WWYD: dh sleeping while "watching" ds - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-16-2004, 01:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
famousmockngbrd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: home
Posts: 6,671
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I tried to come up with a more neutral title, but I couldn't do it.

DH and I both like to sleep in, neither of us are morning people. Saturdays I get up with DS while DH sleeps, then Sundays he gets up while I sleep. So, this morning (Sunday) DS woke up very early (6:45). DH got up with him, I got up at 9:30. I came into the living room where DH and DS were and said to DH, "Do you want to go back to bed?" He said, "No, I've been trying to sleep here on the couch and haven't had any luck."

I was like,

So, I ask you - do you take naps while your children are awake? I do not - DS is 21 months old and I think he needs more supervision than that. My house is childproof but not 100%, not enough that I trust him to roam around totally unsupervised. What if he started to choke or something? DH was pretty defensive, he thought I was criticizing his parenting and I guess I was. I was pretty shocked to hear that he was actively trying to nap while DS was awake and solely in his care. Am I overreacting?
famousmockngbrd is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-16-2004, 01:49 AM
 
Parker'smommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 3,201
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I do not sleep while ds is awake .........BUT I did fall asleep one time as I had been up all night with ds and I am pregnant and was in that fatigue, can't get enough rest stage. I woke up so startled and upset. Thankfully, it was just for a few momments and ds was fine. But I woke up so upset imagining all the awful things that " could have happened" while I slumbered. It's not something Im proud of, but it wasn't something I planned either.

If this is bugging you, which I know it is, you need to have a nice heart to heart with dh and explain why you don't want him to sleep while he supervises ds. My dh and I have the same arrangement and the one that gets up early always plays, feeds breakfast while the other sleeps. Then that person usually crashes on the couch during naptime!!!!

Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

Parker'smommy is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 01:55 AM
 
veganmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Yikes, living w/ my ILs!
Posts: 4,355
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No I never sleep when dd is awake. DP knows he shouldn't either and when he acts like a narcalep I get mad at him and rightly so I think. He even apologizes, so I must be right. LOL
veganmamma is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 02:54 AM
 
maya44's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,493
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not until they were 6 y.o. Now I feel like I can
maya44 is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 03:22 AM
 
yogamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 975
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't nap with a 21 month old wandering around, but I have "slept in" while my son watched tv in the same room as me. During pregnancy, I believe this technique kept me alive...

Your husband may have been trying to "nap", but had his sensors on high alert - that is why he never got back to sleep!

Still, in theory it seems totally unfair for him to nap while he is on child care duty - no matter how safe the environment!
yogamama is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 10:04 AM
 
slightly crunchy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,361
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Nope, I'd be pretty upset, too. DH does doze off for a few minutes here or there occasionally while on duty (at night after work, he is exhausted), but that is only when I am in some other part of the house.

And, I admit, there have been a couple of times where I have been so sleep deprived, that I have dozed off while down on the floor playing with ds. Only for a few seconds, and both times we were on the floor of his room, and I believe I would have known if he went to another room.

Deliberately trying to nap while he let me sleep in--well, I think I also would have a problem with that. Not just because of getting things around the house, but also letting himself out of the house (he can unlock doors with the key now).
slightly crunchy is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 10:33 AM
 
vwgirlbeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 14
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
As a ten year night shift worker, this is topic near and dear to my heart (as are all sleep-related topics!) I did not start taking naps while my kids were awake until they got to be between five and six years old. They are now 7 and 10 and on the nights I have to work, I tell them to watch a couple videos so I can try to rest. The older one will do it, but the seven year old comes up every fifteen minutes and says, "Are you getting up yet?" I hate summers, because it is three months of extreme sleep deprivation; the school year is a blessing, I actually get to sleep for five or six hours straight! When they were really little, they went to daycare for four hours on the days I worked, so I could a rest then. Just my experience....
vwgirlbeth is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 11:48 AM
 
Ravin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Atenveldt
Posts: 5,848
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
If it was my DH I wouldn't worry about it because the slightest thing wakes him up...a noise, an absence of expected noise, etc. He frequently lets DD crawl on him while he tries to sleep when she wakes up in the morning (I'm downstairs getting ready or just enjoying some peace and quiet and MDC surfing).

breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling Heathen parent to my little Wanderer, 7 1/2 , and baby Elf-stone, 3/11!

Ravin is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 01:03 PM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I do all the time. My kids get up early. SO we sleep light. that way I can catch a few zzzzs but not much gts byme. hard for it to get by me when it is isitting onmy face :LOL but they just usually stay close and I usually put a video in. No big.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 01:13 PM
 
Marsupialmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 9,039
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
At that age I would be worried but not freak out or upset.

You should be glad your husband could not get to sleep. He was "intuned" to your child. Be happy.

There is a compromise to this. It is baby proofing a room and childgates.

My husband works night shift and a second job. The times that I have had no choice in leaving wake children (that small) with him we have gated them. If he would happen to fall asleep they would still be in a safe envorment. (I also did this when I got very ill.)

I would dicuss making this situation safe not attack him because you don't like it.

Having a busy box that your child can only get at these tired momments might also help keep things safe.

I will also admit that when I was pregnant with my second child my first got plopped infront of TV (Magic School Bus) for a half hour so I could nap. That little cat nap made me a much more plesant person. I do think your child can "survive" this since it is not an everyday occurance.
Marsupialmom is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 01:38 PM
 
lunar forest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
wow, that is a tough call. I would be shocked!

I've been going to bed with dd (6mo) and dh has been staying up a little later with ds. Dh has started falling asleep while watching ds (At night) and I am just not comfortible with it at all. ds is 3yo and that is very different from 21mo! but I worry about him then falling asleep on the floor and being cold or soemthing (he is past the getting into things stange, and there is really nothing he could get into, though it's still not safe, IMO.)
For some reason mornings seem different to me. I don't mind if ds wakes up in the morning and I get up and lay on the couch and sleep a little while he plays on the floor (or *gasp* watches a little tv -though he doesn't like tv much.) I am in my waking up mode, but it may take me a while as I haven't gotten enough sleep at that point. I am right there and I am not deeply sleeping, and I am a very light sleeper. I trust ds ni this situation. I'm not sure I would feel the same way if it were dh watching him though. I don't think he has the same alertness as I do right now.
lunar forest is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 02:06 PM
 
teachma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: My new house!
Posts: 4,572
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If this were to happen in my house, I think that my sentiment would be as much about the "fairness" of the whole situation as the question of whether it's okay to nap while one's child is awake. YOU make a point of being present, giving your ds lots of love and attention, playing with him, etc. when it is your morning to wake up first. Of course, you might feel very tired and wish you could have gotten to sleep a little longer, but as long as you are awake, and it is your turn, you ensure your little one's happiness and attend to his needs during that time. You couldn't see it any other way; it wouldn't feel right for you to sleep and leave him to be lonely (or unsafe). Therefore, it must feel a little unfair that dh would shirk the responsibility (is that a real expression??) in favor of more sleep. As moms, I think we find it hard to be "selfish" in that way. So I would be a little jealous, in a way, that dh has less of a problem getting what he feels he needs, when I am always making sacrifices for my kids. When my dh watches them, he also reads the paper, watches sports on tv, and doesn't necessarily provide the same quality interactions that I feel I do most of the time. I do get a little jealous because I don't "have it in me" to do these other things while spending time with them- unless they are otherwise engaged by their own choice (like now ). I wonder if you aren't feeling some of these same feelings?
teachma is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 03:28 PM
 
Piglet68's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Vancouver Island, Canada
Posts: 10,977
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm with lilyka.

We live in a small one-bedroom apartment that is basically child-proofed. When DD wakes up in the am, sometimes she'll sit out in the living room (basically, right outside our bedroom) and watch cartoons, while I go back to bed. I do sleep light, and wake any time I hear her call out to me. I wouldn't have done this when she was younger, but we've been doing it since she was about 20 months old. I would feel even less concerned if DH or I were sleeping out on the sofa, but he is as light a sleeper as I am when it comes to DD.

I guess it depends on the setup of your home. I know there is nothing for DD to get into, and she is just so predictable anyways. She hangs out by the TV and coffee table, where all her toys and crayons and books are. Not that there is much else to our place other than the living room, lol.

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

Piglet68 is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 05:00 PM
 
matts_mamamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 874
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I admit, I have fallen asleep many a time while ds was awake and playing in his playroom! Of course, the door is closed, and it's a small room, and I sleep very lightly, so I just chalk it up to fatigue and try to do better next time. He's never hurt himself, and he's a very independent, so he just plays and plays! But don't get the idea that I sleep on purpose - I just can't keep my eyes open some days! Although, I did wake up to him standing over me one morning (I lay on the floor with him) and he was about to beat me with one of his toys! LOL. Good instincts, eh?
matts_mamamama is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 05:04 PM
 
Graceoc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Montgomery, AL
Posts: 1,228
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We couch sleep when the kids get up too early (before 7 is DEFINALTY too early in my book LOL!) but I think it depends on the sleeper and the child. Both of my kiddos are slow wakers and like to watch TV in the morning. They have never gotton into anything or made a disatster out of anything - PLUS - both my DH and I don't really 'sleep' as much as rest and we would know right away if they were making sounds that wern't 'normal' LOL! We also have a one level, very child proof house. I do this in the afternoon during quite video time and it helps me get through the day.

Grace - photographer, wife and mom to 4 great kids (Ethan 5.00, Ainsley 4.02, Owen 12.04, and Ellis Ann 10.07) :
Graceoc is offline  
Old 08-16-2004, 05:12 PM
 
lunar forest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Graceoc, you are so right. I think this is one of those examples where everyone needs to make a decision that best for their family, and that varries. Some kids will play or watch tv happiely for quite some time, where others will go looking for trouble. At different times in a child's life s/he will be differant about it. And some parents will be less or more aware than others. And some houses are set up so that this would be impossible. I think it just all depends. I would go with my instincts about it, though. You really do know what's best for your family.
lunar forest is offline  
Old 08-17-2004, 12:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
famousmockngbrd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: home
Posts: 6,671
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Teachma, you portrayed me in a very positive light and for that I thank you! As much as it pains me to do it, however, I have to fess up and say my parenting is not stellar at 7 AM. I need a couple of cups of coffee before I'm down on the floor playing blocks. But I'm at least awake. I don't think I am jealous of him or resentful of his ability to get what he needs. Honestly it's about safety. I wish he had gotten me up and said he just couldn't stay awake, I would have just taken a nap that afternoon. Of course from his point of view, he was being nice by letting me sleep. But if we are both asleep, that defeats the purpose of one of us getting up, yk? And the thing that really gets me is that he was TRYING to sleep. I can understand falling asleep for a few minutes by accident, I have done that myself. Once I fell asleep for 5 minutes while watching tv with DS early in the morning. I woke up all startled, I couldn't believe I had been sleeping! So that's where the difference is - if I were that tired, I'd be trying to stay awake, not trying to sleep.

Our house is pretty childproof. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. The thing is DS does get into things, he can't be totally depended on to sit and play with his toys or draw or watch tv. I can totally see him wandering around and finding a fork on the floor from dinner last night and sticking it in an outlet that someone forgot to put the cover back on. He likes to put things around his neck, what if he wrapped a shirt sleeve around his neck and got caught on something and choked. Or something got stuck in his throat. Or he opened the back door and wandered off. An awake caregiver can react to these situations immediately. I don't even know how long it would take me to wake up and realize something is wrong.
famousmockngbrd is offline  
Old 08-17-2004, 01:02 AM
 
fiikske's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Belgium
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi,

I haven't read the other posts yet, so I might be out of tune... I admit I do sleep sometimes when dd is awake. The only moments that this has happened was when she woke up at night, really woke up, and wanted to play. In which case I simply put her out of my bed, she would play for a while, and then come to bed when she'd be tired again. That was mostly when she was too young to climb in bed on her own (well, from 10 months to 13 months or so). Now she is 17 months, and it didn't happen again, although I wouldn't hesitate to nap while she'd be playing. I trust her enough to know what is dangerous and what not. She's been playing with little rocks for months, smaller ones even, and hasn't ever thought of choking on any of them. Moreover, I'm sure I'd wake up... it's not a full deep sleep that I'm in in such occasions...

Greetz,
Fiikske

Belgian mom, Polish blood, 2 little girls running around (2003/2005), and a little boy (nov 2009).
fiikske is offline  
Old 08-17-2004, 06:30 AM
 
Fiona2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 55
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My son wakes up very, very early, between 4.30 a.m. and 5.30 a.m. every morning, and does not go back to sleep. My partner usually gets up first with him for an hour, then we swap over. He often dozes on the sofa whilst on duty. Our sitting room is a confined, safe area so it's never struck me that there's anything wrong with this. DS is not ignored - it only happens when he is happily occupied with something.
Fiona2 is offline  
Old 08-17-2004, 07:34 PM
 
moonshine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: finding my way back to the Dingos
Posts: 2,150
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have to say that I regularly sleep while on kid-duty. It started with DD1 was able to crawl, I found that she was crawling all over the bed and I had been asleep for a while. Since then she largely entertains herself in the mornings. We just made sure that the area of the house that she had access to was super baby-proofed. What made me feel ok was that 1) I know my kid and that she can handle this and 2) I tend to be a light sleeper when she is playing. I find a huge difference between me and when DH does this -- he definitely doesn't have the reaction time while sleeping. I am much more attune.

With DD2, now 8 months, it doesn't quite work the same way, but I put her in the crib next to the bed for her to play until she starts crying, at which point I get her.

Being able to sleep after the kiddos wake up is part of keeping my sanity. I am not saying that everyone should do it, but it works for us.
moonshine is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off