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DeChRi 07-27-2002 12:21 AM

how do you get them away from them?? My dd never got on at all until she was 6months old and aquired a stomach condition that made eating/life hell for awhile and the pacifier was a life saver until the condition was rectified. But then she was hooked. She is 3.3 years old, and still nurses, but not to sleep. She nurses at bedtime then wants her pacifier. I really cannot stand it. She only gets it at bedtime and naptime, but when I try to keep it away it's awful. Does anyone have any advice on a step down method to get rid of the nasty thing?????

Corriander 07-27-2002 12:55 AM

My kids are also very attached to their poppies. I didn't intend that to happen, but... Since your dd is over 3 you should be able to discuss it with her. Maybe choose a time like her next birthday or Christmas as the time to give it up. Even if she doesn't like the idea, just keep bringing it up in positive tones, like how great it will be when she is a big girl and doesn't need a paci anymore. Keep the deadline far enough out, like Christmas, so that she has a long time to get used to the idea.

We did this to get my dd to give up her night time bottle. We said she would not need her bottle when she was 4 years old (in June) and started talking about it in January. She got so used to the idea that she actually gave them up several weeks before her birthday. I think she was trying to get her birthday to come quicker.

I know someone who used Christmas as the time to give up the pacis. Their kids left all the pacis for Santa Claus to give to babies who might need them. I thought that was brilliant, and it worked.

good luck.

DeChRi 07-27-2002 01:03 AM

Thanks for your advice. My dd is very reasonable and logical for her age, so I figured this would be the way to go too. My big problem is that even if she thinks getting rid of it is a good idea as soon as she is laying down for bed she is all agitated and restless till she gets it. All rationale goes out the window at bedtime. I guess I need to find some way to wind her down besides the binky, but she is not your typical warm bath, cuddle and rock and read to calm down kind of kid. She loves to read in bed, but she really has a hard time calming down. ANy good calming ideas??? What if I came up with a really special neat calm bedtime routine for a few days/weeks or something?? I'm just flowing through ideas now.............

Arduinna 07-27-2002 01:36 AM

I convienantly "lost" them when she was about 2. She asked where they were for a little bit but that was it.

dreemn 07-27-2002 05:20 AM

You could try a bargaining chip such as a doll etc that they could pick out at the shops to replace the old comforter and then they could ceremoniously throw them in the bin and get the new toy as a replacement.
It worked for me.

Mom2Three 07-27-2002 05:43 AM

We did the christmas thing. DS put all his pacifiers in his stocking, but went to sleep with one. When he woke up they were all gone, stocking was full and a special stuffed animal was in his bed instead of the pacifier. DD gave hers up the following easter. In her bed was a dolly she'd been eyeing. They asked the first night but we gently reminded them they were all gone and they did ok.

lucina3 07-27-2002 10:23 AM

Only my middlest had a pacifier... at 2 we made a rule of "sucky in the bed ONLY" - that reduced the use of it A LOT, because what child wants to just sit on their bed? LOL But you said she just uses it at naptime & bedtime so I guess that's not helpful.

Basically we just "Lost" it at 2.5. She got over it rather quickly... Perhaps a coincidence, perhaps the new doll that was left in her bed time night "sucky" disappeared. LOL. I don't like doing that kind of thing, but it was the only way to get rid of the darn thing from her mouth!

gauge14iv 07-27-2002 10:34 AM

My brother - Uncle Mikey to Maddie - told (my niece) Maddie that when she was 3 she would be a big girl and would "get to" throw her pacifier in the trash! (She only used it when sleeping) On Maddie's third birthday, she asked uncle Mikey when she could throw the pacifier away - they went to the trash together and she gleefully got rid of it herself!

I plan on using this tactic with Daniel!

Linda in Arizona 07-27-2002 12:54 PM

My older DD had one. When she was 3 we let her trade it for any toy she wanted at Toys R Annoying. We talked about it a lot a head of time and we let her decide when to go to the store, so it felt like it as her decision.

That night was very hard and she cried a lot, as she was very dependant on it for going to sleep. We reminded her that she had traded it for her really cool new horse, and held her and rocked and sang to her until she went to sleep. The second night was difficult, but not nearly as bad. By the third night it was as if she had never had a pacifer.


Sofiamomma 07-27-2002 08:21 PM

I asked my dd if she had any suggestions for you. She said, "I just rest and rest until I fall asleep" : Not too helpful. I guess she doesn't really remember. She threw hers away on her birthday and even though she wanted it a few times afterwards she *didn't* want to get it out of the trash! I asked her why and she replied "because it was dirty!" Actually I wish I had thought to have a "binky fairy" or give it to Santa at Christmas! I remember encouraging her to listen to her music and hug a stuffed animal, along with a back rub. Recently my dad has taught her progressive relaxation, which she calls "The Method" and it seems to work pretty well for her.

USAmma 07-28-2002 12:09 AM

That holiday idea is great! Too bad my dd sucks her fingers. I can't put them in the stocking. I'll probably be coming to these boards for advice on that when she's a bit older


festivus1 07-28-2002 12:21 AM

Darshani: I just checked out your website. It is great!!!! What a beautiful baby, too.

laralou 07-29-2002 06:34 PM

I dried up early so it was a huge source of comfort for ds. I didn't take it until the dentist said I had to (permanent teeth coming in) at 5. That day, we came home and gathered them all up and put them in a box. He cried for over an hour while I held him and rubbed his back.

I tried to buy him a toy or a treat, but he said nothing would make him feel better. He said he was just going to have to be sad about it for awhile. In a couple of hours, he was over it completely.

Mamax3 07-29-2002 07:38 PM

My DS #1 had a paci until a few months ago when he was 4 1/2 years old. I don't know why, but for some reason DH and I decided the time had come to get rid of it, so we talked about it with him and the first night he did great.....2nd and 3rd night he asked for it and we told him that he couldn't have it, because he was a "big boy". After that he did great.....a week later my DD who was 2 1/2 at the time saw a paci laying on the floor and since she already had one in her mouth she said "here's your paci" to her brother and he replied "that's not mine, I hate those things". I was amazed, especially since they used the exact same type of paci and we must have a million of them laying around here.....She is now 3 and still uses hers a lot!!! I don't stress over it though, they have such a short time in their lives to be babies, it doesn't bother me.

My DS#2 doesn't use anything but mama as a paci.......I have no idea how that is going to end, maybe with a nursing 4 year old...OH MY!

lilyka 07-29-2002 09:41 PM

This may sound cruel but we just threw them away. We had tried all the different weaning methods and dd would either find one or just get mad that we had ruined a perfectly good binky so one day we gave up and threw them in the garbage. Three days of hell followed (she used them to get to sleep) but then all was fine.

I read an article about a little bot who tied his to balloons and let them float away. Pollution yes but a happy ending non the less. Perhaps this will appeal to your dd.

levar 07-29-2002 10:29 PM

Our son is younger, which actually helped. He is 2 yrs 3 mo. We started keeping them in a basket on the wall so he couldnt reach them. We used to make our routine to say good night to all the rooms, lights, etc and grab one on the way. One night I reversed it and instead we put the paci IN the basket. He was a bit confused, and whined a bit for it at bedtime, but after a couple days, that was that. He'd ask and I'd just shrug and say "I dont know where one is. Want to cuddle instead?" And that seemed ok for him. This is the same way I weaned him from nursing and bottle tho -- so he might be used to it too?
Good Luck! I considered the bribrey, fairy thing. But my son isnt much for that?

mich 07-29-2002 10:34 PM

My DS is almost three and LOVES his binky. He has to have two, one in his mouth and one to twiddle (some unfufilled twiddling need, I never let him play with the 'spare' nipple while nursing : ).

cute idea about the balloons, DS is afraid of the wind ever since he lost a balloon. Imagine if it took his beloved binkys?!

I go back and forth between letting him outgrow it at HIS own pace. Or chucking them all in the thash because I'm sick of them. Right now I'm waiting, I'm remembering a story a friend told me about her kids. DD#1 she took it away at age 2, huge struggle, DD transfered to sucking on her hair. DD#3 she let it go till she quit on her own around age 4, it was her choice and she was so proud of herself! Big ego boost for mom and babe.

So, we'll see.....

zipworth 07-29-2002 11:11 PM

I know that pacifiers are undesirable for many reasons (unsanitary, impede language devolopment, cause teeth to grow abnormally) but I can't help but think that if a child has chosen to use one to comfort themselves, then maybe in the general scheme of things they aren't the worst thing to effect a child's development. Life can be very stressful, and small children lack the coping mechanisms to deal with copious amounts of stress. I work for a government funded daycare and teach preschoolers. I can see firsthand the stress children endure in their daily lives and my heart goes out to them. There are two children in our class who still use pacifiers during naptime. Nobody makes a big deal of it, and it doesn't seem to be affecting them adversely.

DeChRi 07-29-2002 11:49 PM

I've thought of this too. The only reason I really think about ditching it is because I am worried about her teeth. Her speech developement is fantastic, but she has a big overbite that I am afriad is a result of the binky. Does anyone know if this is true?? She really has never been a kid that had to have it all the time. She never used one till she was 6 months, then even then it was only briefly here and there cause she nursed SO much. We have never let her carry it around hanging out of her mouth 24/7. So what does anyone know about the teeth thing?? If there is an overbite now does that mean she'll have one when her permanant teeth come in??



patnrose 07-30-2002 12:31 AM

And, although the opinions among dental professionals vary, most agree that pacifiers CAN cause jaw problems with children. My daughter, at 21 months, loves her paci and like your dd only gets it at nap/bedtime. I cannot imagine taking it away from her as it brings her so much comfort. But it is at the point where I wonder if I should just do it. I will have to remember all teh tips on this thread!

Mamax3 07-30-2002 12:50 PM

I totally agree with zipworth......that is why we waited til DS was 4 1/2 to get rid of it....he had other coping mechanisms for having the maturity to tell us if he was scared or uncomfortable.

Our dentist told us to get rid of it.....but we ignored, he doesn't live in our house so I didn't give it much thought. We do get our kids teeth cleaned regularly and the paci discussion always comes up. Anyway, my kids most likely will need braces anyway since DH and I both had braces and neither of us, were allowed as babies to use pacis or suck our thumbs so I don't get too stressed over the paci.

laralou 07-30-2002 01:16 PM

Originally posted by Mamax3
Our dentist told us to get rid of it.....but we ignored, he doesn't live in our house so I didn't give it much thought. We do get our kids teeth cleaned regularly and the paci discussion always comes up. Anyway, my kids most likely will need braces anyway since DH and I both had braces and neither of us, were allowed as babies to use pacis or suck our thumbs so I don't get too stressed over the paci.
I did want to say that we had a very cool dentist who wasn't one of those that is hypersensitive about it. When he did recommend giving it up, it was because as his permanent teeth were coming in, his upper palate was solidifying and it was started to form incorrectly (that can't be fixed with braces, only with surgery), so we decided to give it up early. But he was 5 years and 10 months at the time!

I do agree with the braces arguement. It is bogus. As long as it is gone before your permanent teeth come in it is not an issue. I gave mine up when I was 2 and still needed braces, so I didn't think Tay could escape braces irregardless of when he gave it up.

We do try to say nice things to older kids with pacies when we see them in public. Ds still remembers strangers (adults) coming up and calling him names and teasing him. So we consider it an offer of kindness to say something nice to them (probably the only nice comments they have gotten).

This is more off topic, but I used to get so angry at smokers who would comment. I would always cause a scene and say at least my child's pacifier doesn't cause cancer for himself and everyone standing near. I told them to work on their own oral fixation before they ever dared say anything to my baby.

zipworth 07-30-2002 06:13 PM

Ha-ha! The comment about smokers was a good one ! I have seen total strangers go over and yank soothers out of children's mouths ! It would be funny if someone did that to a smoker ! Isn't it amazing the way people think it is okay to treat children ???? People that would never dream of treating another adult with the same disrespect

laralou 07-30-2002 06:24 PM

Still off-topic:

It was a good lesson in how to deal with rude/mean people at the time. I regret I didn't scream at people more. Mostly we just walked off unless they were over-the-top. I am not so easy-going now. An old lady at the grocery store called my (now 8yo) ds strange a month ago (followed us around saying it just loud enough for me and him to hear). I totally lost it and let her have it, screaming that she needed to learn to keep her d@mn mouth shut, that my child was none of her d@mn business. He was acting strange btw, but there is no excuse to call a child names. We had another long talk about rude people that day and concluded that she must be a very lonely and unhappy old woman but that didn't excuse her calling my child names.

TripkeHughes 07-30-2002 06:35 PM

I have a blankie, and I feel guilty about taking ds paci away... he uses it at night time only. I use my blankie all day. How mature I know.

laralou 07-30-2002 06:53 PM

Tay used to suck one and had two more- one for each hand. He would rub the nipples all night long, like some people rub their blankies. I offered to let him keep the "hand pacies" but he said it would be too much temptation.

youngnhappymamma 07-31-2002 04:59 AM

(nak) my two ds still have theirs. they are 28 months and 47 months. i have gone back and forth with this subject. they only use them at night. older ds is very attatched (done nak now. ) and I don't know when he will be ready to give it up. I'm sure that when he does his younger brother will be fine without one too. I was just talking to ds #1 today about his upcoming birthday and how he will be 4!!! and how he might consider not using a paci anymore once he is 4. He got a sort of emotional look on his face and said "maybe we should talk about this some other time, mom".........which I believe translates to I am not ready yet. But, who knows...maybe if I keep talking to him about it he will get used to the idea. We even have a book about saying good bye to your paci when you are older and not a baby anymore and don't need it. At the end he always makes some comment about "well....I need it to sleep with" or something similar.
with dd (3 months) I chose not to give her one, and I LOVE the freedome of not having one...I LOVE me meeting her needs...just me...not a paci. I think ds #1 really needed one (he wanted to suck ALL the time and wasn't interested in sucking his hands, etc), ds #2 could have cared less about a paci (I so regret giving him one or at least not taking it away when he was ready at about 8 months).

snailmama 07-31-2002 08:08 AM

mY son... almost 14 months always has a pacifier or two.
I exclusively pump breastmilk for him so I think it helps his sucking need.
We use the Mam, does anyone else use that kind?

I don't really have any advice on how to get a 3 year old offf of a paci.
But, I will keep in mind the comments posted.

bananasmom 08-01-2002 08:09 PM

I hope I'll have the strength to do what some of my friends have done. Cold turkey. Just "it's time to go to sleep w/o binky."

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