An interesting observation re: TV watching - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-12-2005, 03:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Linda KS
Both my kids wanted to try coffee so I let them. They thought it was nasty. They have no idea why I like it. Some of the things parents feel they need to control for their kids baffles me.
I think coffee is a drug and not a food. It just seems wrong to me for young children to drink it. I've seen parents give coffee to 2- and 3-year-old children. I feel that if I don't want my children to have it, then I should be willing to give it up too. Just like smoking - children don't take it seriously when parents smoke and then tell the kids not to smoke.

I tried coffee when I was 13 and didn't like it. I didn't really start drinking it until I was 18. So maybe it won't even be an issue.

If my 12-year-old daughter wanted to have sex, I would intervene. It seems really weird to me that a child that young would really want to have sex. I think most kids that are very interested in sex that young are being abused, and it's my job to protect my kids from abuse. Besides, I think it would be illegal for me to allow it; if a parent knows that a preteen child is sexually active and doesn't intervene, I think that would be a CPS issue. But that's a whole other thread...and my kids are so young it's hard to tell. Maybe when they are in middle school I will have morphed into a coercive, do-it-my-way kind of parent. :LOL
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Old 05-12-2005, 03:37 PM
 
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Both of my dc have asked to try coffee and I said yes. I drink unsweetened espresso with milk and my dd made a face and my son couldn't get past the smell to even take a sip. If they really liked it I would heavily milk it down and give them some. I let them drink ice tea and they sometimes drink colas so they do get a little caffeine. My dd loves chocolate covered espresso beans and when I can afford them I give her a couple. Once I bought some and had them in the freezer, she ate half the bag (not even knowing what they were) and I couldn't figure out why she was acting so freaky. When she mentioned she had eaten lots of the candy in the freezer I told her what they were and explained that the candy was causing her bizarre jubilance :LOL . We both had a good laugh and still joke about it. So my dc do understand that caffeine is something that we need to be careful with.
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Old 05-12-2005, 03:39 PM
 
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Ive been drinking coffee since age 9 or so, and having sex since 13. The coffee thing is no big deal IMO, the sex at 13 thing is a bit more so

I wished my mom would have talked to me more about sex both before and after I became sexually active. Instead all I got before I had it was "Dont do it", and all I got for at least a year after I had it were words like "irresponsible" and such. This was one area my mom, who I think was a great mom btw, really dropped the ball in. My kids have had tons of info on sex and both of them say they are nowhere near ready for that kind of decision or relationship yet. (They are 11.5 and almost 14) When they are I will treat it as I have treat other things from them, with respect, guidance, and info.

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Old 05-12-2005, 03:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama
My dd loves chocolate covered espresso beans and when I can afford them I give her a couple. Once I bought some and had them in the freezer, she ate half the bag (not even knowing what they were) and I couldn't figure out why she was acting so freaky. When she mentioned she had eaten lots of the candy in the freezer I told her what they were and explained that the candy was causing her bizarre jubilance :LOL . We both had a good laugh and still joke about it. So my dc do understand that caffeine is something that we need to be careful with.
This is so funny! :LOL

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Old 05-12-2005, 04:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Greaseball
I think coffee is a drug and not a food. It just seems wrong to me for young children to drink it.
You wouldn't let your child have 1 sip so they could find out that is bitter and nasty?

To me, making a big harry deal out of it would make into this huge wonderful thing that the child would want the minute they got a chance. May be even keep drinking it though they hate it just because it is such a huge deal.

My kids have each had a sip -- enough to decide they hate it. Do you think that was "wrong?"
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Old 05-12-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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I think aversion therapy tends to backfire. A lot of kids I knew who started smoking and drinking at young ages were first introduced to substances by a parent who was trying to get the kid to hate it. It didn't work; the kid just fell in love with it.

But maybe with coffee it's different somehow.
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Old 05-12-2005, 05:09 PM
 
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Both my kids like coffee and drink it in moderation
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Old 05-12-2005, 05:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zipperump-a-zoomum
Both my kids like coffee and drink it in moderation
Same here. Though moderation could be defined any number of ways I suppose.

My drink coffee and or tea several times a week. Often when first waking up like I do (coffee) or tea in the afternoon or night. They've known how to make a pot of coffee for years now.

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Old 05-12-2005, 05:27 PM
 
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We let ds1 have a sip of beer after he repeatedly asked to try it. He made the most disgusted face I've seen on him since he tried asparagus. He declared that it was "too spicy". So now, the excitement over the forbidden drink is gone.

We drink black tea together every day.

I'm really starting to think, as was stated earlier in the thread, that the whole addiction angle is genetic. I've heard people insist that making a drink taboo leads to alcoholism, that not exposing kids to drink leads to alcoholism and that early exposure leads to alcoholism. It can't be all of the above. I've known people who had what could only be described as addictive personalities. They didn't do anything ("good or bad") in small measures, very disconcerting to observe.
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Old 05-12-2005, 05:38 PM
 
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We used to keep the recycling outside our door until we realized ds was taking the beer bottles for any left over sips. Now they are out of reach. Don't french children regularly drink coffee with lots of warm milk and sugar?
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Old 05-12-2005, 06:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greaseball
I think aversion therapy tends to backfire. A lot of kids I knew who started smoking and drinking at young ages were first introduced to substances by a parent who was trying to get the kid to hate it. It didn't work; the kid just fell in love with it.

But maybe with coffee it's different somehow.
I didn't introduce my kids to coffee in an attempt to get them to hate it. I drink coffee, they were curious, so I let them have a sip. I wasn't trying to do anything -- I didn't have an agenda. It's a totally different thing from "aversion therapy." Aversion therapy is an attempt to control a child. I wasn't trying to control -- I was letting them control themselves.

If they liked it and wanted to drink it in moderation, I wouldn't have an issue with it. Decaf with lots of milk isn't a big deal.

leftfield, I think there is something to the addictive personality idea. I wonder though, if it is all genetic or if it is a mix of nature and nuture. I have a hard time accepting that some people are just born to be addictive and some aren't. We all make choices about our behavior, and I think our role as parents is to help our kids grown into the kind of people who will be able to make good choices. I think the question should be how can we help our kids grow into people who will make good decisions when we aren't controlling their behavoir.
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Old 05-12-2005, 06:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Linda KS
I think the question should be how can we help our kids grow into people who will make good decisions when we aren't controlling their behavoir.


I've really enjoyed your posts on this thread, Linda.


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Old 05-12-2005, 07:04 PM
 
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: to both the quote and the pp

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Old 05-12-2005, 09:35 PM
 
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I didn't introduce my kids to coffee in an attempt to get them to hate it. I drink coffee, they were curious, so I let them have a sip. I wasn't trying to do anything -- I didn't have an agenda.




@ Trader Joe's there is coffee available. Usually there is juice in this spot. ds1 saw & wanted to try. I figured he wouldn't like anything so bitter but don't you know... he loved it! Another, older woman, in the store saw him going back with the teensy paper cup to get more and laughed - she said lots of kids like coffee, surprisingly.
Fortunately he never connected it with coffee at home and has never asked. When we were little my parents drank tea. We were allowed weak tea with lots of milk and sugar but generally preferred to drink other things.

Alcohol is also a drug. My parents drank wine with supper. In fact, they were part of a local wine society and held tastings and such. They would allow us to have very watered down wine with supper, and slowly as we got older we were allowed more wine and less water here and there. My only problems with alcohol in college were that I could not stomach the slop that was offered in dorms and such and so hardly ever drank more than the one decent ale or wine I could afford when out. I drink less than one glass of wine a month.
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Old 05-13-2005, 01:02 AM
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This thread is so OT! :LOL They give black tea to the orphan babies here and you should the havoc it wreaks on their poor little intestines.

Anyway, I want to start a thread on what we limit and why. How do our own issues/experiences affect what we decide to limit and not. Does that sound interesting? It's something talked about quite a bit in the TCS movement -- how we shouldn't let our own biases affect the way we interact with our kids.

And FTR, I identify as TCS only on this board. I feel it's only fair to let other posters know where I'm coming from when dishing out the GD advice.
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Old 05-13-2005, 01:08 AM
 
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Sounds really interesting!
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Old 05-16-2005, 11:58 AM
 
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I limit TV, mall -going, fast food, high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, meat, non organic food, artificial sweetners, and put- downs.
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Old 05-16-2005, 12:06 PM
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Old 05-16-2005, 12:10 PM
 
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We've always believed that if our children did not need parents, they would have been born sea turtles.
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Old 05-16-2005, 01:14 PM
 
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We've always believed that if our children did not need parents, they would have been born sea turtles.
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Old 05-16-2005, 05:00 PM
 
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I limit TV, mall -going, fast food, high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, meat, non organic food, artificial sweetners, and put- downs.
So are those things that you limit, or outright forbid?

Because I limit some of those things, but in a way that is more of a suggestion. For example, the co-op my kids go to serves ritz crackers- I have no problem with that, but I don't really want them to be something that my kids eat at home. So if we happen to be somewhere they sell them and DS asks for some, I might say, "I'd rather not buy those to have at our house. They aren't very good for our bodies, and at home I like us to have good stuff for our bodies. What do you think? Do you still feel like you want them?" And much of the time the answer is no, but if it's yes, then that's ok too. (Not that my kids don't eat their fair share of crap, but I try to keep it out of the house.)

I limit gun play/killing play in more of a forbid type way.

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Old 05-16-2005, 05:08 PM
 
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I don't forbid anything. It doesn't work like that here. It sounds like we are not that different. My kids are older (6,11, 12 & 16) and they can make certain choices, but i would never take them to a fast food place, and I would never buy diet soda, for instance. I might buy natural soda, or even 'regular' soda if a child was having a b'day party and the felt offerring soda to friends was important. I figure we live int he world and while i want my kids to make good choices, I don't see how 'forbidding' everything would serve them well.

Like you, i won't buy the stuff, but I don't do guilt over food. I feed them 'my way' until they have there verbal say otherwise. I suppose i did 'forbid' certain things when they were small, mostly by substituting and just not offerring it , and not putting myself in a situation that was uncomfortable. I would never go with friends and their kids for 'happy meals', fi. My 6 yr old has never had one, (although I think my older kids must have at some point). I just wouldn't go there with a playgroup say, and then have to 'forbid' the thing they came for, kwim? I would also feel going to BK or whatever for salad and an apple, would be like saying I approve of their cesspool food and ugly roadside buildings that have made this country look like crap.
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Old 05-16-2005, 05:19 PM
 
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Oh, I wouldn't buy guns, but i don't get involved that way in my children's play. I can't possibly understand their play needs. Kids need space that adults don't occupy. Their imaginative world is too important for me to be messing with it. I've seen too much fake/stilted play in my time to be putting my adult issues on my kids play. Playing with sticks or even gladiator with swords doesn't get any commentary at all from me.

We have plenty of other opportunity to share our values with my kids. All of my kids have played Manhunt or 'bad guys' etc. but they are all against war.

I take it back about not buying guns- I am sure i have bought water 'soakers' which is just another name for water 'gun'.
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