Aspergers Stepson - need advice - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 05-01-2015, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
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Aspergers Stepson - need advice

I'm a bit stressed writing this so bear with me. I am with my OH 6 years and his youngest son was 7 - at age 10 he was diagnosed with Aspergers which answered a lot of his behaviour problems - eating with his hands , tantrums, social anxiety etc . It was a relief to eventually have answers to be honest . He is now turning 13 and we have him every weekend . He arrives on a Friday night and sets up his Xbox and laptop and that's it - no social interaction apart from meal times . I drag him away for a 30 minute walk each day and I end up being hated for it. My OH has tried talking to his ex about only allowing an hour or so a day on the internet but she won't listen . The poor boy comes home from school has his dinner, does his homework then is on his x box until he falls asleep . So when we try to instill boundaries and limits at weekends we have tantrums etc and we are the bad guys . I'm really at my wits end as I love him so much but feel , in a way, he is being neglected . Any advice guys would be appreciated !!!
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#2 of 4 Old 05-01-2015, 03:19 PM
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This is a tough situation. If he was with you guys all the time, it would be easier to create a schedule for him, one that would limit his Xbox/internet time and encourage his involvement in other activities. If playing online is all he does at home throughout the week, it certainly makes it tough.

Is there any aspect of healthy co-parenting happening here? Do OH and ex talk semi-regularly about how their son is doing? Do they have the same goals in mind in raising him?


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#3 of 4 Old 05-01-2015, 05:09 PM - Thread Starter
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Unfortunately I think that's where the problem lies . As soon as diagnosis was made I encouraged my other half to sit and talk to ex to agree on a " going forward " plan . However , without sounding bitter , his ex in my eyes does not parent in any capacity . We offered to have him full time but she didn't want that . Yet whenever we ask her to sit down and discuss his condition she refuses . Their eldest boy (17) left living with her and has moved in with us . It just leaves the youngest boy with her . He is here this weekend and we have just got him to bed at midnight. He said he is allowed to stay up until he falls asleep . I have accepted to be a good step parent I have to instill boundaries for his own good but I'm exhausted every weekend dealing with it. I work full time mon- fri and have a 19 and 17 year old myself going through exams . So with no co parenting in existence how do I help my SS without him feeling I'm punishing him? .
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#4 of 4 Old 05-04-2015, 07:09 AM
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I think the problem is with your other half, not the SS, and certainly not the ex.

Most kids whose parents are not together have 2 sets of rules at the two houses. To have different rules at your house, it is really up to your OH.

Most kids on the spectrum have sleep issues, so, to a certain extent, there is nothing surprising and most likely nothing you can do about that (even if he lived with you full time).

If your OH wants him to have more interaction, then it is really up to your OH to spend more time with him, perhaps away from the house so that the X-box isn't there. But to demand that the child not play with his x-box when there isn't anything else going on is pretty pointless.

There isn't any magic solution that is going to make it easy to spend time with a 13 year old with Asperger's. The combination of the hormonal imbalance of adolescent combined with the autism can be very difficult. But in focusing on blaming the mother, you are not looking at the things that OH could be doing differently that would be better for this kid.

But honestly, I recommend letting go of the idea that something will make this situation easier in the short run. It's more a matter of doing things differently so in 5 years he is better capable of relationship with other people.

but everything has pros and consĀ  shrug.gif

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