big girl bed v. family bed - answers needed by tonight - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 02-26-2005, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
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(Cross-post because I need enough ideas by tonight to make a good decision)

Background: we made our house look "normal" so we could put it up for sale, which didn't end up happening. DD had a twin in her room, there was a queen in a bedroom, and a full in the den/guest room. DD happily goes to bed from 8:00p to about 12:00 in her room alone. DH and I fitfully go to sleep in the queen until she wakes at 12. Then one of us (me) takes her into the queen and the other (DH) sleeps alone in the twin. DD likes the idea of a big girl bed. I do think it would be possible to help her fall back to sleep in the twin.

Dilemma: I want the family bed, especially until we have another baby so that DD doesn't feel "replaced" when someone new is sleeping with Mommy and Daddy without her. I think DD could be developmentally ready to sleep alone. DH feels sad because DD says that the twin is his bed and the queen is my and her bed. He doesn't want to be left out, either!

Tonight we're either going to leave it as is or move the twin and queen back together. (The urgency is because DH and I are actually both home at the same time to do all the rearranging; we're very busy right now)

Is it OK to feed my dependence? IS she ready to sleep alone at 25 months (not night nursing anymore)? Will there be another chance to help her move toward independence or am I actually hurting her by holding her back when she seems ready-ish? Help!

Thank you!
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#2 of 4 Old 02-26-2005, 03:57 PM
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I'd vote for moving the beds back together. There will be other opportunities to let her move to her own bed on a more permanent basis.

Some things you said ("DH and I fitfully go to sleep", "I want the family bed", "DH feels sad", etc) really would indicate to me that you, as a family, are not ready for this kind of separation.

I'd go back to what I know works best for our family. Like I said, there will be other chances to encourage the separation.

Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away. 

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#3 of 4 Old 02-26-2005, 05:01 PM
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I'm not seeing any reasons in your description to continue to attempt to sleep apart. If you're still torn, make a list of pros and cons of each, but it seems pretty clear cut that a family bed would work best for you right now

Snuggle those babies while they'll let you is my motto

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#4 of 4 Old 02-26-2005, 06:26 PM
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Family bed gets my vote too! I think I'll cry when dd is ready to have her own bed in her own room. I love my snuggly girl!

While your dd might feel "excited" about the prospect of a big girl bed during the day, things might be different in the dark of night (at least I know it would be for my dd). If your dd REALLY wants to move to her own space, maybe try the twin in your room, just not right up next to the queen. That way she can try out the big girl bed but mom and dad are still nice and close.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

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