How many kids do you have? Plan to have? Why? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 90 Old 04-21-2005, 04:18 PM
 
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I have 4 children. I only ever wanted 2 tho. I was married and divoreced when i got rid of all my baby stuff. Then Mr right and i got hooked up. He having no children insisted on one of his own. I agreed well then we had another just cause. he wants more and I know that somewhere deep down there so do I but I am just waiting for ds to get a little older firrst. My first two are 2.5 years apart and # 3 about 2.5 years younger than #2 but #3 he is 18 mos younger than #3 and that is too close man! I been changing diapers day in day out for over 8 years now with some overlapping ! But i donnot kknow what else i would be doing with out the kids i got . Ya I think I will go for 6( I like even #'s too)

Jodie
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#62 of 90 Old 04-21-2005, 05:01 PM
 
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I have one DD, a DS on the way and we will be done after that. My whole family lives in Germany and having more than two children would make it really hard and expensive for us to continue to travel there at least once a year. My children grow up bilingual and an extended stay in Germany every year will help with the language as well as staying connected to their extended family. I know some people think not having more than two children for money-reasons is shallow, but travelling is very important to us, as is being able to afford for me to stay home with the children...so...yep...I'll be giving away my maternity clothes after this pregnancy.

Alex
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#63 of 90 Old 04-21-2005, 05:04 PM
 
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We have a nearly 2 year old daughter, Willow. We're trying for #2. When I was younger I wanted 3...two boys and a girl. After Willow was born I said...."She's IT!" Then I said I just wanted 2. Now....I'm not sure. lol I know I want at least one more....I think....It's very confusing in my head.

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#64 of 90 Old 04-21-2005, 06:59 PM
 
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Well...good question! :LOL

We currently have one darling dd who is 15 months old. She is very happy child but VERY high energy. Some days it's "NO MORE!" Then at moments like these (sound asleep at the breast) I think four is my absolute drop-dead max number of children.

*I LOVED being pregnant and want a second (in part) so I can have that experience again.
*I am an only child and dh has a sister, but that really isn't factoring in.
*Some of our decision will have to do with my health-I am a cancer survivor and wasn't supposed to be able to have children at all.
*Our ages don't matter-we are only 23 and have PLENTY of time to decide!

So, I am just as confused as everyone else.
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#65 of 90 Old 04-23-2005, 12:39 AM
 
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Mamas I been giving it some thought. As I indicated I only wanted 2 children but here I am today with 4 and i could not imagine my life with out them. I love all my kids so much and so things can be tight once in a while money wise and omg it is kaotic but I donnot regret having the last two or any of them for that matter. Alot of you seem to not know whether or not to have another but my suggestion to you all is to take the leap and go for it. Trust me it will become a part of your lifestyle and you will love it and them. If you with hold you just may regret it but you will not regret going forth and just doing it! Some people(my mom) think I am crazy for having 4 others think I am brave or that I should be honoured for taking on such a task, but these days I donnot think of it as anything but our way of life. For my own sanity i like to space them out 2.5 years but I think personally that i will not bother with any birth control and let what happens happen till i am 40, at which point i will start hoping for grandchildren LOL. Ok maybe I am pushing it but I just dont know what I will do when my kids are not dependant on me anymore. Can you tell my sweethearrts are all sleeping, Or i might have different thoughts So go ahead take the leap and dont look back it will be worth every minute they might drive you crazy but you'll love it!

Jodie mummy of adrien 8, emily 5, clarissa 2 and quinn 11 mos
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#66 of 90 Old 04-25-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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MumOf4, it's great that you are happy with your decision, but please don't push other people to do the same. Not everyone is a good mama to many kids. And there ARE people who regret having had too many kids for the circumstances they find themselves in.

It's true that if you "take the leap" you may well find that it's possible to figure out ways to support and care for more kids. It's also true that if you jump out a window and break all the bones in your lower body and have to be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, you probably will find ways to cope. That doesn't mean it is a good idea to jump.

Sorry for the rather extreme analogy. I just don't want to see anyone throwing caution to the winds on such an important decision.

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#67 of 90 Old 04-25-2005, 04:53 PM
 
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Well we only have one right now.....but I always thought I would like ATLEAST four!
Now that I have one and work full time I am starting to reconsider. haha!
You see how much money they cost and how you want them to have the world accessible to them. We are saving for DS's education and downpayment on his first house....how do you do that for 4 or more kids? I know it isn't the end of the world if they don't have those things and yet I want them to have a good and as easy as possible start in life.

We are going to have our second in October. That will make our kids three years and one month apart. The third will probably come in another three years and then it is up in the air. We haven't set a number....we figure we will know when we have had enough. I just NEVER want to think THIS is my last child! I think I would find all their firsts depressing and would tend to spoil it.....

Now we just have to figure out a way for me to stay home...that will definitely be a HUGE deciding factor in the number!!!
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#68 of 90 Old 04-27-2005, 12:03 AM
 
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We have two boys ages 3 years and 8 months. Right after the baby was born (and for about the next 5 months) I was certain that I wanted one more child. Then, I think, the hormones levelled out and I asked DH to tell me "NO, are you CRAZY!" anytime I would bring up more kids.

Now, I am pretty sure we are done. DH would take a lot of convincing to have a third. It makes me sad b/c I would love a house full of more voices and more footsteps and getting to know another little human being. But honestly, parenting is really rough, tough business for me. I'm thinking perhaps I should focus on the two that I have.

In most ways, for me, two seems more "manageable". Someone here said something about having "two arms, two boobs". This makes sense for me.

Okay, now you have me thinking about another baby! I'm sad thinking that this will be my last baby. Hmmmm....
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#69 of 90 Old 04-27-2005, 12:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knittingmomma
Well, we have 5 children and I am 35 - our last was conceived when the youngest was 3 (still breastfeeding just a bit)....
So I figure we could probably still squeeze in two more

Warm wishes,
Tonya

This is how I have felt, I am pregnant with my 9th and I am actually younger than you I feel that getting an early start at this has been an advantage for me.. I know people having their first and second kids in their mid to late 30's..if I had done that I would NOT have the family I have now.

This is a second marriage and this will be 4 of our own children together.. I want to say I am done.. but I said that last time and um.... well! :LOL I love having such diversity in my home and such a wide range.. my kids interact so well together.. really they dont need alot of external interaction with other kids :LOL we pretty much have it all covered!

Large families are not that common however and I find most people do not understand...I suppose when my dh and I both agree we are done .. then we will be done.

I remember a hilarous quote I read once.. " we are not trying to overpopulate the word, just trying to outnumber the idiots" :LOL that always makes me laugh when I see it.
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#70 of 90 Old 04-30-2005, 02:28 PM
 
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We have 2, and are in the process of adopting #3. If we get pregnant in the meantime, its meant to be.

We dont have a set #, we both would like a large family and hope that God blesses us with one. A large family isnt for everyone obviously,but DH and I are both in agreement on this.


Jenn
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#71 of 90 Old 04-30-2005, 03:59 PM
 
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i have one with one on the way. that's more than enough for us. dh is getting the big snip after this one!
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#72 of 90 Old 05-02-2005, 12:20 AM
 
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I am sorry I dont want to step on anybody's toes i really dont, but i must say I donnot know of anybody who regretted having had a child, or children. I think if they regretted having them that they probably didnt plan on having them and they were an accident to begin with and they just delt with it because they had no choice in the matter. I do however know of several people who hit 40 and wish they had had more or started earlier on in their lives, I have had so many people who admit that they envy me for having a "large" family. If I had really of thought and planned out my future I would have told you years ago that I couldnt afford to have any children cause i was too into me and my needs but my ds was born I learned that I could take care of someone elses needs too with less money than i was accustomed to as goes #2 and on. MY main concern with #2 was that i wouldnt love her as much as #1 or that I wouldnt have the time for him but that all comes quite naturally. And now with 4 i find it getting easier and easier cause the oldest helps me with the others and ya they tend to play together and entertain each other so i can do what i got to do. I was asked if #2 was a cesarean if i wanted my tubes tied, I said yes, I am so glad that i didnt have a cesarean for that reason.

Ultimately It is a decision that is not easy and i wouldnt take it too lightly and say no too quick as mothering aint that much harder with more than 2 children.

Jodie
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#73 of 90 Old 05-02-2005, 10:03 AM
 
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I've heard that from women over and over. I have known so many older women who wished they 'd had a thrid child- it still hurts. Men can make this choice throughout their lives, but biology is more succinct for women. (You can adopt, but there are many restrictions on older folks adopting children). I even know one woman who wished she'd had a fourth. A lot of this is from professional women, not women who only ever lived for motherhood--or whatever. I know a woman who had her tubes 'tied 'in her 20s and had them 'untied' in her late thrities.

I have neverr heard any woman who lived in the age of decent birth control say they were sorry they had kids.

This is such a tough decision. No easy answers for a lot of women. I think it would be wrong for anyone to pass judgement on other women, no matter the choices they make that might feel right at the time. Having kids, not having kids...it's all pretty much an emotional crap shoot and we should be nice to each other about it.
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#74 of 90 Old 05-02-2005, 10:12 AM
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I think it would be wrong for anyone to pass judgement on other women, no matter the choices they make that might feel right at the time






I SO agree with you on that one!!!
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#75 of 90 Old 05-02-2005, 10:18 AM
 
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I do know many people who have regretted having additional children.

I have two for many reasons. First, I am a huge believer in ZPG, and would not have had more than two bio children for the sake of the environment. Second, dh and I both came from huge families and hated it. I wouldn't do that to our kids. Third, from my observation of the families of our many brothers and sisters, the quality of life decreases with the addition of a third child.
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#76 of 90 Old 05-02-2005, 02:39 PM
 
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Holy what an insult. But I will just sit back and bite my tongue! :
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#77 of 90 Old 05-02-2005, 02:47 PM
 
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Misery knows no family size boundaries. We could all tell horror stories about what we've seen in other people's lives. :LOL
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#78 of 90 Old 05-02-2005, 03:23 PM
 
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Ok Humour me here. Firstly I would like to know just what ZPG is? something population growth i expect. And I would like to know just how a large family could adversely effect the environment? I mean we are not wasteful, recycle,cding family. I find that there is less waste in my household than my neighbors who have 1 child. Sure I drive an environmentally sound van and not a smartcar but i know of family with no kids who drive gas hogging SUV's, The idea that my familys quality of life appals me, I can afford my children and I am educated however choose to stay home and like to think that as a sahm I give my children the best quality of life that is possible. Our family has everything that we need and are a very close knit family with alot of respect for each other sure there is kaos but nothing we cannot handle, maybe a smaller family may figure we are disorganized however we find that being organized is the key to our success and of corse structure and routine too.

ok i had to spit that out!
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#79 of 90 Old 05-02-2005, 05:19 PM
 
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MumOf4, it sounds like it is really important to you to have your family size validated by believing that everyone can have 4 kids and have it turn out okay. Your family is a fine size for you, and you have the right to choose how many children you have. Both of those things are still true even if 4 is not the right number of children for some other people.

Quote:
And I would like to know just how a large family could adversely effect the environment? I mean we are not wasteful
I'm glad you're not wasteful, and I know that many smaller families are. Many families of ALL sizes are appallingly wasteful! But here's the thing: Whatever the amount of resources used by one person, each person added to the family is going to increase the total use of resources. It doesn't work out exactly evenly (two kids don't use double the stuff) because some things can be shared. However, there are things that can't be shared, like food: Each of your kids still needs to eat as much food as my one kid. The bottom line is that each person added to the planet has an adverse effect on the environment. More people=more effect.

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#80 of 90 Old 05-02-2005, 05:21 PM
 
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We have 2 boys and baby #3 on the way. DH and I are still in our 20's and would like a large family. We do not believe in artificial birth control for religious as well as natural reasons. However, I nurse my babies till they self-wean which has thus far allowed for natural spacing between. I usually get my cycles back around 14-16 months, have a few long cycles in between and become pregnant. Leaves for an approximate 2 year spacing between each child.
I believe that raising good, spiritual, environmentally aware children can only better our society. I do think that having a large family can help contribute to that. I would never judge someone on their choices and would hate to be judged on an issue like this.
Being open to each new life is a blessing.
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#81 of 90 Old 05-03-2005, 02:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UUMom
Misery knows no family size boundaries. We could all tell horror stories about what we've seen in other people's lives. :LOL

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#82 of 90 Old 05-03-2005, 02:51 PM
 
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if you replace yourselves (i.e., 2 kids) you are not adding to population explosion. If you have more than 2, you are adding to the increase of world population. Not a judgement, just a little factoid.
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#83 of 90 Old 05-03-2005, 02:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boomingranny
if you replace yourselves (i.e., 2 kids) you are not adding to population explosion. If you have more than 2, you are adding to the increase of world population. Not a judgement, just a little factoid.
I took a slot from my friend that only has one kid. I think we are done after 3. DH is getting used to the idea of the big V.
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#84 of 90 Old 05-03-2005, 03:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EnviroBecca
Reasons to stop at one:
*We feel very fulfilled and satisfied as a family now.
*Statistically, only children fare as well as or better than children with siblings. (See the book Maybe One by Bill McKibben.)
*Pregnancy was rough on me, and I can't imagine getting thru it while caring for a toddler/preschooler.
*We like being able to get into sync w/his current stage without simultaneously trying to enjoy a totally different stage w/another kid. (I am a Brownie leader, and as much as I enjoy being w/kids that age, I do find it harder to really get into stuff w/them now that I'm caring for a baby.)
*I want to continue my career. The cost of daycare for two kids would make my continuing to work financially absurd.
*My partner is an only child and loved it.
*Although I have a sibling and I love him and he shaped my life to some extent, I don't feel that his existence is crucial to my happiness and "rightness" in life.
*We are concerned about population growth.
we're planning on just this one for those reasons, and above all because:

one child feels right for us.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#85 of 90 Old 05-03-2005, 04:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow!

Thank you everyone for all your posts. This is so much to think about. We have decided to have more children (DH says child, he sees 3, I see 4!) and now we trying to decide between adopting and more biologicals...I am getting my IUD out next week, mostly because I have had a horrible time with it. We still aren't ready to have another one but I have a feeling that it will be sooner rather than later. We are drawn to adopting from Guatemala. Who knows, maybe we'll do both!

MA Mommy,Our second babes share the same birthday! DS, Hollis, was born on 8/12/03!

Ann
Mommy to AIne 3/5/01 and Hollis 8/12/03

homeschool.gif Homeschooling Mama to 4 little ones:  DD 9, DS 7, DD 4, DS 23 months, and another one due 3/2011.
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#86 of 90 Old 05-03-2005, 07:21 PM
 
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I have a two and a half year old daughter and I am expecting in 7weeks! I got a girl: and a boy: So we have discussed this being it. However sometimes I want another! Then my daughter starts acting like a 2yr old and I think NO WAY!!! So we'll see because it is a big deal and should be thought about carefully with all the pros and cons considered!
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#87 of 90 Old 05-04-2005, 03:58 AM
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i have two girls and a son,7,5 and 21 months. had them at 35,37, and 41. m/c at 39. only planned for three. it is right for me and dh.
when i was in hs i wanted 4-6 but i got older.
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#88 of 90 Old 05-04-2005, 04:07 PM
 
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We have 3 boys. 13,10 and 18months. We just found out #4 is on the way. I have been getting ask by so many people "were you trying for a girl" quite honestly I have the best 3 boys anymom could hope for and if this baby is like them I am blessed. BUT this is it. I will be 38 this year and we are happy with our family.
Jeana

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#89 of 90 Old 05-05-2005, 09:35 PM
 
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We have 2 and it just feels right. Dh got a V a few mos ago and it still feels right. No regrets about having just 2. I enjoy the baby/toddler years but I'm tired. I am looking forward to sleeping through the night sometime in the next, oh, 3-4 years or so. :LOL

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#90 of 90 Old 05-05-2005, 10:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBaxter
We have 3 boys. 13,10 and 18months. We just found out #4 is on the way. I have been getting ask by so many people "were you trying for a girl" quite honestly I have the best 3 boys anymom could hope for and if this baby is like them I am blessed. BUT this is it. I will be 38 this year and we are happy with our family.
Jeana
hey, this sounds a lot like us - 3 boys, 10,8,14mos and considering one more. your space is even bigger than ours! And I feel the same way - our boys are just so fabulous. I'd be thrilled either way, and it's nice to be able to say that sincerely.
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