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My dd is having a hard time with moving...need support!

557 views 4 replies 4 participants last post by  inthesnow 
#1 ·
We recently moved to a new state. Initially, both of my dds were so excited and we had a blast exploring, checking out a playgroup, going to the pool, etc etc. But in the past couple of weeks, I have become increasingly concerned about my older dd.

She started a gymnastics class and all of the other girls knew each other and I watched her literally just close up into herself. She talks about her old friends a lot. I help her write letters to two of them but I almost wonder if that is making it harder. She just seems to be sad. And to complicate it more, there are only 2 preschools where we live now and the one I LOVED has no space it the class. And I don't want to send her to the one I don't love just to send her. She went to preschool where we lived before and made some good friends, but I am not sure I want to pursue it here. She starts kindergarten in the fall. We do lots of activities so I feel like she gets social interactions through those activites....but I wonder if it is going to be harder for her when kindergarten starts because all of her classmates will already know each other.

So, please give me some words of wisdom!! I need it. I have been so torn up about it. I don't want to watch my happy, outgoing excited girl turn into a lonely, sad one. It breaks my heart.

What can I do to help her?
 
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#2 ·
Kindergarten is so hard on a parent!


We moved to this area when ds was two and a half. The parents in this district have the option of 4 public elementary schools and at least as many private. Even though 3 years had passed we still didn't know any kids starting kindergarten in my sons class.

I want to reassure that, chances are, your dd will not be the only one who doesn't know anyone. Not all children go to preschool and some will have moved in during the summer. It's highly unlikely that all the social lines will be drawn before kindergarten even starts.

If I were you I would find out about swimming lessons and rec center activities for the summer. Stuff like soccer, t-ball, basketball, where your dd is likely to run into kids her own age that may start school with her in the fall. Make an effort to get out to the local park, if there is one, or the town swimming pool.

Most schools offer a tour and an orientation type activity for incoming kindergarteners. I'd make an effort to find out when those are for your dd and attend them. If nothing else she'll learn the layout of her school and meet her teacher. She might even run into a classmate or two.

It's so hard on the parents but kids are very resilient. Kindergarten is a great time to be the new kid b/c all the kids are "new" to some extent. I'll bet your dd will be fine. You've indicated that she has made friends in previous classes so I'm sure she'll make friends this time around, too.
 
#3 ·
YOu might just give the other preschool a chance unless it is really bad. IF it is in your neighborhood, she will meet friends from the area who will be going to K with her. My ds has been to two preschools, the first was not very good but the still made a couple of friends there.

What boo said about joining rec center activities. Go to library story time in your neighborhood and go for walks and you will see what other kids live nearby and can start making new friends. Start going to the neighborhood park at times when others go on a regular basis. Our park is the place to be for our neighborhood every day from 5-7 and where my ds made most of his friends outside of preschool. INvite kids you meet over for playdates to help get the frinedships started.
 
#4 ·
We've moved a bunch of times. I think that there is naturally a down time after a move when the new has worn off but you really aren't settled in. It hits each person in my family at a different time. One of the best things you can do for you DD is not worry about too much. She will sense your worry and decide that something is wrong. Keep reminding yourself that this is just part of the move.

It's hard to walk into a situation where everyone else already knows each other. Give gymnastics some time. She might find that after awhile she feels like part of the group. If there is even one little girl that she talks to a little after a few weeks, invite the little girl over for a play date.

My sister taught school for many years in a small country school. She said that even in a situation where there is only 1 class per grade, the social groups are more fluid at the begining of the year, so try not to worry about next year.

My DDs have met lovely children through girls scouts and next year your DD will be old enough to be a Daisy Scout. You might check into this now and think about becoming a leader. The girls in the troop do fun things together and really bond. It might give you both something fun to think about for next year.

She isn't going to turn into a sad, lonely child, though she may though a bit of a rough patch. Going though hard things helps us grow into strong people. If we could spare our children ever going though anything difficult, they would grow up to be very strange people!

Try to relax and enjoy the next few months and not worry that life will always be the way it is right this minute. This is just a small pause.
 
#5 ·
Thank you all so much for your ideas and encouragement. We do go the library storytime every week and playgrounds(when it's not covered in snow!!) , and then gymnastics and music together. I think that I am being impatient and wanting friendships to develop overnight...which obviously can't happen.

And an extra thanks to the poster who suggested Daisy Scouts...great idea! I will look into it!

I am definitely finding that it can be so painful as they get older and you have to stand back and let go a little more. Letting them grow and learn can be so difficult. But, I guess we all grow a little because of it.

And on the plus side, I have seen such a deeper friendship forming between the girls...they are together so much more and it's really neat to watch their friendship grow.

Thanks again........
 
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