat eflying. I used to be okay with it but not these days.
Ds is a great little boy but on an airplane-- well, he has never been on one. He has been on 6 hour train rides and does okay but dh usually walks him up and down the isles, they go to the café car, move around, get off the train when they are allowed. On an airplane it is much more confined.
Also, I feel like airplane security and people in general are just so mean! If ds was being loud I feel like everyone would be really mean to us and it would be very stressful/. I am kind of sick, thus the trip- so it is extra hard for me to handle stress like that.
I don't think ds would be too entertained for long by toys or snacks.

So my main concern about bringing him is the stress of the plane.
Secondly, dh and ds would have to live in a hotel rm for two weeks and find stuff to do all day while I was at the clinic. Then I would come back tired and such and I am sure dh would need a break from ds. So if I was alone I could just rest and focus on my healing.


But the thought of leaving my ds for 14 days breaks my heart. I could do it if only because my hope is that when I get back I can get some of my health and life back. Hopefully. Though there is no guarantee this clinic can help me. It has helped some people in my condition. And I am sort of desperate.
So I don't know what to do- either rI jus don't go, I go and leave ds home with dh, or I bring the family along. I am also scared of the mean airport security type people and exposing ds to that kind of thing. I have kept him pretty sheltered in a nice little town and don't want to expose him to too much bad stuff. So unsure what to do.
 
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#2 ·
On the kids and planes:

I took my kids (4 and 7 at the time) on a solo plane trip this summer. They'd never flown before that they could remember, and they were quite excited, but they managed to behave very well. I packed our carry-ons with coloring books, crayons, read-aloud stuff, snacks, and matchbox cars. For a longer flight, I would have no hesitation in whipping out a laptop or a portable DVD player with some kid movies.

The airport security folks were incredibly nice to us. They gave the kids special stickers and wished us a nice trip. On the return, the TSA agent noticed about four families all in a row in the line for screening, and shunted everyone with little kids over to the expedited security lane, where we didn't have to take off shoes or unpack laptops.

So I think the trip would be doable if you want to do it.

On kids and taking them along while you seek healthcare, though, I come down on the "leave the child at home with his familiar routines" side. I've had some pretty hardcore health issues, and it was disturbing sometimes, for my kids to see me in mid-treatment. When I was getting treatment, I needed to be very focused on myself, and I didn't always have the energy or ability to do much with my kids. I'd talk with him about the trip in advance, and set up a schedule for a daily phone or skype call, but try to go alone if possible.
 
#3 ·
I'm going to second @MeepyCat here. I went on plenty of plane rides with 2-3-4-5-6-7 year old kids because I was the oldest of four kids in a family that traveled a lot. The airport people are usually accommodating of families and love seeing the rare small children who come. The youngest kids in the family got so much special treatment in fact, that I recall mom installed a rule that they had to split any bags of toys or candy with more than ten items among the siblings. But. I also remember being away from my mom for periods of time, and the little kids didn't even notice unless she called and then it was a very positive thing because she asked about their day and what they did, then said I love you and the next person got the phone. We sometimes babysat friends for long spaces. It also went well, as long as the parents didn't focus on themselves and what they were doing when they called (it made the kiddos want to join in on all daddy s fun and they couldn't so, boom, tears).

This is about you healing. It sounds like this is a pretty big deal to your future health. Are you worried about being lonely yourself? Can you buddy up with someone else who is going, either by asking around your social circle or social media or something? I'm thinking about you coming back from a day of treatment and having to take a turn on child care duties. Not necessarily restful and restorative.
 
#4 ·
I am sorry that you are going through this. It does sound like it is important for you to be able to rest and take care of yourself during your treatment. I do understand that being away from your family for two weeks and worrying about your son on the flight can be agonizing to think about. I wonder if you could try the first week or so many days, and see how it goes. You will then have an idea how things are going and can be in a different position to make the call on whether or not they can be with you. You will also be able to see how the flight is and have some more suggestions for your husband on what your son can do while flying over. They could perhaps then get a flight out and join you for the second week or however many days you needed. Wishing you well.
 
#5 ·
I have not traveled for my own health care but have for that of my children's. I would leave him behind as difficult as it is to be separated for 2 weeks. 2 weeks is how long DD1 and then DS1's treatment times would be. With DD1, I brought toddler DD2 along and someone to care for her but it very difficult having no time to just focus on DD1. For DS1, I elected to leave everyone else behind, including my then barely 2 year old toddler. I won't lie and say it was all peachy, it was difficult that was for sure but DS1 needed the focus to solely be on him during his treatment. During one of his trips, DH drove up to see us on a long weekend. I will admit that I was not thrilled about it, not that I did not want to see everyone, I did, but I believed it would be too taxing on DS1 and it was. If we ever have to do it again, I would not bring any other children along for the duration of the treatment. The goal is to get well and that can be easier achieved without small children along.
 
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