Sorry if this is long and rambling, but I need advice/input on this, as it has been really bothering me for months now.
My mom lives 5+ hours away, so we only see her every other month or so. It's sort of a special thing when we do; we make a big deal about it with our 3 year old twin girls. (backgrd: My mom & stepdad live in a fancy gated community. They do not attend church regularly - just major holidays.)
Anyway we went down to their house for Easter. She offered to take the girls to see the Easter bunny at her church, so that DH & I could sleep in. (Stepdad was working.) All seemed to go well, they got home, we had dinner and left later that night.
On the drive home in the car, my girls relayed two separate incidents to us that got me absolutely freaked out and furious.
First - "When mom-mom took us to see the Easter bunny, we lost mom-mom! We couldn't find her anywhere! We looked & looked, and we couldn't find her!" Of course my heart practically stopped at hearing this. I said, "What happened? What did you do?" They told me that another grandma helped them find her, that she was in another room talking to some friends. (!)
Next - We stopped for gas on the way home. As I was buckling them into their carseats, one said to me, "Mom-mom didn't buckle us in our seats, mom. She said we didn't have to since we were so close to home." Of course I blab something about how mom-mom doesn't know the rules since she's not around us much, she probably just forgot, etc.
WTF?! I am absolutely furious. I can't get over the fact that she put my children in danger not once but TWICE in 2 hours!!!
She has always been completely casual about things - even flaky. I grew up basically unsupervised. I know that in her mind the kids were safe - since they were in a church in a gated community. But so what! You can't be too vigilant with kids, esp. 3 year olds. They could easily have wandered off - or been led away. They were in a strange place, how scary that must have been for them!
And the carseat thing is just inexcusable.
DH & I have agreed that my mother can in no way be entrusted with our girls again; that she will never watch them unsupervised or drive them anywhere.
So I know how to handle future visits with her. What I can't figure out is what to do with all this rage I'm feeling toward her. I can't seem to let it go. (It's obviously triggering issues from own childhood... the same feelings I had when I felt her neglect so acutely.)
What do I do? I have only had 5 minute chats with her on the telephone since then - I have not said anything because I don't know WHAT to say. I'm afraid I'll completely lose it.
Do I confront her? Let it go? Don't say anything now, but don't ever let her alone with them again?
It's just so sad to me that my own mother can't be trusted with her only grandchildren.