Mommas with biracial/interracial children - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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Parenting > Mommas with biracial/interracial children
meco's Avatar meco 09:10 AM 02-12-2005
I have similar experiences as Mom2.

I know my son's papa struggles when only allowed to pick one. He is equal part s Chinese and Cuban. He idenified strongly with them. And many of our rituals, traditions and ways of life are a combination of the 2 cultures. Impossible to pick one.

FreeSpiritMama's Avatar FreeSpiritMama 05:37 PM 02-14-2005
Hi all, we are a mutliracial family too

I am white (english) and DF is black (Jamaican), our ds is nearly 3 and we will be ttc again in Apr.

Currently I am reading a great book called 'Mixed Feelings: The Complex Lives of Mixed Race Britons'

Glad I found this thread
Robertosmama's Avatar Robertosmama 06:11 AM 03-02-2005
I'm the mother of a biracial child, I'm white (irish,german,welish) and My husband is Pureto rican. My son's 21 months, His first/last name are spanish and his middle name is Sean. I really want him speak both English and Spanish, actually he has said 3 words in spanish, possibly without knowing what he was saying and their not good words. But I don't think he knows what he's saying yet anyways.
midstreammama's Avatar midstreammama 07:35 PM 03-04-2005


I am white and dh is black. We have 3 daughters together. I am soooo tired of the "do you think their hair will be the same" question, uh...no, they are 3 different children..duh.
The are 6yo, 2yo, and 2.5 months old. I just have one question. How do you keep thier hair nice? I have yet to find a good way for dd1. Its always a struggle to brush/do her hair.

Nice to "meet" you all. I have always wished for other parents of biracial children to talk to.
MamaAllNatural's Avatar MamaAllNatural 07:47 PM 03-04-2005
I think the best thing to do would be to find someone who knows how to do their hair to either teach you how or you can pay them to do it really nice once a week (or less often). I used to get paid to care for a little girl's hair in a group home because no one knew how to braid it.

It's really easy actually. I think it's way easier than doing straight hair. Just use some extra conditioner and first comb her hair with a pick. You need to get one of those combs that has fine teeth on half and a long, skinny, stick (with a pointed end) on the other half. Once you get her hair combed, use the stick end of the comb to divide it Try to make the line as straight as possible. When you divide it, put whatever hair you're not working with in a scrunchy (sp?) or clip. Something that will keep it from tangling but keep it out of the way. You can do really nice regular braids if you don't know how to corn row. If you have someone teach you though, it's really easy. Find a nice hair do that she likes because if you do the braids nice and tight, they can stay in for at least a week.

If I lived anywhere near you (which I see I don't) I'd be more than happy to help.

BTW, I have lurked here and there on this thread but I realize I haven't even posted! (so not like me!) :LOL

Our kids are triracial - or more. White, Black, Latiino, & Native American. They all look mostly like me. They are pretty light skinned and the youngest two have almost straight hair! (of course just my luck since curly hair is easier for me to do ).

I don't like the term biracial at all though. We used the term mixed and we like it.

*ETA: There is some pink stuff (like a hair lotion) that I used to use too just to make it slicker and keep the fuzzies from coming after sleeping on it etc. I think I have some. I'll come back and post the name if I do...it's not very "natural" though.
Mother2Amaya's Avatar Mother2Amaya 03:35 AM 03-06-2005
My AA MIL recently told me to put baby oil in my 10-month-old's hair. :

She has the most beautiful dark waves and loose ringlets and my MIL told me to put baby oil in it because one strand was sticking up like an alfalfa.

Even my AA SIL told me no way, that her hair is pretty. I bought an organic moisturizer and I use it on my hair and her hair occasionally and it works fine. I actually use it on me more than on her!

I think I'll end up paying someone to do it if it gets more hard to handle as she gets older. I can hardly manage to do my own hair most days. :LOL
Indigo73's Avatar Indigo73 11:21 AM 03-06-2005
I used to use baby oil on my hair when I was younger, before I knew the nastiness of mineral oil. But I have found that almond oil even (a very mild) olive oil work peachy to encourage my latin & aa curls to behave themsleves.
ondi4's Avatar ondi4 11:29 PM 03-09-2005
NeeMa2three's Avatar NeeMa2three 06:26 AM 03-12-2005
Hi, I know this thread has been going on for a while , but I'm new to MDC and thought I'd jump in here.

We span the globe in our house. I am the child of parents who are both mixed (yes we grew up with and still use mixed rather than bi/multiracial, feels more relaxed to me). I am Black/Portuguese and Indonesian/Arab. My DH is some mix of European countries that he's not entirely certain of. English, Welsh.....ok, ok he'd just say he was white.

My three kids each have a different look. It's very cool to see genetics gone haywire. They're like a daily testimony of how rich and diverse our families are.

I'll chime in on the hair thing. I have very curly hair that is somewhere between kinky and straight. I grew up often hearing that term "good hair" and how I was lucky. All that did was backfire and lead me down a path of thinking only some of the traits I inherited were desirable. After a childhood of straightening and being confused about what was beautiful about me I am now learning to love my unruly, sometimes silky, sometimes knotty, super curly, super frizzy global fro. I hope to teach my daughter that everything about her is awesome and that her straight (and I mean bone straight) hair does not define her or pidgeon hole her into one identity. Sorry about the long rant....funny how something like hair or eyes can have so much significance in a culture.

-Nee
MamaAllNatural's Avatar MamaAllNatural 03:28 PM 03-12-2005
Hi Nee. Welcome to Mothering! You're awesome.
purplegirl's Avatar purplegirl 01:11 PM 03-27-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by midstreammama


I am white and dh is black. We have 3 daughters together. I am soooo tired of the "do you think their hair will be the same" question, uh...no, they are 3 different children..duh.
The are 6yo, 2yo, and 2.5 months old. I just have one question. How do you keep thier hair nice? I have yet to find a good way for dd1. Its always a struggle to brush/do her hair.

Nice to "meet" you all. I have always wished for other parents of biracial children to talk to.
I am resubscribing to this thread . Hey midstreammama:! You are in my neck of the woods. I live over in Pike Creek!
cuqui's Avatar cuqui 04:56 PM 03-27-2005
I guess we qualify as biracial. I'm Puerto Rican (Moroccan, Spanish, & Taino Indian), DH is pure Irish (from Ireland). I have 2 dds. On the hair thing, I have a green eyed blonde with super curly hair and a brown eyed, dark haired beauty with slightly curly hair.

I often get the nanny thing, when people hear me talking to them in Spanish. They look very different so people assume the blond is my charge.

My girls are tri cultural, they enjoy Puerto Rican, Irish and American culture and traditions. I think it makes them more interesting and certainly more open minded & inclusive.

#3 is due in Sept 2005, I can't wait to see what this one looks like, maybe a firery red head like DH

Nice to meet you guys!
USAmma's Avatar USAmma 04:39 PM 04-02-2005
I'm white American, dh is from India but he's American now, too. He's the only one here out of his whole family. Right now his parents are visiting and I'm going insane. 5 weeks to go . . .

We have two daughters, Abirami and Nitara. Both were to be raised Hindu but dh kinda dropped the ball on that. Both are also supposed to be learning Tamil but again dh didn't have time or something. Oh well, that's fine. Abi takes Spanish classes :LOL and loves it.

Our neighbors are racist and I have had some ignorant comments like, "What is she mixed with" and the best, "Are you her au pair?" Abi is aware of her coloring compared to white kids but so far no issues there. Hope it stays that way.

The sad thing is that she doesn't understand my IL's when they speak Tamil, and she didn't know what a dosa was until this morning. I tried to get into Indian cooking but it's complicated to cook Indian food, and frankly I have my hands full with NItara (she has medical issues) and homeschooling and just being a mom.

I have a website with lots of cultural stuff on it www.darshani.com

Nice to see you all!
kymholly's Avatar kymholly 02:44 PM 04-08-2005
Hi

Well, I guess I'm kind of new here... even though I joined quite a while ago, I only post sporadically. I am mostly a lurker! I'm not sure if I've posted here, yet... but here is my blurb...

I am biracial... mom is white (Irish, French Canadian, Scots), dad is AA. My DH is white (French Canadian & Swedish)

My older dd is mini-me... tan skin, dark hair & eyes. Baby is all peaches & cream with red hair and dark gray eyes. My dad looks at Frankie & says what happened?! My mom looks at her & says that's so I can see you're (meaning me) my daughter! :LOL

Genetics are a fascinating thing. Just when it seems like they've got a handle on all that dominant/recessive stuff, along come all of us !!!

It's so nice to connect with other moms with similar family make-ups.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...milychurch.jpg
cat21's Avatar cat21 02:51 AM 06-04-2005
homemademama I don't think that your son looks white at all.I can tell that he has some asian (filipino) traits. His skin is light but thats about it.
Mariposa's Avatar Mariposa 03:20 AM 06-04-2005
hi! we are a bicultural family as well. i am a very white white girl (irish, german, scottish, a tiny bit of american indian and who knows what else). i don't identify with any of those since i wasn't raised with any of those cultures. grew up in hawaii though and identify with many things from there. DH is from mexico.

abby is a beautiful mix of the both of us. she is learning spanish and english and about both of her cultures as well as some hawaiian cultural stuff as well (hawaiian music, hula, typical foods, etc). if we move to indiana, she will learn japanese and japanese culture as well from my stepmom and that might refresh my japanese! love the japanese culture as well (my first love was japanese) and would love her to learn about that as well!

i am sooo jealous of her skin color though. i am pasty white and just burn. she is gorgeous.
purplegirl's Avatar purplegirl 11:33 AM 06-04-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by kymholly
Hi

Well, I guess I'm kind of new here... even though I joined quite a while ago, I only post sporadically. I am mostly a lurker! I'm not sure if I've posted here, yet... but here is my blurb...

I am biracial... mom is white (Irish, French Canadian, Scots), dad is AA. My DH is white (French Canadian & Swedish)

My older dd is mini-me... tan skin, dark hair & eyes. Baby is all peaches & cream with red hair and dark gray eyes. My dad looks at Frankie & says what happened?! My mom looks at her & says that's so I can see you're (meaning me) my daughter! :LOL

Genetics are a fascinating thing. Just when it seems like they've got a handle on all that dominant/recessive stuff, along come all of us !!!

It's so nice to connect with other moms with similar family make-ups.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...milychurch.jpg

Very pretty family mama. Genetics are so interesting!
peaceful_mama's Avatar peaceful_mama 09:22 PM 06-04-2005
yeah sure! I'm white-white-white and dh is black-black-black...not quite as black as you can possibly get, but *very* brown. He's Sudanese, born and raised there, I'm Midwest-American. DS is tan, brown curly hair, brown eyes. I kinda had a clue what he'd look like cause my friend is white and her dh is really dark too....... DS is a perfect blend. I don't get 'adopted' comments.......but I have gotten the occasional 'so what is his dad?' lol

while we're at it, how about a board for inter-cultural marriages?
pixie-n-hertwoboys's Avatar pixie-n-hertwoboys 12:56 PM 06-06-2005
Hi! I'll join here too. I'm a white european mutt mix and dh is Mexican. We have 2 ds's who looks are changing every day. They are being raised w/ both "cultures" and speak spanglish.

Ds 1 has straight dark brown hair and brown eyes. VERY pale skin. Ds 2 has blond hair and lighter brown almost greenish eyes. VERY pale. LOL We all say I have super genes.

I get the opposite - are you sure your dh is the daddy? Um, well yeah, most certain he is. Ds has my face and ds has dh's face. Its a great mix they have.

heres a pic of all my boys daddy and boys
lisap's Avatar lisap 11:15 PM 06-07-2005
: I'm white-american (spanish, german and english) and DH is from India. DD looks a lot like me and we do get a lot of stares and people never can tell my DH is DD's dad . My IL's live here so they try to speak Gujrati to her and she understands a little. We have tried to teach her both cultures and she is only 20 months so she doesn't really understand the difference.

Glad to see this thread and read all of your posts. It's nice to know we are not alone!
Mother2Amaya's Avatar Mother2Amaya 02:38 AM 06-26-2005
My 15-month-old triracial (AA/NA/Cauc)dd is starting to FINALLY get hair. It's gorgeous, big dark ringlets... BUT... IT'S TANGLY!!!

Like you would not believe. Now i have relatively wavy hair and i struggle with detangling mine and pull out big wads of hair... but what can I use or HOW do I detangle the head of a wiggly 15-month-old?

Any suggestions?
marybethorama's Avatar marybethorama 04:30 PM 06-26-2005
My dh is AA and I'm white.

We have 3 boys.

We live in rural western MD (near WV and PA) and there are tons of interracial (AA and white) families here so we don't feel like we stand out so much.

I find "No More Tangles" or it's equivalent works great on my kids hair.

Mary Beth of Paul (9), Harry (7), and Timmy (almost 4)
happyhippiemama's Avatar happyhippiemama 11:42 AM 06-27-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother2Amaya
My 15-month-old triracial (AA/NA/Cauc)dd is starting to FINALLY get hair. It's gorgeous, big dark ringlets... BUT... IT'S TANGLY!!!

Like you would not believe. Now i have relatively wavy hair and i struggle with detangling mine and pull out big wads of hair... but what can I use or HOW do I detangle the head of a wiggly 15-month-old?

Any suggestions?

I feel your pain. My 22 month old DD is triracial as well (AA/HA/Cauc) and didn't get much hair till about 17 months old, and then it came in practically overnight. It's big floppy curls on top and tight kinky curls in back. I live in Iowa and literally know maybe 3 other-than-white people well enough to consider even acquaintainces, so don't have anyone to ask about how to deal with courser hair.

I tried combing the dreadies out of the back of DD's hair, but that took forever and was not well received by my DD. Then I came home from work one night to find my boyfriend running his great big four inch paddle brush through her oh-my-god extremely frizzed out afro hair. I freaked out.

"You can't run a brush through her hair, I can barely get a comb through it!"

He looks at me like I'm a complete idiot and says "well, I just did, didn't I." Apparently she pitched a fit for the first couple of minutes, then settled back against his chest and let him brush. He just grabs some hair with the edge of the brush and then wiggles it through a little at a time. It takes about ten minutes, and usually by about minute four or five, her eyes are rolling back in her head in ecstasy and she might even fall asleep. :LOL

Not all brushes will do it, my hairbrush for example pulls too much, and another one I bought just doesn't go through. I usually rub a bit of moisturizer in my palms and then through her hair to shape it up, and the frizzies spring right into ringlets that stay fairly dreadie-free for the rest of the day.

good luck. for me, it was complete trial and error (and lucky to have a boyfriend with no preconceived ideas about what one can and cannot do with an interracial child's hair. )
MamaAllNatural's Avatar MamaAllNatural 02:47 PM 06-27-2005
Okay, with the super curly hair, you need to get a pick. After you wash it (which yeah, wash normally but you can use extra conditioner) pick it out. It's best if you can do their hair right then when it's wet but I know they're pretty young still to have hairdo's (sp?) overnight. For the day though when you're going to do their hair, pick it out (use a detangler if you need to) but just gently start from the bottom. A pick will comb through it easier than anything else. Then you need to get one of those combs that are half like a regular comb and half a stick with a pointy end. You use the pointy end to part the hair and can use the comb part to comb it nicely for whatever hairdo you're doing.

I must say, I think it's really important to find someone IRL that can teach you how to do you child's hair. I think it's important to the child and it's only fair. I consider it part of my responsibilty in bringing a child of a different race than my own into this world. I've seen some very sad situations where AA children (especially girls) ended up getting some negative messages about their hair (from their own family) and this runs deep. I don't want to go off or anything but this is a really important issue. We had the "hair" discussion in another mixed babies thread and maybe I'll go find it instead of having another huge discussion about it.
turkeygw's Avatar turkeygw 07:21 PM 07-05-2005
I went to this website w/great advice on how to deal w/biracial/aa hair. If anyone wants the site addy, just reply back, because I have to redo a search(lol-yeah i know i should have wrote it down).

Here were some of the tips:
Don't grease your child's scalps(the scalps produces enough of its own oil)
Don't comb your child's hair when it's wet
This is a big NO NO: Only use wide tooth combs, those skinny, fine tooth combs damage hair folicles and cause split ends
Use a deep conditioner(for example I use Motions Conditioner on my daughters hair w/a cap for 15 minutes) The deep conditioner is really good for people w/curly/mixed/aa hair, and leaves hair shiny but more importantly MANAGEABLE
Another No No, don't brush your child's hair(like the fine tooth comb, it damages hair folicles and causes split ends
Avoid products that contain mineral oil or petroleum oil(these clog the hair spores, don't allow the hair to breath, and can cause dandruff
Try not to overdo hair(mechanics-styling)
Don't put braids in too tight
Luster's Pink lotion is also not a good product to use


Again, these tips were for people w/aa/biracial/curly hair, so it may not apply to those whose hair wasn't mentioned above. I learned so many wrong things I was doing to my hair(as well as my daughters), like for example, I never knew how bad it was to use a brush. The lady who gave the tips on the site is Cathy, and she has some awesome products I plan on buying next month for myself, and my daughters. I was so happy to visit this site, and learn the truth about hair. One of the biggest myths, especially in the AA community, is that greasing your scalp helps your hair. Well obviously after reading the info on Cathy's site, I realize that's not true at all. Cathy also has a book, she mentioned on her site for AA women. I forgot the name, but I'm planning on buying that as well.

Hope this helped someone, and I'd be more than happy to give the website addy, just do a reply, then I'll respond back.
BusyBee11's Avatar BusyBee11 04:13 PM 07-06-2005
I'm caucasian American and my dh is Moroccan. The paperwork at dd's pediatrician asked for race and I didn't know what to put. When dh is prompted with that question he says "African-Arab".

Does anyone know what I should use for dd?

TIA
kymholly's Avatar kymholly 06:10 PM 07-06-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyBee11
I'm caucasian American and my dh is Moroccan. The paperwork at dd's pediatrician asked for race and I didn't know what to put. When dh is prompted with that question he says "African-Arab".

Does anyone know what I should use for dd?

TIA
Personally, I like to live my life outside of the box. As in, I don't answer those types of questions on forms. I'm not interested in fulfilling someone's "quota" and I don't believe that those questions should even be asked. I know that most will call me naive (at best), but how about checking the "other" box & then filling in "human" for race.
Indigo73's Avatar Indigo73 06:22 PM 07-06-2005
My answer is along the lines with Kym.

My answer is usually "mixed." I am interracial myself and don't identify with any one race.
melissa17s's Avatar melissa17s 10:22 AM 07-07-2005
Busybee11, in most cases human would be sufficient, but with a doctor, check off other and mark in Caucasian and Morocan because there are some medical consideration that are based on ethnic background. Usually they are rare, but it is much easier for a doctor to diagnose if they are aware. I doubt the doctor is asking to fill quotas that is an issue at the state and federal government institutions, but not a privitate practice doctor. To be safe, you could ask why they need to know.

My ped. knows about my dc ethnic background, and when we traveled to S.E. Asia to visit family, she was able to help us find a travel doctor who knew some about cultural customs from the area. He gave us health advice that was not just superficial.
BusyBee11's Avatar BusyBee11 03:22 PM 07-09-2005
Excellent advice by all. Thanks!
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