I seem to be having some real issues with my MIL recently, some which I never knew I had until 3 weeks ago. Since that time I have been pretty tense and have many moments of dark thoughts regarding her and her attitudes about me as a parent.
I got into an argument with y husband, and his brother. I had done something whihc angered my husband, and he was mad enough to start arguing with me while his brother was there, and his brother jumped right in on the attack. It was very ugly and left me feeling raw and reeling for a week or so.
During the fight I learned that MIL has told BIL she would llike to call CPS because of how messy my house is, but she is sure they would take the kids away from the family so she won't do that.
Also during this time I have had a really serious struggle with her over car seats. It seems her idea was to get 2 used carseats and use them with her car. I said to her and my husband that I don't wnat my kids in used carseats. They have both told me to essentially get over it. I went into town and bought a new extra car seat for my daughter as we already had a spare for my son. Then I told MIL I had boughten it so she did not have to worry about the used one. She was very angry with me.
I can't stand her anymore. I am scared ofher, and everytime I have to be in her presence I am pleasant ont he outside, but inwardly I am a mess of anger and loathing.
I have had night mares recently about ehr taking hte kids away, and many days of jumping everytime i think a car has pulled into my driveway, worried that it is a police car, or a CPS person coming to my door .
I can't share this with Dh. He sort of takes his MOms side on most issues. I feel very alone and I feel like I am trapped with these people over shadowing every aspect of my parenting and life.
During the time of this, I talked to some one int eh family and a Dr. about it, and also was tested for adult ADD. I do , indeed , have adult ADD. Whihc explains my inablity to focus ont hings, and why i get distracted and don't always finish tasks. Such as, folding laundry, or thinking to sweep the floors.
I have talked to my own Dr. , and I have talked to others in professonal fields who know me, and all have reassured me that she can't and won't take my children away from me..but the fear is ever present and now, instead of just finding her unpleasant to be around in a genereal " my mil gets on my nerves " way..now I see her as a sneaky, cruel, vindictive, cold person who is only concerned about herself and how she wants things to be.
I have asked, repeatedly, for help with the housework from my husband. He won't help.I try to do the best I can, and quite often have one tidy room and three cluttered at all times. I don't like having the mess..but I have always struggled with it.
I have no idea how to deal with this, at this point. I am outwardly calm and inwardly a real wreck.
Quite simply, it seems everything about Me as a person is unliked in my husbands family, and he seems to be the only person with any feelings that are positive for me. The fact that I am an AP parent, the fact that I'm co-sleeping with my kids..the fact that I don't just hand them over to anyone to care for so they can play 'great fun granny' while I do ? with my time..all of this offends greatly.
Really, i don't know even what I want from this thread, other than to just be open about how I feel right now, how scared I really am.