|View Poll Results: How did you decide to have your second child? Choose the one that BEST applies|
|To give the first child a sibling||22||20.75%|
|Always wanted x number of children||35||33.02%|
|Wanted to experience pregnancy and caring for an infant again||20||18.87%|
|Didn't exactly plan to have a second one!||15||14.15%|
|other (please explain)||14||13.21%|
|Voters: 106. You may not vote on this poll|
See, I didn't want only one kid. Gotta have sibs. And, I had really enjoyed having ds1. So, when he was abt 2 months old, I started telling dh I wanted another one. He laughed me off. I insisted. He finally said he was okay w/it. I started trying to conceive. Little did I know that I had to be fertile first : . So, I got a period when ds1 was 6 months old and apparently got pregnant the next cycle, b/c by the time he was 8 months old, I was preg again. I had my boy, and wanted a girl. That's what I got.
I love my body. It always does what I want it to do.
Youngest was planned as well, because I love having closely spaced children.
Next ones will come when they come... we are trying to conceive now and want 3 children together, at this point we are just going to let nature decide what spacing there is between them all!
The third on was just naturally spaced and s/he isn't something we exactly decided on, we just didn't decide to wait.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
never imagined I'd stop at one, but had given up hope of #2 making an appearance (i.e. given away most of the baby gear) when... he showed up
have no set idea of how many is the right number - I know it's not under my control
We always wanted four children, and we wanted four because DH has lots of sibs and I like large families (I know, I know, to some, four isn't large ), and I firmly believe that everyone should have a sib if it is at all possible. In our older age, who better understands the wholeness of our lives than our sibs? Who else can truly commiserate about our parents' craziness than our sibs? IMO, nobody. So I truly believe that sibs are good for that reason. And I also believe (and hold on to your hat, this is likely to be somewhat controversial) that only children have a selfishness that is almost insurmountable, and that it stems not from any terrible thing that the parents have done or that is in the person, but from the mere fact that all of that person's young life s/he has not had to share time, love and resources, thus it can be a terrible shock when the person marries and has children and suddenly has to divide time and attention, etc. Now, my two closest friends are onlies and I love them dearly, but I watched them really struggle with having families and giving up that sanctity of self. They are both exceptionally bright and loving people, but their primary complaints regarded those kinds of things, and so I attribute their struggles to having been onlies.
I also think it's healthy for parents to have less focus on any particular child. When you have only one child, you are able to attend to every little thing, but once you add another into the mix, you've suddenly lost a little focus, and, from my perspective, you give both kids a bit of a breather now and then, and I think that's healthy...now, that's from my overly anal perspective. I really focused on my ds before dd was born, and now I'm more likely to let some things slide, let him struggle just a tad now and then and find that he's capable, etc. It was harder for me to do that before dd.
And ultimately, I just picture kids running around our house, instead of kid. After dd was born, DH and I agreed that we were taxed and that the labor intensivity of AP parenting, while well worth every moment, might preclude us from having any other children. Now I'm starting to picture a third child in our family though, so we'll see. One of my friends said to me once that if you are asking if you should have another child, the answer is yes. If the answer is no, you simply know it.
We definitely wanted more than one as we feel siblings are more healthy. I wld like 3 but it depends how we do with 2, we already have our hands full with one! Still, I enjoyed my pregnancy, it was a very beautiful process for me, feeling a life growing inside of me. OTOH, it was also emotional sometimes as I recall my own childhood n how I was treated as a baby.
I always feel very grateful towards dd, she showed me my loving capacity and helped me be more patient and appreciate this world.
Mama to a boy EnviroKid 9 years old and a new little girl EnviroBaby !
I write about parenting, environment, cooking, and more.
Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven. PROUD to be a Catholic! :
We just realized early on that we loved our sona nd wanted to have more, ds is still a quiet, easy kid, and dd continues to rub it all in our face! She's great though...
I have to respectfully disagree that being an only child results in "selfishness that is insurmountable." While your experience might seem to prove this idea, my experience "proves" the opposite: I am an only child, and have honestly had little trouble adjusting to the reality of sharing my time, attention, etc. with my dp and baby. My partner, on the other hand, is the youngest of two, and has had a really tough time. He cherishes his alone time so much that he battles feeling resentful of the baby and her needs. A close friend who is the youngest of three also had trouble for the first year of her baby's life adjusting to losing control of her own time. And one of my closest friends, who is the youngest of 12 (!) is, hands-down, the most selfish person I know. I love her to death, but even she admits she's selfish and spoiled...
This is all to say that we can't make generalizations based on our own experiences.
If there are folks reading this who would like to stick with one child but are worried about raising a selfish or spoiled child, I would point out my extended family's style as a model. They "spoiled" me with love, but also pushed me to be independent, and to seek out lots of other people for knowledge, experience, advice, etc (my mom's refrain was that everyone I met was a potential teacher, and I should try to learn as much as I could from them). I became an independent but outgoing person, knowing that I had unconditional love and support behind me no matter what.
In other words, everyone is different, and what matters is how you raise your child or children, and not how many of them you raise.
I think I'll start another thread on the only child issue since it's off-topic but worth talking about...
So we're having only 2-can't imagine having a baby that won't know my mom .
The next month I was pregnant.
It really was a great time for us. Our extremely high-needs baby was becoming the very independent child we always expected she would become. My DH was getting the hang of the parenting thing finally (took him that long...really). I was recovered completely from my first pregnancy/birth. We had talked before about wanting a large family (5 or more kids), and hey, if we wanted a big family we had better get going!
Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.
My sister and I are 4 years apart and we were never really close, but I was old enough to be helpful and understand that the baby needed extra attention. So I am thinking it would be nice to have this baby and #3 be about 3 years apart... not sure if we will stop there or try for one more.