Boys wearing dresses in public. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 02:31 PM
 
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I'm voting no on this one as well.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#62 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 02:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by amybw
What if your DH or male DP decided he wanted to wear dresses, pink and lacey ones. And pantyhose, high heels and make up.
Hmm… I’m not sure what I would do. He has certainly worn worse though, that’s for sure. Like cowboy boots and a cowboy hat... :LOL

(no offence to any cowboys, just not my thing...)

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#63 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 02:42 PM
 
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What if your DH or male DP decided he wanted to wear dresses, pink and lacey ones. And pantyhose, high heels and make up.
Mine will. At my request.

We don't have any boys, so I guess I can't say, but while we were expecting #1 we just decided that boys could wear pink too.

My dh wears pink a lot, even to work.
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#64 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 02:43 PM
 
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While my ds never wore a dress in public, he was very "adorned" at two. He wore hats and necklaces and sometimes a boa.

I had a family member who was quite outspoken that this would "turn him gay". I said I was pretty sure it takes more than dressing.
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#65 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 02:50 PM
 
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here are my thoughts.. If my 2.5 yo son wanted to wear a dress in public..I would honestly try to dissuade him.... he loves to wear feather boas and tiara and beads and all that..walk around in mommy's heels and carry mommy's purse..I don't mind at all..he has a baby doll and he play nurses it.. I could care less.. my only fear and yes admittedly and guiltily (sp?) it is due to social pressures and standards I would be afraid that someone would say something harsh and mean to him if he wore a dress in public.. its a shame but for his safety I sometimes cave into what society deems as the norm..I don't want to be flamed for it though..its just what works for me ykwim...I would NEVER ever say anything to someone else or there children for wearing a dress in public..to each his own I say... I wish I could be so bold as to say Screw society totally but I guess this make me kind of soggy...
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#66 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 02:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Karry
What if your son wants to wear a dress what will you tell him? That dresses are for girls only?
Yes that is exactly what I would tell him.
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#67 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 02:58 PM
 
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Lots of people say that public ridicule is a reason they would not let their ds wear a dress. But look at all the things we do that might bring about ridicule! What if you let your 1-year-old ds nurse in public? What about cloth diapers, home birth, non-vaxing? Those things are ridiculed. I read one post from a member who was out in public with her ds and a lady wanted to hold him, but when she saw he was wearing a cloth diaper she said she did not want to hold him and became very rude and nasty.

I guess sometimes we just decide that certain things are so important (like NIP) that it doesn't matter what people say about them.
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#68 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 02:58 PM
 
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Emzachsmama - Why??? What's the big deal?
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#69 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by thismama
Emzachsmama - Why??? What's the big deal?
It's a big deal to me and my husband. We're not ok with our son wearing a dress so we wouldn't let him wear a dress. We don't have a specific reason...it's just not something we are comfortable with.
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#70 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:07 PM
 
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I"m not really "teaching" him anything by disuading him from wearing a dress.
of course you are. the same way we teach kids stuff from disuading them from anything else. this is no different.

And as far as parnters (specifically male ones in the reference given) wearing dresses. Not an issue for me.
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#71 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Emzachsmama
It's a big deal to me and my husband. We're not ok with our son wearing a dress so we wouldn't let him wear a dress. We don't have a specific reason...it's just not something we are comfortable with.
I don't get this. It's a big deal, but you don't have a reason?

I can't imagine basing parenting decisions on this logic (or lack thereof). There must be more to it?
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#72 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Emzachsmama
It's a big deal to me and my husband. We're not ok with our son wearing a dress so we wouldn't let him wear a dress. We don't have a specific reason...it's just not something we are comfortable with.
But why? You have to have a reason other than just because, no? I understand that everyone feels differently about this, but I am just sooooo curious of the reasons behind it.

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#73 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:09 PM
 
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We don't have a specific reason...it's just not something we are comfortable with.

ok seriously, I try not to make decisions without having some basis for it. Especially when it's one that involves my child. "Beause I said so" is never an acceptable reason in my house.
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#74 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:10 PM
 
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Cross post much?
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#75 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:15 PM
 
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Thismama :


GMTA
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#76 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:18 PM
 
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I'd let my 6y/o ds wear a dress in public, as long as it wasn't too frilly (mostly because I don't want it to get caught on things, ripped, etc....I'd sway my daughter--if I had one--away from frilly dresses too...unless it was a fancy tea party thing).

He already gets his nails painted (though not in a while...) and has long hair. He wears this really cool ring I got him from Ghana (west africa) on special occasions. When he was a baby, he had this little naked doll, Serabi, that he'd carry EVERYWHERE... When he was younger he LOVED to wear lipstick--now he likes the flavored glosses. I've also henna'ed him lots of times, which he loves!

exDP hates when I let him do this, but he never prevents him from doing it (I think it's the crap that he gets from his family...When are you taking that polish of his nails, Jamaal? Jamaal, when are you getting that boys hair cut? etc etc etc....and I think he's worried that we'll "turn him gay" or something....but deep down I don't think he cares that much, because he gives in very easily)

My son is "DeVante" first, male second. I want him to learn to be happy with what he chooses/wears/likes/enjoys, not to do things that others like, or that others expect him to like. His self esteem is SO important to me, and I want him to know that his opinions matter, that he has a say in his life, that he can feel comfotable doing/feeling what he likes, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

And if he turns out to be gay, he turns out to be gay. Either way, I have some great photos to show his future husband or wife!
:LOL

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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#77 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:24 PM
 
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My son doesn't like to wear dresses much, but if he did we'd let him. It's just not a big deal.


He picked out a pair of flowered shorts last week (boys, but very bright and ...well, floral :LOL) and they're his favorite item of clothing, he wears them whenever they're clean and insists on sleeping in them many nights. :LOL It's not a big deal for us.

I didn't get him the pink shoes he picked out last year, but that was because I was sick of explaining to people that he was, in fact, a boy; if he chooses pink shoes in the fall this year, he'll wear pink shoes. No big thing.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#78 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:35 PM
 
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I don't see why it would be a big deal. We get most of dd's clothes from the boy section and have already decided if we have a boy he'll wear her handmedowns regardless of clolr.

Unfortunately, children are given so little chances to make their own decisions I really feel that they should have total reign over what they wear.

Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan dust.gifage8, Ava energy.gifage 4 and baby Georgia baby.gif (6/3/11).

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#79 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:36 PM
 
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And if he turns out to be gay, he turns out to be gay. Either way, I have some great photos to show his future husband or wife!
And maybe you'll get to march in one of those parades with him! :
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#80 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Greaseball
And maybe you'll get to march in one of those parades with him! :

:LOL
I could blow up the pic I have of him at 4 months, with his long curly hair up in about 10 tiny colorful butterfly pins and his toes painted pink and write underneath "Here: Proof that you're BORN that way!"

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#81 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:44 PM
 
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I'm not sure. On on ehand I'm fine with it. ON the other it just seems....weird. Not that if your son wears a dress I will think mean thoughts about you or your child but I'm not sure.

I guess if he really really wanted to. I woudn't suggest he wear it though. It would totally have to be his choice.

As for my dh... my dh wears eye make-up, eyeliner and shadow and nail polish. Not all the time but only when we go out in "dress". He wears 4-6 rings everyday and a hemp choker and necklace I made him. He'll wear womens socks...we share

My ds wears nail polish and has at times been seen in lipstick/gloss and eyeshadow.

I'm almost more comfortable with males wearing makeup than wearing "women's" clothes.

I say that and I think back and yesterday I found a skirt that would have looke hot on dh....it was long and black. It will look great...and I say "will" because I'll make him one this weekend I hope he'll wear it!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#82 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lotusdebi
I think I'd recommend to him that he shave his legs before putting on pantyhose, though. Those things can really pull your leg hair!

Dh shaved last night but he says pantyhose feel icky on his skin :LO

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#83 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 03:53 PM
 
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For anyone who voted "NO": I am so curious as to why. I realize that for some, it is worry about what the neighbours would think or say but that doesn't really make too much sense. I mean, surely we all teach our kids that people have different opinions and that some may not understand our choices and therefore make stupid remarks. This actually happened to my son which is one of the reasons why he only wears "feminine" things in private. But that's his choice and I respect it.
So what is the reason (if any). Is it your own personal sense of esthetics? If so, do you also dictate how they can decorate their rooms or what specific "boy's" clothes they can wear? Not bating, just asking here.
Is it fear that they will be confused about what gender they are?
Is it fear that they may be gay and you are afraid to face that?
Is it immoral?
Are you worried they may get cold?
Are you worried about them not fitting in with their peers?
Do you allow them to wear costumes (superhero, animal etc?)
I would love to understand.

My ex partner (male) used to wear dresses sometimes and he looked hot.
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#84 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 04:00 PM
 
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I think I've been pretty clear on why I've said that I wouldn't let my 3yo wear a dress in public. I'm not worried about what people would think, I'm worried about what they might say or do to him. Men and boys who have long hair are not attacked for having long hair in public. Men and boys in this society who dress as women are in physical danger in public. I wouldn't let my son wear a dress in public until he could understand the potential consequences. My 7yo can wear whatever he wants wherever he wants.

I have no moral objections.
I have no aesthetic objections.
Boys who wear superhero clothes in public are "cute", so I'm not sure how that is relevant.

I'm not trying to convince anyone else to not let their toddler son wear a dress in public, but I think I've been clear in stating why I would not.
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#85 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 04:03 PM
 
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If I had a DS I wouldn't mind if that is what he really wanted to do. Although I'm not sure what my MIL would say...she told me that when my DH was about 5 yrs old he wanted to wear one of his sister's dresses to kindergarten. She said she didn't want him to and the only thing she could think of to say was "If you want to wear a dress, we have to cut your thingie off because you will be a girl". This is one example of why I try to steer clear of my MIL. Oh, and she just LOVES to tell that story too!

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#86 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 04:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mothra
I think I've been pretty clear on why I've said that I wouldn't let my 3yo wear a dress in public. I'm not worried about what people would think, I'm worried about what they might say or do to him. Men and boys who have long hair are not attacked for having long hair in public. Men and boys in this society who dress as women are in physical danger in public. I wouldn't let my son wear a dress in public until he could understand the potential consequences. My 7yo can wear whatever he wants wherever he wants.

I have no moral objections.
I have no aesthetic objections.
Boys who wear superhero clothes in public are "cute", so I'm not sure how that is relevant.

I'm not trying to convince anyone else to not let their toddler son wear a dress in public, but I think I've been clear in stating why I would not.

I totally agree...you hit my nail on the head Mothra
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#87 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 04:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mothra
I'm not worried about what people would think, I'm worried about what they might say or do to him.
That is a good point...hmmm

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#88 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 04:06 PM
 
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My ds wore a dress all last summer. He was 4 at the time. After a year with the colorfully dressed girls at preschool, he asked me for a dress, and since my mother had sent out a whole box of my childhood clothes in the hope that the new baby would be a girl and wear them (sorry, Grandma!) I went right down into the basement and found one for him.

It was a lovely, blue and white checked sleeveless dress with a white, lacy collar. He looked beautiful in it, like the girl I'll never have. And he loved it. He called it his "work dress" because it was nice and cool so he could do all his work (putting out imaginary fires in the back yard, mostly).

How did people react? Strangers assumed he was a girl, with good reason. The friends and neighbors on our street, after they got over the initial surprise, just took it as a manifestation of ds's independent spirit. It was absolutely not a big deal.
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#89 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 04:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mothra
I think I've been pretty clear on why I've said that I wouldn't let my 3yo wear a dress in public. I'm not worried about what people would think, I'm worried about what they might say or do to him. Men and boys who have long hair are not attacked for having long hair in public. Men and boys in this society who dress as women are in physical danger in public. I wouldn't let my son wear a dress in public until he could understand the potential consequences. My 7yo can wear whatever he wants wherever he wants.

I have no moral objections.
I have no aesthetic objections.
Boys who wear superhero clothes in public are "cute", so I'm not sure how that is relevant.

I'm not trying to convince anyone else to not let their toddler son wear a dress in public, but I think I've been clear in stating why I would not.
I do think your concerns are valid. And I found your opinion to be clear.
So if it's physical attack that worries you (and I know this has happened and does happen ) Then wouldn't your 7 yr old be in danger as well? I think it is relevent about the superhero point because I think that little kids expressing themselves through dressup is cute (an aesthetic opinion) no matter what the costume is. Boys this young often will wear a dress for the same reason they want to wear a superhero costume. Just to express themselves and play pretend.
There are some people who are so threatened by another person expressing him/herself creatively that they lash out violently. Usually this happens in the age range of 12-35ish and it happens for all sorts of reasons. A 19yr old walking in to a sports bar dressed up as Robin is probably almost as likely to be beat up as one wearing a dress.
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#90 of 258 Old 06-02-2005, 04:11 PM
 
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i am in the " i am worried what people might do to him " camp.

like if he were school aged, i would feel responsible if i sent him to school with a dress on and he got beat up for it. i would have known the risk in that happening. not fair or cool that it happens, but it is still my responsibility to protect my son until he is old enough to handle that for himself and make his own choice.

he is 3 now, and so i am not worred he would be attacked. i would just worry he would get confused himself when people called him a girl, or if someone said something weird to him for having a dress on. not cuz i think he shouldnt be feminine , but because he is still learning definitions of words and it might just be too over-his-head to sort through all the subtlties at this age.

the people we know , like if we ran into them at the grocery store, even if they were accepting of him, would most likely make comments and make it into a big deal---i mean even tons of attention for the dress would put so much emphasis on it that i just think it would be appropriate to wait till he is older and understands societal expectaions a little more so if he wants to be an activist about it, he can sort of tell what he is getting into.
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