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#61 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 06:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wende
I have been molested. I have been flashed. I have been raped. As a kid and as an adult. By men. I can certainly look at my dh's naked body w/o the intention of having sex. I can look at wonderful works of art portraying nudity and not have sexual feelings or thoughts. I can walk around my house as nude as can be w/o feeling like my children are being hurt by my nudity and my dh can do the same. If anything, I think my children benefit from it. There is no shame of their bodies. There shouldn't be. Nudity is not dirty and it is not sexual...unless the intent is to be dirty and sexual, and I think that my children are very aware of the differences.

I showered with my father as a child and never saw anything wrong with it. When I was flashed as a child, I took down the licence plate number of the car that the man drove off in and called the police. It's certainly not difficult to teach a child the difference between what's right and what's wrong. I have no problem with you doing things your way, however you feel comfortable doing them, but I feel like you are telling us that we are wrong, and shameful, for feeling comfortable in our skin.
NO - I am not trying to tell you or anyone else that you are wrong or shameful! Where in my posts do I suggest that you all do something differently?! What I *am* trying to do is explain my feelings.
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#62 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 06:30 PM
 
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Thanks for elaborating. It may not be where I am at but it is always good to hear other perspectives.
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#63 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 06:39 PM
 
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Ditto, Farmer Mama.
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#64 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 06:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommytolittlelilly
NO - I am not trying to tell you or anyone else that you are wrong or shameful! Where in my posts do I suggest that you all do something differently?! What I *am* trying to do is explain my feelings.
I actually understand much better where you are coming from after your last post and can definately see your point. Thanks

I guess it felt (to me) that you were implying that those of us who were comfortable being nude in front of the kids were inviting bad things to happen to them. Maybe I misread what you said and intent is always hard to read, yk?
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#65 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 06:42 PM
 
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a one year old? TOo old to see mama nude? That idea seems crazy to me. my ds is 27 months. I've not once worried about him being "damaged" from seeing me nude. He bathes with me or my dh at least once a week. He's sees our bodies as just that... the bodies attached to our head! lol.
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#66 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 06:43 PM
 
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Yep, it's the plague of typing back and forth, I'm afraid!

I am in love with you guys!

Edamommy, I was actually not elaborating about the OP. Just my feelings on adult male nudity (which hopefully won't get this thread closed).
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#67 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 06:52 PM
 
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We all bathe and sleep nude together. I would definitely discuss the issue with DH if he had a problem with it but I would also definitely want to explore his feelings as well as mine thoroughly before making any changes.

From what I’ve read and experienced I think a healthy and open family regarding nudity, care, intimacy, and sexuality is the best way to protect my child.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#68 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 06:55 PM
 
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BTW, I wanted to recommend that parents worried about protecting their child (who isn't really!) to read Protecting the Gift. I don’t think he addresses nudity but it’s all around a wonderful and empowering book.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#69 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 06:56 PM
 
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Just a quick observation -- I have a good friend who told me she wears a bathing suit in the tub with her 8 mo. old DS. I haven't pressed her on the issue but I find it sort of odd... I mean, wouldn't that make him even more curious/confused about nakedness and women's bodies? She nurses him, but apparently doesn't feel comfortable about being naked with him... . DH and I bathe together with our DS almost every night. I think that it is important for children to get a healthy attitude about our bodies when they are young. Our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of... nothing bad, and nakedness does certainly not mean sex. You can teach respect for your own and other's bodies quite easily once you have a baseline for comfort w/ your own and other's bodies.

Mama to 3 kids. We live in a yurt!
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#70 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 07:02 PM
 
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[QUOTE=AugustineM]Just a quick observation -- I have a good friend who told me she wears a bathing suit in the tub with her 8 mo. old DS. QUOTE]

I've always wondered about this! I read in some parenting magazine once about some woman who said she got to relive her childhood by putting on her swimsuit and getting in the tub w/her child. I couldn't figure out why. Maybe it was your friend!

My dh and I have been discussing this a lot lately, as he still bathes w/dd (28 mos old) quite often. They have great fun, and often discuss genitals. She has made some very amusing observations about Daddy's penis vs. her brother's penis vs. the dog's penis.

Anyway, to be honest, what I'm most worried about is her telling someone else that we don't know very well something like that and the cops coming to arrest my dh. I think I saw my dad naked once. He's a cowboy who's spent his life dressed in long sleeve shirts and jeans, and I've hardly ever even seen his bare chest, so I don't really have any perspective on this.

Mommy to kids

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#71 of 83 Old 06-21-2005, 09:05 PM
 
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I know it's scary to consider, but I don't adjust my lifestyle to fit into the CPS mold.
Yup, that.

We are pretty darn comfortable with our nudity around here. My kids are 5, 3.5, and 1.5 and theya re each running around naked at some point of each day. I get a little uncomfortable with it if it goes on too long and ask them to get underwear on. We all shower together occasionally, though its so crowded that is rare. They see both their father and myself naked when we are showering or dressing. Its no big deal here.
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#72 of 83 Old 06-22-2005, 03:25 PM
 
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After this morning's experience, I am thinking of wearing a swimsuit when bathing w/my child, not for any modesty reason but to keep his razor-sharp little toenails out of my delicate bits!!!

Quote:
Anyway, to be honest, what I'm most worried about is her telling someone else that we don't know very well something like that and the cops coming to arrest my dh.
IKWYM! When I was in kindergarten, I mentioned to one of my friends that my whole family was naked in bed together the night before. She was horrified and repeated, "Only grownups get into bed naked!" louder and louder until the teacher came over and said, "Different families have different rules." but I wouldn't expect today's teachers to have such a calm reaction, given all the requirements about reporting even the slightest suspicion of any possibility of abuse.

Because of that, although I'm not going to restrict nudity-for-a-reason (changing clothes, taking a bath) until one of us is uncomfortable w/it, I'm not going to just hang around the house naked like my parents did. I might feel differently if that was something I really love doing, but I don't; 10 months out of the year I get cold too easily anyway!

Mama to a boy EnviroKid treehugger.gif 9 years old and a new little girl EnviroBaby baby.gif!

I write about parenting, environment, cooking, and more. computergeek2.gif

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#73 of 83 Old 06-22-2005, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just wanted to thank everyone for their responses to my post. It is really good to hear that a lot of others out there bathe with their kids as well. I really appreciate the differing opinions out there, helps me to understand a bit more where my dh is coming from. Thanks for the support!

Jessie (29) mom to Emma (2002), Anthony (2004), Elizabeth (2006) and Ava (2008) and someone new 2010
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#74 of 83 Old 06-24-2005, 05:26 AM
 
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There is legitimate reasoning to both sides of the topic here.I grew up in a home that wasn't neccissarily private [my mom's used the bathroom with the door open my whole life],but we weren't out playing naked tag either.All of my sibs are older than me [the youngest was 16 when I showed up]so there wasn't much in common between me and them.I didn't have brothers and sisters,I had extra moms and dads.But even as old as I am now [ripe old age of 20]I still think nothing of hopping in with my sis for a quick scrub down.She's also showered with both my boys [2 1/2,and 2 mo.].I take them in with me from time to time,and put them in with Dad too.I have no problem with my boys bathing with me,their dad or aunt for as long as the child and/or adult are comfortable with it.
I can remember me and my nieces [who are all around my age] getting together for bath/slumber parties.We'd bring all our bath gear and toys to the host house,jump in together for a fun,leasurely soak,and then off to watch movies on the livingroom floor until we pass out,all with wrinkled toes.I'm 20 now,2 of them are 18,one's 16,and none of us think's twice about sharing a shower,changing together,etc.It's no different than gym class in a public school,and atleast I trust these people.However,if any of us ever feels the need for privacy all we need to do is say so.
As a matter of fact,I have a funny story along these lines.We took a trip to Dad's mom's house for a week when #1 was 1y.o. I was talking to his mom from the hallway one morning,walked into her bedroom to say something else [the door was open]and here she pops naked out of the shower,free as a bird.I know I had to have had a funny look on my face b/c she started laughing at me.It was the combination of shock [we're not related,I didn't expect it,and she's a rigid military-style mom],and new found respect for an older mom,b/c she's 39,and I'm 20,she's got 2 more kids than me,and guess who has the better body?Yep,the naked bird.
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#75 of 83 Old 10-07-2005, 01:50 PM
 
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Me to I feel the same way, famil should not be embarrased to shower together especially witht he kids, families should be open about nudism and showering together, it helps the family bond closer
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#76 of 83 Old 10-07-2005, 03:08 PM
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At first my dh was very uncomfortable with being nude...even just with me. He wouldn't take a shower with me, walk around nude or really change in front of me. It was for sure a product of how he grew up. Me being just the opposite...something had to give.
Of course it was him ! He's so much better now and he'll even bath with the children if they want to and he changes in front of them. I agree that nudity shouldn't be a negative or perverse thing around the house.
Now if my dh wouldn't change and didn't feel comfy with being nude or bathing infront of the children I would respect that but I wouldn't let that stop me from bathing. I would state my case and hope that he would respect how I feel.
So I would respect him by not asking him to do it and he would respect me by allowing me to do it.
:
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#77 of 83 Old 10-07-2005, 03:26 PM
 
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[QUOTE=natensarah]
Quote:
Originally Posted by AugustineM
My dh and I have been discussing this a lot lately, as he still bathes w/dd (28 mos old) quite often. They have great fun, and often discuss genitals. She has made some very amusing observations about Daddy's penis vs. her brother's penis vs. the dog's penis.
:LOL

Good for all of you!! :LOL

secular classical-ish mama to an incredible 5 year old DS and an amazing 6 year old DD.
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#78 of 83 Old 10-09-2005, 08:44 AM
 
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I agree with bathing together for as long as it is still comfortable for you and the children. My mum was very pudish and it took me ages to get over that and feel comfortable in my own skin. My grandma however whom I lived with from the age of 11 walked around naked etc, they both sleep naked and used to share the bed with my cousin until he was about 14 I think. I am naked alot, so is my partner. We will set boundries once she gets curious, my partner when he first start bathing with my daughter used to wear his boxers or a pair of shorts, that upset me alittle but after speaking to him and explaining that I would never think that he would hurt her (his family has sexabuse history, incl false allegations) he loosened up a bit. Its really just what suits each family, but I would like to ensure my daughter is never ashamed of her body or anything similar
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#79 of 83 Old 10-09-2005, 12:54 PM
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I agree that it is fine as long as all parties involved are comfortable. I remember my sister and I bathing with my mom until I was about 7 or 8... my mom used to draw letters and numbers on my back and I would guess what they were -- it was really fun! My mom was a single mother so we didn't live with our dad so we didn't bathe with him, but my brothers are quite a bit older than I am (10 and 12 years older) and I remember bathing with them when I was little and they were young teenagers (mostly because I wanted to)... and it was all good...

I bathe with our daughter all the time and it is one of the best parts of our day! My husband doesn't bathe with her only because he hasn't taken a bath since he was about 7 lol... he hates them and prefers showers and he is scared he may drop her in the shower but when she is old enough to stand I don't think he would have a problem showering with her. He has no issue bathing her or changing her, massaging her, dressing her etc though...

I grew up in a pretty open home in that respect... my mom still will bathe in front of me or get dressed etc, as will my sister.... but my husband grew up in a very *private* home where no one saw anyone ever without a full state of dress so he is a bit more inhibited in that respect than I am....

We just do what is right and comfortable for our family. While I want my daughter to grow up with a healthy sense of her body being her own, boundries and knowledge of hers and people's need for privacy -- I don't want at all to create a situation where she feels that nudity and her body are shameful... so we have decided that she will *lead* us... when she expresses the need for privacy, whether it is at 3 or 13, we will respect that.
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#80 of 83 Old 10-09-2005, 03:53 PM
 
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I still shower with my oldest who is 4 andf my two youngest are 2 and 5 months and love their baths with mama. Though the showers with my eldest son are not as frequent now. This is because for awhilenow we have lived with another family who parents much differently than we do and are all big on privacy so now we have had to get them used to dressing behind closed doors, etc.. It makes me sad that Zane is beginning to insist on privacy but I respect him of course. Though I know he says it more cuz he hears it around here from their children then that he really feels it, ya know? I agree with what the other mom said about, when one of you feels uncomfortabel about it. Our society tends to over sexualize things anyway. (Ever try NIP with a baby older than 12 months? The raised eyebrows are enough to see how most people look at things. Wish it wasn't that way.
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#81 of 83 Old 04-15-2006, 08:32 AM
 
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I used to share shower with same sex family members , when i was young
dad - uncle - brother ,... and i remmber that many questions had been rasied to my mind and i was not able to discuss it with anyone else , i was comapring my things with older and i found no reason ( for my young age ) why these are different

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#82 of 83 Old 04-15-2006, 12:56 PM
 
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I'd say the child is too old when the CHILD starts expressing desires for modesty. Doesn't that usually happen around 5 or 6?

I defintely don't think anything's wrong with bathing w/ a one and a three year old, though.

I took a shower with my DS last night after an...um....DYNAMIC....ice cream sundae at Friendly's
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#83 of 83 Old 04-15-2006, 04:35 PM
 
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We did not and do not co-bathe with our kids at any age, and we haven't been naked in front of them since they were tiny infants. I think consistent values and modeling are important and a toddler probably isn't going to see any reason why he should be clothed in front of strangers if he and his parents are naked in front of each other at home (not saying there isn't a difference, of course there is, but I think it's too subtle a difference for most toddlers to grasp).

Now if you like co-bathing and co-nudity, that's your decision of course, but I absolutely don't agree that open nudity is any "healthier" than modesty or that modesty is somehow "unhealthy."
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