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#1 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 06:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, I am new to MDC, but have been lurking for quite a while I am expecting my first baby in Feb. I have agreed with ALOT of the information I have found here---natural birth, CD, vaccines, HS, ect...but still have some reservations about AP. I do know I want to sling, have the baby sleep in our room (we dont have room elsewhere anyhow!)

My friend gave me a copy of Babywise and before reading it, I read through all the Ezzo threads last night. While I got the sense you didnt like it, there were'nt really definitive reasons why. I read (babywise) last night and agreed and disagreed with it. What I agreed with was that I do not want my world to be focased around our baby but the baby to be part of our world.

I disagreed with some his general anti-AP stance and the fact that his times when baby is awake he's in a bouncy seat and not in my arms!

Here are my questions....

My concerns about demand feeding: have you found that the baby just "snacked". Ezzo's writing about the baby not getting enough hindmilk made sense if baby just nurses for short periods. I also have concerns about weight issues stemming from food being used to comfort--dh and i both struggle with weight.

Sleep- I want my baby to get enough of it. Have you found that your children get the "recommended" hours of sleep through AP? Do they get adequate "long" periods of quality sleep?

Lastly--any books that you would recommend?

Im defintely not trying to promote this method or anything, but before we decide how to parent our baby, i want to have all sides of the story! Kwim? i just wanna be a good momma!
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#2 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 07:12 PM
 
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nak :infant: so this will be brief...

first of all, : If you are already thinking it makes sense to carry your baby and sleep with him, you will want to nurse when he wants to nurse. "Demand" or cue feeding is a natural next step of being responsive to a baby's needs, IMO. "Snacking" at the breast, which I find a truly distasteful terminology for breastfeeding, can take place because the baby simply wants comfort or to be near you. What's wrong with that? Breastfed babies will not overeat. Period. They will adjust their suck if they are nursing for comfort.

I understand your feelings about food and comfort, because I have the same issues. Please understand that your baby is coming into the world without these preconceived notions. The best thing you can do is just to be there for him when he needs you. Check out www.kellymom.com for her breastfeeding info...it's a great website. Scheduling feedings IMO is setting breastfeeding up to fail, at least in the early weeks/months. Babies have tiny, tiny tummies. They simply can't and SHOULDN'T go for 3-4 hour stretches without their tummies being filled!

Sleep-imagine you just came out of a warm, dark place where you were lulled to sleep by your mother's heartbeat. Then you were placed in a bed with bars on all sides, in a room by yourself, without mother's touch, heartbeat or smell. Now imagine that you are still held in her arms. You can touch her for reassurance. You can smell her and hear her heart. Which baby do you think sleeps better? At least initially, babies want to be carried/held by you 24/7. The same goes for sleep. My son sleeps great-about 10 hours a night-and he sleeps in the crook of my arm in our bed.

Books-a good mainstream book if you aren't sure you want to AP is "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears. It's pretty common sense, and you will use much of the information no matter how you decide to parent, but it's a gentle introduction to some of the ideals of AP. I also found "The Natural Child" and "Attachment Parenting" to be very helpful books.

HTH!
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#3 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 08:42 PM
 
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Congratulations on your baby and !!!

I guess I just wanted to let you know that there aren't any "rules" in AP. You don't HAVE to feed your baby every 15 minutes, it isn't necessary to keep the baby in your bed if neither of you are sleeping well, etc.

Please do read Dr. Sear's book and also there is a book that addresses the fact that the first 3 months of life are time that should have been spent in mommy's womb. So try to think of the first 3 months as the fourth trimester and keep baby as cozy and secure as he was when he was in the womb. Not all babies need this, but I think most do. Only one of my 3 were needy in this way, but being prepared for it was such a blessing

I believe the most important part of AP is being in tune with your baby's needs. That means listening to your own instincts and following what YOU know is the right thing to do, despite what a book says or what your friends or relatives tell you is best. Sounds easy, but may be the most difficult part of being a first time mommy. You DO know what is right, but will be tempted to believe a doctor or an older parent. Trust yourself.
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#4 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 08:43 PM
 
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I second The Baby Book recommendation. Around here we call it the baby bible...

Re. demand feeding - If baby isn't getting enough hindmilk, there are other ways to deal with that - switch feeding, or nursing one side only for multiple sessions before switching, etc. But it's really not a problem. And I agree with RacheePoo - babies don't come into the world with preconceived notions about food - let's not start giving them a complex right away! Not to mention, that for a newborn nursing baby, food *is* comfort, and that's exactly as it should be and as nature intended it.

Sleep - If you're nursing and demand feeding, then co-sleeping just makes so much *sense*. Who wants to get up and out of bed to get the baby from another room? It's just so much easier to roll over, latch the baby on, and either go back to sleep or at least continue to rest. Because you can respond so quickly, the baby never starts to cry, so doesn't wake up as much and falls back asleep easily.

One of my best friends is pretty non-AP. And I feel bad for her and the baby, because it's clear that he's the kind of baby that would respond really well to AP. Instead he gets CIO and scheduled feedings and sleep is a constant battle for the whole family. So taking the non-AP route definitely doesn't guarantee that you'll have a good sleeper - this seems to be one of the areas where babies' personalities first exert themselves - some are good sleepers, some aren't.
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#5 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 09:04 PM
 
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Quote:
My friend gave me a copy of Babywise and before reading it, I read through all the Ezzo threads last night. While I got the sense you didnt like it, there were'nt really definitive reasons why. I read (babywise) last night and agreed and disagreed with it. What I agreed with was that I do not want my world to be focased around our baby but the baby to be part of our world.
Baby as part of our world is exactly what we got by going mostly AP just from instinct 13 years ago. I carried and wore DS in Snugli or sling, took him to meetings, went places as a family. We tweaked our activities a bit, but didn't really change them all that much. When he was learning to walk, he pushed our grocery cart (we steered). Life's pace was slower so he could participate at his level, but it went on on Our terms.

Baby as part of our world is exactly what we got by going deliberately AP with DD 5 years ago. I wore her in the Mayawrap, held her, friend held her...while I ran meetings. We took her places, not heading home this time when baby got hungry (so we did have one stupidity as first time parents )

As before, when we wanted to go somewhere, we got ready and went. DD saw everything we did from the sling as a baby, walking and in sling as toddler/preschooler, etc...

Given that Ezzo promotes scheduling: so much sleep time, so much "play" time, eat at a set stage in those times... which really seems child centered versus FAMILY centered to you???

"What will you do once you know?"
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#6 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 09:17 PM
 
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I agree with the above mamas! We don't consider ourselves AP parents, but don't consider ourselves any type of parents, just dd's! Dr. Sears' book was really helpful for us and is part of the small collection of parenting books we kept and still refer to now with an older baby.

we're eclectic parents & pick & choose what feels "right" and "natural" for us with our daughter. I've also heard of a 4th trimester & believe a lot of babies feel the need. ours did and I wish I had been more in tune with her needs but I was sick & pretty out of tune with me, too! So, we lived, we learned LOTS and are better parents now then we were then & plan on continuing to learn & grow with her.

It sounds like you're ready to be a great mama! Just keep reading, learning & doing what feels RIGHT to you, not what people tell you is right. Not every strategy is right for everyone. You'll know when the time comes!

good luck! and
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#7 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 09:29 PM
 
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Some very good advice above, I just want to say something about "snacking".

Do you always eat a full meal every time you eat? Sometimes you just want a little something. Maybe an apple or a cracker. Babies are the same way. And sometimes, babies are only thirsty and only need the thinner foremilk to quench that thirst.

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#8 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 09:36 PM
 
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It's so good that you're researching and open to lots of ideas. that sort of flexibility and adaptabilty are the best things you can bring to parenthood.

The previous posts have already said what i would have said regarding bf, sleep,scheduling etc. But i've got some more book recommendations if you're interested:

The Continuum Concept by Jean Leidloff
What's Going On in There? by Lise Eliot
Our Babies, Ourselves by Meredith Small

All the best to you!
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#9 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 09:47 PM
 
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Great answers so far!

I just wanted to add that as you seem to be such a thoughtful, responsive and empathetic person, even before you have had your baby, you probably wont be able to do anything but feed your baby on cue. Otherwise, you've got to be prepared to spend ages juggling him, distracting him or just listening to him cry until it's his Ezzo allotted time to eat.

I've watched a good friend follow the Ezzo method (three times) and she swears by it, saying it makes 'good babies' and that she won't be ruled by the kids. Etc etc. You know what? Her life with a newborn was soooo much more stressful than mine, watching the clock, warming bottles, sterilizing them, juggling the baby or just getting stressed hearing him yell. And fending off concerned adults who wanted to pick him up and feed him!!

Meanwhile, dd would just suck on her fist, I'd lift my shirt, feed her, and hey presto! Everyone was happy. I hadnt had to faff around, watch the clock, drive home for my allotted feed time, or waste energy on doing things 'by the book.'

I also dont think it's a coincidence that her kids are now far more 'difficult' than mine in terms of 'bad' behaviour. They also all comfort eat, big time. Junk, mostly. They whine for cookies, candy etc. Mine detest junk food. They do eat regularly and love to snack - but it's almost entirely on fresh fruit and veggies!

Also, there is a difference between feeding a newborn on cue and letting a toddler dictate when you sit down to nurse 50x per day. When they are bigger, you can quite easily set some limits, if that suits you. Dds know certain things by an appropriate age, like, when Mummy is having a meal, she doesnt nurse. When Mummy is busy, she doesn't sit down to nurse. Sometimes you have to wait a little while. But when you do sit down and nurse, it's precious time with Mummy. And yes, it's comforting. But it's the snuggling and closeness and love that is comforting, not the food itself. Does that make sense?

Follow your instincts and you'll find a way that works for your family and your baby. Also, don't expect to know what your baby will do in terms of nursing. My first was a big snacker (never had any problems with failure to thrive though, LOL, unlike my friend's Ezzo fed baby) but my second was a guzzler. Who knows what my third will be!
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#10 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 09:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hannahgrace
I read (babywise) last night and agreed and disagreed with it. What I agreed with was that I do not want my world to be focased around our baby but the baby to be part of our world.
I felt that way before my baby was born, too - and I still think it's great to fit your baby into your normal life as much as you can. But once your baby is actually here, I think you'll see, as I did, how much of a little person he already is, and how much he needs you and will suffer if you aren't able to meet his needs. And so his needs start to be more important to you than you ever imagined they would be, and you're willing to change your world if you need to, in order to make his world a happy place. And you WILL need to. You can still have a fun, interesting life, but you can't do everything you want to do whenever you feel like doing it and still keep your baby happy.


Quote:
My concerns about demand feeding: have you found that the baby just "snacked". Ezzo's writing about the baby not getting enough hindmilk made sense if baby just nurses for short periods.
My baby nursed much more frequently than Ezzo recommends, but she wasn't just snacking, she was nursing for a good 20-45 minutes at a time - and doing it about once an hour (except at night or during naps) for the first 3 months. I suspect my breasts have a fairly small storage capacity (that's something that is supposed to vary a lot between women), so I probably wouldn't have been able to provide enough milk for my baby if I had nursed her every 3 hours, or even every 2 hours. I think it would probably have been a disaster if I had tried anything other than demand feeding.

Until you find out what kind of milk supply you have, and how often your baby seems to want to feed, I think it would be a really bad idea to attempt any kind of feeding schedule. After breastfeeding is well-established, if the baby seems to be just snacking and it bothers you (and you don't want to just nurse on one breast for a while to make sure he gets enough hindmilk), then you can always start to experiment with encouraging him to nurse for longer at a time.
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#11 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 10:31 PM
 
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I think Ezzo is a terrible thing to do to a baby, so you can decide whether to give my ideas your consideration, but I did want to say this:

It is our job as parents to meet our babies' needs. Our tiny babies really can't do anything for themselves except indicate their needs. When you make up a schedule and decide that your baby is going to do things a certain way, in a certain order, or at a certain time, what you are really doing is asking your baby to meet your needs (in this case, your need to follow an "expert's" advice or your need to follow a schedule). Of course your baby can't meet your needs. This whole thing about training babies from day one is, in my opinion, bull-hucky. You can't train a baby. You can, however, teach your baby that you are not going to meet their needs. While this may, in the beginning, give you the impression that your baby is "good" and "easy" and "trained" in the short-term, the long-term implications of teaching your baby not to trust you are myriad, scary, and devastating. Is every Ezzo'd baby horribly damaged? Probably not. Are some? Most assuredly, as research has shown. You don't know whether your baby has the temperement to withstand the neglect of his or her needs in those crucial first months, so why even take the chance? If you do a web search for Ezzo, you will find some very frightening things about his methods, his (lack of and lying about his) credentials, and the negative physical and mental health effects his methods have had on babies (both documented and anecdotal).

I understand that you have some concerns about what you may view as indulging your child to an unhealthy degree. Keep in mind that what is good for an infant is not necessarily good for an older child. An infant's wants are his or her needs. And older child has both wants and needs, and you needn't gratify an older child's every want. Infants and older children are very different, and it's not possible to spoil/overindulge an infant.

Also, breastfed babies are much less likely to have weight problems than formula fed babies because the milk changes at every feeding to exactly meet the baby's current need, as opposed to formula, which is the same all the time no matter what the baby needs. Tiny babies have tiny tummies, so what might seem to you like a snack might very well be a full meal for an infant. Breastmilk digests much faster then formula, so breastfed babies do need to eat more often than formula-fed babies. I have five children, and all of them had different eating patterns. None of them have food issues now.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I hope you don't follow Ezzo's advice. It's wrong, and it's harmful to babies. The AAP specifically reccomends against scheduled feedings for infants. They also don't look favorably on the Ezzo program.
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#12 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 10:40 PM
 
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Here's a link to info on Ezzo and his Babywise book. His methods have been linked to dehydration, failure to thrive and other problems in babies. The AAP says Ezzo's methods are dangerous. They are based on religious moralistic views, not sound medical knowledge. As a matter of fact, neither Ezzo or his wife have any education in medicine or pediatrics. Ezzo himself does not have any real education past high school. The things that Ezzo tells parents to do are not only dangerous, they are tantamount to child abuse, IMO. I don't understand why any parent would want to follow the advice of someone who has absolutely no professional, medical knowledge of people, much less babies.

http://www.ezzo.info/babywise.htm

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#13 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 10:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil
I felt that way before my baby was born, too - and I still think it's great to fit your baby into your normal life as much as you can. But once your baby is actually here, I think you'll see, as I did, how much of a little person he already is, and how much he needs you and will suffer if you aren't able to meet his needs. And so his needs start to be more important to you than you ever imagined they would be, and you're willing to change your world if you need to, in order to make his world a happy place. And you WILL need to. You can still have a fun, interesting life, but you can't do everything you want to do whenever you feel like doing it and still keep your baby happy.
Great big "ME TOO" to that one. I've definitely found ways to incorporate DS into my life, and do the things I liked to do before he was born. But it does require some accomodation - he's usually only up for one outing per day, for example, so I can't run a million errands all at once and expect him to be happy be pulled in and out of the carseat. But as Daffodil said, his needs are important, and I'm motivated to make his world a happy place (if for no other reason than when he's not happy, my world is not a happy place!).

Quote:
I suspect my breasts have a fairly small storage capacity (that's something that is supposed to vary a lot between women), so I probably wouldn't have been able to provide enough milk for my baby if I had nursed her every 3 hours, or even every 2 hours. I think it would probably have been a disaster if I had tried anything other than demand feeding.
Thanks for mentioning that! I'm a small-breasted mama and think I too have low storage capacity - I meant to include that in my earlier post and forgot.
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#14 of 27 Old 07-07-2004, 11:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by hannahgrace
What I agreed with was that I do not want my world to be focased around our baby but the baby to be part of our world.
I think that this is where Ezzo's book (which I have read more than once) is grossly misleading. AP is all about having the baby be a part of our world. That comes from making our babies feel as though they are a part of our world, and that means sometimes inconevniencing ourselves to do it.

Ezzo makes it sound as though AP is far more work than his method, but if you look closely, it's really not more work at all. In fact, it's a lot easier, as having your baby close and responding to his needs right away reduces a lot of the frustration and tension for mothers that comes from listenting to a baby scream, and reduces frustration and tension in the infant, because his needs are being met.

A great book in which AP lifestyles are illustrated as really making babies a part of our world is the Continuum Concept. The author, Jean Liedloff, has a lot to say about babywearing and making sure that our babies are always a part of our activities, so are experiencing the world *with* us.

Compare this to....say, having a baby in a bouncy seat, or in a stroller, or in a car seat, while we interact with people around us and do our daily tasks. The baby who is left to wait until mama has time for him/her does not get to experience the things that the babe who is in mama's arms or sling, nursing or just watching, gets to experience, right up at nearly eye level with other human beings.

Regarding your questions about babies not getting enough hindmilk if they feed too often for short periods of time, I always think of how babies were raised throughout human history. Babies were always breatfed on demand, before relatively recent western modern culture. It's how babies and mamas were designed. If babies nurse for short periods of time, mamas bodies adjust to that.

The link Marinewife gave has tons and tons of information on how a great writer can make something illogical seem really logical.....and gives a lot of facts as to why the methods in Babywise arent' wise at all.
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#15 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 02:55 PM
 
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Hope you are getting all this!

Schedule feeding is not only WRONG, as has been pointed out by so many (for example, foremilk is how babies quench their thirst, so it's not necessary that they always get hindmilk)...but it is DANGEROUS. The AAP issued a warning against the practice of scheduled feedings.

Lots of good books here, but honestly if you want to learn about the principles of AP in a short, easy to read book, check out Katie Alison Granju's book "Attachment Parenting". Or go to www.kellymom.com for an excellent online resource of articles and information.

It's good that you read Ezzo and heard one side of the story. I confess I never went that far...so now it's time to read the AP info, then put it all together and judging from your post I think you will see how much more sensible and logical it is to AP.

Btw, AP is backed up with solid scientific information. Ezzo's is NOT. There is not a shred of evidence for most of what he says, he has NO credentials as a parenting expert at all - he's merely a defrocked minister pushing his own whacky ideas of parenting onto an unsuspecting public.

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#16 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 03:07 PM
 
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there are a billion replies already and i haven't read all of them so maybe this has already been said, i just wanted to add:

my friend's mom is a lactation consultant and tells me that the most recent studies show that hindmilk is way overrated and, in her opinion, just provides new moms with another reason to worry. she advised me to not even think about it and trust my baby to eat when and how and how much he needs to.

as far as baby being "part of" your world - that is totally my philosophy and AP allows me to do that! if not for the sling, i don't know how else i would do it. he goes everywhere w/ me (except work, now) and i believe he is so social and outgoing and curious at least partly because of that. AP is totally consistent w/ that, providing you don't mind nursing in public. (and even if you do mind now, you'll probably get over it pretty quick)

congrats!
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#17 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 05:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses. I will check out the library for more resources. I am checking out the link a few of you gave me right now!

You answered many questions I had. When the baby comes we will be in the middle of DH finishing up school, moving shortly thereafter, and starting a very new and busy life that summer. Any resemblance schedule for us will be out the window!

It seemed very stressful reading Ezzo's book. I was overwhelmed actually after reading it. How would I be able to maintain something so rigid when I myself normally fly by the seat of my pants? I never eat breakfast, lunch or dinner at the same time! I never go to bed at the same time (except now that I am pregnant I fall asleep before 10 p.m each night!) I felt like it would be sooooo confusing trying to follow his schedule and charts. I do like some resemblence of order in our lives...we sleep at night and are awake during the day...except for my husband who works nights...as you can see, we are very unscheduled...and it works for us.

oh just to let yall know - My friends baby is a great kid. He's nice and chubby and generally content. He doesnt really take naps though and they dont follow the napping schedule stuff, b/c they learned that the kid just didnt need the sleep! The mom doesnt follow it 100%, more like 50% and I really think he will turn out OK.

Anyways, I am rambling! Thank you for your responses again. I think in the end we will end up with a baby that kinda sets up his own schedule and sometimes has to wait a little bit on us, as we try to live life as mom, dad, and baby.
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#18 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 05:44 PM
 
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You sound alot like me and DH. Totally NON-schedule types. Very laid back and "take it as it comes". We had no intention of implementing any schedules with DD and we totally let her do her own thing. It worked great for us. It kept life peaceful, easy, relaxed. Scheduling is just a royal PITA.

And, btw, I forgot to say in my first reply...


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#19 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 05:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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YIKES! I just wanted to add that the ezzo.info site is full of some SCARY stuff!!! I am glad that at heart I am born to deeply research anything and everything. (and sometimes drive DH crazy while doing it) I think very highly of Dr. John McArthur and what he says about Ezzo on his website convinces me! This man is truly scary! Yikes yikes yikes. Now I understand the tone around here more.
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#20 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 06:56 PM
 
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My baby is almost 6 months old now and I never put him on a schedule. As time went by he did start to make his own schedule. I may not be able to say that he naps from 9 to 11 am and then again from 2-4 pm and then is down for the night at 8 pm but it's pretty close. He tells me when it's bedtime, almost always between 8:30 and 9 pm. He sleeps until about 7 am with regular nursings through the night but he never really wakes up and we don't have to get up with him so I don't really lose much sleep. He naps about 1 1/2 or 2 hours after he wakes in the morning for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Then it's down for an afternoon nap at the same general interval and sometimes he takes a quick catnap in the late afternoon, early evening.

I know this isn't the rule for all babies (of course) but, if you relax and have patience, you may be surprised at how well your baby is able to regulate himself at his own pace. I believe nature (or God if you wish) has set babies up the way they are for a reason. That reason is survival. If it didn't work before we had formula and cribs and schedules and hospitals and modern medicine, the human race would not exist. Trust in your baby when you don't trust in yourself. He knows what he needs and when he needs it.

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#21 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 07:16 PM
 
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My friend gave me a copy of Babywise and before reading it, I read through all the Ezzo threads last night. While I got the sense you didnt like it, there were'nt really definitive reasons why. I read (babywise) last night and agreed and disagreed with it. What I agreed with was that I do not want my world to be focased around our baby but the baby to be part of our world.
Well problem is Ezzo doesn't even want this he wants a see not want not child. Reality will be you worls at least for a while will be focused around your baby, you will have a completely innocent life who will need you day and night so he/she can learn to become part of "Our" world. AP when done right can foster independence and through trust and attachment you child will becaome part of your world.

I disagreed with some his general anti-AP stance and the fact that his times when baby is awake he's in a bouncy seat and not in my arms!

Here are my questions....

My concerns about demand feeding: have you found that the baby just "snacked". Ezzo's writing about the baby not getting enough hindmilk made sense if baby just nurses for short periods. I also have concerns about weight issues stemming from food being used to comfort--dh and i both struggle with weight.

First let me say Ezzos stupid scheduled feedings landed my baby in the hospital because I didn't understand how BM works (PM me if you want details) anyways BM is a supply and demand thing, you will find newborns simpily sleep a lot so by defalt they do do a lot of short "snackings" though they realy are not, a newborn simpily feeds often because there tummies are tiny and they are singling our bodies what to do. As baby grows there are gentle was to encourage longer feedings and they will go longer between feedings, but its over time. Also a baby cannot over indulage on breastmilk and demand feedings is the best way to help deter weight issues latter. Scheduled and bottle/formula feedings often mean a certain amount finished at certain times, so babys are encouraged to finish the bottle. Demand means they only eat what they need.

Sleep- I want my baby to get enough of it. Have you found that your children get the "recommended" hours of sleep through AP? Do they get adequate "long" periods of quality sleep?
Whats the reccomended? Again newborns sleep a lot but often in short spurts, its normal for a newborn to feed wake say every hour but still sleep 14 hours in the day. Again yes they will eventually sleep longer streaches mine did early others take a bit longer. And once old enough to do do sleeping through the night is refered to as a five hour streach.

Lastly--any books that you would recommend?
harry Karps Happiest baby on the block (skip his toddler one though) The No cry sleep solution, Dr Sears the baby Book.[/b]

Im defintely not trying to promote this method or anything, but before we decide how to parent our baby, i want to have all sides of the story! Kwim? i just wanna be a good momma![/QUOTE]

I always encourage parents to research and know the facts. I WISH!!!!! I had known th Ezzo Truth before hand

Deanna
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#22 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 08:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by hannahgrace
oh just to let yall know - My friends baby is a great kid. He's nice and chubby and generally content. He doesnt really take naps though and they dont follow the napping schedule stuff, b/c they learned that the kid just didnt need the sleep! The mom doesnt follow it 100%, more like 50% and I really think he will turn out OK.
It seems as if your friend had enough sense to know not follow Babywise as the gospel. Some may say you can take what you need from his, and other's, books and leave the rest. Personally, I do not want to support in any way, shape or form anything that a person who advocates such treatment of newborn babies might suggest. Would you stay friends with someone who beat her children because she also does volunteer work? I know I wouldn't. (Can you tell I feel very strongly about this?)

Breastfed babies need to eat often because breastmilk is metabolized very quickly. They also need to eat often because their stomachs are small, only about the size of their fists, so only hold about 1-2 oz at a time.

Studies have shown that bf babies are less likely to have problems with weigth as older children and adults and also have less risk of developing diabetes. I was a chubby baby and the most I have ever weighed as an adult was 125 lbs (not counting pregnancies). My older ds was a very chubby baby (exclusively bf on demand) and is not very thin with no weight or food issues. My current baby is even chubbier, at 4 months he weighed 20 lbs.

Babies need to sleep in short periods in order to eat often enough to be healthy. It's not the amount of sleep they get at one time that's important. It's the total amount of sleep they get in a 24 hour period, and even this has a lot of wiggle room. I believe the recommendation is about 15 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. That can be in lots of 20 minute naps at first or some short naps interspersed with longer stretches of sleep, but not more than 4 hours. The AAP and other authorities on babies and bf say you should bf at least every 4 hours. If your baby is asleep, you should wake him up to eat if it's been 4 hours since the last time he's eaten. That does not, however, mean that baby should always go 4 hours between feedings. That means baby should not go MORE than 4 hours between feedings.

If you want to get some good info about bf, contact your local La Leche League. Not only can you get info on bf from them, you can also get info on AP and meet other families who are attached. It's an excellent idea to attend as many meetings as possible before baby comes so you will be prepared and also have a support network already set up. Also, get the LLL book, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. It's a great resource for info and support when it's the middle of the night and you just have no idea what to do.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

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#23 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 08:38 PM
 
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I found 'The Continuum Concept' by Jean Liedloff very informative. Here's a link to the website...

http://www.continuum-concept.org/

You sound like you *know* how you want to parent your child, and when those momma bear instincts kick in, you'll have NO PROBLEM doing what is BEST for your baby! Congrats, and keep us posted! When are you due?? Did you mention before??? I'm assuming you're having a little Hannah Grace ??

CONGRATS AGAIN MAMA!!

Alayna
mama to Braden (9), Caleb (3) & Julie (16 mo)
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#24 of 27 Old 07-08-2004, 09:07 PM
 
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Dreamer, I'd never heard of that book but it looks interesting. Thanks for the link. I'm always looking for others besides Dr. Sears who support instinctive parenting.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

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#25 of 27 Old 07-09-2004, 10:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hannahgrace
How would I be able to maintain something so rigid when I myself normally fly by the seat of my pants? I never eat breakfast, lunch or dinner at the same time! I never go to bed at the same time (except now that I am pregnant I fall asleep before 10 p.m each night!)
i am the same way. get yourself a GOOD sling - or 2 or 3 - and start using it consistently when baby is like 2 weeks old. wear it around the house every day even if you and she both hate it at first. trust me, you will both learn to love it, and it will totally pay off when you are able to wear her everywhere. slinging + bfing totally gave me the flexibility i needed. i really believe one reason ds is so easygoing is b/c of this. (i use a Maya Wrap, but you can read reviews of a billion other styles on the Babywearing forum).

also trusting your instincts - which is one of the basic tenets of AP as i understand it - will enable you to have that flexibility. at first, i was looking up everything in my baby books, trying to - literally - do everything by the book. life got sooooooo much easier when i was able to let go of that and trust myself and my baby. slinging + bfing will facilitate your ability to know what's up w/ your baby.

one last thing - my friends mom who is a lactation consultant is also a midwife. when i was pregnant she told me that in her experience she finds that women whose pregnancies were unplanned (like mine) initially adapt much better to motherhood. (not to say they are better or worse mothers, just that they tend to make the transition more easily.) she believes thats because such women are, statistically, less likely to be rigid, structured, planning types and more likely to be fluid, fly-by-seat-of-pants, flexible types. it's totally anecdotal, of course, but i found that comforting and often repeated it to myself, and there is some sort of logic there. if you are used to flying by the seat of your pants you may find it a little easier to deal w/ the curveballs motherhood will show you. my point is, think of that as a strenght and not a weakness in terms of your parenting.

(meaning no disrespect of course to any mamas who are rigid, structured, planning types - you are also wonderful mothers - like my wonderful mother who is the most type A person ever...)
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#26 of 27 Old 07-09-2004, 10:40 AM
 
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also, i second "the happiest baby on the block." it is sooooooo corny, but good advice.
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#27 of 27 Old 07-09-2004, 12:37 PM
 
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I would like to add my 2 cents.....

I followed my baby's routine....he ate when hungry and when he showed signs of sleep I put him to sleep, mostly in my arms.

Yesterday, my 14 month old pointed to our bedroom and went into nursing mode in my arms, HALF AN HOUR BEFORE NAPTIME!!!!!

He told ME that he WANTED to nap. I AP. It is WAy to stressful for me to schedule EVERYTHING with my ds. I just went with the flow and followed my heart. After the first year, EVERYTHING gets easier, with time!

Good Luck!
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