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Finding a good sport

2K views 17 replies 16 participants last post by  lab 
#1 ·
I have a 12 year old son who is funny, sensitive and intelligent. He has a group of friends who share his interests in video and table-top games and geeky internet jokes. He likes to learn about math, money, science, and ok, really it's all math in different disguises, actually. But that's fine! :p

I share custody of my son with his dad. We have a crazy set-up where we see him nearly every day--his dad takes him to school and I take him home from school or afterschool activities each night. He sleeps three nights at one house and four at the other house each week.

My son was a slightly low-tone baby who walked late. His fine motor skills have always outstripped his gross motor skills by a lot. He doesn't like competitive games because he's not very good at them. He also doesn't approve of people being too rough and tumble.

At his pediatrician appointment, he was not overweight or too thin, not having any problems... but his doctor was concerned that he doesn't do much physical play. So am I.

I often pick him up on a tandem bike from school, or we walk. I like to swim, I go to a health club, I bike for transportation, and I do yoga. (I used to be more disciplined about it, but I still do some.) His dad does yoga sometimes (he also used to be more disciplined, and actually got very advanced for awhile) and sometimes goes hiking. When we were married, I did a lot more exercise than my ex did, because I am on the fat side and he's naturally slim, so I try harder.

Overall, we are relatively sedentary adults, but we are much more active than our son. Neither of us has a great idea of how to involve our kid in what we do.

We're thinking of bringing him to a kid's running club and trying a rock-climbing gym. How can we help our son find an activity that he really likes, preferably a non-competitive one, that will give him a habit of physical activity? Yoga practice? Walking? Biking? I think if we have to take him to make him do it, we aren't succeeding. What can we do with a kid this age in this tricky situation?
 
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#2 ·
Maybe gymnastics/tumbling or urban gym? Rock climbing sounds like a good idea, too. How about some sort of martial arts? Does his school have any sports he could participate in, maybe track or cross-country?


When my cousin was that age, he was in to paintball stuff. Its not exactly exercise, but there was a lot of running around. :)
 
#3 ·
My son is 11. We have him in a Triathalon group. It is a real cool programme, in that the instructors are not (at least at this stage) stressing competition, but more about doing your best and supporting each other. And they make it fun. So that has been a good fit. We also homeschool so he was doing a parkour class outside, which he and the other kids seem to really enjoy. Parkour has actually been great, as he has a good teacher and it has been really cool to see the kids confidence go way up, and their abilities and balancing, climbing etc. grow so smoothly. I also have him in an Aikido martial arts class - which he really likes; and he is taking a tennis class indoor at one of the local community centres with a couple of friends, and this seems to be fun as well. Also during the winter he would join in the homeschool skate with friends once a week. He spoke about wanting to rollerblade this summer,so hoping to get a group of kids and go rollerblading down on the seawall. Just some ideas that may be of interest.
 
#4 · (Edited)
Another vote for tennis. Middle schoolers love it when they try tennis for the first time.

Our whole family (husband, 11 y.o. dd, and me) plays. It's a great family sport.

You can make playing tennis as uncompetitive as you like, and it will be a lot of fun. In fact, it is better to play tennis cooperatively. That means that you see how many times in a row you and the person on the other side of the net can hit the ball back and forth. Rallying the tennis ball back and forth in this manner is very good for developing control of where you place the tennis ball, and ultimately makes a person a better tennis player if your kid should eventually develop an unexpected competitive streak. It is also more fun, in my opinion, because I too am not very competitive but I really enjoy watching the tennis ball going back an forth many times.

If your family can find a tennis teacher to give your family a couple tennis lessons, then you can start playing together as a family right away, perhaps even right after the first lesson.

You don't even need an actual tennis court to play at home if you can play on your driveway.

Oh yes, a rock climbing wall will be great. My dd loves doing it, and you don't need to be traditionally athletic. It is more a matter of shifting your body weight.

Skating, either ice or roller, would be a very good idea.

Oh yes, I have been able to get my dd to get excited about "working out". She likes to walk on the treadmill while watching youtube videos on her Kindle. She is not allowed a lot of screen time, so this is huge. Plus she likes the grown-up idea of working out.
 
#6 ·
I would also recommend rock climbing. My DD was a slightly low tone baby and not a particularly athletic child, ie not a fast runner and gymnastics wasn't a great fit for her. She was however a climber, so we put her in climbing classes at a local climbing gym at age 6 and she loved it. She is now 17 and a high level competitive climber, she still doesn't have the perfect body for climbing, but that has never held her back.
 
#7 ·
Trampoline? My kids love them, whether in someone's yard or at the "jump club." I also have them in a program one afternoon a week that's basically three hours of running around outdoors--hiking, climbing trees, bouldering etc. I sometimes do "family adventure days," where I pick a nearby beach, hiking trail, or park and insist that we all go together and by golly move around and have fun! lol We also do bike picnics when the weather's warm and the days longer.
 
#9 ·
I've been taking an indoor roller blading class with my son for the last couple of years .... the timing has changed for this school year and there's now 4 mother + 1 child duos (age ranging from 11 to 19 !) alongside a family of 3 & 5 single guys ...
so for us, what worked was finding an activity that we both wanted to do together (+ he's happy because he progresses much faster than his aging Mom ! )
 
#10 ·
I would also suggest martial arts. I would think running would be way too much at this point in time between his level of fitness and having lower muscle tone. Is that still an issue? I have a son with lower muscle tone and then children that have normal to higher muscle tone and there is a vast difference in the sports that they can play. DS1 tires so easily with sports or activities because it requires more energy on his body. He loves karate though and there are all sorts of people that do it. I have found the best luck with activities that don't require them to be going all the time but that have moments of rest built into the activity where he can regroup for a few minutes.

Rock climbing as well. That is an excellent thought. Lots of different abilities there as well.
 
#11 ·
How far is the school? If you're walking or biking home, isn't this a regular activity? Does it really need to be more if he understands that some sort of regular activity is a healthy life?


I have two children. The older one is similar to your child, he's 11. His younger brother is naturally athletic and active. We started AYSO (non-competitive) soccer a few years ago, and my 11 year old (9 at the time) wanted to do it too. I was surprised, but supportive. That led to basketball through the elementary school and then to little league. My point is, my 11 year old is still not that athletic. He's a little awkard, but has LOVED every minute of these. He's doing little league for the very first time this year. These are all non-competitive leagues and everyone has always been very supportive of him. He's improved and is happy with that.


I was also thinking of climbing gym, martial arts, and indoor roller rink. Friends with kids who are not as active have all enjoyed these.


Also, I wonder about his food/nutrition? Eating a typical American diet of processed foods, sugar and no veggies will make anyone feel sluggish.
 
#12 ·
When I was a kid I signed up for gymnastics class with a friend at age 11. She very quickly outstripped me, but I always enjoyed going even though I was never any good at it. Like a previous poster said, it was good because it had moments of activity interspersed with resting/stretching/waiting your turn etc.

I also second trampoline jumping. That's super fun no matter what your ability!

Also, you say that you ride a tandem bike now; maybe it's time for him to have his own bike?
 
#13 ·
I am in no way affiliated with this organization, but if you have I-9 in your area you could check it out. My kids are both very fast and my daughter is really strong and can run forever, but neither one of them throws or kicks well and they just don't have that drive it takes to be good at ball sports. We have now had experience with I-9 basketball and soccer, and I am so glad it's there. In our town, I-9 truly is sports for fun. Many of the kids are not athletic.

If he doesn't like the thought of team sports, there's nothing wrong with walking or biking wherever you can go. For most people, that's the kind of habit that's going to keep you fit later in life, not something like soccer.
 
#14 ·
I thought my DS1 would never want to do anything - lord knows we tried, he won't even ride a bike! Martial arts is the only thing that's worked for him...he's really gotten into it! My oldest 3 kids are all in martial arts now, and they all love the class and their Sifu!


You'd just need to find a teacher whose personality and teaching style jives with your son. Steer clear of the "no mercy" McBelt factories, too - look for a place where the kids have to work toward real skills & cleanly executed forms, and some kind of "code" where they learn respect, self-discipline and how to cultivate inner peace. Usually even kids like my boys, who are not very sporty and kind of nerdy, will really enjoy the whole body/spirit approach to martial arts.
 
#16 ·
I vote for Running!

For some reason - very intelligent folks get into the mental workout that it takes to run.

Every year at my kids High School the State gives an award to the sport with the highest GPA. Cross Country wins every year.

Anyway - I signed my 12 year old up for Cross Country during the summer before his 6th grade year. He met kids over the summer and middle school was so much easier the first day of school.

Running is a team sport but honestly it is up to the individual more than anything. You aren't ruined if someone doesn't pass the ball well. No concussions. No contact. And I have seen countless videos of runners from other teams helping another runner at the finish. You will NEVER see the opposing football/soccer/lacrosse team cheering on their rival. Happens all the time in Cross Country. Google some videos!

Good Luck! This is a fun time and I wish I could go back!!!
 
#17 ·
Thanks! These are all good suggestions. So far, the running club has been good. He started two weeks ago. He's slow and has relatively poor endurance, but it's not competitive so he is enjoying himself. He likes counting laps.

He does have his own bike! Indeed, because we're divorced he has two bikes. He just doesn't ride as much on his own as he will on the tandem. Maybe he can make the switch this summer. I would like him to bike to the swimming pool. That is my fond and not at all hidden wish. I'd love it if he got a skateboard and spent lots of time practicing that. It seems like a challenging yet meditative activity.

He's very good about eating vegetables. I'm pretty sure his lack of interest in athletic activity does not stem from poor nutrition. I think he just needs to get a chance to try some of these things, or try them again, in a non-threatening environment.
 
#18 ·
Thanks! These are all good suggestions. So far, the running club has been good. He started two weeks ago. He's slow and has relatively poor endurance, but it's not competitive so he is enjoying himself. He likes counting laps.

He does have his own bike! Indeed, because we're divorced he has two bikes. He just doesn't ride as much on his own as he will on the tandem. Maybe he can make the switch this summer. I would like him to bike to the swimming pool. That is my fond and not at all hidden wish. I'd love it if he got a skateboard and spent lots of time practicing that. It seems like a challenging yet meditative activity.

He's very good about eating vegetables. I'm pretty sure his lack of interest in athletic activity does not stem from poor nutrition. I think he just needs to get a chance to try some of these things, or try them again, in a non-threatening environment.
Just noticed your update!

Good luck to your kiddo!
 
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