i'm worried about my nieces' behavior - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 9 Old 12-31-2004, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my niece will be 4 years old in feburary. she 's a very creative and sensitive girl. often i go visit her so my own dd can visit her. but last saturday was a nightmare!!!!we were in target and a little boy was pointing at something and she slapped his hand out of the way. of course my sister is apologizing to his parents. then while seated in the shopping cart she is in dd's face making loud "aahhh" noises , in her face . i asked her to stop and she wouldn't so i took her back to her mother, my sister, she was in line to return something. then while we're eating in targets' place to eat her and dd are standing up and screaming! we asked them to sit down but eventually ended up leaving because of both of their behavior. then at the shoe store her mother asks her not to shove all the shoe boxes to the back of the shelf but she does it anyway making it harder for whoever to find the correct size of shoes. then while walking in the mall she slaps dd! i asked her why and she says "because she wouldn't listen to me" then my sister slaps her, not hard and says "there do you like it.?" my sister is literally at her wits ' end. my niece is a nightmare. i'm thinking she is angry about something. her sister was born with neurofibromitosis . i think that she must sense that we are worried about olivia,her sister. her sister will be two this august. i should add that when we go to the park she does not act like this or when we are on the bus, it is only in the mall or while we're eating or while we're in a store.


when she is doing something she should n't do and won't remove herself from the situation, my sister will pull her hair to get her away. i feel badly for my sister because that is really not the kind of mother she is, but she is at the end of her rope. and I would be too with this coming from eireann.


advice please. oh, and yesterday my sister calls and invites us out and i told her that eireanns' behavior is too disturbing and i really don't want to spend time with her. she understood completely.


i really adore her. i don't want her to be an angry child
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#2 of 9 Old 12-31-2004, 03:37 PM
 
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I really think that your sister needs to make a pact with her daughter not to hit, slap, pull, bite kick etc... And your sister needs to be yhe adult and stick to it no matter what.

The first suggstion that come into my had was for your sister to have a nice talk with her, about how sad she is that DD is hurting people. Have the talk with her at a time when it's just the two of them and not at the time she has hurt someone. Maybe like and hour later. Then keep having the same talk over and over again, calmly and politley until it stops. But I don't think the talk will get through to your niece until your sister stops hurting her daughter.

If she hits or pulls hair, don't ask for an explination, they may send her the message that it's acceptable if there is a good enough reason. Just simply tell her that it is not okay, under any circumstance.
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#3 of 9 Old 01-01-2005, 02:17 AM
 
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Do not go shopping or out to eat with this child. No 4 year old needs to be in the mall or Target. These places are complete sensory overload with nothing for the child to do but get in trouble.

Spend time with them in situations that work for the kids.
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#4 of 9 Old 01-01-2005, 04:41 PM
 
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IA with the previous poster. you say she's a sensitive child--it may just be that these situations are way too overstimulating for her. i really feel for your sister, i wonder if she will have to make some lifestyle changes to make things better for both of them. Like only really quick shopping trips, if necessary; meeting friends on more friendly and neutral territory......

Good luck, it's hard.
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#5 of 9 Old 01-01-2005, 05:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda KS
These places are complete sensory overload with nothing for the child to do but get in trouble..

I am also wondering...was this all in one day? I mean, after freaking in Target, did you then to to the shoe store...and then on to the mall?

I have a highly sensitive dd the same age (4 in feb). To me, part of "listening" to my child is leaving when she is showing me she can not handle the situation. Not as a punishment...but in response to her limits and her needs.

We've had months (recently) where we avoided target at all costs, cause dd freaked *every time* we went there. It is hard, but it is an artificially overwhelming environment, and lots of wonderful children just can not handle it.
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#6 of 9 Old 01-01-2005, 08:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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that is really great advice! yes, all those errands were in all one day. were we crazy or what. i remember a time when i would not go to target and i 'm an adult.
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#7 of 9 Old 01-01-2005, 08:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my sister says thank you.
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#8 of 9 Old 01-01-2005, 10:41 PM
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Wowza. Sounds like she was super duper overstimulated, frankly, not that she has any particular problem. I would be freaking out myself if made to do all that.
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#9 of 9 Old 01-02-2005, 04:21 PM
 
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Yeah, sounds pretty normal to me. I, too, had a laugh when I read that you continued with your shopping after the first freak-out. Especially at a shoe store. I can't even take my dd to a shoe store. Instead, I trace her feet and bring in the cutouts.

And rather than saying that you'd rather not spend time with your niece, it might be an idea to say something along the lines of, "I can't go to the mall today, but we'd like to go to the park with you sometime soon." If you're feeling super courageous, you could offer to take your niece to a park while your sister shops with her youngest child (if it's impossible for her to shop without her sensitive child).
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