Have you ever put your kid(s) in daycare? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Have you ever put your child(ren) in daycare?
never have, never will 109 100.00%
no but I plan on it 17 100.00%
yes, part-time 59 100.00%
yes, full time 59 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 4. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 02:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 02:46 AM
 
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I did. I wasn't happy about it at all, cried the whole first day back at work. I had a year long mat leave and started dreading going back to work almost as soon as she was born. I did manage to find someone to job share with so I only worked 2 days one week and 3 the next, and I worked the latest shift possible at that job (12-8) so she was in daycare from 11-4 when dh picked her up. That went on for 4 looooooong months. Then my job was downsized and I was offered either a severance package or to be sent to another job. I took the money and ran. I did get another job soon after (working a couple nights a week and only after dh is home ) because we needed the money. I am trying to work at home now so I can leave that one too.

I had no idea I would react this way, I always assumed I would go back to work f/t. I suppose because everyone else I knew at the time did. After she was born things changed..for the better I think. Dh was the same way, he never thought about how sending our child to be cared for by someone else would make him feel.

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#3 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 02:50 AM
 
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I'm having a hard time understanding your definition of "daycare" do you mean like a daycare center or in-home daycare with a bunch of other kids.......OR a babysitter?

I would leave DD with a babysitter if needed, in fact I hope to be able to go out with DH sometime soon and leave her with some friends.

As for a daycare center, I would if I had to. I'd rather find other options first, but I'm not so dead set against it that I think it is evil of all evils.

Also, I'm going back to work part time very soon. I'll work in the evenings, DH will be home to watch DD. I personally have no issue with this at all. Trust me, this is not b/c we want to have some big fancy house, or nice car(s). In fact, we have only one car, its an older car but runs. DH brings home just enough money to cover bills every month with little extra. We have to pay off debt, and would love to set up some savings. Not every 2 woh parent families do it to have nice fancy houses, nice cars and tons of extras....some do it b/c they HAVE to!
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#4 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 02:54 AM
 
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Yes, I did. I hate thinking that I have to explain myself..but I will.

I stayed home with ds until he was 6 months old. At that time, we had exhausted our savings and it was clear that we couldn't make it on dh's income. Dh was currently looking for a better job. Sooo, he quit his job, stayed home with ds and I went back to work as a 2nd grade teacher.

I went back on a Monday. Tuesday, a job got a call back to an employer that he had gone on several interviews but had never heard anything back. My mom took a day off from her job and came and watched ds. They offered him a job, but dh turned it down when he saw the salary as it wasn't enough for me to stay home on. He told them this straight out and the reasonings. he felt strongly that one of us was staying with ds. THey called back on Thursday and offered him more money, enough for me to stay home!!!! Yipeee!! They wanted him to start right away, but he started in 2 weeks.

BUT, I had just gone back, and his insurance wouldn't kick in until his 60 days. So, I stayed on until his insurance kicked in, asked for leave of absence in 2 months, apologized to my class and parents ( which was really hard because they had a sub teacher BEFORE I came back, then had me for 2 months, and then had another teacher. I felt bad, but my family came first, and most parents understood and wished me well), and put ds in daycare for the 2 months.

It was the hardest thing for me. FIrst off, he decided not to take a bottle of ebm from the DCP ( who was sooo good and was within 5min. walking distance from my school). He would nurse at 6 am, and wouldn't take a bottle until 12:30 pm!!!!! I was pumping 20+ ounces a day, and he would only take around 6 while I was gone!!! But he survived and is just fine!!!

It was also a learning experience because I now know firsthand how working moms feel. It's heartwrenching, no matter what the circumstances.

He has never been in daycare since then and he is 2 1/2 and we have no plans to.

Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

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#5 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 03:01 AM
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I'm a single mom. My kid was in childcare part time starting at age 2. The first semester (I was a student) it was 3 hours a week, and I was able to increase it slowly (I took a lot of classes via distance learning). She was in fulltime childcare for one semester, when I was student teaching (she was 4 1/2 when I started), and then for three months when I started working, the following March through June. Some was centers, some was at home, we had great experiences with both and not so great experiences with both.

I guess she was in fulltime childcare the next year, too, except that it was called "school" so most people look at it differently.

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#6 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 03:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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rwikene: I understand a lot of people do it because they have to and not because of the luxuries. I feel badly for those people who HAVE to do it, I really do.

Personally we really struggle to make it work, we pinch every penny and have 2 beat up used cars with over 100k miles on them. We rent and probably won't own anything for quite a while. But it's well worth not going on huge vacations or driving a sports car like we used to before we had kids. I'm not complaining at all. I am going back to school so I can homeschool our dd when the time comes and also so I can start my own in home daycare. I know that probably sounds contradictory since I kind of sound anti-daycare but I need a way to make extra money and sah with my daughter at the same time. That way we can save for college and such. I know there are a lot of single parents and married couples out there who don't want to leave their kids in a daycare and I hope I can give them a place that they can feel secure in doing so. I know I would be worried sick if I had to leave my dd. I mean there's so many concerns when it comes to doing that.

To clear up my question I really meant a babysitter or a daycare on a regular basis, either part-time or full-time. Personally I would feel safer with a daycare because there's usually at least 2 care provider's and if one is losing their temper the other can take over and they're going to be watching each other so abuse is a lot less likely to happen. If I had to put my dd in child care I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her at home with just one person. I guess I'm paranoid. But with the daycare thing they constantly get sick so that is one bad thing. Then again there's the socialization factor, my dd loves playing with other kids so that would be good.

Okay I'm just rambling now Carry on...
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#7 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 03:19 AM
 
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I checked that I plan on it. I'm not sure when, but I am going to have to go back to work, and I won't have a choice. I'd like to put it off for as long as possible.
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#8 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 03:22 AM
 
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I never did put mine in. I worked at daycares often though.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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#9 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 03:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DestinysMama
To be honest I have a hard time understanding wohm's. Obviously single parents have no choice but to put your kids in daycare just so you can afford new cars and a huge house? Or so you can feel fullfilled or useful by working? ........... to me my career is my family.
I really, really hope you did not mean this the way that it sounds.

Is it really SO WRONG to have other things than mothering feel fulfilling to a woman? I'm multifaceted, myself. I love, love, LOVE being a mother, but for me, I need other activity, too. I also love my work, and feel that it in turn makes me a better mother and a wonderful role model to my son.

To answer the OP< so far, I've managed to balance my shifts with DH's schedule, and also utilize my (mostly!) wonderful Mother and MIL.

I have lately checked out a day-care program, but we're holdiing off for now-- because we can. Many, many women do not have that option. In the future, though, maybe when DS is 2, we may start trying it 6-10 hours per week. He loves to social aspect already, and I think would be fine. It's ME with the issues.
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#10 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 03:44 AM
 
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I have never used childcare but if I could find just the right person for about 10 hours a week who would just play with my kids nonstop, I would do it in a heartbeat! I'm so stressed!

Christie

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#11 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 04:10 AM
 
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When DH and I got our house, etc... we planned it to where I could stay home. I enjoy being a SAHM and don't like being seperate from dd too often. I think it is very important to get Mommy time, but I often get that during a play group, church, a RS (LDS Woman) activity, etc. Its not that I won't ever leave her, I just don't feel like I need to. With baby number two coming, I have a friend who is sure she is going to need a bunch of help and is planning on who can come stay with her when. I think its all of what your used to and what you can do on a personal level.
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#12 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 04:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm multifaceted, myself. I love, love, LOVE being a mother, but for me, I need other activity, too.
I'm multifaceted too, I have many other interests, I can find other activities without going to work or putting my child in daycare.
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#13 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 04:24 AM
 
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Good for you Rebekah.

Now please quit judging women who might {gasp} choose something different and implying that they are any less of a mama.
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#14 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 04:28 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DestinysMama
I'm multifaceted too, I have many other interests, I can find other activities without going to work or putting my child in daycare.

Wow.
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#15 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 05:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just surprised that for an AP board there are so many moms who put their kids in daycare.

But whatever
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#16 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 05:37 AM
 
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You know, I'm not really sure what the purpose of this thread is. Are you just wanting to be snarky, or are you really trying to get a better understanding of why some moms use daycare?

If it's the latter, then please try to be a little more open-minded.
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#17 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 05:39 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littleaugustbaby
You know, I'm not really sure what the purpose of this thread is. Are you just wanting to be snarky, or are you really trying to get a better understanding of why some moms use daycare?

If it's the latter, then please try to be a little more open-minded.
ITA. I've never put DS in daycare, but I know a lot of really amazing moms who put do.
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#18 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 05:51 AM
 
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I'm a mom who does not work outside the home. I have had my daughter in a Mother's Day Out program before. And I've considered enrolling her in a Kindergarten here, but will hold off on that until we're feeling more settled here, if we do it at all.
And I used the childcare at the Y every day. I would still be doing that if there was a gym here that offered it.
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#19 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 05:52 AM
 
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I wnt back to work when my youngest (at the time) was 4. I
HAD to because DH and I were seperating and there was no way to make it otherwise.

I was fortunate at the time to have a college aged cousin and then my grandmother come to my home to get the kids off to school for me, watch them when they weren't in school, etc. People I could trust.

Since then, DH and I have reconciled, had a surprise pregnancy and here I am again. I don't miss my job...I miss a few people...but I don't miss my job.
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#20 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 06:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The purpose was just to see how an AP board compares to other regular parenting boards I've posted on. I would have thought on an AP board there would be more SAHM's
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#21 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 09:18 AM
 
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I am a single mama. When I left their dad I had to work full-time, so they were in daycare. They had never been before. They were in daycare for about 4 months, and then I found a WAH opportunity through the company that I WOH with. Then, since I had so much more free time, I was able to tinker with eBay and such and was able to start up a sling business. I only sell slings for money right now. I'm totally poor, but I'm home, and with my kids. I felt that being a SAHM was so important that I am willing to give up being rich (hahahahah yea, not in this lifetime!) for being the prime caretaker, rolemodel etc for my kids.

So I am a single work at home mom. It is really hard/scarey sometimes, especially with sales cause I never know what will happen.

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#22 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 09:38 AM
 
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Thread number 805,963 in the Mommy Wars.

I have a career that is very important to me. I enjoy it a great deal and get personal and professional satisfaction from it, and I think it is a job that makes the world a better place. I have no desire to be a SAHM, and I would not be good at it. I love my children every bit as much as you love yours. My kids are thriving, "despite" having been in daycare.

As far as finances go, we could probably survive on my dh's income as a high school teacher. But we would have a drastically lower standard of living. We don't live in a big house, but we do live in a modest house in a good, solid neighborhood in an excellent school system. Were we to try to live on dh's income we would need to move into a tiny apartment in a dangerous school district. I am not now, nor would I ever be a homeschooler. We currently are able to save for our children's college education (enough hopefully to send them to state schools with no debt) and for our own retirements. If I didn't work we would not be able to save a penny.

If you want to be a SAHM, more power to you. I do not. I look back on my own parents and my childhood, and the biggest gift my parents gave me was sending me to college such that I did not have to start out on my own mired in debt. It is not that my mother was a SAHM (she was). I am also old enough now that many of my friends are having to support their parents who failed miserably to save for their own retirements. I see what a burden that is and I'm not going to voluntarily do that to my own children.
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#23 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 09:49 AM
 
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My kids have been in part-time childcare for various periods of time. Now the oldest is in school, & my youngest is at kindy 3 days per week. I did not have to go back to work/school, I chose to. You can draw whatever conclusions you like from that.

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#24 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 09:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DestinysMama
I'm multifaceted too, I have many other interests, I can find other activities without going to work or putting my child in daycare.
I NEED to go back to college to follow my dream. My dream is rehabilitating wildlife. I am empty w/out my dream. Mothering is wonderful, but I am beginning to feel stale. Sometimes being a mother is not going to be fulfilling to some mothers. I am one of those mothers. However, I have held off as long as I could, and either this summer or this fall I will be putting my kids on on-site daycare. I am confident that it will be a positive experiance for all of us. It will only be a couple hours a day, a few days a week to start. I know whats best for me and my kids, and living my dream is what will make me a happier mama, and a better mama. It sucks to think that there are other moms out there who think they are better then me, or look down on me, and judge me, because I crave outside experiances.
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#25 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 10:00 AM
 
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I was home with my DD 100% of the time until she was 1 yo. Then I went back to school, for 8 hours a week, when my DH would keep her. When she was 18 months I added working 8 hours a week to the 8 hours I was already in school. When she was 2 1/2 I upped my school hours to 9 credit hours, and I took DD to preschool on campus for those 12 hours. Now, my DD is 4 1/2 and she goes to a Waldorf preschool 16 hours a week, when I work.

I don't know what this makes me. What I have always felt is that I'm pretty much a stay at home mom... but I also am a better mom when I do something outside of the home too, whether that is work or school. I am fortunate that DH and I were able to juggle life in such a way that I was able to stay home with DD as much as I did. But, I have many friends who work and are fabulous attached parents to their little ones!!!
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#26 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 10:17 AM
 
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#27 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 10:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DestinysMama
The purpose was just to see how an AP board compares to other regular parenting boards I've posted on. I would have thought on an AP board there would be more SAHM's

I suspect there are a large number of sahms. I also suspect there are a large number of people, like myself, who feel passionately about what they do. That's WAHMs, SAHMs, WOHMs. The working mamas get banged around all the time here. There's no real reason for it. We all care about our kids and are devoted to them and since we're here at MDC we all try to be AP. Please remember that martha sears is a wohm.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DestinysMama
To be honest I have a hard time understanding wohm's. Obviously single parents have no choice but to put your kids in daycare just so you can afford new cars and a huge house? Or so you can feel fullfilled or useful by working? ........... to me my career is my family.
great that your career is your family. but not everyone puts their kids into daycare so that they can buy new cars and a huge house. Feeling a bit argumentative this morning, otherwise I'd just ignore your post. But...my dd was an unplanned baby. I was in my second year of a phd program. If i left, I'd have to start over (if I could get in someplace). I never planned on having kids before my late 30s and was financially and emotionally unprepared for kids. I have always dreamed of being a working woman. So dd is in daycare. In a very loving place, with someone who basically treats her like her own daughter.

Kristin -- mom of Erin (11/5/02) and Leah (9/29/05)
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#28 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 10:29 AM
 
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I'm a SAHM, who wishes I would have worked part-time. I quit my job as a RN to stay at home with dd. I had only worked for 7m as I got pg right after school (not planned). Being a mother was a hard adjustment and after the 1st yr would have liked to get a part-time job, but wouldn't make any $ if I had to pay for daycare.
Since dd was 6m I've taken dd to the YMCA so I could work-out with DH. When dd was 2.5yr I put her in a 3hr/2day/week Mother's Morning Out. More for dd but also gave me a little break. DH works super long hours and never would take care of dd and I needed a break. When dd turned 3yr we started the Parent's Night Out at the YMCA that is twice a month/4hrs in the evening so DH and I can have our Date Night. This Sept. dd school is now 4.5hrs/2days/week.
All in all, yes I do let other people watch my dd. I have now family close by and friends that are busy/working/have enough of their own to help watch mine.
My dd has really blossomed from all these experiences.

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#29 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 10:33 AM
 
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When I was a single mom I HAD to. Needed money for food. I did manage to make it as little as possible though. My husband was my boyfriend and he shifted his work schedule so my son was in day care for only 1-3 hours a day.

When I had to go back to work in OCT because my husband was on strike my mil took care of the kids.

I breastfeed my children 27 months (he went to day care), 4.25 years, 30 months (or so).

My kids still co-sleep when they want.

My kids are homeschooled. Which is a struggle when you have to work full time.

I have cut down working to 2 days a week. I wanted to quit but these 2 days affords us a few extra's. Like being able to buy son exactly what he wanted for his birthday.

I think it is sad that you think day care automaticly equals less of the parent. Yes, there are people that are self centered that put their kids in day care but that should not be an automatic assumption.
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#30 of 221 Old 09-17-2004, 10:50 AM
 
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"I love being a sahm and wouldn't have it any other way. To be honest I have a hard time understanding wohm's. Obviously single parents have no choice but to put your kids in daycare just so you can afford new cars and a huge house? Or so you can feel fullfilled or useful by working? I never really wanted a big career I guess so I just don't get it, to me my career is my family."

Um...well, can I just say as a fulltime WOHM, I DON'T do it because it necessarily affords me a bigger house or car but I HAVE TO OR MY HOUSE IS GONE! Honestly, this type of comment always makes me scream in anger. Do you really think ALL wohm work because they want bigger and better? Some may, but please, please, please don't lump us in with all the others because some of us who are married still need to work in order to have the necessities. It would be nice if we could move to a less expensive area, but around where I live, it honestly doesn't exist.

Please, don't judge. I use daycare fulltime and I'm proud of what I do to keep my kids in a safe, wonderful neighborhood with parks and great kids to play with instead of living with a stressed out mother and father who can't pay the bills and lose their home.
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