irritated at a new mother - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
Jen123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Last night at small group (like a home bible study) , a new couple was introduced. Amongst all the new questions...I asked one. "do you have any children ?". The woman replied "yes. a two week old, our first. ". I looked around. "where is he?". The woman said "with an aunt for the night". WHAT??? I bit my tongue SO hard. Another woman sensed my growing anger and began asking typical newborn questions to relieve the moment. The rest of the mothers encouraged her to bring the newborn to the future small groups...we are all anxious to hold lil ones again...no sense in paying a sitter....newborns aren't a bother..... we've got a sitter downstairs if you really feel the need..... yet there I stood with my mouth hanging open that she'd left her two week old baby overnight. The rest of us bring our kids and let them play downstairs while we have group...I'm hoping she'll see how NATURAL this is and bring her baby along too.



whew.
okay. venting over. I feel better now. I'm just floored that there would be any normal reason to leave a two week old with someone else for a whole night.
Jen123 is offline  
#2 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:15 PM
 
crayon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Where snow drifts, drift....
Posts: 3,800
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
My baby is 8 days old, I could never leave her.... never!!!! I mean not only would she miss me- I cant even imagine how my post-par emotions would deal without my baby.....

I have never left my other daughter either- she is 2- I think it is weird to leave your until they are years old... I mean like 5 or 6....

My sister left her 9 month old- I was shocked, but 2 weeks

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks
crayon is offline  
#3 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:20 PM
 
JesiLynne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 12,507
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
the only "overnights" my kids have had is with my VERY AP MOM and just b/c I was giving birth! Oh and we were moving and had 12 hours to do it in
and ds1 was over 18 months by then adn had already CLW
Man that makes me mad
I cant imagine leaving one of my babies
JesiLynne is offline  
#4 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:21 PM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,427
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
My kids were several months old before I even went on a date (couple hours)and left them with a grandma. They were several years old before dh and I went away for a whole weekend. I just can't imagine having done it otherwise.
philomom is offline  
#5 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:38 PM
 
Fianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,078
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ummm, not to be a party pooper or anything, but this thread has all of the classic symptoms of becoming one of those "I'm such a perfect AP mom and let me show you the evidence" threads.

Maybe in this new mom's family, leaving a newborn in the loving hands of a family member is the norm. Maybe she has never met moms who think it's unusual. Let's cut her some slack, ok? Yes, most of the moms here at mdc would never leave an 8-wk-old, but that doesn't make the rest of the moms out there evil, heartless and/or pathetic excuses for parents. KWIM?
Fianna is offline  
#6 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:45 PM
 
Simply Nurtured's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 737
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I guess I would look at it a little differently, but maybe it is because I have seen lots of new mamas/parents.

It could be that they were very nervous, their first meeting and everything. They might not have known what was expected of them. They might not have known it would be ok to bring the baby. This has happened to us before, where we invited someone over and they did not bring their children. Even though we were assuming they would.

HTH
Simply Nurtured is offline  
#7 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:52 PM
 
Viola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Nevada
Posts: 23,481
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fianna
Ummm, not to be a party pooper or anything, but this thread has all of the classic symptoms of becoming one of those "I'm such a perfect AP mom and let me show you the evidence" threads.

I love you!

Not that I'd leave my 2 week overnight, mind you. And I would probably feel a clenching up inside if I had been at that Bible study.
Viola is offline  
#8 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:53 PM
 
Fianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,078
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know I've gotten calls at home from new moms asking if they can bring their babies to LLL meetings! We don't exactly have a baby-friendly culture.
Fianna is offline  
#9 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:54 PM
 
Vermillion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,000
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well with our society being so unfriendly towards children perhaps she automatically assumed that the baby would be a bother and she wanted to make a good impression. It may not be something many of us here would do but I can see how one might think they have to considering the general attitude towards kids.

Liz om.gif Lovin' DH partners.gif DS (12) coolshine.gif and forever missing DD angel3.gif (12/02/07) ribbonpb.gif
From the withered tree, a flower blooms~ He's here!!! So crazy in love with my  rainbow1284.gif  boy!!! 12/14/11 luxlove.gif fly-by-nursing1.gif

Vermillion is offline  
#10 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:55 PM
 
mama ganoush's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 9,657
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fianna
but that doesn't make the rest of the moms out there evil, heartless and/or pathetic excuses for parents. KWIM?
are you sure???? what about that mom in the parking lot at walmart's?
mama ganoush is offline  
#11 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 06:59 PM
 
Fianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,078
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

G, I'm trying to appear mature and reasonable at least in one thread. Geesh! Stop luring me over to the jr. high table, would ya'?
Fianna is offline  
#12 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:03 PM
 
stafl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: standing in a doorway
Posts: 9,227
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How long does your Bible study usually last? By two weeks, my second DD had already settled herself into a very predictable schedule, and I would have had no trouble leaving her for an hour or two if I had planned it right and nursed her real good right before I left.


....my firstborn, nope, it never ever could have happened. She needed constant mommy-attention every day, all day long. But my little one, she's really laid back and it would have been no big deal to go somewhere for a little while. It never happened, but it could have and I wouldn't be any worse a mother for it.


eta - the momma said "for the night" that doesn't necessarily mean overnight, unless it's some sort of overnight bible study, which the OP never said it was.
stafl is offline  
#13 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:06 PM
 
Bex80's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Near the Blue Ridge Mtns.
Posts: 2,237
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama ganoush
are you sure???? what about that mom in the parking lot at walmart's?
Are you referring to me?

treehugger.gif Bex -- Single, hardworking mama to reading.gif DS (11), love.gif DD (7), & flowerkitty.gif Lars (13)
Bex80 is offline  
#14 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:08 PM
 
PrinceE&LsMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: burbs of Seattle
Posts: 740
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well my sister has her beat...she left her 3 DAY old overnight with a friend so her and her boyfriend could go fishing. She wonders why baby refused to bf after the first week.
PrinceE&LsMom is offline  
#15 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:09 PM
 
mar4JC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with Fianna... we have enough to worry about without having to become a judging squad for other parents.
mar4JC is offline  
#16 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:20 PM
 
KellyB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 0
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This was a Bible study?
I could have sworn I read something in that book about judging other people...something Jesus said...what was it?
It's on the tip of my tongue...
KellyB is offline  
#17 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:38 PM
 
homebirthing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2,732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I think it is sad. And I think it is wrong. BUT that is if it was overnight, not for a one hour Bible study.

If it was overnight, yes, I think that is sad and wrong and really just plain sucks. Flame me all you want. It doesn't make me a better mom, but it makes my baby happier.


sarah, proud mama to three babies

wife - mother - midwife

CIRCUMCISION

The more you know, the worse it gets.

homebirthing is offline  
#18 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:53 PM
 
bunsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 470
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A little judgy....Are you sure she said/meant "for the night", maybe she just meant for the time they were at the study group. Maybe she needed a break and this was her only opportunity.

DD is 6 months and I have been away only twice, once to go to Target when she was about that same age and again at 3 months so I could get my hair cut. Both times DH watched her and I hurried back to BF her.

I just think we Mamas have a hard enough job without judging each other. She obviously felt comfortable in doing it HER WAY. Maybe to her, leaving her with a trusted aunt rather than have a bunch of strangers pawing at her newborn or bringing her newborn out of the house (which to me is a worse situation) is better for HER.

I still don't like strangers, or really anyone other than my parents and DH to hold DD, that is just me, and I bring her everywhere and wear her in a sling so that people WON'T touch/try to hold her, but that is just ME, and I am sure that very nice new Mom has her reasons, give her a break.
bunsmom is offline  
#19 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:53 PM
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 47,873
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Maybe she left the baby with the aunt "for the evening" rather than overnight.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
Ruthla is offline  
#20 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:54 PM
 
bunsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 470
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyb
This was a Bible study?
I could have sworn I read something in that book about judging other people...something Jesus said...what was it?
It's on the tip of my tongue...


and

:LOL
bunsmom is offline  
#21 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 07:56 PM
 
Fianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,078
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, it does make your baby happier, and any other baby who is fortunate enough to have a mom who questions the norm. I wish all babies were so fortunate. Our world would be a much better place, IMO. I'm very thankful that I had people in my life to pave the way for my parenting off of the mainstream. I am grateful that I knew about LLL and had the opportunity to attend meetings. I feel blessed that I had older sisters who co-slept and nursed their toddlers. I am grateful that my family supported my beliefs about parenting and allowed me to go with my heart. I wish all moms had such experiences.
Fianna is offline  
#22 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 08:02 PM
 
amybw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: at home
Posts: 1,595
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i bet "for the night" she meant "for the evening".
that seems like an honest miscommunication.
i have often said tonight and this evening interchangeably

Quote:
Maybe she needed a break and this was her only opportunity.
i was thinking the same thing! maybe she is feeling overwhelmed and just needed a couple hours away. Even if she is bf'ing that is still highly possible.

I left my son at 15 days with my DH for a few hours. Surely there is nothing wrong with that, is there? (Of course i know what is right FOR ME, just thought i'd throw it out there.)


Amy
amybw is offline  
#23 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 08:17 PM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 32,629
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
everytime I read this thread title I see Irritated by a new MEMBER

:
Arduinna is offline  
#24 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 08:25 PM
 
Fianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,078
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ard, don't make Dar report you.
Fianna is offline  
#25 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 08:27 PM
 
huggerwocky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,544
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't understand why you're so upset.So what if the AUNT has the baby for an hour?You have yours as much around as she does the same.I don't think a couple of hours is going to harm anybody,seriously.
huggerwocky is offline  
#26 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 08:56 PM
 
homebirthing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2,732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The OP said "for the night", which is why she was angry.

wife - mother - midwife

CIRCUMCISION

The more you know, the worse it gets.

homebirthing is offline  
#27 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 09:00 PM
 
annettemarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Restricted Section
Posts: 46,001
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I can't imagine leaving a newborn at all, but a lot of people do. I think the ladies in your Bible study handled it very compassionately by letting her know her options.

Flowers, fairies, gardens, and rainbows-- Seasons of Joy: 10 weeks of crafts, handwork, painting, coloring, circle time, fairy tales, and more!
Check out the blog for family fun, homeschooling, books, simple living, and 6 fabulous children, including twin toddlers

annettemarie is offline  
#28 of 272 Old 03-24-2005, 09:01 PM
 
Galatea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 6,950
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Well, personally, I don't see do *anything* for a bible study, but whatever...

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
Galatea is online now  
#29 of 272 Old 03-26-2005, 12:37 PM
 
DaryLLL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Under a Chimpocracy
Posts: 13,708
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fianna
Ard, don't make Dar report you.
DaryLLL is offline  
#30 of 272 Old 03-26-2005, 01:26 PM
 
KayleeZoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 5,546
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think she could have meant that she left the baby for the evening, not overnight, based on the wording.

If I had to go somewhere when my baby was 2 wks old, I'd definately leave him/her with a family member instead of having strangers try to touch or breathe on them. We are really neurotic about going out with a nb for several weeks and I left my first dd w/my mom for a couple hours while I went to Target when she was less than 2 wks old- I didn't want her exposed to the general population that young.

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

KayleeZoo is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off