Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Central Alabama
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Well, I'm a terrible Mother! (bedwetting)
Mother of a son, 13. First time on a parenting forum.
I feel so terrible, I'm reaching out for support and advice.
My son has always had wetting issues, mostly bedwetting with a few daytime accidents here and there.
I admit to being frustrated with the accidents and with the assurances of friends, families and doctors that he would have grown out of it by now. But that's no excuse for what happened.
My husband (father) is less understanding about the wetting and sees it as something he could control if he wanted to. My son has always worn a pull-up to bed, but 9 days ago, on his 13th birthday, at his father's urging we switched to diapers.
First mistake: they were sprung on him as one of his presents. [I know, sorry.] His pull-ups had started to leak as he got older and we felt it was time for heavier protection; and when he complained his father said that he was a big baby bedwetter and had to wear them.
And I... I suppose due to frustration... added to his embarrassment scolding him for still needing night pants at all.
For the next week he wore the diaper at night, wet it each night, and faced scolding and shaming for it.
Two days ago I realized he had been in the shower for way too long, and went in to find him sitting on floor of the tub, now-cold water spraying down on him. He was shivering, but just sat there starring straight ahead. I had to shake him and call out to him for what felt like two minutes before he snapped out of it and looked at me. He was confused and couldn't tell me what was wrong.
I took him to urgent care and they did all the usual tests. Finally my son asked to speak to the doctor alone. Then he admitted that he had been getting increasingly stressed and depressed; and had been trying not to fall asleep until two or three in the morning so he wouldn't sleep long enough to wet. So instead of sleeping he was hiding in his closet, crying. The night before, he said, he had cried so hard that he made himself sick and threw up.
I was devastated. We had literally driven our son to a breakdown. The doctor gave him medicine to help him calm down and get us an emergency therapy appointment for the next day (yesterday.)
His therapist is great, and is helping him to talk about his feelings; and also set me straight on giving him support not shame or punishments. He's staying on the medication for a while, and in therapy twice a week (one with a family session)
Dad and I are both on board and have realized our mistakes, but I still feel like crap for hurting him so badly.
He's wearing a diaper to bed still, but with our love and support as a way to help him get a good nights sleep - with no judgement if he wets (he doesn't even have to tell us if he wet or not, unless he wants too.)
So, that's our terrible story. I'm trying extra hard to show him my love; and welcome any advice and support my fellow Moms can offer!