Originally Posted by PadmaMorgana
ok...here are my 2 cents. as a bride (or bridezilla) she has every right to determine who is at her wedding. AND you have every right to decide to go or not.
I had kids at my wedding...dang cute. A baby or 2. MOST parents know their children and won't let them disrupt the ceremony and will take care of them during the reception. If you have reassured your SIL that the baby will not disrupt anything and she has decided that she still does not want him there then fine.....don't go.
I agree with you and your DH. I wouldn't go if my kids weren't invited. Well, ok, MAYBE I would leave DS at home with a sitter (unless they were at the wedding, he has only been with MIL & FIL :LOL), but DD??? No freaking way.
I don't know why it is causing problems with your family. SIL said no baby. Baby isn't invited, you and your DH are turning down the invitation as you see your child as more important than to just shove him off on some sitter. The last time I checked, it was an INVITATION not an OBLIGATION.
Tell your family to back off.....SIL made her choice, you made yours.
I haven't read through hardly anything- but I agree wholeheartedly with this post.
I wouldn't leave a little baby with a sitter for a wedding, if it caused strife, so be it.
When my cousin got married this summer, the invitation said, "no children." we brought ds, since he was the ring bearer, and the 6-year-old flower girl attended the reception as well. It was very awkward; I know there were people there who had left their kids at home and were probably more than a little miffed that they couldn't attend. In addition, my dh overheard the photographers talking and one complained, "Where the heck are all the kids? What am I going to photograph?" :LOL I cracked up...the photographers were used to having lots of cute kid antics to get great, memorable shots, and they only had two kids to draw from! It was fun to see lots of cute photos of ds on their website a few weeks after the wedding, but he would've had a lot more fun if there had been others (and I wouldn't have been so stressed making sure he was an "angel" the entire time!)
Good luck to you!
Originally Posted by Kirsten
Her dh held the baby, I ran back and forth with her to the dressing room between photos and immediately before and after ceremony to help her nurse the baby - I'd unzip the dress while she held baby, I'd hold baby while she sat down with dress around her waist and bra off (not a lot of nursing strapless bras....) with a towel to keep the other breast from leaking on her dress! We died laughing the entire time. It was not easy (and still to this day we laugh when we look at the pix because she always says that each breast is bigger than her own head) but it was the friend's special day and my friend was the bigger person and let it be about HER, not the inconvenience/juggling it took for her to be there.
-I think the OP's ILs are toxic people with many issues. I do agree that it might be nice if dh could go to his sisters' wedding (buy maybe not stay for too long) because it's a family obligation. I'm not an expert though so I could be wrong. I'd say that he certainly needs to set boundaries with his family of origin. So maybe he could explain to them that he will attend the wedding because he doesn't want to miss it but that the rest of his family can't make it and there should be no guilt trips attached to that, end of story.
-I wouldn't personally want a wedding without kids but I can understand how some people might.
-If one wants an adults only weddding , one should be willing to accomodate nursing babies and be perfectly understanding that some parents can and will not be separated from their kids and NO GUILT TRIPS or nastiness if someone can't come.
I would just tell dh to go without me and the baby. To keep the peace, and also someday he might regret not seeing his sister get married.
While I do believe that she has a right to decide who to invite, it strikes me as odd that she won't make an exception. It's not like paying for an extra dinner or having a baby running around. I thought in regards to etiquette, nurslings don't really count, kwim?
And I think it's great that your dh is standing up for you two. But I would just tell my dh to go so we wouldn't have to hear about for the next 10 years.
They are boring!
Nothing is better than watching children celebrate and boogie the night away. :
Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013. If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!
If not, my suggestion is to stop talking about it with the Selfish bride and just show up at the wedding with the baby. Maybe not the ceremony, but def the reception. Hang out at a book store with the baby while dh goes to the ceremony.
I think that would first make her happy, and then when she sees the cute baby at the reception, she'll get all pissed, but what could she do? Make a scene as all the aunties coo over the baby?
But I do have evil side.
That being said, we also had some close family members (my brother, two sisters, DH's cousin) and some friends travelling from out of town for whom finding a sitter would be next to impossible. So we specifically invited those children, and arranged for kids' meals, a TV & VCR, and a few toys in a separate room upstairs. The kids were welcome at the reception, but it was nice when they got antsy or bored that they could go upstairs and play. I also invited my sister's MIL who offered to help watch the kids upstairs.
It worked out pretty well. SIL was nursing her son, and we had about 10 kids under the age of 5 at the party. We offered to invite one of my dearest friend's kids (she was a bridesmaid coming in from RI) - her response - no way! I want to enjoy the party and the kids will be more than happy with their auntie watching over them for the weekend.
I've since been to weddings and prefer not to bring our son. He is adorable and I love him but I have a much more enjoyable time as a grown-up chatting and spending time with family and friends. We even went so far as to bring MIL with us to an out-of-town wedding, she stayed in the hotel with her grandson, we went to the wedding, and I stopped back to nurse him periodically (the reception was at the hotel we stayed at).
Secondly, this thread is really old.
Well, I can attest to the fact that babies don't take attention away from the marrying couple. Dh's college buddy brought his wife and their infant to our wedding (five years ago). I recently found out that the wife was, and still is, very annoyed that all of her dh's friends didn't make a huge fuss over the baby Get over it already.
I can understand kids being left out if the couple has to pay for them. We paid for our own wedding and didn't include children, cause we could barely afford the adults. But I would have made exceptions if they were necessary, and I did make an adoring fuss over the infant that attended, but it was a momentary fuss. I was a little busy, ya know?
... but in Orthodox Jewish communities, babies are de riguer at weddings. Kids, too. After all, what's a marriage about? Creating a family unit. Kids are part of family units. How can they not be part of weddings?
And no, I don't mean "part" as in put them in the ceremony. Just meaning that of course they're welcome. You don't even have to put them on the invitation, it's just assumed that they're coming.
Ive been prompted by a few people to update so I will...
My sil ended up postponing the wedding a year because she couldnt make all the arrangements she wanted in time and the place was booked so it's going to be nov 5, 2005. My son will be about 20 months old then. We've had very little contact with SIL, and she moved out of state. We've been trying to have very little contact with my MIL but it's difficult. But nothing has changed between me and her, she is as horrible as ever.
So back to the wedding...
Theyve decided that he can go to the wedding with the understanding that any sort of disruption on his part will be followed by me rushing out with him. But he's pretty laid back anyway so I doubt he'll cause any trouble. Ive also been told that he *must* wear a tuxedo and not the cute little outfit I picked out for him. Ive lost the will to argue over such things.
Mother of 3, welcomed a new baby girl July 2011
That being said - its the host/s party, so I believe the options are to go with no kids or to not go.
BTW -- I just had this experience 2 weekends ago -- wedding invite was clear - no kids -- I made "herculean efforts" to arrange for overnight childcare for all 4 of my kids b/c we had to travel (wedding was my cousin - DD to my favorite aunt - so had to go for aunt's sake) -- got to wedding and was SOOOOOOOOOOO mad to see 2 families totally blow off the clear "no kids" info on the invite. So I list that as another reason to adhere to host's requests -- others will, and very unfair circ when some do and some don't.
I think I would smile and nod "OK" about the stupid tuxedo requirement, then bring him in whatever outfit you see fit! At that point, what would they do? Call for security? They might make your life miserable after the fact, but they already do that anyway.
I'm glad you don't have to worry about leaving your ds. My brother and SIL are the best uncle and aunt, and they made sure that our 20 month old ds was invited to everything wedding related. That really helped, but making the day work was still tricky. I performed three pieces during the prelude, then hustled down from the balcony to act as a bridesmaid, then I played a piece during the ceremony.
We hired a sitter to stay with ds at my Mom's house during the ceremony, then the sitter drove ds to the church in time for pictures. The sitter watched ds during the reception so we could visit with friends and family. Ds had a blast! He only came to find me when it was time to nurse. That was a challenge in a bridesmaid's dress! I brought a cardigan, and just unzipped to the waist. Luckily, the women's lounge at the reception was just palatial. Got lots of funny looks, but one second cousin thought it was great and kept me company.
Best of luck! Are there any family members or friends there that you look forward to seeing?
Prenna will be almost 2, then. All her cousins and buddies will be 18mos-6years. We're thinking of sending mini-invitations to her cousins and buddies, along with the invites to their parents... that say "Join me for a Wedding Party, while my mom and dad say their vows". In our family/community there are ample "child-wranglers". So, picture a few grown-ups herding the kiddos off to a nearby room, or tent, after we walk down the isle with a couple of them... to play, sing songs, draw a big Congrads card for the bride and groom, maybe an entertainer for 'em...whatever, while the ceremony goes on in piece. Then, for the recep, the kids are re-united with the group at large, for food, cake, music.
Most kids are appalled at having to sit thru things... we are thinking we'll be the"Cool" Aunt and Uncle... what do you think?
I think that is totally cool! Great idea! However - I do think that those with kiddoos who are never or rarely with anyone other than a parent may not be willing to go without a parent. You'll have to think about your policy on kids who won't go alone -- is it OK for them to attend the ceremony with the parents? or are you going to ask a parent to please accompany their child to the kid activity in that instance and keep the ceremony kid free. To be clear - I'd include that info on the "kid invite". Totally cool idea though - I've never heard of it before.
Interesting that in this discussion, and in the other one, the CHILD'S preference is not mentioned much.
I have ADHD, I had a HARD time sitting still for 5 minutes, much less a whole wedding. Same with my man. Which is what inspired the idea... our own childhood preferences!
If ds had not been welcome we would not have gone.