am i being over protective? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 06-09-2002, 02:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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my dd is 14 months old. she started walking about one month ago. her faveorite pass time is climbing stairs, even just going up and down one over and over.
we went to a family dance tonight, and i noticed other mamas let theri kids run around and keep and eye on them from a distance.
i feel the need to follow dd everywhere if she is roaming. but if it in a safe space, like a room where she is realtively contained i can let her romp around , but i prefer to have her in my line of sight.
am i being over protective? these other moms are just so at ease, and seem a little more relaxed about stuff like babies falling down. and their babies are so lovely and smart.
will i learn to ease off too? does this happen more whne you have a second one?
with out judging anyone's parenting skills, cause that's not what this is, i just can't seem to not keep a close watch on dd at all times. i don't like her to be out of my sight. some moms were not worried about letting theri 10 month old (walking) roam about and they seem like a very loving nice family.
so is it me?
just wanted to add that this is NOT a comment on the other moms. it is about me!
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#2 of 14 Old 06-09-2002, 02:11 AM
 
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My daughter was the same way, and I did the same thing. I don't think it's being overprotective at all.
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#3 of 14 Old 06-09-2002, 02:15 AM
 
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Yes and no. I think at some point (and that is up to you to decide) you have to let go and let her explore. Of course, keeping an eye on her and making sure she is safe. The deal is that kids need to explore and sometimes they fall. Under normal circumstances, I don't think falling is bad. Going up and down stairs is very dangerous and I don't see standing by as overprotective...

The other day I was at a festival in Seattle. It was a large gathering and there was a belly dancing lesson being given in a large open area. I sort of let V walk and dance on the dancefloor with the other kids. When she got agressive with another toddler, I was right there to quell the hair-pulling. You can give her space and still know what is going on, ya know?
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#4 of 14 Old 06-09-2002, 02:17 AM
 
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I don't think you are over protective. Just as your child is learning to explore her surroundings, you are learning to parent a toddler. How you mother is up to you and what feels right to you. It is not like you keep her chained to your wrist!

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#5 of 14 Old 06-09-2002, 02:39 AM
 
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ditto to above post

you know your kid best, and you know your own needs regarding her safety too

I hung very close to my older son who was not adventurous but neede me close by as he was anxious

with my second, I was very close when he was a toddler becuase he is a fearless explorer and climber but now (he's 4.5) I hang back alot because I know his abilities well and am close enough to help if needed

14 mo is very young to let potter off at a busy social event, I would be watching closely too
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#6 of 14 Old 06-09-2002, 02:42 AM
 
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Not overprotective.

Ds is 6 and I would not let him wander off at a public social event. Unless we are home, I always have one eye on him...and when he was 14 months, I had both eyes on him *LOL*

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Mother is the word for God on the hearts and lips of all little children--William Makepeace Thackeray
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#7 of 14 Old 06-09-2002, 11:02 PM
 
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not overprotective. My Dd is 15 mos

wait

as I was writing to tell you that no, you are not being overprotective, I go to follow DD who has toddled off to the living room....and its a good thing too cause I go in there and she is.....

...stuffing cat puke into her mouth

Oh gross-out !

So no, not OP, it takes just a moment to run into traffic, or fall off the jungle gym, or eat cat puke. There is a good reason your instincts say to keep her in sight. I am just not comfortable if DD wanders out of sight.

The other, more relaxed parents...well thats great for them...hopefully it will all be fine (99% of the time) but I can't chance it with MY DD. Someone is the 1% that goes wrong.
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#8 of 14 Old 06-09-2002, 11:40 PM
 
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I'm the same way. My son is 15 mos old and he is just now starting to venture more than a few feet from me. If we are at a playground, and I can see him well, I'll let him wander a bit. But he is a climber, so if he starts to climb on stuff, I am right there. I know he's going to fall at times, and he has the bruises to show it, but I'd like to avoid the major tragedies if I can.

My DS does this thing where he comes back to me and acts like he wants to sit on my lap. I pick him up on my lap and he immediately slides off and goes back to playing. It's as if he's checking in and making that bit of contact. It's cute and I'm enjoying it while I can!

Just keep doing what you're doing. You know your child best!

Jenn

Jenn, perpetually tired mom to DS(9): DD(4.5): DD(2) :
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#9 of 14 Old 06-10-2002, 12:56 AM
 
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Not overprotective.

One of the things that you are doing, is learning where the perameters are, just like your DD. This is why parents of #2s seem more relaxed. They have learned where the danger points are.

Keep up the good work.

a

The anti-Ezzo king
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#10 of 14 Old 06-10-2002, 10:04 AM
 
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Do you have a DH or SO around to help you keep an eye on your DD? What may have been going on at the dance that you couldn't really see was that moms and dads were tag-teaming the kids. After almost 4 years of parenting, my dh and I have become completely adept at passing the responsibility of watching the kids. With a look across the room I can tell him, "dd is coming your way, keep an eye on her," and he understands completely.

On the other hand, I made a concerted effort (that has now become second nature) after my first was born to "keep my distance" while still closely observing my kids while they actively explore an area. This is all dependent on the safety of an environment, of course.
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#11 of 14 Old 06-10-2002, 02:24 PM
 
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At 14 months old? No way that is too overprotective.

Those first walking months may really be the scariest. They have the ability to get into all kinds of danger and no sense at all about what to do to stay safe. I suddenly noticed about a month ago when DD was about 20 months that I didn't have to stay right with her in the yard anymore. I still stay close, but she doesn't go towards the street anymore and avoids a couple of other spots I was always herding her away from. She knows the rules of our yard now, so I can relax a tiny bit. It will come for you, too. Don't sweat it.
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#12 of 14 Old 06-10-2002, 10:36 PM
 
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I agree with everyone. My dd is 3 and I still tend to do that, though not quite as much. You know your baby best.
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#13 of 14 Old 06-10-2002, 10:56 PM
 
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Over protective??? No way!!!

Your instincts are always correct and your feelings are always valid when it comes to your child. No one knows her better than you, so you are the expert when it comes to how close a responsible adult needs to be to her to head off trouble.

I think everyone has their own area where they are more cautious when it comes to their children's health and safety. For us, germs and no big deal. Falls down stairs or off of play equipment are, as dd's balance has been slower to develop. So you may find yourself being accused of being overprotective and under-reactive in the same day by those who do not agree with your areas of concern. For that reason, I really like how you have chosen to be non-judgemental of parents who have chosen a different course than yours.
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#14 of 14 Old 06-11-2002, 02:11 AM
 
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I find that I'm on the more relaxed end of the spectrum. I've noticed from hanging out with a lot of new moms, that I've seen a lot of people who jump everytime their kids fall, whereas I'm more inclined to not make a big deal out of falls and stuff, and just kind of take a wait-and-see approach.

My SO also was surprised to discover her own ability to relax by observing me (this was especially clear one day when I was letting a not-quite-a-walker crawl up onto a chair that was relatively close to the ground and play around). Her first instinct was to go stand ready-to-catch, with her arms out and everything, but when she watched me and then backed off, she and I both discovered this not-quite-a-crawler was actually very adept at getting on and off the chair safely. If SO would have stayed in the ready-to-catch position, her instinct would have been to think the poor kid was falling when she was actually about to get down. We all learned something that day.

I'm not too worried about bruises, scratches, bumps, and even broken arms. I do, of course, draw the line at any exploring that would include life-threatening or more serious risks. I would encourage you to do what you need to do to feel safe about what is going on with your child, while being cautious not to step in when it isn't truly necessary.

I've said that, but I also want to say that it *is* important to keep little ones (especially just after they start walking) generally in sight, particularly if you're in an unfamiliar place where you aren't aware of potential hazards. I don't think that is overprotective.

Also, as others have said, you are learning as much as your kido, and I wouldn't question too much about your style. You'll do what comes naturally, and if you find it too exhausting after a while or if it doesn't work or if you get more comfortable, you'll change what you are doing. No need to stress. You may find yourself more or less relaxed with your next child (provided you are planning to have one). It would depend on what your experiences were the first time around, the personality of your second kid, etc. What you are doing for now sounds fine.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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