I haven't read or even heard of that book. But, I can relate to the feelings you are having. When Ben was an infant, I found it so easy to be in the moment with him. I could sit and gaze for hours, just holding him. But, as he has grown, my interests have grown as well. I too, find myself thinking of so many other things. I started my own business and while it has been wonderful for me, I know it has taken me away somewhat. I am also trying to organize our home. I am a flylady, so I the focus is on developing routines. I find myself thinking "okay, it's 2pm time to play and focus on Ben." Not good. Luckily, I haven't been very successful at keeping these routines.
One thing that I try to do is have a day a week that I total focus on Ben. I try to do something special, an outing, art projects, lots of extra reading. But, even on those days my mind starts to wander. It's hard to really focus on play train or legos all of the time. My mind wants to do more. So, I try to tell myself to relax. Sometimes I am the most in the moment when I am watching him play.
For many reasons, I think it is important for him to learn to play by himself. First of all, he is an only child and will remain that. Also, we are going into the foreign service and will be traveling to new countries every few years. And most importantly, I think there is a level of play that children can reach when adults aren't present. They can become totally immersed in a fantasy world for hours on end, where I can pretend for a short while, reality always come back. It's something we lose as we grow up, too bad. I like to help him set up the fantasy, and then step back and let his imagination take over. Then, I like to watch him play.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Feeling deeply disapointed in yourself is tough. . At least you are aware and that is the first step. I think those feelings are part of being a good parent. I know that from reading your post today, I will be more aware myself and make that effort to be in the moment with him. Today will be Mommy Monday. Thanks for reminding me.