How many kids do you have? Plan to have? Why? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 07:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello,

I am driving myself crazy! I have two beautiful kids (4 yo DD and 20 months old DS) and I am trying to decide whether or not to have more kids. I'm driving DH crazy because every day I am trying to get him to commit to having another child or not. On Saturday I was sure that we were finished and was packing up my maternity clothes for give away...I took them out of the car the next day.

For us there was no question about having 2 children. I have always hoped for more but there are as many pros as cons for me. Now isn't a good time because we are starting a new business and don't even have enough to pay for the expenses what we have. I'm also planning on taking the IBLCE in 2007. So I've been thinking after that...but I also worry about the environment and the impact of having another child so I think maybe we should adopt but the price is prohibitive. Most of all I love being a mother and it is the most fulfilling work that I can imagine doing and I would love to have another child.

Has anyone else gone through this? How many kids do you have or want to have? What is their spacing? How did you decide?

Thanks!!!
Ann

homeschool.gif Homeschooling Mama to 4 little ones:  DD 9, DS 7, DD 4, DS 23 months, and another one due 3/2011.
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#2 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 07:58 PM
 
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i have three, and three is the right number for me. (though i fantasize about DHs vasectomy failing).
in response to the population control argument, DH likes to say we'll have a big problem if no good, nice people have more than 1 or 2 kids.
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#3 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 07:59 PM
 
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I have two, one more on the way, and want five. We don't use bc, and usually conceive around the 2nd birthday of our current youngest child.

Why five? Because it felt right when we thought of five. Dh will have his master's in electrical engineering in less than 2 years, and we'll live on that kind of salary. My dad is an EE, and we had sufficient for our needs growing up.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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#4 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:01 PM
 
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I have 3. The second two were "surprises." So, when did I decide to have another baby? When the birth control failed :

How many will I have? Maybe only 3, maybe another, maybe a few more. Ask me again after I hit menopause.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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#5 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:09 PM
 
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We have three, the third being a surprise

I am pretty sure we are done. I have things i want to do, and my youngest is 6, and we are heading out of the labor intensive time consuming years. I could afford one more, but i'd rather give more to the ones i've got.

Besides, all my romantic visions and fantasies of a fourth (with me giving birth in a tub in front of my fireplace and buying one of wemoons slings) went out the window when i babysat a very fussy high needs infant. after spending the better part of four hours in the rocking chair, intermittently passing the babe off to my husband for his expert football hold, i wanted to go to the garage and get the needle nosed pliars and remove my own uterus. :
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#6 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:09 PM
 
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I have one and am pg. I think that I will have 2- but a third- we'll see how I do with 2!

Em
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#7 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:13 PM
 
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I completely understand the back forth feeling. I just handed away all my maternity stuff and I'm sometimes regretting it and sometimes not. Mostly I feel I should have kept them for my sisters.
I have 2 ds. I love them. I'm not having any more because

of my PPD (it was a lot worse with ds2 and still hasn't completely gone away)
of my age
my partner doesn't want anymore & I wouldn't want to go through another pregnancy/infancy without his complete support
I truly don't like the infancy stage. I enjoy my children more as they get older.
Don't want to be pregnant again.
Last birth was perfect and I want to keep that memory.

but even with all these reasons, I still sometimes fantasize about having twin girls. girl: girl:
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#8 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:15 PM
 
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We have one ds, he was a suprise...we were kinda scared at first, we're so young (I'm 18, dh is 20) but we're enjoying it more and more as the days go by!(I've never been so in love!) When we first had him, I said "No more!" hehe, I wasn't used to it then, but now that I am, I want to have TONS! :LOL jk, I would like to have one or two more, and also would like to be a foster family someday, maybe even adpot eventually. Maybe you could be a foster family before you decide to have anymore. There are a lot of kids in foster family looking for homes.

dreads.gif and my man mischievous.gif. Momma to ds1 (11-'04) blahblah.gif, ds2 (8-'08) hammer.gif, dd (3-'12) orngtongue.gif, and Mr Blue, Chiyo, and Fireball, our 3 cat.gifnovaxnocirc.gif intactlact.gif uc.jpg

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#9 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:15 PM
 
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I have two, and that is fine.
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#10 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:15 PM
 
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I have one and only planned on one...

... but today at DD's playgroup, one of the other mommas asked me to hold her newborn while she took her toddler to the restroom (Cher, the only AP momma always gets asked the hold the babies, hmmmm) and I thought for a millisecond about having #2.
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#11 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:17 PM
 
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I have one.
We *may* have another one day but currently one is PLENTY.

DS 6 DD 8
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#12 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:23 PM
 
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Take a wild guess how many I have! :LOL

No more, got my tubes tied last year. Whew! I knew I was done when I could hold other people's babies and hand them over without going, "Aaaaawwwww! I want another one!"
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#13 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:25 PM
 
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We currently have one and I'm pg w/#2. Ross and this baby will be 3 yrs., 9 months apart. I think the space will be nice.

I have my mind set on 6. DH has his mind set on 3 and there's no compromising according to him. He says he might stretch to 4 (and we're talking about adopting #4). He looks at the financial side of things, while I look at the baby side of things. I came from a big family, he did not and his family is more reserved, while mine is not. It's still not decided for sure.

, , , mama to Ross , Reagan (8/29/05), Joshua (from Haiti...here NOW due to the earthquake!), and Elijah , born safely 9-8-09.
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#14 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:26 PM
 
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4-5 three didn't seem like enough and 6 was too many...I like odd numbers dh likes evens...we're weird
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#15 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 08:56 PM
 
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Have: getting ready to work on #1

Want: at least 3, no more than 5, probably 4. Will reassess one babe at a time.

crafty mama to Chloe and Emma (10/08) and Piper
emergency medicine PA and single mother by choice
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#16 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:07 PM
 
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I have one, and my whole life I thought I would only have one. Then I met DP, he wanted 3. Now that we have DS, I can see three, for sure at least one more. DP is now happy with the idea of 2. So we will see.

Plus I'm already 34 and wanted a space of three years between, so I'd be pushing 40 for the third, I may decide I want to stop at two because of age, but who knows.

Gee I sound as undecided as you do, don't I? :LOL
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#17 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:11 PM
 
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have two. would love one more, but dh wouldn't.

we shall see...
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#18 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:16 PM
 
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We have two. I would like two more (although some days I think I must be insane for saying that). I think DH would say only one more - - but I'm sure that will change.

Elowyn- I don't know much about you. But you're planning on being a single mother of maybe four? Good for you! More power to you!
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#19 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:19 PM
 
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Have one now, and we plan on having two more. I want five, dh wants two - so we're gonna compromise on three.

Full time working mom to two bright and busy little girls! treehugger.gif
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#20 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:27 PM
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After #4 @ 40yo We're done
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#21 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:34 PM
 
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We have two, and are pretty much thinking we'll have a third. I love the 3y age spacing between the first two, but don't want to wait that long again (I'm not getting any younger!).

During the day I want the third, and during the night I want my tubes tied.
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#22 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecomommy
Has anyone else gone through this? How many kids do you have or want to have? What is their spacing? How did you decide?
We have one, and are planning on one more. And right now, I'm quietly hoping for a third, but dh is adamantly against it. We'll see... accidents do happen, plus twins run in his family.
And while having a ton of siblings can be crazy, I think it'd be nice to have 2 siblings instead of just one - like dh and I. It also ups our chances of being grandparents.

We're planning on loosely ttc at the end of the summer/early fall - ds is currently 18mo, so he's be around 2yo around time of possible conception. We have season passes to a local theme park, and I'm not missing out on an entire summer of roller coasters. Plus they have a waterpark, and it's hard enough for me to find a non-maternity swimsuit.
But our more concrete reasons are to save up for the homebirth and baby stuff we'll need (small diapers, more things like cloth breast pads and pads for me, maternity clothes, etc.) as well as giving me more time to get into better shape and to keep working on our diet (eating healthier and smarter - we've come a long ways, but there's always room for improvement).

Lanna

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#23 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:37 PM
 
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We'll take what we are given, so far we have 3. We seem to get preggo when the youngest will be 2 years 4 months when the baby is born.
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#24 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:49 PM
 
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I have one child who is now 10 years old. He was a 'surprise'. I didn't plan on having anymore children, until I met my sweetie 6 years ago. Within the last year we have become engaged and are getting married in about 5 months. I was not going to have any more children without being married. So, with saying that we are now talking about 1 year after being married we'll try to have a baby. This is very hard for me because my son is already older! He'll be even older in a year! I have a hard time thinking about that. We are far from a traditional family, I know my son will do well with having a little brother or sister someday. We've thought about adopting or foster parenting also. At this point we are only planning one more child, I'm not getting any younger and am turning 31 in a month. So, If we plan on having another child I really want to do it before I'm 33 or 34.
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#25 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 09:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplicity
I have a hard time thinking about that. We are far from a traditional family, I know my son will do well with having a little brother or sister someday. We've thought about adopting or foster parenting also. At this point we are only planning one more child, I'm not getting any younger and am turning 31 in a month. So, If we plan on having another child I really want to do it before I'm 33 or 34.
Fwiw, when I was growing up, a friend of mine got siblings when he was in middle school (12, 13, 14, I forget - it's been a while). He was from his mom's first marriage, and she didn't get remarried for a while. She and hubby #2 waited a few years, then had two adorable boys. They had a kind of built-in babysitter because my friend was fabulous with his brothers and loved watching them. This also made him somewhat irresistable (did I spell that right?) to girls when he was older.

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#26 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 10:05 PM
 
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I have two children: a girl age 11, and a boy almost 14. I had my tubes tied when I was 18 I chose to stop at 2 kids because I was very young, single, and had no money whatsoever. Also, birth control didn't work out so great for me lol.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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#27 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 10:17 PM
 
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I have two, 4 yr old and a 21 month old. I go back and forth all the time, but my husband is completely done! I do enjoy the fact that they are older now and are more independent and we can do lots of fun things together as a family of four at least there is one parent for each. Thinking about the newborn phase puts me back into reality and how much harder it would be with three. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It's hard when your mind is not made up yet.
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#28 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 10:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lmonter
Fwiw, when I was growing up, a friend of mine got siblings when he was in middle school (12, 13, 14, I forget - it's been a while). He was from his mom's first marriage, and she didn't get remarried for a while. She and hubby #2 waited a few years, then had two adorable boys. They had a kind of built-in babysitter because my friend was fabulous with his brothers and loved watching them. This also made him somewhat irresistable (did I spell that right?) to girls when he was older.
Thank you for your post. It did give me some hope that my son will adjust just fine. That is my main concern but I know deep down he will so love being a very big brother! He has no other brothers or sisters and I'm afraid to say it will probably still be a long while before his dad has anymore children. I love your story! Thanks for sharing!
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#29 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 10:24 PM
 
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Right now we have 1 - our 18 mo. dd. Since I was a young child I planned on having two boys and a girl, in that order. Since dd wasn't a boy I kind of had to give up on my plan :LOL but I do kind of still want three kids. For a time after dd was born I thought one more would be enough, but now I am back to thinking about three. We are planning to wait until July 2006 to TTC so they will be about 3.5 years apart.

DH is an only child, and he always envisioned himself w/ one child. We compromised on 2, but he is well aware of my thoughts of three. I want my kids to have family. I have an older sister who is not married and has no kids (and is not very close), so dd needs sibs in order to have a family after we are dead and gone.

It hurts my head to try and figure it all out sometimes. I'm just glad that for the most part, kids tend to come one at a time and you can kind of see how things are before having another.

Katherine, mama to Emma Kate (7) and Griffin (3)

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#30 of 90 Old 04-19-2005, 10:44 PM
 
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I have four, a 12 year old, a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a 14month old.. and we are done, dh went for his vasectomy last spring. In some ways i would love another baby but im slooowly getting over it Im starting to like the idea of sleeping some year soon.
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