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Parenting > I think I hate my child
PurpleBasil's Avatar PurpleBasil 11:45 AM 10-30-2004
zatfigmama and Rie&Bugsmom: thank you!!



Rie&BugsMom's Avatar Rie&BugsMom 12:15 PM 10-30-2004
You are Very Welcome!!!
laurajean's Avatar laurajean 01:23 PM 10-30-2004
Intensity too,

I could not read all of the posts in this thread. But, I did read a few of yours and I felt empathy for you and your son.

When a child is three years old, many professionals do not want to label or diagnose. However, from your description, your son seems to seek out sensory stimulation. For some children, the world does not provide enough tactile stimulation for them. So, there are positive ways for you to provide these experiences: massage, brushing with a surgical brush (under OT supervision), weighted vest, using shaving cream to spread all over body, ball pits, trampoline, finger paints etc.

And, on the other hand, often children who are feeling under stimulated through one sense are over stimulated through another. For example, loud noises or constant auditory stimulation will cause some children to have a fight/flight reaction. It is very important for you to observe and take note of what causes your son to react and try to avoid those situations.

Please get the support that you need. There are parent support groups and family play therapy groups in many areas. And, take care of yourself!!

~Laura
Bestbirths's Avatar Bestbirths 03:41 PM 10-30-2004
I think the joy in life is to get through these hard times. I am glad that we have stuck it out. Things do get better, things are getting better with our spirited child who is now 15. I thought I hated him when he was 10. I fantasized about adopting him out or sending him to a boarding school. I am glad I didn't. I really do think that half of it was dietary/allergy/sensory/giftedness/rearranging our lives around his spiritedness. The other half was improving my parenting/attitude/outlook. To never give up, never quit! One wise mama once said as Moms we are never allowed to come to the end of our rope. So, whenever I am about to say "I am losing it", or "I am at the end of my rope". I tell myself no, there is no end of your rope when you are a mom. I started imagining in my mind that I would keep an extra stash of rope for myself. Then, I started imagining myself keeping an extra stash of rope for other Mom's too. When other Mama's around me felt like they were at the end of their ropes I would say "here, I have some extra rope that you can tie on to yours". There, you do not have an end to your rope now. That's kind of like what MDC has been for me.
Bestbirths's Avatar Bestbirths 03:46 PM 10-30-2004
oh, and not to forget our spirited child went to a chiropractor once a week for years. It really helped.
charmarty's Avatar charmarty 04:50 PM 10-30-2004
Bestbirths~ I like that. Giving other mothers more rope. I think you just found a new sig!
Bearsmama's Avatar Bearsmama 10:22 PM 10-30-2004
Bestbirths-What wonderful words This is not even my thread, and as mother of a very spirited child, I thank you...
hippiemom2's Avatar hippiemom2 01:09 AM 10-31-2004
My son is an extreme kid. Energy flying every which way and that all day long, but at night he is ready for bed. He just needs a fan on. One day, we were trying to get him to sleep when he was around 2 and it wasn't happening. We tried everything that we could think of including crying it out. NO flames please this was done in a long line of possibilites. It didn't work anyway. When we turned on his fan, he layed down in the bed and put his covers on. Now, that fan is on every single night and he is 5 now and no problems at night. I wish you and your family well OP. I was kind of reading through some of the earlier posts and couldn't believe how snarky it seemed. Aren't we here for support? Sometimes these boards amaze me and not necessarily in a good way....

Peace,
Shelbi
huggerwocky's Avatar huggerwocky 02:19 AM 10-31-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMoMpls
I don't mean to sound snarly- it is just I don't think parents whose children are "normal" understand that when you get to your last nerve, have tried everything and nothing has worked- hearing "focus on the positive, be patient, be kinder, etc." ends up feeling like- "you haven't really tried everything, you aren't really at wits end." I heard her despair because it has been my own and reacted from there. I apologize.
I agree, don't apologize!She is worn out, has a baby at home and surely tried all of these things already.

I don't have much more to add except to have other people watch him,too and staying outside as much as possible

TC,
Shann's Avatar Shann 11:32 AM 10-31-2004
No, Magster, I never said it was easy on my friend's daughter. I simply said that FOR MY FRIEND adoption of her daughter was the best thing. She felt (and so do I) that in the long run, it was best for her daughter to be adopted to a family that actually would like her, as my friend had truly come to a stage where she didn't like (i.e. she hated) her own child. I can't see how that could totally be bad for the child. My friend was at the end of all her ropes, and I must admit, even I couldn't stand to be near her daughter, and I have alot more patience with kids than most people. She was a little terror, and I was not sorry to see her give her up for adoption. So it was very good for my friend, and as I said, better for the daughter in the long run. Sometimes such hard decisions must be made.
its_our_family's Avatar its_our_family 11:46 AM 10-31-2004
Intensity...If you are still reading this threar and are in need of a chuckle thinking about what another etremekid does...read these couple links...

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=211342

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=211879

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=211996

Just a glimpse at the things T has done this week...
intensity_too's Avatar intensity_too 01:09 PM 10-31-2004
its_our_family-

I'm begining to wonder if our son's were seperated at birth!! Joe has done all those things and then some. How do you manage to keep your cool when you are looking at a kid and a kitchen covered in flour and sugar? Please share your wisdom oh great mama!!
Bestbirths's Avatar Bestbirths 01:25 PM 10-31-2004
One thing I notice about Its our family is that she uses humor to laugh at what some people looking in would consider "serious problems". Sometimes you just have to try very desperately to find some humor in it all. Keeps one sane sometimes. A chapstick eating powdered sugar covered kid who is coloring on the floor is both hilarious and adorable to me. My aunt set the house on fire when she was five. My grandma had just lost weight and gotten her first fashionable wardrobe. The fire was started in grandma's closet, and just all of her new clothes burnt up. I can find the humor in this story. It must be because of having a spirited child, it is just funny to me or I am warped, I dunno.

Charmarty-I like that idea. See my new sig!
charmarty's Avatar charmarty 04:02 PM 10-31-2004
I LOVE It!
its_our_family's Avatar its_our_family 12:27 AM 11-01-2004
Intensity-- I have no idea. BUt I do try and use humor. Its the out of the ordinary thingsI find funny.

Like the time I found Tracy in the bathroom sink up to his waist in water chewing on his dad's toothbrush. The first thing I do is get the camera.

I think that is part of it. Instead of reacting right away when he does something I look to see if he is in danger. If he isn't I step back. I can leave the room and come back. I try not to instantly judge. With him it is sometimes just harmless exploring that turns into a mess. Running to get the camera calms me down.

Trust me I lose my temper way too often with him.

I try and remember that my son is NOT trying to make my life a living hell. Sometimes it feels that way. But he isn't doing things as revenge or in order to make me mad. Like someone above was saying sometimes it is attitude. I used to have the symbol for Tracy in my sig as I posted a post similar to yours and someone lovingly pointed out that I need to change my attitude towards Tracy. I said that I didn't think I had issues with MY attitude. Then she pointed out my sig. It was staring right back at me. I changed it to

The other thing is that I will freely admit that I love my son everyday but I don't always like him. Sometimes I can think of nothing else but running away or locking myself in the closet. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I grab that dusty babygate and put Tracy in his room. There he can bounce off the walls without me hounding him and I can get 5 minutes to myself to collect and regroup.

Oooo, thats the other thing. I've learned to give him some space. I let him be him. If he is going to damage property, himself,or another person I'll stop him. But I try and let him do what he wants. I'm not talking about being overly permissive either. I'm talking about letting him explorewith me watching. The more I hound him the more he does "bad".

I have more but this is getting long. I don't know if anything I've said is anything different than things that you have done. I don't want to repeat any of it. But know you aren't alone. This is something we struggle with everyday. This is something that I wake up in the morning dreading and go to bed weary from. This is something that I give myself pep talks for.

"I can do this. I am his mother and he is my child. I love him and he loves me. Together we can grow up . Together we can have a good day."

Sometimes its true. Others it isn't.
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