If you could, would you have started having children at a younger age or older? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 07:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As for me, I had my first baby when I was 22. This gave me just enough time to finish college "distraction" free. So, I'm glad I got my degree and I had a great time, but sometimes I wish I'd started earlier.

If you could go back, would you change the time in your life that you became a mother? Why? ....Just curious.....
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#2 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 07:42 PM
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I would go back and start earlier. I started trying at 27...and I am coming up on my 30th and still no baby.

I would have started when I first wanted kids, 23/24. Then maybe I would have a baby by now.

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#3 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 07:56 PM
 
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bs"d

Adina

I think I would like to have started earlier also, but not by much. I had my dd at 23. I would have liked to have her right after college at 21 (I graduated at 21) or sooner after at 22. I am glad I had a chance to work full-time in my field for 2 years pre-baby and pre-SAHM-dom, though. Sometimes I think I would have liked having her even sooner (so I could have more kids at a younger age), but I'm glad I finished college overall.

Actually, the timing wasn't too far off perfect!
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#4 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 07:59 PM
 
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Nope. I had my first when I was 26, my 2nd when I was 28, and my 3rd when I was 30. (The plan is that we're done, hopefully that is the case...)

That gave me enough time to 'play' before having kids. Get all the partying out of my system- get stronger and more secure in my relationship w/dh. (We were together 8 years before getting married and married for almost 2 years when dd was born.)

I'm now back in school full time to become a teacher and having kids allowed me to really decide 'what I want to be when I grow up' and it helps me to focus instead of bouncing all over, like when I was in school before kids.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#5 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 08:03 PM
 
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I had my dd at 27 and that felt like a good age for me. I had had a lot of "me" time, had been to college and seen parts of Europe so I was ready to settle down. Now I'm 30 and we're looking to maybe add our next and last child soon!

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#6 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 08:57 PM
 
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no!
i had my first at 19 and it was about ten years too soon.

i think it is best to have kids when you are older and more mature
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#7 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 09:06 PM
 
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I can say that I wish I would have gotten married earlier and started having children earlier, but then I would have had different children than I have now. But that aside, yes, I wish I would have met my husband earlier so that we could have had more time together, and then maybe had children earlier and maybe we could have had 3 children instead of 2.

I had my first baby at 32 and my second at 36. I would have liked to have started somewhere around 25 or 26, but I was not in a good position to have children then (no boyfriend, living with my parents, low paying job, you get the picture).
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#8 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 09:27 PM
 
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I wouldn't change a thing. I had my oldest at 19 and my 2nd at 23 and now at 27 my life is getting easier, my kids are tons of fun and I still have the energy and the sense of humor for them. Also I will have a lot of time to have fun with dh before we are ready for the old folks home. Although it wasn't exactly planned that way, I loved/still love being a young mom.
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#9 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 10:54 PM
 
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First at 25, second (coming soon) at 28. Works for me.
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#10 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 11:09 PM
 
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I had my first at 21 and I think it was a great age, I had #2 at 28, It took 3 years to get pg with the 2nd so I do wish I tried early with that one
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#11 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 11:48 PM
 
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i was 22 the first time i was pregnant, but i had a m/c. it took a year to get pregnant again. i was 24.5 when my daughter was born.
22/23 would have been perfect. i find myself much more motivated in school now (i graduated w/ an english degree in 2002, but have returned to get my bsn); i am motivated to do well for my child.
i mainly wish i'd gotten started a bit earlier because i want my kids to be about 3 year apart and i still want to be in my 20s. since it took us a year to get pregnant with dd, i get a little nervous. i'll be about 28 if we get pregnant quickly...
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#12 of 105 Old 08-07-2004, 11:56 PM
 
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Adina

We started trying when I was 20, and we adopted DS when I was 28. I would have loved to have gotten pregnant when we first started, and have 3-4 kids by now. But the one benefit to it taking so long is that I learned about AP and gentle parenting during those years.
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#13 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 12:08 AM
 
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I am very happy to have had mine when I did. I had my first at 21, second at 23. I will still be young when they are older. Plus I can have more of an idea of what I want to do as a career when I am ready for one. I think it would have been harder to have a career and then leave it to stay home, whereas I will get into one later, which may prove difficult too, that is yet to be seen. Since I want to homeschool I am going to be home for awhile and I am glad that I am doing it young so that I will still have later years to do adult things.
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#14 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 01:25 AM
 
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I was 21 (only a few days short of 22) when I had Madeline and that the circumstances were different I would have loived to start earlier. I would have been happy to have my first right out of highschool. I would also like ot have had them closer together and had more . . .

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#15 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 01:31 AM
 
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in many ways, i wish we had waited many many years. but then i wonder if i would have stuck it out with dh... or him with me if we didn't have kids first and ask questions later. part of who my kids are in their birth circumstances.
17 was too young, but even a PITA 14 year old is worth it. I even like the 8 year gap between 'sets' i can see how we have grown and matured as parents.
I am 31 now and about to have #5. If we didn't start so young i doubt we would have had 5.. or any more than 2, so this is good for us. was not good before, was very rough for years, but good now.
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#16 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 01:34 AM
 
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I am 22, and I've wanted children since I was about 16. I had no way of having one then, and I wouldn't have given a chance then either. Now I'm out of school, and I'm married, and I'm ready. DH isn't, and that's ok, I can wait. But I do feel like time is running out. I want at least two before I'm 30. It's weird, I feel like I'm getting such a late start on things. Perhaps it's because I have a friend who had a baby at 19. We have so much in common, cept I'm the one with the man, and she's the one with the child. Neither one of us would trade places with the other though. Sorry, I'm rambling.
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#17 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 06:30 AM
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I had my first at 32, my second at 35 and we're hoping for another at 38, possibly even a fourth at 41. I had no problems getting pregnant at all - first try for both, so hopefully, I will be able to have all the children I want.

I think it's such a personal decision. Being older, I feel like I have less energy, but more patience than younger moms. That said, I know tons of young moms that I think are just superb mothers, totally patient and loving.

I loved spending my twenties roaming around the world, working, and having a ton of fun. I never feel like I'm missing out ... I've already done everything I hear other, younger mothers sigh after.

No regrets at all.
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#18 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 08:22 AM
 
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Although we married quite young (23), we didn't start ttc until I was around 32. There is no way I would have wanted kids in my 20s. We had to put the ttc plans on hold because of some job upheavals and didn't start for a few more years. Then we ended up adopting, the first when I was 37 and the second when I was 40.

I'm not a person who spends much time wringing my hands over what might have been. Perhaps it would have been better to have skipped a year or two of the ttc and gone straight to adoption. But then I wouldn't have my two children so I'm delighted things worked out the way they did.
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#19 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 08:45 AM
 
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I was 29 when my son was born. I want to have another in a few years, and I feel like if someday I want a third there is still plenty of time...I know a lot of women having babies at 37-40. The whole "advanced maternal age" thing doesn't really phase me, I think the actual odds of problems are not as bad as people think. I think having my first at 29 was pretty good--it gave me my entire 20s to put myself through school (which took a while), travel around the world, meet my husband, get a good start on a career I enjoy (and which I can do from home, eventually, although for now DH is a SAHD and I WOH).

I know I am much more mature as a parent than I would have been in my early 20s--back then I thought that breastfeeding was revolting and "parasitic" and that there was no way I would ever do that! I also wanted to have an elective c-section under general anesthesia! And I thought circumcisionn was no big deal and the dad should decide . I shudder to think how things would have been if I'd had a baby with my first husband (had a pregnancy scare during a very brief marriage to a complete idiot when I was 23). So I'm glad I had a lot more time to be exposed to more progressive thinking on birth and parenting.
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#20 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 08:53 AM
 
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I was 23 when I had ds, and had 3 more babies at age 24, 27, & 30. I'd been out of college for a couple of years, had lived alone (loved that!) and felt ready for babies. We were poor, though. Dh was in grad school when we had babies # 1 & 2, and still in school when we had # 3. It was only shortly before the birth of our youngest that he was really established in a career. I worked part-time, he went to school and worked two jobs--it was hard.

My grandmother and my aunt had infertility problems and my mom developed endometriosis so I felt I was likely to have difficulty and I planned my babies as calculatingly as some women plan their rise up the corporate ladder. And now I like being a young mother of adolescents. I'm 35, dh is about to get a vasectomy, most of our friends our age are chasing around after toddlers...I feel good about having kids when I did.
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#21 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 10:13 AM
 
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I had my first DS when I was 30, that was perfect. However, I wish I had met DH earlier, because there is a 9 year difference between DS1 and DS2 (DH's baby). DS1 would have benefited a lot from having a sibling closer in age.
I am 41 now and will have baby #3 in a few months. I do wish I were younger, but life worked out the way it did!!

Kristina; wife to Max, Mom to Tristan (17) and Zackariah (7) and Lillian (5)
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#22 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 11:15 AM
 
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I would have liked to have kids earlier - I was 42 when dd arrived, but only because I would have had more energy. The great thing about waiting so long- (well I didn't "wait", we started trying when I was 27), is that I've had a very full "adult" life. I feel centered in who I am and have had lots of life experience to draw from. Also, dh and I have a very stable relationship (getting ready to celebrate our 25th anniversary), so all the stresses that arrise can be weathered in the knowledge that we're solid as a unit. The downside of being an "older" mom is that I don't have the same energy I used to have when I was in my 20's or even my 30's. And if I was a more self-centered person, it could feel very challenging to give up all that long established personal freedom for the very real demands of a child. I think there are deffinate up/down sides to having kids younger and older. But I'm happy having dd at this age - one great bonus is that we're way more financially stable than we were in our 20's/30's (think bohemian, struggling students then artists). Actually, I didn't actually start thinking of myself as an "adult" in terms of the material world until I was around oh, 35.... :
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#23 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 12:04 PM
 
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I had just turned 26 when ds was born, and I was 29.5 with dd. I wouldn't have changed anything!
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#24 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 01:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Banjo Jessie
If you could go back, would you change the time in your life that you became a mother? Why? ....Just curious.....
No, things worked out just perfectly for me. I am very very glad I didn't have kids with my first husband, while I was young. If I had kids while in my 20's, I would not be the same sort of parent that I am now for so many different reasons.
Then, I waited to marry DH until after returning to school and earning my degree. Then, we waited to even think about TTC until after addressing the issue of pain and my endometriosis. Never knew if we would even be able to have kids at all (I was told that it was impossible given my situation), but certainly didn't want them sooner than we did. It did take us a bit longer than most to get pregnant in the first place.
I was 32 when DD1 was born, and nearly 35 when DD2 came along. That was just right for me and my family. I wouldn't change a thing!
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#25 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 05:45 PM
 
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I really though I didn't want kids . Then when I was 32, and a friend called to tell me she was expecting a baby, I suddenly realised that I felt envious... Had to rethink a bit and am now the very proud mum of twin boys, born when I was 33. I'm now wondering when would be a good time to have another go. I don't know what I was thinking before - this baby thing is good. However, I want to wait until the ds's are a bit older (maybe 4 or 5) but was wondering how I'd feel about doing it all again at 38/39 - but I'm sure it would be easier if I get a singleton .
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#26 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 05:57 PM
 
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I'm so glad that I waited. Honestly, I would have been a really crappy mother in my 20's. I am SO glad I had that time to complete my education, travel, and just have tons of fun out dancing, socializing, lived with the same roommates for years and loved it...

I had my first when I was 34 and I'm 36 expecting my 2nd (and last). I had no trouble giving up things in my life for my kids, because I've BTDT and don't miss a thing. I feel that I needed that time to be able to totally devote myself to my children, and I know I'm the best mum I can be because of that.

I'm also so glad I waited to get married. By the time DH came into my life, I knew what was important in a husband and father. We have a wonderful marriage and are totally on board with our parenting style.

Life worked out perfectly for us!

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#27 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 06:36 PM
 
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I wish I had been married younger and had children younger. At the time I thought I would be a terrible mom, so even though I wanted children I was very scared to have them. But if I had, I think I would have been the same neurotic yet gentle mommy that i am now. I'm 38, my baby is 18 months, who knows if I will have the chance to have another. All the time I was doing other things (getting a doctorate, travelling, that kind of stuff) I was thinking, "But what if I don't get to be a mom?"

Oh well, if I had done it younger who knows if I would have had this particular baby, who came out this particular time and place? What a near miss, to think of not having him...

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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#28 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 06:56 PM
 
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DH and I married right a year out of college for me and out of law school for him. I was 23 he was 29. We were blessed to become pg on our wedding night and I had DS at age 24, we then had DD 2 years later at 26 and will have #3 at age 28. I always wanted to be done having children when I was 30 so that still gives me the option to have #4 in a few years

I definatly have days that I think maybe waiting would have been better - espically since I am the only one in my circle of college friends that is a) married and b) with any children and I see their 'free' lifestyle and get a bit envious.....But then we go out for dinner and talk and the truth is they are envious of me....they are all out there looking for the perfect 'mate' and ready to start a family - so overall I feel very lucky and blessed to have met DH when I did and have a family! For me I also thinks it helps that DH is 6 years older - for the times I need a bit more paticence and stability, he is my rock!

Grace - photographer, wife and mom to 4 great kids (Ethan 5.00, Ainsley 4.02, Owen 12.04, and Ellis Ann 10.07) :
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#29 of 105 Old 08-08-2004, 08:27 PM
 
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I wouldn't want it any other way, because it then my baby wouldn't be the exact same wonderful girl she is! She may be a different wonderful person, but not HER! I wouldn't change a thing, even though my stbx turned out to be unstable and I'm raising her alone.

That said, I'm in my early 30s, and I know that I don't have the same energy that I had in my 20s. I really think that it would have been physically easier to have my baby when I was in my 20s.

Everything has a reason, and I am in a financial position to raise my daughter alone only because I was working in my 20s after college and had investments, etc. So, no regrets, but I do realize that it is more difficult physically for me at this age.

Peace,

Karen
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#30 of 105 Old 08-09-2004, 09:43 AM
 
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Had my first at 35, and just had the fourth at 41 ... & regularly consider my age. Often wish I was younger, just remembering the unlimited energy ... but then remember the incredible self-absorption of my youth (not entirely dissipated in middle age :LOL) and am very happy for my children's sake that I'm older.

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