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Old 06-10-2005, 03:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I always bathe with my kids, 3 yrs and almost 1 yr, but my husband is uncomfortable about them being in the tub with me. Especially with our son who is almost 1, he thinks that our son will be damaged in some way by seeing his mom naked. They also see me naked when I am dressing or if they come into the bath room when I am in there. I don't have a problem with it and don't think that they will be damaged because of it. When is a child too old to see their mom naked or to bathe together?

Jessie (29) mom to Emma (2002), Anthony (2004), Elizabeth (2006) and Ava (2008) and someone new 2010
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:03 PM
 
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IMO? I think we're WAY too uptight about nudity. In my house growing up no one closed the door to the bathroom until I was in high school.... my sister and I showered with my dad once in awhile until we were at least 5-6. In most European cultures nudity is not seen in the same way that it is in the US and they all survive

-Angela
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:22 PM
 
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Gosh--I take a bath with my kids all the time (1 & 3).
And I have a boy and a girl. I don't see any problems. If they ask what a part is, I tell them...after all, I am still nursing them so it's not like they haven't seen half of me all the time anyway!
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Old 06-10-2005, 06:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jessiemom
When is a child too old to see their mom naked or to bathe together?
My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.

Nudity is a so-whatter in my family. The kids grew up seeing each other, and their parents (mostly me...mom lol) in various stages of undress. We think bodies are beautiful and natural, and I couldn't see why I'd need cause the kids to think otherwise.

Obviously, most people at some point do desire privacy and that is OK too. We just told the kids as they got older that we need to respect each others privacy requests. (We all, always knock on any closed door and wait to be invited in etc) My Ds, for a few years now, prefers not to be undressed in front of others but still has no problem seeing the rest of us undressed. My Dd is starting to be more private about dressing, but not so much as Ds.

Basically, nudity among family is something we don't even worry about until someone asks/indicates a need for something different.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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Old 06-10-2005, 07:05 PM
 
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I have a bit of a different opinion on this. Is it REALLY that important to you that you bathe with them that you will willingly upset your husband? IMO if there is an issue where one parent feels strongly and one parent is just whatever about it then they should defer to the one who feels strongly about it. How would you feel if YOU felt uncomfortable with it and your husband didn't care and did it anyway? Wouldn't that make you feel disrespected and ignored? Why is that I often hear in this community the mama's wants being more important than the daddy's wants? Aren't you both equal partners? I don't feel comfortable with being naked around the children or my husband being naked around them. I was molested as a child and feel very strongly about this. He doesn't care either way. One time my son was in the bath and I walked in and DH was on the toilet (sitting). It REALLY upset me even though I know it was 100% innocent. So did he get mad and say I was being ridiculous and that it was no big deal going to the bathroom in front of my son? No. He respected my wishes and said he wouldn't do it again. That's just my 2 cents.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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Old 06-10-2005, 07:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Heavenly
I have a bit of a different opinion on this. Is it REALLY that important to you that you bathe with them that you will willingly upset your husband? IMO if there is an issue where one parent feels strongly and one parent is just whatever about it then they should defer to the one who feels strongly about it. How would you feel if YOU felt uncomfortable with it and your husband didn't care and did it anyway? Wouldn't that make you feel disrespected and ignored? Why is that I often hear in this community the mama's wants being more important than the daddy's wants? Aren't you both equal partners? I don't feel comfortable with being naked around the children or my husband being naked around them. I was molested as a child and feel very strongly about this. He doesn't care either way. One time my son was in the bath and I walked in and DH was on the toilet (sitting). It REALLY upset me even though I know it was 100% innocent. So did he get mad and say I was being ridiculous and that it was no big deal going to the bathroom in front of my son? No. He respected my wishes and said he wouldn't do it again. That's just my 2 cents.

I'm not the OP, but I know how I feel. I feel VERY strongly that I don't want my children raised in a home with hang ups about nudity. I don't think it's healthy at all.


That being said....
My 5yo son still bathes and showers with me if he feels like it. My daughter quit bathing with her father much younger, around 18 months, after she used his penis as a handle to pull herself to the standing position He was never quite the same after that, LOLOLOL. My 8 1/2 year old daughter got into the shower with me a couple of days ago. BTW, my sister will still hop in the shower with me to save time if we're trying to get ready to go somewhere in a hurry, and she's 24 years old.

-Heather

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
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Old 06-10-2005, 08:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by moondiapers
I feel VERY strongly that I don't want my children raised in a home with hang ups about nudity. I don't think it's healthy at all.
:

I think that it creates a very unhealthy environment to think that human bodies are icky and naughty.

-Angela
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Old 06-10-2005, 08:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by moondiapers
My daughter quit bathing with her father much younger, around 18 months, after she used his penis as a handle to pull herself to the standing position -Heather
Oh that's hilarious!

Genie, mama to T (4/02), I (10/04) and T (7/09)
 
 
 

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Old 06-10-2005, 08:45 PM
 
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My dd and I still bathe together and she is 13 mo. I see no problem with it. I think it is really important, like the other mamas, no to instill in your children that being nude is not okay or dirty in anyway. I spent most of my life not feeling comfortable being nude w/ myself b/c my parents had hang ups about nudity. As far as my dd I think that we will stop bathing together when either she or I feel uncomfortable. My dh is naked at times around the house and she is present, but it is when he just has gotten out of the shower or is changing. They don't bathe together, but I don't think I would have a problem with it at this point, but probably later.

Heavenly ~ I agree w/ you in respect to parents being partners. And I understand and respect that your experience has given you reason to choose the path you have w/ your children regarding nudity. Each family works differently. As far as I am concerned, though, I would be worried that MY children would grow up seeing nudity as a bad thing, which is unhealthy, in my opinion! But, again from my own experience.

Beth, Mama to dd , wife to dh , teacher :~ Living, Loving, Learning...everyday.
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Old 06-10-2005, 08:52 PM
 
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I feel pretty strongly about keeping things that I have personal issues with about me, and not putting them onto my kids. I have very serious issue with dental phobia. I worked really hard to keep that about me, and not about the kids.

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Old 06-10-2005, 08:56 PM
 
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I dont bathe with my ds anymore hes 5 but hes sees me naked plenty, i want him to feel totally comfortable in his skin so i dont want him thinking that his body is something to be embarrassed about. My dh was brought up in a family where it was it was a bad thing and he has real bad hang ups about his body (i ran outside naked one time to prove to him that he shouldnt care what people think )

After my dd was born and my milk came in my breasts were huge and my ds saw my get out of the shower he exclaimed "wow what big nads you have" :LOL ??
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Old 06-10-2005, 09:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kiahnsmum
After my dd was born and my milk came in my breasts were huge and my ds saw my get out of the shower he exclaimed "wow what big nads you have" :LOL ??
: Does nads mean the same thing in New Zealand as the US (testicles)?

 

 

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Old 06-10-2005, 09:17 PM
 
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Yep, guess we got our wire crossed somewhere along the line!!!
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Old 06-10-2005, 09:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess my husband isn't totally against us bathing together, they just didn't do it in his family and he is worried that it might affect our kids in some way. My mother and my sister and I always bathed together and I never felt anything unhealthy about it, we were open about nudity. I guess that is why I wondered if it was normal or if others felt it was inappropriate to bathe together. I assured my husband that I woudn't do it if our son was uncomfortable with it, or our daughter, because I don't want it to be a bad experience for them but at 3 and 1 I don't think that they think anything about it. Thanks for all the responses, at least I know that i am not the only one who bathes with their kids. I would stop though if my husband was really bothered by it, it woudn't be worth putting a strain on our relationship over bathing.

Jessie (29) mom to Emma (2002), Anthony (2004), Elizabeth (2006) and Ava (2008) and someone new 2010
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Old 06-11-2005, 01:44 AM
 
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I still bathe with my 16 month old DS...I still walk around nude in front of my almost 10 year old DS.

And let me tell you a little story about how "I" grew up...

A few months back, I went to my mom's house and she hollered down from upstairs that she was in the tub. I walked up thinking I'd sit and chat with her in the bathroom (she has a chaise lounge in this huge Victorian style bathroom). I get to the top of the stairs...and see that my brother has already beaten me to it. He's sitting there, all 24 years of him, chatting away with mom.

We gre up in a house where nudity was no big thing.

DH, on the other hand, grew up where nudity was behind closed doors...and that bunch is the most screwed up bunch I've ever met when it comes to nudity (amongst most other things! :LOL )
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Old 06-11-2005, 02:18 AM
 
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I still bathe with my (almost 6 year old) ds and my 8 year old dd. We see each other naked all the time and could care less. When one of us becomes uncomfortable we will reassess.
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Old 06-11-2005, 02:28 AM
 
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I still occasionally take showrs with my DD's. Nothing wrong with it at all unless they express discomfort about it. Being nude is natural and nothing to be ashamed of.
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Old 06-11-2005, 03:22 AM
 
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i still bathe with my almost 2 year old dd
she sees her dad naked almost daily
we live in a VERY small house and she co-sleeps with us still
she has never taken a bath with dh (he hates baths), but i have put her in his arms while he was in the shower, adn i see no problem with that

i agree that we will stay naked together as long as we all still feel ok

my family bathed togther....my sisters and i will still hang out naked on a hot day in an upstairs room.....

my dh's family very uptight about nudity and they are all wako period abotu everything

and to heavenly, i am so sorry about your abuse as a child, but by making nudity a scary and upsetting thing for your chidlren, you are not setting them up for a very strong and safe sexual future, maybe you should try some counseling with dh so that TOGETHER you can parent your chidlren, adn their nude bodies, without fear adn shame.
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Old 06-11-2005, 10:55 AM
 
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I think there is no magic age to stop but rather the comfort level of your own family & culture. I don't think a child at 1 year really notices nudity much. I also don't think a child is ever damaged merely by seeing someone naked.

My dd at 5 still bathes with me sometimes but I am phasing it out... because our tub is getting too small for both of us now that she is getting so big and I want a little more privacy! Dd has seen me naked when I'm getting dressed too. I don't freak out about nudity but I also don't say "hey, let's all get naked and play monopoly tonight." That is my own comfort level.

Dh isn't comfortable with dd seeing him naked. That started around the age she started talking about his penis... around 3 years I think. He used to sleep naked but wears underwear now. He was never very comfortable with dd bathing with him. He closes the door when he uses the bathroom or takes a bath. That is his comfort level.

I have a brother and a sister. My parents didn't bathe with us or walk around naked. I don't feel they were messed up. I also don't feel we grew up thinking there was something wrong with our bodies because we weren't all sitting around naked together.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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Old 06-11-2005, 11:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by moondiapers
BTW, my sister will still hop in the shower with me to save time if we're trying to get ready to go somewhere in a hurry, and she's 24 years old.

-Heather
This reminded me of my best friend. She grew up with it being just her & mom, her dad kinda took off, and I really think not having any males in the house made for a very naked household!! lol. She thinks nothing of being naked in front of other females, ever. It's a very healthy attitude IMO. I am normally more reserved because I don't want to make others uncomfortable, but with my bf I become as relaxed as she is, and it just seems natural and normal to be naked, nothing sexual or 'private' about it.
honestly, if someone were taking baths/showers with their adolescent child of an opposite sex, I feel a little weirded out by that. I'm not sure that falls within the range of normal or healthy- even if we weren't socialized and lived on a desert island, I'm pretty sure the men wouldn't bathe with their 14 yr old daughters, yk? especially in the extremely close quarters of a modern shower/tub- that's crossing the line.
but infants and toddlers and even a little above? I think it's adorable!! I can't wait to take baths with my baby, boy or girl!!

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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Old 06-11-2005, 11:39 AM
 
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My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.
ITA. DH or I will often jump in the tub with DS at night if one of us needs a shower anyways...kills two birds with one stone. He's 22 months and as far as he's concerned...breasts are for nursing If he gets grabby with either one of us (tries to poke genitals or something) we just cheerfully and matter-of-factly say "That's mama's/dada's." and distract him...a good early lesson for personal boundaries. As for the nudity, eh..he's so young and I have a far greater concern about putting our hang-ups onto a toddler who thinks that being naked is the best thing in the world! :LOL

Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.

 

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Old 06-11-2005, 03:48 PM
 
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I wish I could have been more nude with my DS, especially with showers or baths. He was (a bit less so now) sooooo obsessed with nursing that when I tried to shower or bathe, he would just try to chase after them.

DS regularly showers with DH, and on occassion the three of us shower together.

Children deserve the respect of puzzling it out.
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Old 06-11-2005, 11:46 PM
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Originally Posted by alegna
IMO? I think we're WAY too uptight about nudity. In my house growing up no one closed the door to the bathroom until I was in high school.... my sister and I showered with my dad once in awhile until we were at least 5-6. In most European cultures nudity is not seen in the same way that it is in the US and they all survive

-Angela
I agree. Your children will have fewer problems with their bodies and nudity because they are around nudity. Ask your hubby to do research and if he can find some actual, scientific reason why the kids should not see you nude, then stop. I doubt he will find anything. (Maybe this only works for my biologist dh - he loves to do research :LOL )
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Old 06-11-2005, 11:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.

Seriously.

My mom likes to tell the story of when my brother was 13 years old. My mom was taking a bath and shaving her legs when my brother walked in to talk to her about something. He put the lid down on the toilet and sat down and started chatting as if my mom were fully clothed and sitting at the kitchen table. Finally my mom said "uhh, can we talk about this when I get out of the bath?" She was uncomfortable with it, but since it was such a natural thing in our house, he didn't even notice.

My 6yo ds still hops in the shower with me sometimes. I'm constantly naked around the kids for various reasons (such as, one of them has hopped in the shower with me and then stole my towel so I have to go find another or walk out naked to get dressed). Even my 13yo dd, who is at that very private stage, lets my 2 yo shower with her if he wants to.
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Old 06-12-2005, 02:04 AM
 
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Reading this thread makes me glad my DH and I kind of have the same comfort level on this, it would be kinda hard if we didn't. We both grew up in families that were uptight about nudity (his far moreso than mine) but we sure are a naked bunch in this house now, LOL! :LOL My son is 21 months and if we're all home there's about a 30% chance that all three of us are running around naked. We shower together almost every day. We never talked about it, this is just how we're comfortable and I imagine this is how we will remain until one of us doesn't like it anymore.
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Old 06-12-2005, 02:20 AM
 
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I grew up in a house divided. My father bathed us for years and my brother showered with him on and off until I was 9 and my brother 11. My mother however, I never saw naked. Never. I rarely saw her in bra and undies. This messed with me and my body image as a woman but I think it was because of her obvious issues. I am very comfortable being nude, I hate how fat I am but I am fine being nude. I am rarely ever fully dressed at home. My son has only ever bathed with me, he is now 2.5 years old. I also think when one is uncomfortable it is time to change. That can happen early or late or never. I think puberty can be a definate time for some privacy but that doesn't have to mean secrecy, just respect. I do think when someone is very private or extra modest the secrecy of the whole thing not only stigmatizes it but it also makes it uncomfortable, almost like it is bad or dirty somehow.
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Old 06-12-2005, 11:36 AM
 
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well, I agree with pp's if it doesn't bother you , or your children I wouldn't worry about it. I bathe with my 10.5 m.o. the only problem I find is him wanting to pull out my pubic hair, ouch!! We are fairly open at my house as well- no problem with mom are I seeing each other naked- although this stopped with dad at some point- I guess when it got "weird" still would co-sleep with them though. It is definitely not going to scar him for life at this age!!

Happily Married to my : 11 yrs- Mama to wild-eyed monkey boy 7-04, fiery little girl 4-07, and the happy smiley baby that sleeps 11-09!
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Old 06-14-2005, 03:35 AM
 
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I had students who belonged to some Japanese religion, I forget which (though they were Caucasion) and they had the family bath every day. The whole family got in, brothers, sisters, mother and father, and they continue though the children are teens now. They were the most well-adjusted, relaxed children, with none of that giddy sense of scandal over puberty or bodies or sex. You could really see the difference - comfort with nudity, one's own and others,' really has a positive affect on other parts of life.
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Old 06-14-2005, 10:32 AM
 
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I'm very interested in this thread because a friend of mine told me that, putting aside your personal comfort level with bathing naked with your opposite gender child, DCFS sees it as very suspect past infancy. She claimed that if my daughter went to school and said "I took a bath with Daddy" and the school called DCFS, they could actually take her away from us for assessment. Does anyone know if this is correct? Her approach has been that she and her husband accompany their 5 and 3 year old daughters to the bathroom for baths, but hand them the washcloths and direct them to wash themselves. Her husband does not help either daughter wipe themselves on the potty unless no one else is home. This sounds real extreme to me, but then again, what would you do to protect your child from being taken away? I have no idea what to do about it.

When I grew up, naked was also no big deal, and I remember vividly sitting and chatting with my dad as he dried off after a shower when I was a little girl. I even remember joking that his penis looked like a nose sticking out from under a lot of curly hair. We also had a hot tub and all went in naked until I was at least 12 (me, mom, dad, and younger brother). I remember my dad commenting that I was getting breasts, and that made me really uncomfortable, so I started wearing a swimsuit. That sounds like the right progression -- once someone was uncomfortable, the nakedness changed.

With my DD, we've never hid our nakedness, but we have talked about what we don't like her to touch. With me, it's my bellybutton (I have a "thing" about it and don't like it touched) and my vulva, and with her dad, it's his penis and his armpits (which are horribly ticklish). Mostly I'm the one who bathes with her, but sometimes her dad does, and I'm starting to worry about my friend's DCFS paranoia. Any experts out there?
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Old 06-14-2005, 10:54 AM
 
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I agree with the "when one of you is no longer comfortable" P.O.V. wholeheartedly.

DD still sees me undressed all the time (she's 6 1/2) and occasionally showers with me. DH became uncomfortable being naked in front of her when she was around 2, so she respects his privacy. This works for us!

As far as opposite sex children, I think the same rule applies. I think it's a little extreme for your DH to think it's inappropriate for a baby to see his own mother naked, but maybe you can talk with him about it, since he clearly has some strong feelings about it.
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