No, you are not alone.
I just came across this thread in the parenting forum, because I was hoping to find some advice for parenting my very spirited d.s. I love him immensely and wouldn't change him for the world, but I am so very exhausted, and more than a little frustrated. He can be fine and play imaginatively for long periods of time, but there are even longer periods when he behaves in an argumentative and uncooperative manner. He will contradict me for the sake of being contradictory and try to lay down the rules as though he were the parent. I try to be authoritative, not authoritarian or jellyfish, but can't seem to get it right. I don't know whether to ignore his behaviour when he gets whiney/loud/demanding, or try to reason with him, bargain with him, talk gently to him, be more firm with him or what.
Parenting books that I've found in the library don't seem to help. Sometimes they make me feel worse, because they suggest I'm not parenting him right, but only give vague advice on what I'm doing wrong. Something like, "the well-behaved child knows what is expected of him/her, but the misbehaving child has received no clear expectations from the parent.". They don't seem to acknowledge that it is more difficult to get through to some children, what kind of behaviour is "expected if them". I know better books have been suggested by MDC members, but quite frankly I can't afford to buy them right now.
I just wish I could know of some real parenting tools I could use in specific situations, and be able to remember how to implement them in moments when I feel overwhelmed, or frustrated, or tired, or am just very busy, like when I am cooking dinner. It's hard to know if anything I do is the right thing, especially when my own 4 y.o. son is telling me I do everything wrong.
Now, I said I wouldn't change him, because when he is pleasant his high energy and spirited playfullness seems to be a great asset. He sings, dances, and has the most amazing vocabulary of motor sounds that he can make with his mouth. He is keen on so many subjects that I don't care if he isn't ready to settle down enough to learn to read and write. I assume, and hope that that will come in good time. He is only four, after all.
But I just wish I could keep up with him, and teach him not to turn the house upside down every five minutes, go to the bathroom when he needs to, and sit down at the table to eat.
Sorry to ramble on so much on your thread, Traceyamber. In short, I do want to give you a hug too, and tell you I think my d.s. could also be described as spirited/high needs.
Does anyone have any parenting advice along this line? I am willing to splurge on a book if you have found anything truly helpful. Are there other threads in this forum addressing spirited/high needs children?
By contrast my 1 y.o. d.d. is much easier to parent. She just started to use the potty and is absolutely consistent. I don't have to remind her to go, she tells me. She pitches in with cleaning up messes, and even chases after her big brother with the clothes I've been trying to get him to put on for the past hour. I used to think I was a bad parent, but (and I'm not trying to blame the child here) sometimes it seems that temperament overrules our very best efforts.
But I want to be the best mother to my son, and help him to thrive with his own very special gifts.