Large family poll - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: What is your main reason for having a large family?
religion 3 4.35%
like the idea of having a large family 49 71.01%
just not bothering with birth control 2 2.90%
think it's better for the children to have many sibs 8 11.59%
we can afford it so why not? 3 4.35%
trying for that boy/girl we don't have yet 4 5.80%
Voters: 69. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 02:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Going off the other thread, what is your main reason for having a large family?

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#2 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 04:38 PM
 
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Well, so far we only have one, but we want to have many more.
The reason ... well, we just love children.
We have enough love to take care of many children. I can't imagine how I would feel if I knew that out baby would be our last. We would be devastated and would feel a great sense of loss. I would hate to think that I would never again have the anticipation and hope of pregnancy and the joy of giving birth.

There is something inside of me that "yearns" for another baby. Especially at LLL meetings, when I see all the mothers with their teeny , tiny newborns, and I just feel that "pang" for another babe.

I love being a mother, in a sense I feel that my being a mother is a fullfillment of my vocation. I think that women are biologically programmed to be mothers and to want more babies.

It always strikes me as funny when I am someplace and a women comes in with a new baby and someone invariable says "Don't get too close, you will start to want one yourself"

BTW, I grew up in a family with 5 kids, and I my aunt and uncle had 9 children (both families are a mixture of biological and adopted children) and I love getting together with both my family and my cousins.

I have a special bond with my siblings, they are the only ones after all who know what it was like to grow up the way we grew up and the only ones I could really talk to about how "weird" our parents were LOL.

Well, just my thoughts. Sorry so long.




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#3 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 05:07 PM
 
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What do you consider to be a "large" family? I didn't answer because I am fairly sure you mean more than three, but many people I know consider anything over 1 or 2 to be insanely large!
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#4 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 05:43 PM
 
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We want at least four, maybe more. Our reason, we love kids and two or three just doesn't sound like enough!!!
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#5 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 05:54 PM
 
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When I say a large family, I mean at least 4 children, hopefully more like 6 or 7.







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#6 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 07:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I consider 3 or more a large family . . .

Darshani

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#7 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 08:48 PM
 
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3 & counting ... not yet "large," in my view ...

We love babies. Love kids. And since DH & I are older (I'm 40, he's 50) we've been-there-done-that with just about everything child-free people might do (and I do mean everything ) so this is where we're at in life.

Though I have to admit to feeling very mortal in the last year, and having these terrible fears of my children growing up without me, G-d forbid ... which makes me hesitant about having more ... hope this feeling goes away ...

- Amy
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#8 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 09:25 PM
 
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i would like to have a "large" family. Meaning 3 kids....
I used to think that 2 was big. now I have 2 and think 4 is big. Perhaps when I have 3 I will think 5 is big lol
I would like to have one more because I feel our family is not complete yet. I really enjoy being a mom and cannot imagine not having small people in my life.

The Tabbie Family; DH , DS , DD , a few :, a couple : and me.
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#9 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 10:49 PM
 
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We have three children and when I read the question on the small family poll, I realized we'd fit into the large family category. I wish we'd started earlier (I'm 40 and I found my last pregnancy hard) and then maybe we'd have had more. My husband would have preferred to have just 2 children, but he's away a lot with work, so when he comes home he is a bit overwhelmed by all the activity.
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#10 of 36 Old 10-01-2002, 11:00 PM
 
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We have five children, four here with us and one very loved spirit child. We would have loved to have had more. I have never thought of us as a "large" family. Large to me is 7-6.


I have never really thought of "why" before.


I just feel more and more blessings with each one. They are amazing people(18,15,13,9 our spirit child would be 11 now ) and I feel they will share the love we have shown them to the world.
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#11 of 36 Old 10-02-2002, 09:15 AM
 
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We want a large family because we believe this world needs all the wonderful, caring, compassionate and aware people it can get.

As Martha Sears once said "The world needs MY children!"

editted to add....
I think it's funny that 3 children is now considered a large family... to me large starts at 6+ children. I guess it's all in perspective isn't it?
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#12 of 36 Old 10-02-2002, 10:00 PM
 
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That is a beautiful quote from Martha Sears!!

That is just how I feel!
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#13 of 36 Old 10-03-2002, 03:46 PM
 
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I have always wanted a large family, and luckily my husband does too! We only have 3 now (6, 2, & 1), but I feel the same way serenetabby does. Our family is just not complete yet. Every once in a while I even get the feeling that there's someone missing when we're all in the same room!! Wierd, huh...
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#14 of 36 Old 10-03-2002, 04:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by naturemama
Our family is just not complete yet. Every once in a while I even get the feeling that there's someone missing when we're all in the same room!! Wierd, huh...
I've felt this !!! Once I called everyone to the table... all 3 girls & Dh were sitting there and I brought in supper and asked "Where's......" but of course had no name for the 4th child. Very freaky! I was sure someone was missing!
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#15 of 36 Old 10-03-2002, 05:01 PM
 
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since when is four a large family? I know you have to buy a few extra chairs for the table, but geez. We're planning on 4 and then if we decide there's another one missing, we'll have more. I don't think I want more than 6. To me that's starting to get large. I don't hit the wow factor untill you get close to 20 though. Now that would be a large family
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#16 of 36 Old 10-16-2002, 10:01 PM
 
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How neat to read the replies! I think we are starting late; dh is 32, I am 31 and dd is 15 mos, but I would like another two. Dh has only signed on for one more at this point, when I suggest a third he turns kind of pale and stutters. I don't know if he thought he would turn out to be the wonderful father he is, but now it seems to me a shame not to exploit that! I keep telling him we can't have the third if we don't have the second!

I love being a mom! It really is my dream job
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#17 of 36 Old 10-24-2002, 12:42 AM
 
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Being a Mom is very much my dream job, too. We have 5 now, ages 15, 13, 10, 8 and 2. I lost two babies, one before the 10 year old and one before the 2 year old. We've never really used birth control, for lots of different reasons and we still don't. When our (then) youngest turned 5 and I turned 40 we thought the baby days were over...and then I had a miscarriage (didn't know I was pg...should have, LOL) and we knew there was one more baby for us and sure enough a few months later we were pg again. We'd actually like another and I have a friend who swears that I'll be having change of life twins, she's been telling me that for 17 years. I rather hope she's right!
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#18 of 36 Old 10-25-2002, 02:23 PM
 
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I'm so happy to find all you kindred spirits here!!!

We have 7 children, one grandchild and one on the way. We always wanted a large family but thought that ment 4 or 5. After #5 we lost a child to miscarriage, and never took our fertility for granted after that. After #7 I had 2 miscarriages in a row. Both perfect little boys! I would still love to have another baby and dh is really hoping there will be another, but I think my childbearing years are behind me now.

I love our family. We still have 4 children under 18 at home, and our adult children and their spouses still spend a lot of time with us and each other. They really are wonderful people, and I can't imagine my world without them! I'm looking forward to all the grandchildren, whom I know will also be raised gently and with much love.

I want to encourage all of you to follow your hearts. The world needs more loving gentle people!

peace,
~b.
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#19 of 36 Old 05-04-2003, 06:07 PM
 
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I've always been of the mind that, when my husband and I are gone, our children will have each other!!! Also, I know the feeling you get when you see a beautiful newborn. I almost always get a little "leaky" around the eyes when I see one. Everytime I hold one, I think it's a wonderful treat! I'm so glad I popped into this thread b-cause we have four and I have been wanting more....How, though, to afford more? I know some who say God will provide. However, sometimes I feel as though I'd be doing my children a disservice if I didn't put them through college, like my parents did for me!!!:
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#20 of 36 Old 05-04-2003, 09:00 PM
 
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I always love to hear from others who have or want a larger/ish family. I think it's fantastic that many people want just 1 or 2, but I want many. I have 4 now, 3 that will be adopted soon and 1 who is a foster child. I very much want a 6-8 year old boy next. then perhaps more after that. I've had 6 babies (foster) in 3 years and am tired. No more babies for awhile!! With the whole assumption though that more children is too hard I'm having a hard time getting the child I want (the brother of 2 of my children). Everyone thinks that because they have a hard time with 1 or 2 that it's hard for everyone, sigh. I have no trouble at all handling all my children. I have 3 in diapers. I'm just very good at gentle, effective discipline. I can handle kids with all kinds of behaviors, etc. Today I had 6 kids, my 4, a friend's foster son (age 7) and my 5 year old's birth sister (age 13). It felt great. I had such a nice day playing out in the backyard practicing assembling our 10 person tent.

It makes me so frustrated to hear how people can't believe I can do it and think that I'm adopting all these kids just to be a martyr or something. I love a large family. We have so much fun. It's certainly a lot of work, but no matter what I was doing I'd be doing a lot of work. I don't like sitting around (except online after the kids are sleeping).

I wish I could convince people that I'm not doing this foster/adoption thing out of the goodness of my heart or because I have some savior complex, I just really, really enjoy the kids and have a talent with them.

On a side note, I'm drooling over that new 8 seat Toyota Sienna. It can fit so many people and stuff so comfortably! I'm going to start saving my money!
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#21 of 36 Old 05-04-2003, 09:51 PM
 
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I had to grin at your definition, Darshani.

We will have 3 kids once the guys get here, but it wasn't intentional at all! We didn't count on twins!

I'm another person that doesn't really count a family as 'large' until 5 or more kids are there. Primarily because I think *that's* when you hit the economic and social impacts more. It's hard to cart around 7 people (esp. if 5 are in booster/car seats of some kind), and any more than that and you wouldn't fit into a regular minivan! Also, cooking for 7 would require a lot more cooking equipment than cooking for 4 or 5 (since most recipes are supposed to have 4 servings each anyway!). Even with the 'added bonus' of a third, we still won't have outgrown our house, but if we already had three kids, and unintentionally got bumped to 5 that would be a problem in a few years!

I will have a much larger family than any of my non-online friends...and there are special situations that maybe folks with just one or two kids might not find themselves in that I will...but...I can't even begin to imagine the day to day running of a household, the time management, but also the joys and fun of having 5+ little kids in the family!
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#22 of 36 Old 05-04-2003, 10:32 PM
 
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We have four, and that seems like the perfect number for us...even though I thought I was done at three Everyone thinks we just kept trying for a girl, and it was sort of like that, but I swore I would be done after the third, which was a boy, regardless of the gender. Dd was just a bonus, I guess, and I am a Fertile Myrtle, we probably could have had ten, but with our income and dh's long hours at our restaurant, it just wasn't feasible. I had my tubes tied after dd, but I would consider adopting more, older children, if I felt the call.

I really like having what is now considered a "big" family, and I call it that b/c everyone else refers to us like that. Dh grew up with two much older sisters, and my own sister is 10 years older than me. We hated growing up without siblings we could play with and both of us were jealous of the kids who grew up with lots of sibs.

Ppl always ask me "how do you DO it????" and I have to say, four is easier than one or two, you don't have to be their sole entertainment, the little ones become very responsible at a young age and help out a lot, so it's not like having one or two and having to be a playmate all day and do all the housework yourself. All my boys put their own clothes away and help with cleaning up. Ds3 started dressing himself at age two! They often get up before me on the weekends, and ds1 (8yo) pours out cereal for the younger boys (dd is asleep with me which is why I don't rush into the kitchen lol!) and cleans up (for the most part) afterwards.

The kids are learn to wait their turn and share better than the kids I know that are only children. I know this isn't always the case with onlies, but I was so lonely growng up, and I really want my kids to have a sense of comraderie with theri sibs, which they do, for the most part.

And the fun part really is that they are all so different. My ds1 is "all boy" and my ds2 isn't, he's very feminine and loves to play girly stuff. Ds3 will go along with just about anything :LOL, and they all dote on dd, who is a little pistol at age 14mos! They are learning tolerancce of ppl's differences and how to get along in a group, I guess the hard part is making sure they all get alone time with me and dh, each one of them is so special, and I don't want them to feel just a "part of the pack" iykwim.

I also think along these lines, like Opsmom says...
Quote:
I've always been of the mind that, when my husband and I are gone, our children will have each other!!!
I thought that was a beautiful sentiment
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#23 of 36 Old 05-05-2003, 02:02 AM
 
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I voted I like the idea of a large family. .

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#24 of 36 Old 05-05-2003, 09:34 AM
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I love children and enjoy having a large family.

I think there's a dynamic in every size family (and the birth order and genders that provide variables as well) these dynamics all contribute to the world at large.

I think that the special quality that results from being in a large family is sorely missing because so very few families are large.

I notice a special closeness (especially in my grown children) they are one another's best friends.

I also notice that there is a work ethic inherent within a larger family that has helped my children in school and in the work world.

Because I am not as personally vested in any one individual child I think they are more free to explore who they are as individuals and are taking widely divergent paths as youth and adults.

There is a lot of love in a large family as well. My children each get to receive the love of so many other diverse siblings. Of my three grown children, for example, I have the first who is a earthy hippie type of girl (vegetarian, war protester type) second is soon to be a med student, and thirdborn is a U.S. Marine.

My sixth child, JOsh, just had his birthday and #1's husband knows someone who was working sound for Sum 41 (Josh's favorite band) his friend knew Josh was a big Sum 41 fan and he got the entire band to sign a poster and this was Josh's birthday gift from Jess and Mike. This sort of dynamic wouldn't have been found outside a large family with siblings of a variety of ages.

I think Martha Sears is right and I agree the world *does* need my children.

....and it's nice they have one another as well

db
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#25 of 36 Old 05-06-2003, 11:09 AM
 
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I looked and looked and looked for my own reason. Why isn't "My husband wants his own football team"? listed as an option?
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#26 of 36 Old 05-06-2003, 02:31 PM
 
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Justice2 :LOL :LOL :LOL
We always joke that now we have enough for a basketball team, plus the coach
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#27 of 36 Old 05-06-2003, 07:41 PM
 
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I voted "because children should have siblings" but running a close 2nd is the "always wanted a large family." That said, we are only just at the beginning of our family -- which will supposedly include 4 children. My dh considers this large, but I think it's average/medium at most.

I am the oldest of 6, with a few older 1/2 sibs tossed in, so to me, that was big .. 4 was quite a compromise for me! Of course I'm still hoping to work the fostering angle.... I love babies/children.. (not sure about teens yet -- at 24, I'm still too close to that age group myself! lol :LOL )

My mil, bless her heart (this is the only "mil-ish thing I've heard from her ), told me she only had 2 to make sure she had the time & $$ to spend with them both. She repeats this often whenever the subject of children comes up...pretty subtle, huh! She's sweet, though... & I (very respectfully) commented that we were lucky that the dh made quite a decent salary, & that I was *extremely lucky* in that I got to be a SAHM, so I had lotsa time...
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#28 of 36 Old 05-06-2003, 07:42 PM
 
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Ok, I never read that Martha Sears quote, but it is perfect, that is the exact reason we want a large family, the world needs my children. I have always been "maternal", even as a little girl my mom says. I love children, it is adults I don't like so much. Children energize me and inspire me. I also feel I am an awesome mother and will raise wondrerful people. We have two righ now, but are planning on 4-5. Now my husband just has to get his own life in order and figure out his problems so we can realize our dream of a large family.
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#29 of 36 Old 05-08-2003, 10:20 AM
 
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How nice to read other's responses about the positive aspects to having a large family! I have 5 boys and love the size of my family. I always knew I wanted at least 4 or 5 kids (of course, I figured 1 or 2 would be girls. Oh well! :LOL )

Family has always been the most important thing to me and I married a man who felt the same way. We both came into our marriage wanting a large family. We've decided to stop with 5, but we also plan on getting the new 2004, 8 passenger Sienna, so there will always be room for one more.
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#30 of 36 Old 05-10-2003, 09:53 PM
 
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I had four children.

I always wanted four children -

I used to line up my four dolls when I was a little girl and tell everyone these were my four children!

I told DH I wanted four when we married -

We got four!

No miscarriages, no problem getting pregnant!

Be careful what you want -

You just may get it!


"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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