Hi Everyone. My husband and I unfortunately are having major marital problems. There are many problems we have, which I won't go into for time sake, but one issue that we disagree often on is his involvement with our daughter. When she was a baby, I thought he would be doting over her...he wasn't. Friends told me "wait until she is more interactive!" Well, she is now 13 months old and he still is not very involved. He works nights in the medical field, so with his schedule he does not get to spend much time with her (or I for that matter) as it is. His schedule changes weekly, but he often works weekends, so his "weekends" may fall during the week. During his days off, he takes her to our daycare at least 95% of the time. It really kills me because I am at work and wishing I could be with her. He could be with her but he chooses to take her to daycare instead of spending time with her. Then he gets frustrated when she never wants to go to him & always comes to me. Does anyone else have this problem or any advice? It just really saddens me how little time he wants to spend with our daughter. The situation has gotten pretty bad, so any advice or stories that may help would be greatly appreciated!
I don't have any advice on this, as my husband is very involve with my kids. My only complaint is I wish he would take them out more to places, like a park or museum.
Have you asked him why he takes her to daycare on his days off?
He takes her in so that he can have time for himself, relax, run errands, sometimes clean, etc. I can understand doing this occasionally, but not 95% of the time. He even did it two days in a row when his mom was in town! I couldn't believe they did not want to spend time with her together!
Have you asked him why. I wonder if he is afraid to be alone with a baby, some men can be very nervous and not know how to change, feed, or do much of anything.
When kiddo was born, I was petrified of being alone with him. I couldn't stand up and he was a cranky baby that needed to be bounced and walked. I've seen a lot of mothers respond to a dad's hesitancy by just taking the baby back and tutting, but my partner never let me get away with it. I'm eternally grateful for that.
We've traded off who was with kiddo more, for about 5 months I was primarily with kiddo and now I'm working. My schedule is chaotic and I do fall back into feeling like I can't handle being alone with my kid. So my partner walks out the door and says "see you in a few hours".
Dads get a bum rap when it comes to childcare. Boys are discouraged from learning how to be caregivers, shamed if they want to play with dolls and often not allowed to babysit. Most dads are second best from day one, a lot of parenting books just assume dad won't be involved, they often don't get paternity leave, and then way too many just never get the chance to learn how to BE a dad. That's changing now, fortunately, but slowly.
A lot of men don't know how to handle daddy duty. We're taught that we aren't as good as mom, that our attempts are jokes. Makes sense that if you're already shelling out money for daycare, he'll put his effort into the things his family needs that he IS good at.
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