Intensity-- I have no idea. BUt I do try and use humor. Its the out of the ordinary thingsI find funny.
Like the time I found Tracy in the bathroom sink up to his waist in water chewing on his dad's toothbrush. The first thing I do is get the camera.
I think that is part of it. Instead of reacting right away when he does something I look to see if he is in danger. If he isn't I step back. I can leave the room and come back. I try not to instantly judge. With him it is sometimes just harmless exploring that turns into a mess. Running to get the camera calms me down.
Trust me I lose my temper way too often with him.
I try and remember that my son is NOT trying to make my life a living hell. Sometimes it feels that way. But he isn't doing things as revenge or in order to make me mad. Like someone above was saying sometimes it is attitude. I used to have the symbol for Tracy in my sig as
I posted a post similar to yours and someone lovingly pointed out that I need to change my attitude towards Tracy. I said that I didn't think I had issues with MY attitude. Then she pointed out my sig. It was staring right back at me. I changed it to
The other thing is that I will freely admit that I love my son everyday but I don't always like him. Sometimes I can think of nothing else but running away or locking myself in the closet. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I grab that dusty babygate and put Tracy in his room. There he can bounce off the walls without me hounding him and I can get 5 minutes to myself to collect and regroup.
Oooo, thats the other thing. I've learned to give him some space. I let him be him. If he is going to damage property, himself,or another person I'll stop him. But I try and let him do what he wants. I'm not talking about being overly permissive either. I'm talking about letting him explorewith me watching. The more I hound him the more he does "bad".
I have more but this is getting long. I don't know if anything I've said is anything different than things that you have done. I don't want to repeat any of it. But know you aren't alone. This is something we struggle with everyday. This is something that I wake up in the morning dreading and go to bed weary from. This is something that I give myself pep talks for.
"I can do this. I am his mother and he is my child. I love him and he loves me. Together we can grow up . Together we can have a good day."
Sometimes its true. Others it isn't.