Having Only One Child - Mothering Forums

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Having Just One Child (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Having Just One Child
MorgnsGrl
Member posted 01-19-2001 08:38 AM
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The original topic question is missing from this archive. Please forgive its absence and enjoy these responses.
~C

Hi Bellesmom!
It seems like you've gotten a lot of food for thought in these many replies, and as several people have already said, you have to make the decision that is right for your family. DH and I have one son age 4 1/2 months, and don't intend to have any more. DH is going to get snipped some time around Dante's 2nd birthday. We know that this is the right decision for us.



bellesmom
Member posted 01-19-2001 11:26 AM
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I had no idea this topic would have such a long life!
To Lovelyrita--thank you for your post. While I can't express enough how important my writing is to me--we're not talking hobby here--it isn't the main reason for my decision to have only one child. It's one of many, one of which is the population issue. It's easy to feel like my having multiple children won't make the population explode, but that's really the same thinking as "My not recycling won't wreck the planet," or "My using a lot of gasoline won't really make any difference," and even "One vote doesn't change anything." It's not you individually that makes any difference whatsoever; it's you as part of a larger community. If all the moms and dads who think they're good, loving, finanancially capable parents have five kids, that will absolutely increase problems of space, resources, and environmental degradation on this planet. It is alarming to think about someone else telling you how many children you can have--this kind of control has led to infanticide in some countries. That's why we have to talk, create community standards, look hard at how our own decisions affect the world around us. Hopefully, we don't need the government to tell us that if unlimited family size isn't okay for everyone, it might not be okay for us, either.

In response to the suggestion that another baby would inspire me as a writer--certainly that is, in some ways, true. Motherhood has made me the writer I am now, but it also limits the time and energy I can devote to my work. For a real live child that I already adore, I'm willing to make that sacrifice, but for a hypothetical child, I'm much more hesitant. The idea of headsets and hands-free and all that sounds great if you can do it. Personally, I need a lot more psychic space in order to write. I need "a room of one's own," literally. My husband takes Annabelle out of the house when I write.

Anyway, I think our decision is made. We're not having any more children unless they just "happen" before Mark gets "fixed." Later on, if we feel we want to have more, we'll adopt. Thinking about living children without homes kills me. Knowing we are good parents with so much love to give doesn't make me feel like we should bring more children into the world; instead, we may one day offer these gifts to a child already on the planet.



bellesmom
Member posted 01-19-2001 03:05 PM
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I'm pretty upset right now b/c I posted a long message to this topic earlier today and it doesn't seem to be here. But oh well--
First, I wanted to respond to the idea that my writing would be fueled by my having more kids. I'm certain that in many ways this would be true--motherhood has expanded my mind, heart, and soul in so many ways, and I have never been the kind of artist who believes in the Ivory Tower. My writing is about life, and I have to live one to write about them. On the other hand, the suggestion about the hands-free typing, etc. sounds great if you can do it, but I can't even write with my child in the house. Mark takes her out during my writing time. It's more about psychic space for me--I'm working on a novel and a collection of poems, and I need to remove myself from the world while I'm writing, which for me has been very hard to do since A's birth. She's so firmly implanted in my mind that it's hard to clear it enough to listen to the voices I have to hear in order to write well. Writing, by the way, isn't really the main reason we've decided (barring unforseen circumstances) to have only one child. There are many reasons.

One very important reason is over-population and the drain on our natural resources. While I think it's easy to say that my having more children won't cause a population explosion, that's the same as "My not recycling won't wreck the environment," or "What's one mattress in the river?" or "One vote won't make any difference." You alone have very little effect; it's you as part of a community (one made up of BILLIONS) that matters. And, yes, the idea of being forced to have only one child is terrifying--that kind of thing has caused infanticide. That's why we need to talk, have community standards, decide for ourselves how our decisions will affect the world. I don't think we need the government to tell us that if it isn't alright for everyone to have five kids, it isn't alright for us to have five either. It doesn't matter whether we're good parents or financially capable. It's about space and food and consumption and the delicate balance here on earth.

Feeling, as my husband and I do, that we are smart, loving people with a lot to offer children, should we, one day, find ourselve yearning to parent another, we will adopt. The idea of children without families kills me.

I also want to say that all of you who have responded to this topic have been so kind and helpful--even those who disagree. I feel constantly reassured about the world b/c I know you women (and men) are parenting members of the next generation. Even if you have fifteen children, I think you're wonderful, and every one of your children is blessed. I just think we should talk about these issues b/c there's no doubt that the health of the planet is a mothering issue.



bellesmom
Member posted 01-19-2001 03:06 PM
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I'm pretty upset right now b/c I posted a long message to this topic earlier today and it doesn't seem to be here. But oh well--
First, I wanted to respond to the idea that my writing would be fueled by my having more kids. I'm certain that in many ways this would be true--motherhood has expanded my mind, heart, and soul in so many ways, and I have never been the kind of artist who believes in the Ivory Tower. My writing is about life, and I have to live one to write about them. On the other hand, the suggestion about the hands-free typing, etc. sounds great if you can do it, but I can't even write with my child in the house. Mark takes her out during my writing time. It's more about psychic space for me--I'm working on a novel and a collection of poems, and I need to remove myself from the world while I'm writing, which for me has been very hard to do since A's birth. She's so firmly implanted in my mind that it's hard to clear it enough to listen to the voices I have to hear in order to write well. Writing, by the way, isn't really the main reason we've decided (barring unforseen circumstances) to have only one child. There are many reasons.

One very important reason is over-population and the drain on our natural resources. While I think it's easy to say that my having more children won't cause a population explosion, that's the same as "My not recycling won't wreck the environment," or "What's one mattress in the river?" or "One vote won't make any difference." You alone have very little effect; it's you as part of a community (one made up of BILLIONS) that matters. And, yes, the idea of being forced to have only one child is terrifying--that kind of thing has caused infanticide. That's why we need to talk, have community standards, decide for ourselves how our decisions will affect the world. I don't think we need the government to tell us that if it isn't alright for everyone to have five kids, it isn't alright for us to have five either. It doesn't matter whether we're good parents or financially capable. It's about space and food and consumption and the delicate balance here on earth.

Feeling, as my husband and I do, that we are smart, loving people with a lot to offer children, should we, one day, find ourselve yearning to parent another, we will adopt. The idea of children without families kills me.

I also want to say that all of you who have responded to this topic have been so kind and helpful--even those who disagree. I feel constantly reassured about the world b/c I know you women (and men) are parenting members of the next generation. Even if you have fifteen children, I think you're wonderful, and every one of your children is blessed. I just think we should talk about these issues b/c there's no doubt that the health of the planet is a mothering issue.



bellesmom
Member posted 01-19-2001 03:10 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm pretty upset right now b/c I posted a long message to this topic earlier today and it doesn't seem to be here. But oh well--
First, I wanted to respond to the idea that my writing would be fueled by my having more kids. I'm certain that in many ways this would be true--motherhood has expanded my mind, heart, and soul in so many ways, and I have never been the kind of artist who believes in the Ivory Tower. My writing is about life, and I have to live one to write about them. On the other hand, the suggestion about the hands-free typing, etc. sounds great if you can do it, but I can't even write with my child in the house. Mark takes her out during my writing time. It's more about psychic space for me--I'm working on a novel and a collection of poems, and I need to remove myself from the world while I'm writing, which for me has been very hard to do since A's birth. She's so firmly implanted in my mind that it's hard to clear it enough to listen to the voices I have to hear in order to write well. Writing, by the way, isn't really the main reason we've decided (barring unforseen circumstances) to have only one child. There are many reasons.

One very important reason is over-population and the drain on our natural resources. While I think it's easy to say that my having more children won't cause a population explosion, that's the same as "My not recycling won't wreck the environment," or "What's one mattress in the river?" or "One vote won't make any difference." You alone have very little effect; it's you as part of a community (one made up of BILLIONS) that matters. And, yes, the idea of being forced to have only one child is terrifying--that kind of thing has caused infanticide. That's why we need to talk, have community standards, decide for ourselves how our decisions will affect the world. I don't think we need the government to tell us that if it isn't alright for everyone to have five kids, it isn't alright for us to have five either. It doesn't matter whether we're good parents or financially capable. It's about space and food and consumption and the delicate balance here on earth.

Feeling, as my husband and I do, that we are smart, loving people with a lot to offer children, should we, one day, find ourselve yearning to parent another, we will adopt. The idea of children without families kills me.

I also want to say that all of you who have responded to this topic have been so kind and helpful--even those who disagree. I feel constantly reassured about the world b/c I know you women (and men) are parenting members of the next generation. Even if you have fifteen children, I think you're wonderful, and every one of your children is blessed. I just think we should talk about these issues b/c there's no doubt that the health of the planet is a mothering issue.



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